Friend said I'm cheating my way through the menopause

[LovingLalo]

I'm 47 and have been on HRT since February. I had reached a crisis point where I could hardly sleep, had anxiety over trivial things, I'd put on 2 stone as had no motivation to exercise anymore and I had no zest for life.
6 months later and I feel like I'm 37 again. My mood and skin are great, I'm back to a size 10 and exercising, most importantly I'm back to 8 hours unbroken sleep. It's been life changing for me.

Saw my friend yesterday who is also struggling and she knew I had started HRT. I encouraged her to go to her GP. Blunt response was no I'd rather do it naturally than cheat thanks.
I'm both gobsmacked and really hurt. Is this how some women think?

I

Bet she cheats through dental fillings /root canal work by taking local anaesthetics...

Late to the party but YANBU - and I say that as someone who's had the easiest menopause ever and needed no HRT. We all deserve to enjoy our lives and function well and if that takes meds, so be it. There's zero virtue in struggling through and being miserable. Nobody is going to hand you a halo for it. Your friend is unpleasant and has a martyr complex.

I should also add I am sure when my mum was in her late 30s she had to go to hospital to have another smear test. It came back fine I do think there was something dormant but she has never spoken to me about it. Both my mum's pregnancies were c section I am not sure if that also has a contributing factor in it.

Oh let her get on with being a miserable menopause martyr its certainly not cheating. I have friends that prefer only using herbal supplements but really struggling with sleep still but they are not working full time so can slow down it’s suits their lifestyle.

I certainly feel better since being on HRT but haven’t experienced feeling so much better just better sleep and in turn less anxious, less headaches

OP, do what's best for you! Just as if you have an itch you scratch it, if you have a pain you seek medical help and if you can find anything to help you through menopause, go for it!

My symptoms are more annoying than anything else, the headaches are probably the worst part (and hot flushes suck), but they're pretty infrequent. I know woman who feel absolutely dreadful most of the time with menopause - I'd be on HRT already if it was worse.

Your friend is being a dick, but yes- some woman are like that. Her hormones are all out of whack too, so it's probably adding to her being a twatosaurus.

Cheated her way through sleepless nights by getting into a bed at bedtime?
Cheated her way out of catching food poisoning by using food hygiene measures?

@KPops22 well yes but youthful as in feeling well and not menopausal

Why?

This 😂

didnt need to take anything during menopause thank goodness, but if women want to take it - go for it, knock yourself out. To each their own. why anyone concerns themselves with others people's choices is beyond me...

I'm cheating my way through nice plump nether regions that aren't sore, not pissing 50 times a night and enjoy a very good sex life. Oh and I'm also cheating my way through not killing myself too. Your friend can get in the bin OP.

Gosh. She sounds either very ignorant or deliberately unpleasant. I think I read that about a third of women « sail through menopause » a third struggle but manage symptoms and a third literally can’t get out of bed in the morning. It’s a lottery. Like childbirth. Part of being a friend is understanding some one else’s situation. She sounds incredibly thoughtless.

she sounds a dick tbh.

If I hadn’t taken HRT I’d have no marriage left, and a very, very dry painful vagina, which will always need HRT to moisten it. I honestly don’t get these women that say things like “you’re delaying the inevitable “

i tell you if she had vaginal atrophy like mine she’d soon change her mind, it’s bloody awful. I also have testosterone and I’m having the best sex with my poor worn out husband, bless him, I’m a menace, 🤣

@fenellasrose @MadamPickles @concertgoer
May have been covered later on but Louise Newson’s website very good.
Increased breast cancer risk is when using synthetic progesterone (progestin). If you take micronised progesterone, typically utrogestan, there is no increased risk. Oestrogen is fine whatever. Also consider testosterone. I’m not a doctor but have read and read, been to (unknowledgeable) GPs, two consultant gynaecologists and finally Newson.
Dementia: studies have mixed results but the recent Danish one was full of holes. Others give positive results. This is the one area where I think it is currently not that conclusive either way, but personally once I started oestrogen and testosterone in particular my (terrible) brain fog lifted entirely. I also have osteoporosis in the family and want to avoid that as far as possible. I am of course not a representative sample of one!

Blunt response was no I'd rather do it naturally than cheat thanks.
I'm both gobsmacked and really hurt. Is this how some women think?

Sure it has been said already, but - only the fucking wankers.

I dont really see it as cheating. Menopause is crap, if things are available to make it not crap then go for it! It's a lot like child birth, i didnt bother with pain relief for either of my labours but then i dont really feel pain so it's a whole different kettle of fish from someone who feels the pain so bad they want to be knocked out and numb from the waste down. Menopause is similar - it's your journey and only you can choose the path you take. No point in suffering if you don't have to - you dont get a medal at the end for suffering.

Im not keen on how hrt is made or the side affects. But if im struggling with Menopause - you bet im going to find ways to make it better and if hrt is the only route im going to give it a go! We suffer through decades of periods, childbirths, miscarriages, hormones like a white knuckle rides... Why add menopause to the list of trials of womanhood?

So no, you arent 'cheating' or any such rubbish, you just arent making yourself a martyr and suffering for what could be years.

She’s probably the same type of tw@t that informs people without asking that she had a “natural” labour with no pain relief or comments on people that’ve had C-secs emergency or planned, “don’t you wish you’d done it normally”, or comments to people who struggle bf’ing, “I know it’s tough but you just have to work through it, it gets easier” they are all the same type of person, ignore and delete said friend.

Let her get on with it, she’s obviously bitter for whatever reason, you do what’s best for you, don’t worry what she thinks. It’s not a competition to see who can survive menopause without taking hrt.

Bin her. You don't need friends like that. Opinions are like arseholes - everywhere 😉 She wants to be a martyr that's up to her

I’m not at the age of menopause yet, but when I am I fully intend on being on it. The newer hrt has far less risks than the old hrt. And as the op mentioned being overweight puts you at higher risk of cancer than hrt does. There are other benefits including lower risk of osteoporosis. I think the public is so poorly informed and it is sad as people like your friend are suffering needlessly, likely sue to outdated information and scaremongering.

I think you make the choice for yourself, whatever works for you and let others make their own choice. Just as a matter of interest, am I the only woman who didn't really notice the menopause? I'm not boasting or trying to minimise anyone else's experience but really, it was a non event for me. I had my last DS when I was 43 and have often wondered if this had something to do with it. Anyone else the same?

I have been lucky enough so far not to have had any drastically debilitating symptoms of menopause (perhaps benefit of using mirena coil for over 10 years?) but if my quality of life was badly affected & impacted on my ability to function normally I wouldn’t hesitate to try it. I used to work for a Gynae clinic years ago & some of my older female colleagues discussed HRT quite a bit. Those who took it raved about it, but later complained of missing it when Gp advised coming of it due to advancing years & possible risks to heath, and this made me wonder if it was worth starting as wouldn’t want to rely on it if it was going to be taken off me suddenly. The one or two who didn’t take it said they were better off putting up with the bad experience in short term, as HRT only prolongs menopause (?). I have an older friend who took & loved HRT but when she had to come off it as advised by her GP she said she felt she aged over night. I think it’s a bewildering dilemma, but we all have to do what’s right for us, not worry about other people’s opinion. I expect your mate was more than a little jealous of your youthful vibe, she’s more to be pitied than anything.

Agree, this isn’t about your friend’s opinion of HRT @LovingLalo it’s a swipe at your positive outcomes. Some people are happier when their friends aren’t.

Menopause has so many possible symptoms and each person’s experience is different. None of us should be criticising someone else’s choice or seeing their own choice as more virtuous. When my perimenopause hit I became much more anxious and I ended up having suicidal thoughts which were beginning to form into plans and intentions. As soon as I started HRT those thoughts went. It hasn’t been plain sailing but I do wonder what would have happened without HRT. My friend had no symptoms at all, not one, so she didn’t bother with HRT. She acknowledges she just got lucky.