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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that SAHM's with school-age children are in fact just stay at home people?

321 replies

Pissyflaps · 27/02/2008 10:40

I'm going to get flamed backwards for this, but I really don't care. I'm also going to be accused of all manner of trollery, bite me.

It's my opinion, I want yours - so, SAHM's who's children are at school-all day, aren't they just stay at home people? Not a lot of parenting goes on as far as I can tell.

OP posts:
Loshad · 27/02/2008 12:20

oh well i'm a lazy fecker who ar*es about on MN and rides my horse and has coffee with my mates all day. Life's hell here in the Loshad household

Pissyflaps · 27/02/2008 12:23

Why are some of you assuming I work?

OP posts:
FioFio · 27/02/2008 12:24

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hatrick · 27/02/2008 12:26

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Pissyflaps · 27/02/2008 12:28

Not all SAHMs continue not to work once their children go back to school HT, that's why I made the distinction.

OP posts:
Flum · 27/02/2008 12:29

Here is what I think. Being able to spend that 9.00 - 3 time getting house sorted, dinner ready, washing and ironing done, shopping done, domestic admin done etc. Means that the time when the kids are home you would be able to be the best SAHM you couold be. If you were working all those other jobs would have to be fitted in at other times.

I only work two days per week but try to do all those jobs in my 3 days off so that weekends and evenings are for everyone to relax and have fun and hoepfully not do too many chores.

My kids aren't at school but I still would prefer to have some weekdays at home if they were to get home life in order so the 3-8pm time is relaxed and fun for everyone.

so there.

FioFio · 27/02/2008 12:31

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Flum · 27/02/2008 12:32

Also the point of the SAHM is she does all the home jobs so GTWD is a happy boy as he never gets harangued about helping with the laundry or hoovering. Its kinda 1950s but it works and everyone knows 1950s housewives got more nooky!!

wannaBe · 27/02/2008 12:33

haven't read whole thread but...

firstly, finding a job that fits in with school hours/school holidays is virtually impossible. And if I'd want to put my ds in childcare I would have gone back to work sooner, but I didn't stay at home for 5 years so that I could hire a childminder as soon as he left the house and went to school.

Secondly, while I'm being a "stay at home person" I also:

go into class to help out once a week
am on the PTA
am in the process of becoming a governor
Tomorrow I am going on a school trip which wouldn't actually be possible if it wasn't for the "stay at home people" because there wouldn't be enough adults to accompany the 60 reception children that are going on it.

Or perhaps you would be happy for your children never to go on school trips, for there never to be enough people to listen to them read in class/would be happy for there not to be a PTA to help raise money for your school. .

hatrick · 27/02/2008 12:33

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WallOfSilence · 27/02/2008 12:33

Oh yay LEM! What are you going to do?

I dunno where I stand either.

I am a SAHM 3 days in the week & a student 2 of the days.

But when I am at home I want to be somewhere else & when I am in class I wish I was at home. I can't win!! lol

ecoworrier · 27/02/2008 12:35

FioFio, you have it exactly right. If some people enjoy being at home, that's great, and like you say, there's a huge amount of time in the year when the children aren't in school.

Until I started working a grand total of two mornings a week recently, I had 6 years at home with ALL my children at school. It was (and still is, the remaining days!) fantastic. I could choose what I did and when I did it, including voluntary work at two places, helping out at school, hobbies, not-doing-very-much-at-all time and yes a bit of housework. I could do all this, and more, without worrying one jot about coping with school holidays, TD days, sick days, making it to school events or whatever.

If I think of the last few weeks, I've had to take 2 children to a different town at two different times for orthodontist appointments; take one child out of school to a music exam and then back to school; take one child to a lunchtime concert in the next city; and I've had two children off school on different days. I know working parents have to manage such things, but believe me it's a whole lot easier if you're not fitting it around work, having to eat into your precious annual leave, or trying to justify it to an employer.

And how does the OP know exactly what stay at home people are doing? For the first 6 years of having children, I worked from home, but to all intents and purposes I was 'at home' because I did my work at evenings at weekends. Teachers and even some friends were always surprised to know I 'worked' because I was always at school for pick-ups etc and free to help out whenever they needed me to, often at very short notice.

I have several friends who work evenings or nights - they might look like lay-about mums to the OP but they are as hard-working as other parents, they just work at different times to the majority.

GrapefruitMoon · 27/02/2008 12:35

Most of the people I know who are in this position do a lot of unpaid voluntary work/have dp's who work away or long hours, etc, etc. I doubt if any of them are just sitting around the house all day...

CaptainUnderpants · 27/02/2008 12:37

Last year I was working part time , an evening college student and a SAHM with school age children ( oh no what a sin !) .

I have no identity ! Which little box did I fit into then ??

wannaBe · 27/02/2008 12:37

so who are you then op? clearly a troll spoiling for a fight? and yes, trolls are people that come on to a forum to deliberately cause trouble - and you knew what the outcome of this thread would be so by definition you are a troll.

Maveta · 27/02/2008 12:44

I haven't read all the replies so this has probably all already been said..

My mum has not worked since my older sister (33) was born. She and my dad decided that her job would be to raise their children. Luckily that was a choice they were able to make. My dad's job moved us all over the world, frequently. My mum cleaned the house, did the shopping, cooked the meals, made cakes/cookies/brownies for when we got home from school. Was THERE for us 100% of the time, 24/7. She took us to doctor's appts, dentist appts, looked after us when we were ill. She bought us new clothes and mended old clothes. She helped us make our own party invitations and xmas cards and decorations. She did all the ferrying to and from afterschool activities and made us elaborate fancy dress outfits for halloween.

Now we have all left home she considers herself 'retired' and looks after my son 3 days a week.

I don't think I could stand being a SAHM for 30 odd years but that is my choice. I am very very grateful that she was there for us.

Hassled · 27/02/2008 12:44

I can't think of any SAHM/kids at school who doesn't do some sort of voluntary work during the day. And we do seem to be a dying breed - when I was at school I was the oddity because my mother worked.

My kids are all at school/Uni, and I worked fulltime when older ones were small, which was fine pre-school but I found an absolute nightmare as they started getting homework, wanted to have friends home etc etc. SOme people manage fine, I found it hard. So when DC4 started full-time last year, I thought "I've spent nearly 20 years in an office or home with a pre-school child, we can afford for me not to work for a while, I'm having some time off".

I work from home (paid) about a day at week, I am that clipboard wielding PTA harridan, I help in class twice a week, I'm a school governor, I swim a lot, - and I'm a much better parent than I ever used to be.

Pissyflaps · 27/02/2008 12:45

This thread has been an eye-opener to me - I hadn't considered PTA, school trip involvement and other voluntary work. It all sounds very commendable.

I only ventured the opinion that not much parenting can be going on whilst kids are at school. If that is desperately offensive to you all, then I apologise.

I certainly don't consider it trolling - only your reactions turned this into a furore.

OP posts:
sparkybabe · 27/02/2008 12:45

So pissy - you ask 'The bottom line is, I don't have fucking clue what SAHM's do all day when their kids are at school, and I'd quite like to know exactly what goes on. '

You don't really want to know. Otherwise, Why don't you become one and find out? It's like my dh coming home and saying 'so what did you do today?' - it doesn't matter how he says it, it's patronising and belittling.

You are just winding everyone up for a laugh.

MNtowers have put new 'criteria in place' you know. (there was a thread said so this morning. To stop blatant shit-throwing.

FioFio · 27/02/2008 12:47

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sparkybabe · 27/02/2008 12:47

And I am a SAHM - I wuld rather go without new clothes/shoes/holidays/new car to be one, even tho the dc are all at school. And I do.

Pissyflaps · 27/02/2008 12:48

Sparky I feel genuinely sorry for your DH if he can't ask about your day without being accused of being patronising and belittling.

OP posts:
DarthVader · 27/02/2008 12:48

Stay at home mums are just lazy and working mums don't care about their kids.
Let's just leave it there

Hassled · 27/02/2008 12:52

In fairness to Pissy (who really really needs to sort her/his name out pronto) and despite her/his somewhat stroppy writing style, she does seem genuinely interested in what we do all day.

francagoestohollywood · 27/02/2008 12:52
Grin