Friend said I'm cheating my way through the menopause

[LovingLalo]

I'm 47 and have been on HRT since February. I had reached a crisis point where I could hardly sleep, had anxiety over trivial things, I'd put on 2 stone as had no motivation to exercise anymore and I had no zest for life.
6 months later and I feel like I'm 37 again. My mood and skin are great, I'm back to a size 10 and exercising, most importantly I'm back to 8 hours unbroken sleep. It's been life changing for me.

Saw my friend yesterday who is also struggling and she knew I had started HRT. I encouraged her to go to her GP. Blunt response was no I'd rather do it naturally than cheat thanks.
I'm both gobsmacked and really hurt. Is this how some women think?

I

Or is having a cast ‘cheating your way through a broken leg’ 😂🤔

these days you don't have to come off it, you are not delaying the 'inevitable' which was what we were told years ago - things have changed, I shall be staying on it for as long as I am healthy enough to do so, like a lot of things medical wise these days sadly it depends on how well your GP is informed about HRT.

During the pandemic I spoke to a locus Dr who told me that I will be coming off it as I had been on it for 5 years and she found Spring was the best time to come off it.. I mean wtf.. I did tell her politely that I had no intention of stopping it, had done my research with my original GP and was happy with that.

The dementia link will be explored and there, may, or may not be, a direct link or benefit. However, I watched my mother, my MIL and my maternal grandmother slowly degrade post menopause in terms of capabilities and mental health and, eventually sink into dementia. Now this may be because of lack of activity (physical and mental - none did any physical activity and only my wother worked at that point), lack of mental stimulation, or lack of hormones - most probably a mixture of all three. But is was the sudden decline of mental and physical capability after suffering through debilatating menopause that was the catalyst in all three women, for the decline in later life.

Most women of that age in this generation have very different lives. I can't just sag into old age and dementia from the age of 50. I will have to work for many years yet to get all my kids through university. I have homework to help with. I have a full time mentally demanding job. I enjoy running and cycling and want to be able to continue to do those activities. I know I won't be able to do that with hot flushes and brain fog. If you don't suffer with those then yes, no need for HRT. But I've seen dementia in women in their sixties and seventies and I don't want it, so if HRT allows me to keep mentally and physically active for longer, then, for me, that's protective against (some forms of) dementia.

I tried for 3 years to do it naturally, became very miserable and was not myself. After a battle to get HRT i can honestly say it’s the best thing for me. I’m sure we all deal with it differently and I was very much apposed to trying , but now am so much happier and healthier!
i don’t see it as cheating, why suffer unnecessarily?

I feel the same way you do, SmartHome. I'm quite active, work full time and will do everything I can to stave off decline. I also have MS and am on medication for that too. It all helps, I'll try to do my bit.

Maybe she’s too frightened to take it? I suggest that because I am too frightened to take it. Maybe her fear makes her cross and that’s why she responded that way, I say this because my fear makes me cross too 🤷🏼‍♀️. I wouldn’t say anyone was cheating by taking it though. I do feel a little envious that it’s easier for others but nothing major.

She's an arse, isn't she?

Why do people think they have to be martyrs about things like that? Nobody's lining up the women who didn't have HRT to give them a gold star. It's a personal choice, if you don't need it great, if you do then it can make a huge difference.

Thank God it's not an attitude I've come across. Intend to keep slapping on the 75 mcg Estradot patches for some considerable time.

Look at some of the language from some posters on this thread. OP’s friend’s attitude is writ large right here.

Do some of these women actually realise that there are 2 benefits of HRT - relief of symptoms now and massive reduction in osteoporosis and cardiovascular disease in later life?

I white knuckled the menopause. I watched my older friend, who had to come off HRT after 20 years for health reasons at 68, suffer all the symptoms which hit her like a truck. I never wanted that to happen to me at that age, so I didn't take it. Also, Western women are on artificial hormones for most of their adult lives and brainwashed into thinking that it's perfectly normal and healthy.

So much for "feminism". HRT was designed to keep women in the workplace until retirement age, ie, to keep them going as economic units. That's why it's "free". Hormonal contraception allows men access to women's bodies without responsibility. Some women have a really easy menopause - I wish we all did.

Cheating implies a game or test. I’d ask her what she thinks the prize will be for winning at menopause.

@SadieOlsen I do see that perspective also.

Cheat? What a stupid comment. Does she never take a paracetamol for a headache.

Me too. Not openly criticize, but has definitely made it be known that her choice not to risk her baby's health in any way with an epidural made her a better and stronger human than I am (eager to take each and every drug on offer!).

Ignore it OP. It's one of the upsides of the menopause: not giving a fuck gets a whole lot easier.

I've just come off my HRT after 15 years. No symptoms at all. You aren't supposed to go cold turkey. You gradually decrease the dose over a few months.

@SadieOlsen And why shouldn’t women continue working? How are they going to support themselves? Who is going to pay their bills if they aren’t working? What bollocks.

Only 12% of women use HRT and many exit the workplace unwillingly as their symptoms are so severe.

She's bonkers. Heck I' m 58 and feel like 38 on HRT...and the husband is not complaining either 😉

these days you don't have to come off it, you are not delaying the 'inevitable' which was what we were told years ago - things have changed

Why are people saying you don't have to come off HRT- I thought the advice was still take it for the shortest time possible because of increased cancer risk with longer use?

Anecdote: my (female) gynaecologist says she can go to M & S and reckons she could identify who is and isn’t on HRT by how they look (skin and hair) and carry themselves.

I intend to stay on it as long as possible. My gynae has women in their 80s on HRT.

You are able to make your own healthcare decisions and make informed consent. People banging on about the breast cancer risk when the actual risk increase is really small. Being fat is a greater risk.

Anecdote: my (female) gynaecologist says she can go to M & S and reckons she could identify who is and isn’t on HRT by how they look (skin and hair) and carry themselves.

Bit of an odd thing for her to say- it almost seems like people are shamed for not going on it these days! People should be free to choose and just do what they like.

Shortest time is still the general advice. But there are also some doctors (including meno specialists) who will prescribe longer term for some women - it seems to be a case of you pay your money, you makes your choice. On it, some risks are up, others are down, and vice versa.

As always we don't have enough research and there aren't at the moment definitive answers - a lot of it is a case of yes, but. It depends what dose you're on. It depends when you start. It depends what type you take. It depends on other health issues/lifestyle. I'm on it for surgical menopause due to endometriosis (ovaries removed in my thirties). My GP lectures me about breast cancer every time I have to get a new prescription. My mother had breast cancer when she was the same age I am now. This scares me. But my meno specialist says breast cancer can be treated, and without the HRT, you've got increased risk of osteoporosis, dementia and parkinson's, which can't be treated as easily, and poorer quality of life now. Whatever I do I can't win. It is not a straightforward choice either way.

Has to be said there is a lot of judgement on this thread though, and most of it directed at a woman not using HRT who made a daft throwaway comment.

I was told by my GP that by starting on the lowest dose now I still have two increments to go as in 75mg and 100mg that can be increased gradually over the next 10years and then a reduction over 10years. Nobody has to ever come of it at a low dose. Nobody has to stay on it for just 5 years.
And as pp have said being just 2 stone overweight increases your risks of cancer and heart disease far greater than HRT. There is a far greater risk from the contraceptive pill.
I'm glad I've made the thread now and I cannot believe how many women are ill informed.

@Whatswhatwhichiswhich Change your doctor immediately! It's his/her job to explain the various risks (small)/benefits (huge for most women) so you can make up your own mind about how this equation works for you. It isn't up to him to 'let' you do anything. Simply tell him that with the onset of menopause, you have now happily reached an age where you are no longer required to give a fourpenny fuck what any man says and that if he won't help you, you'll find someone who can. Or alternatively, you could simply cut his cock off - the choice is yours!

Agreed it should be individual choice but I strongly believe women should be aware of all the benefits both short term and long term as well as the risks.

Imo the risks are over stated and not given any kind of context and the longer term benefits eg strong bones are under represented, vaginal health etc.

And yes I’ll take the vanity benefits too. Estrogen does make skin thicker, more collagen and before anyone comes after me just put oestrogen + skin into PubMed.

Oh and you can add in testosterone too for va va voom, strength, mental acuity, cognitive function.

Oh and add in vaginal oestrogen so that your vagina doesn’t shrivel up, dry up and get fused together.

I think it's really easy to make statements about "cheating" or confidently saying you will refuse HRT or take the natural approach when either you're not there yet, or don't suffer that badly.

For many of us on HRT it's not about an elixir of eternal youth. It's about alleviating some really awful symptoms which impact hugely on your quality of life. For me, anxiety and depression hit me like a tonne of bricks having never suffered from it previously. I was so low that I was planning ways to end it all. Hot flushes reguarly all evening. Awful insomnia - getting to sleep was never an issue, but would regularly wake at 4am with that awful impending doom feeling in the pit of my stomach and be unable to get to sleep again. Vaginal dryness/atrophy leading to repeated and regular UTIs. Joint aches.

Most of that has been solved with a 75mcg oestrogen patch. I don't take progesterone as I have had a hysterectomy. As for the long term benefits, then that remains to be seen. I know for lots of women, being on HRT gives them the confidence and energy to get out and exercise, meet people, maintain their social lives, volunteer or learn. All of that brings all sorts of health benefits.

Comparing HRT to Botox is just offensive.