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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend said I'm cheating my way through the menopause

428 replies

LovingLalo · 01/08/2023 09:59

I'm 47 and have been on HRT since February. I had reached a crisis point where I could hardly sleep, had anxiety over trivial things, I'd put on 2 stone as had no motivation to exercise anymore and I had no zest for life.
6 months later and I feel like I'm 37 again. My mood and skin are great, I'm back to a size 10 and exercising, most importantly I'm back to 8 hours unbroken sleep. It's been life changing for me.

Saw my friend yesterday who is also struggling and she knew I had started HRT. I encouraged her to go to her GP. Blunt response was no I'd rather do it naturally than cheat thanks.
I'm both gobsmacked and really hurt. Is this how some women think?

I

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Sleepydoor · 01/08/2023 12:32

She's struggling and perimenopausal -- I think she just told you honestly what she tells herself is the reason she isn't taking the option of HRT. I wouldn't see it as a judgement of my choices if I were you but an indication of how much she is struggling.

10HailMarys · 01/08/2023 12:33

Ugh, your friend sounds like a massive dickhead.

horseyhorsey17 · 01/08/2023 12:35

If she wants to make her own life harder, that's on her. So what if you're 'cheating'? This isn't worth getting upset about.

whynotwhatknot · 01/08/2023 12:41

i dont get people like this-i know one similar has to be all herbal and natural except-i saw her taking cocodemol for back pain

why is that ok but everything else is cheating

Eltonjaunice · 01/08/2023 12:42

Just laugh in her face and put the heating on full blast.

iloveeverykindofcat · 01/08/2023 12:44

Cheating whom?

MzHz · 01/08/2023 12:45

Makegoodchoices · 01/08/2023 10:06

Is taking paracetamol for a headache ‘cheating your way through a headache’?

Bonkers.

ha Ha this made me laugh

im currently cheating my way through menopause AND a summer cold…

@LovingLalo your friend is bonkers!

gemstoneju · 01/08/2023 12:45

I'd suspect your friend will soon crack, if she's the same age as you. Menopause gets worse. At 47 most are still perimenopausal. I think you did the right thing by starting HRT when you did and topping up your falling oestrogen levels. And you are walking proof that it's better to feel good and be able to take exercise and achieve a healthy weight. Being overweight is a bigger risk for breast cancer than the risk of HRT, if that's what she's worried about. And actually many doctors advise HRT for bone protection if you are suffering symptoms in your mid-40s.

tachetastic · 01/08/2023 12:49

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread, but are you sure she was calling you a cheat? She may genuinely feel that she does not want to, in her view, "cheat", but it is not inevitable that she meant to insult you.

I agree it was a bad choice of words and am not at all surprised that you are offended, but if your friend was having a bad day it may not have occurred to her that it sounded like she was calling you a cheat.

readingmynightaway · 01/08/2023 12:52

Oh I loved it when my friend in menopause would get out of my car and slam the door so hard.
These people can not cheat it but make the rest of us suffer.
Personally watching some of the behaviour and moods I would take it.

LuckySantangelo35 · 01/08/2023 12:54

I will NEVER understand why some women are such martyrs. Baffles me.

Jaxhog · 01/08/2023 12:54

Why on earth does she think you're cheating? I was lucky and made it through without medication. Many of my friends took HRT because they felt lousy. Good for them! And good for you.

Cotonsugar · 01/08/2023 12:57

She probably thinks women who dye their greys are cheating too😂

CantFindTheBeat · 01/08/2023 13:02

God, what an idiot.

Does she think taking help for period pain, for child birth, for endo, for UTIs, for other 'women's issues' are cheating too?

Presumably she doesn't believe in medication for mental health issues either.

This would have made me RAGE, OP.

In fact - I'm raging on your behalf!

(Might have to go and stick another patch on! ).

Advicerequest · 01/08/2023 13:03

LovingLalo · 01/08/2023 09:59

I'm 47 and have been on HRT since February. I had reached a crisis point where I could hardly sleep, had anxiety over trivial things, I'd put on 2 stone as had no motivation to exercise anymore and I had no zest for life.
6 months later and I feel like I'm 37 again. My mood and skin are great, I'm back to a size 10 and exercising, most importantly I'm back to 8 hours unbroken sleep. It's been life changing for me.

Saw my friend yesterday who is also struggling and she knew I had started HRT. I encouraged her to go to her GP. Blunt response was no I'd rather do it naturally than cheat thanks.
I'm both gobsmacked and really hurt. Is this how some women think?

I

'Cheat' is an odd word as it's not like you're trying to 'win' menopause. You're just trying to get through it. She could have phrased it in a less censorious way: "I'm going to try and manage without drugs as I don't like taking drugs" would have done it (or maybe she doesn't suffer as much as you anyway?)

Conkersinautumn · 01/08/2023 13:03

Where in the UK are you? I'm 48 and suffering hugely with menopause but my doctor seems to think it's "just" anxiety.

Conkersinautumn · 01/08/2023 13:05

So if I got hrt I'd be cheating the system 🙄

Trylessonslearned · 01/08/2023 13:10

LovingLalo · 01/08/2023 11:10

@Trylessonslearned if you meant HRT, I'm on Eorel Sequi 50 patches.
But if you need it, discuss your options with your GP as there are so many different types.

Oops typo yes meant HRT not hotel. Also I just read about some self medicating on alcohol for the anxiety. I didn't realise but that's what I'm exactly doing. So many things I didn't realise. Thank you

ImNotReallySpartacus · 01/08/2023 13:11

Wahwahwahwahwah · 01/08/2023 10:43

Well I'm going to go against the grain here and say who cares? If she doesn't want to "cheat" her way through then that's up to her. Why are you taking it personally? I honestly don't see why it's upset you so much? Each to their own, no?

It's natural to find stupidity irritating, even if it has no direct effect on you.

Elphame · 01/08/2023 13:18

If she wants to suffer unnecessarily then that’s up to her!

They’ll be burying me clutching my HRT packet!

Hibiscrubbed · 01/08/2023 13:18

Cheat?!! 😂 she’s a fucking idiot. But that’s her look-out.

LocalHobo · 01/08/2023 13:19

I would never consider HRT, and certainly I would prefer to not medicalise a natural stage of life, but I don't think 'cheating' is the correct term for taking HRT. It's the same as Botox in my eyes, preferable to look great naturally but some see it as a necessity.

MrsSquirrel · 01/08/2023 13:22

Botulism is natural. Haemorrhaging in childbirth is natural. Going blind from glaucoma is natural.

Personally, I would rather have medical care if I need it.

FlamingoQueen · 01/08/2023 13:26

Ignore her! Is birth control cheating too? Some women can’t take HRT, so if you are able to and it helps, then go for it!