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Original poster

Friend said I'm cheating my way through the menopause

428 replies

LovingLalo · 01/08/2023 09:59

I'm 47 and have been on HRT since February. I had reached a crisis point where I could hardly sleep, had anxiety over trivial things, I'd put on 2 stone as had no motivation to exercise anymore and I had no zest for life.
6 months later and I feel like I'm 37 again. My mood and skin are great, I'm back to a size 10 and exercising, most importantly I'm back to 8 hours unbroken sleep. It's been life changing for me.

Saw my friend yesterday who is also struggling and she knew I had started HRT. I encouraged her to go to her GP. Blunt response was no I'd rather do it naturally than cheat thanks.
I'm both gobsmacked and really hurt. Is this how some women think?

I

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
AliceOlive · 01/08/2023 13:29

Saschka · 01/08/2023 11:08

This! 🤣

OP, if you want evidence she’s suffering through the menopause, here it is. She’s being totally unreasonable.

Show quote history

I thought this, too! 🤣

Original poster
LovingLalo · 01/08/2023 13:37

@Conkersinautumn Im in the North West near Manchester. I would suggest you go back and insist. I have a complicated background in that I was adopted at 18months when my birth mother couldn't cope and was basically an alcoholic.
As a result we have no medical notes for her or if she went through similar difficulties but she died when I was 25.
I just feel that I've overcome so much in my life, I don't need another unnecessary struggle.
Also as I was born in 1975 it makes me wonder if my Mum did have anxiety/depression or even PND but it wasn't recognised so much back then and it led to her losing me.
I never had kids because I was too scared of turning out like her and failing.

OP posts:
Newgirls · 01/08/2023 13:39

MyMiniMetro · 01/08/2023 10:48

I think you know this woman is one of 'those women' who are obsessed with doing 'the right thing' because doing 'the right thing' and not 'cheating' is what got them their only praise and parental attention as a small girl. I pity the woman - enduring unnecessary menopause symptoms because her brain is still trying to impress her parents at some level.

You’re on the something here. Might stem from childhood or maybe later - The need to be the ‘perfect’ female who never has symptoms, bodily functions, illness or needs. Admitting to having menopause symptoms would be like saying ‘I’m not sexy or fertile’ so all sorts going on there

CantFindTheBeat · 01/08/2023 13:41

LocalHobo · 01/08/2023 13:19

I would never consider HRT, and certainly I would prefer to not medicalise a natural stage of life, but I don't think 'cheating' is the correct term for taking HRT. It's the same as Botox in my eyes, preferable to look great naturally but some see it as a necessity.

So you think that menopause causes purely cosmetic symptoms?

You do know what some women experience enormous physical and mental issues?

What a bizarre thing to say.

RitzyMcFitzy · 01/08/2023 13:41

Some people really get off on martyrdom. Best of luck to them. I think they're suckers.

EthicalNonMahogany · 01/08/2023 13:42

longwayoff · 01/08/2023 10:21

Your friend's an idiot. Glad u feel better OP, pay no attention to the HRT naysayers. They just havent felt bad enough. Yet.

Yup this

Doggydarling · 01/08/2023 13:46

Appleofmyeye2023 · 01/08/2023 10:52

I am 60, I’m still getting hot flushes, some 16 years after they started. I had a miserable peri and menopause didn’t actually bring much relief other than stopping the period flooding. I have UTI issues, bowel issues and good knows what else.

at time I could have gone onto HRT, it was peak all the scare stories about breast cancer and DVT- with family history of both multiple GPS would not recommend it for me. By time the scare stories were squashed, GPs told me it was too late really, and I was likely through the worse.

im 60 and feel like an old women. I’ve even thought about going to GP now and asking for it, but read this isn’t advised

she won’t get a fucking medal from anyone form “not cheating “, so if she says this, or similar again, just ask who she thinks is going to give her that medal ?

Please see a menopause specialist, do your homework though and make sure they are genuine not someone who had jumped on the bandwagon to make money so preferably through a hospital maybe. It is possible to start hrt at your age and that long after menopause began, a through health check including cardiology will be necessary but it is possible. To be honest your gp should prescribe vagifem or similar to aid with the uti's, please push for proper treatment, far too many women are being failed by medical professionals so we need to speak up.

SmartHome · 01/08/2023 13:47

Same here. One week of continuous hot flushes and I was out. I have a stressful fulltime job, a house to maintain with little help and kids still at school. I'm not putting myself through that, no Sireee. Call it cheating if she likes, I di 4 natural childbirths with Gas and Air and am still waiting for my medals. Nope, not doing a 'natural menopause'. when evolution designed it for us, we were tribal elders with a couple of years left to live sitting around at the back of the cave all day minding the fire while the young people bought us food. I've got shit to do!

PuzzledObserver · 01/08/2023 13:48

One feature of menopause for me was that I became a lot less concerned about what other people think of me. I’d tell her to F off.

My own menopause was sort of moderate - hot flushes, insomnia and anxiety (I didn’t realise the last two were related to menopause - no-one tells you) - but not unmanageable. Oh, and I developed psoriasis. I chose not to have HRT because I have a strong family history of breast cancer. I did have counselling and a period on antidepressants. I’m glad of the AD’s - I’d had periods of depression previously and resisted them, and I wished I’d taken them sooner.

For me, that was my choice and I’m happy with it. I still get some hot flushes (I’m 59) but the other symptoms have abated.

I’d tell your friend to F off on your behalf and stop being so passively aggressively judgy. Cos I’m hardcore and she’s a mardy cow.

Seddon · 01/08/2023 13:49

Can I ask why you think HRT prevents dementia? It seems to be one of those myths that HRT fans keep repeating on here without caring whether they're factual.

Here's just one study in the BMJ linking HRT use to increased incidence of Alzheimers and dementia. There are others. At best, the jury is out and no-one is conclusively saying HRT helps.

https://www.bmj.com/content/381/bmj-2022-072770

Menopausal hormone therapy and dementia: nationwide, nested case-control study

Objectives To assess the association between use of menopausal hormone therapy and development of dementia according to type of hormone treatment, duration of use, and age at usage. Design Nationwide, nested case-control study. Setting Denmark throug...

https://www.bmj.com/content/381/bmj-2022-072770

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 01/08/2023 13:50

I don't agree with your friend's viewpoint, OP, and I don't know why she felt the need to talk to you like that? I would give quite a sharp response I think, because your choice of medication is entirely a personal (and medical) decision for you to make.

Think of all the people who 'cheated' with penicillin rather than just succombing... fools! Your friend is a bit of a twit.

Seddon · 01/08/2023 13:51

Apologies my quote didn't work - it was directed at the (at least 2) posters claiming HRT prevents dementia. If you love HRT great but there's no need to oversell it with false claims!

QuestionableMouse · 01/08/2023 13:53

Maddy70 · 01/08/2023 10:13

Si what. She has every right to manage her menopause her way.

I can't live without hrt. It's a game changer for me

But that doesn't mean she can be a cow about how other people manage theirs.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 01/08/2023 13:53

Seddon · 01/08/2023 13:49

Can I ask why you think HRT prevents dementia? It seems to be one of those myths that HRT fans keep repeating on here without caring whether they're factual.

Here's just one study in the BMJ linking HRT use to increased incidence of Alzheimers and dementia. There are others. At best, the jury is out and no-one is conclusively saying HRT helps.

https://www.bmj.com/content/381/bmj-2022-072770

I imagine much of this is swapping one impact for another. I'm less concerned about dementia in the future than the 3-weekly nightmare 'periods' I was having. They were so debilitating, I couldn't swim or go to the gym, or drive for long periods. HRT changed that and I'm grateful.

People should definitely research, assess the risks and take medical advice if needed.

I wouldn't judge anybody for any medication that they take or choose not to take, it's entirely their own business.

JenWillsiam · 01/08/2023 13:53

Moranguinho · 01/08/2023 12:58

There is a new, interesting study on HRT and its effect on women, It's important to know from all angles: https://www.bmj.com/content/381/bmj-2022-072770

Herbalists can help to reduce and improve symptoms, it seems a safer option.

Literal nonsense re herbalists. No evidence for that at all.

MavisChunch29 · 01/08/2023 13:53

LocalHobo · 01/08/2023 13:19

I would never consider HRT, and certainly I would prefer to not medicalise a natural stage of life, but I don't think 'cheating' is the correct term for taking HRT. It's the same as Botox in my eyes, preferable to look great naturally but some see it as a necessity.

It's not cosmetic. I'd prefer to avoid osteoporosis.

QueefQueen80s · 01/08/2023 13:56

Well then I'm proud to "cheat" in medical terms.. Why be a martyr!? The only one who is punished is yourself. I had my babies by going to sleep and waking up with them next to me, why suffer more than I needed to? I pop a painkiller as soon as a headache comes on. Why suffer?
I think some see things as a test and a way to look down on people, but no-one thinks Wow they're such amazing people! We just think they are twats. AND they suffer needlessly.
Maybe they enjoy pain

JenWillsiam · 01/08/2023 13:56

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 01/08/2023 13:53

I imagine much of this is swapping one impact for another. I'm less concerned about dementia in the future than the 3-weekly nightmare 'periods' I was having. They were so debilitating, I couldn't swim or go to the gym, or drive for long periods. HRT changed that and I'm grateful.

People should definitely research, assess the risks and take medical advice if needed.

I wouldn't judge anybody for any medication that they take or choose not to take, it's entirely their own business.

Show quote history

Also worth reading:

https://www.sciencemediacentre.org/expert-reaction-to-observational-study-on-hrt-and-dementia/

expert reaction to observational study on HRT and dementia | Science Media Centre

https://www.sciencemediacentre.org/expert-reaction-to-observational-study-on-hrt-and-dementia/

CurlyhairedAssassin · 01/08/2023 14:03

I've got a strong family history of breast cancer and I've also had a clot in my leg (possibly pill-related, but I also have varicose veins. It wasn't a DVT, it was in a shallower vein). I've always thought I couldn't have HRT but I'm 50 now and the sleeping issues are a big problem, as is the anxiety. As for my sex drive....

So these comments are interesting. Is the transdermal type ok from someone like me?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 01/08/2023 14:05

Thanks for the link, JenWillsiam, I will read that.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 01/08/2023 14:06

The transdermal type of HRT (gel or patches) doesn't increase your risk of clot, unlike taking the contraceptive pill, which does.

okiedokie1 · 01/08/2023 14:14

Wahwahwahwahwah · 01/08/2023 10:43

Well I'm going to go against the grain here and say who cares? If she doesn't want to "cheat" her way through then that's up to her. Why are you taking it personally? I honestly don't see why it's upset you so much? Each to their own, no?

Because it's not nice to have a 'friend' accuse you of cheating in some way in life. Of course it's not nice. I just don't choose to be friends with stupid people personally

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 01/08/2023 14:15

That's what I have, BatshitCrazyWoman, the gel and also Provera tablets. I've definitely noticed a difference to my energy - and of course the end of bleeding which I'm thrilled about.

Appleofmyeye2023 · 01/08/2023 14:17

Doggydarling · 01/08/2023 13:46

Please see a menopause specialist, do your homework though and make sure they are genuine not someone who had jumped on the bandwagon to make money so preferably through a hospital maybe. It is possible to start hrt at your age and that long after menopause began, a through health check including cardiology will be necessary but it is possible. To be honest your gp should prescribe vagifem or similar to aid with the uti's, please push for proper treatment, far too many women are being failed by medical professionals so we need to speak up.

Show quote history

Thank you

Pixie2015 · 01/08/2023 14:22

If she’s happy and you’re happy there is no problem.