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Original poster

Friend said I'm cheating my way through the menopause

428 replies

LovingLalo · 01/08/2023 09:59

I'm 47 and have been on HRT since February. I had reached a crisis point where I could hardly sleep, had anxiety over trivial things, I'd put on 2 stone as had no motivation to exercise anymore and I had no zest for life.
6 months later and I feel like I'm 37 again. My mood and skin are great, I'm back to a size 10 and exercising, most importantly I'm back to 8 hours unbroken sleep. It's been life changing for me.

Saw my friend yesterday who is also struggling and she knew I had started HRT. I encouraged her to go to her GP. Blunt response was no I'd rather do it naturally than cheat thanks.
I'm both gobsmacked and really hurt. Is this how some women think?

I

OP posts:
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mumindoghouse · 02/08/2023 19:44

Sad your friend reacted that way. There is much misinformation about, though the Balance app and some celebs are trying to change that.
For myself I still feel too nervous to take HRT cos of family medical history and risk. I also had some other health issues and couldn’t face trying to get my head round HRT as well. So I did struggle with symptoms for several years which really is draining.
I’m currently in a fewer symptoms stage, but I think these things fluctuate. But if it’s ok for you, then yes do what you can to get through with the least suffering. Good luck.

Dagnabit · 02/08/2023 19:44

YANBU, she is batshit. I’m 47 and suffering badly atm and as soon as I’m back from my holiday, I’m booking in and hoping to bag me some hrt. Why suffer needlessly?!

Karsiyaka18 · 02/08/2023 19:46

I feel so sorry for women who suffer with symptoms of the menapause and count myself very lucky. I started the menapause at 39 (now 68). Apart from the ups and downs of infrequent periods, I have had no symptoms at all.

GettingStuffed · 02/08/2023 19:48

God knows what she'd think of me. My mum had breast cancer, terminal, and her oncologist told me not to take HRT. I had no need for it ,heavy periods for a couple of years, rare hot flushes an my main result I've change from an early bird to a night owl.

menopausalbloat · 02/08/2023 19:52

I'd be dead without HRT. If I'm cheating the menopause, I give no shits.

ThistleTits · 02/08/2023 19:58

SGsling · 01/08/2023 10:06

Did she criticize friends that had an epidural too?

she is probably just being silly.

I came to ask exactly the same. Perhaps she never takes painkillers either.

FSha · 02/08/2023 19:59

No this is not how most women think. I’m on HRT and have been for 2 years. I was experiencing the same symptoms as you described and now feel like myself again. It’s not cheating. Giving your body the hormones you are no longer producing due to aging is not cheating and bloody sensible if you ask me. I’ve told all my friends and have encouraged many to take HRT and they’ve never looked back. Your friends view is pretty immature and judgmental I’m afraid! Well done for listening to your body!!

Walesagogo · 02/08/2023 20:04

Thats not very supportive. Everyone deals with it differently and has varying symptoms and varying levels of coping. If she's coping without anything or choosing to suffer than more fool her. I've known friends that are on hrt and those that have managed without but none of them would dream of condemning others in either case.
Ignore her comments. Glad its worked for you and you're feeling great again.

NIparty · 02/08/2023 20:04

NeverDropYourMooncup · 01/08/2023 10:31

It is if you asked one of my exes. However, he'd never have a headache in the first place because he wouldn't permit them to happen through the strength of his superior intellect, apparently.

Then he had a pain in his back. Started dictating his final words and giving his wishes for the funeral (scores of wailing women throwing themselves on to his coffin, screaming IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME!, mostly) and then left on his final journey to hospital for Palliative Care.

He was out three hours later with advice to drink more liquid and to buy some OTC painkillers whilst waiting for a 2mm kidney stone to pass.

Guess his superior intellect didn't consider his ureter when it was busy preventing headaches.

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Icantrememberit · 02/08/2023 20:05

I saw the headline and pressed straight on it to see what this cheat was.
Your friend seems a bit bitter to be fair because you’re doing so well with it.
Does your friend wear shoes? I mean our feet are perfectly equipped for walking on surfaces, I mean it’s a natural state to be barefoot isn’t it.

Wiccan · 02/08/2023 20:06

LovingLalo · 02/08/2023 15:14

Well I intend to be on HRT for 15 plus years. I couldn't live my life before. Il take my gamble with quality rather than quantity of life.
If I get breast cancer so be it... better that than suicide @Mrsjayy

I simply would not have been able to cope any further without HRT . I agree there has to be quality of life and HRT gives me that.

Missingpop · 02/08/2023 20:06

Good luck to her then!!! Is all I can say.
I started HRT a few months ago at 51 after having similar problems seeing some improvement but hoping more will follow in time; but I couldn’t cope with the insomnia; itchy skin; weight gain; and all other horrors that go with menopause, why you’d want to go through it without hell is beyond me; you don’t get any extra brownie points for it 😂😂😂

MarvellousMonsters · 02/08/2023 20:08

Menopause is much more than some hot flushes to endure. It fucks with your brain and physical health in general. I forget the actual figures, but over half the fractured neck of femurs are on women, because our bones thin during menopause, and almost a third of elderly women with broken hips die from post-op complications. HRT can be the difference between living a healthy, functional life, and dissolving in a pool of sweaty crumbling bones.

Your friend is an idiot.

Dentistlakes · 02/08/2023 20:09

Cheating how? You don’t get a medal for suffering unnecessarily and more fool her if she does, purely because she has some screwed up view that it’s cheating. Fair enough if she doesn’t have symptoms or is someone who can’t take it, but it’s a game changer for a lot of women. Some women go through hell and end up having to
stop working because of it. I would advise anyone who’s
struggling to look into it.

ChaToilLeam · 02/08/2023 20:11

The word “cheating” implies there is some kind of prize that you are unfairly winning by taking HRT. For fuck’s sake, it is medication! I wanted to go through menopause without taking hormones if possible, but when I was on my knees with insomnia, fatigue and night sweats I went to my doctor and told her I was ready. Felt better within days. I’m not going to put myself though such misery if it can be avoided and anyone who gets sanctimonious about it is likely to get the sharp edge of my tongue.

Sothisiit · 02/08/2023 20:14

Like many things in life everyone's journey is unique and their personal experience very different.
I'm sure you friend can't fully understand your path with HRT and how your life was previously affected.
She might wish to pursue her change without HRT her decision but not sure why she feels it's cheating or why she needs to pass snide comments.
I'm sure she has taken medication for other medical symptoms, is that cheating too?
I wouldn't be too concerned if you feel great then it's the right choice for you.

MaidOfSteel · 02/08/2023 20:15

The way I see it, why suffer the symptoms if you don't have to? Everyone is different, though, but your friend was incredibly rude and judgemental to criticise you, and even look down on you, for choosing to take HRT.

Abra1t · 02/08/2023 20:21

ElizaAgainn · 02/08/2023 18:02

To me personally - I've been through the menopause and did it naturally. Though, goodness knows, periods were one HECK of a problem to me then - too long/too heavy/too uncomfortable/you name it. It never really occurred to me to take artificial hormones for it - and I knew it wouldnt be the easy way out for me (as, first of all, I'd have to check to see whether it still involved cruelty to horses - Primarin??? was the name I think). I would imagine they've come up with something more acceptable by now??? = but I didnt investigate to find out. In hindsight - I just wish I'd had more money to spend at the time - and then I could have followed what I'm doing these days of super/super/super healthy diet (I'm working my way currently towards being 100% wholefood plantbased - ie healthy vegan). Money was definitely a problem for me personally at that time (has been for most of my life) and I had to eat more cheaply than I'd decided/do overtime and sideline work on top of a full-time job I didn't want to do/etc/etc. So - yep...I got through it naturally and only wish I'd had enough money I could have binned the extra hours of work I had to put in and spend on the better diet I'd decided to have/but couldnt. I did the best I could - and at least I didnt have to put in the research to see if horses would be affected by my decisions (pregnant mares as far as my memory recollects). The other point was that I believe one has no option but to go through any menopause symptoms that are going to come up at some point - and that the artificial hormones only postpone them to later in life and don't stop them (so I decided to "get it over with").

Modern HRT is made from body-identical hormones from plants, mainly yams.

I don’t know anyone on Premarin or similar these days.

fullbloom87 · 02/08/2023 20:24

I watched a YouTube video the other day and the doctor explained it really well, Saying women never used to even menopause in the past, they die before then. Now we ( if all goes well) survive way beyond it why on earth wouldn't we want to try and extend feeling youthful

crazeelala2u · 02/08/2023 20:35

VisitationRights · 01/08/2023 10:04

I would have told her that there are no points for being a fucking martyr.

Seriously though, she can choose her own journey through menopause without having to insult yours.

This right here!

As a fellow woman going through all of this, while I'm sad that my doctor won't help me currently with this, I'm so happy for you!

threatmatrix · 02/08/2023 20:41

LovingLalo · 01/08/2023 09:59

I'm 47 and have been on HRT since February. I had reached a crisis point where I could hardly sleep, had anxiety over trivial things, I'd put on 2 stone as had no motivation to exercise anymore and I had no zest for life.
6 months later and I feel like I'm 37 again. My mood and skin are great, I'm back to a size 10 and exercising, most importantly I'm back to 8 hours unbroken sleep. It's been life changing for me.

Saw my friend yesterday who is also struggling and she knew I had started HRT. I encouraged her to go to her GP. Blunt response was no I'd rather do it naturally than cheat thanks.
I'm both gobsmacked and really hurt. Is this how some women think?

I

Tell her to feck orf. Stupid cow. Read up on Ashwaganda and Rhodiola for anxiety.

Gendercritic · 02/08/2023 20:41

I would never say someone was cheating but I did used to think it was 'unnatural' to have HRT. Now I think the female human body has just not caught up in evolutionary terms with the fact that we are living (if we're lucky) a huge portion of our life after child bearing age. I've become more and more aware of how women's health is marginalised and how we are expected to put up with all sorts of shite in later life. HRT can have a massive positive effect on many of these troublesome issues. Even if oral HRT is contraindicated due to medical reasons a lot of women can safely use transdermal products, pessaries etc. Your friend is ignorant but also unreasonably judgmental - YANBU.

ThankYouVeryMuchGerry · 02/08/2023 20:41

If HRT is cheating I have no problem with this - it's changed my life and I love it. There is no way I would tough it out and be a martyr!

KPops22 · 02/08/2023 20:42

fullbloom87 · 02/08/2023 20:24

I watched a YouTube video the other day and the doctor explained it really well, Saying women never used to even menopause in the past, they die before then. Now we ( if all goes well) survive way beyond it why on earth wouldn't we want to try and extend feeling youthful

It's not even youthful ( as in vanity) - it is to feel normal and without all the crippling things that can come with it.

Carpediemmakeitcount · 02/08/2023 20:42

My mum wasn't overweight or on the pill she was Catholic and ended up with womb cancer in her late 50's. I am not sure what caused it she never spoke about previous health concerns. She died with endometrial cancer and a stroke.