Friend said I'm cheating my way through the menopause

[LovingLalo]

I'm 47 and have been on HRT since February. I had reached a crisis point where I could hardly sleep, had anxiety over trivial things, I'd put on 2 stone as had no motivation to exercise anymore and I had no zest for life.
6 months later and I feel like I'm 37 again. My mood and skin are great, I'm back to a size 10 and exercising, most importantly I'm back to 8 hours unbroken sleep. It's been life changing for me.

Saw my friend yesterday who is also struggling and she knew I had started HRT. I encouraged her to go to her GP. Blunt response was no I'd rather do it naturally than cheat thanks.
I'm both gobsmacked and really hurt. Is this how some women think?

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Some background about HRT. There was an enormous study published called the Women’s Health Initiative and it was this study, and one other, that caused panic and made headlines.

IfI remember correctly, the HRT was given to post menopausal women and was not the same formulation that is used today. So they were swallowing pills made from pregnant mares urine. So anyone whose auntie got breast cancer from HRT 20 years ago, is really not that relevant today as the landscape has changed so much.

2 things to note: That study has subsequently been found to have had many shortcomings and secondly the HRT available today is body identical and made from yams and usually transdermal as a preference thus bypassing the liver. Current HRT preparations are not what was used in these studies. They are considered much safer.

More history here which answers a lot of questions.

https://www.womens-health-concern.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/10-WHC-FACTSHEET-HRT-The-history-NOV22-A.pdf

Also for anyone else just starting out and for people like @jojogoesbust who’s been prescribed anti depressants, here are the NICE guidelines for menopause. So basically the guidelines GP’s should follow for prescribing HRT. It’s very clear on certain matters like, prescribe based on symptoms, no blood tests needed after 45, don’t prescribe A/Ds etc. May be worth having a highlighted copy to hand if dealing with a reluctant GP.

https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ng23/resources/menopause-diagnosis-and-management-pdf-1837330217413

I started on HRT at about age 54, and every 3 months had to go through the performance of gp listing the problems with it and me countering. It got very frustrating. After 5 years she refused to prescribe any more, so I moved to an on-line clinic.

At age 65 they also refused to prescribe more, so I found another clinic. I'm almost 70 now, and intend to keep taking it indefinitely.

Twice since I started on it I've taken a break and sunk straight back down into depression and anxiety (I never had physical symptoms), culminating in several episodes of self-harm.

If you want it persevere, and don't be afraid to use a reputable online clinic. They take health info from you, and also notify your gp, and mine phoned me yesterday to check that nothing had changed with me health wise, so there is a reasonable level of personal care.

She’s an idiot and very misinformed.
I used to run Menopause workshops for a charity so I know a fair bit.
one of the things which stuck with me was when I asked the menopause nurse if there was a natural way and she said ‘no unless you want osteoporosis and be one of those older women who are bent over’
Obviously that’s a huge generalisation and some will get away with it but the benefits hugely outweigh the risks.

@PortiaWithNoBreaks This is really interesting. I started having anxiety aged 41, lived with it (it was very short minor bouts), then it got worse and became low mood plus anxiety, I was prescribed SSRI medication at 43, I’m now nearly 46 and have just had to increase the dosage of that plus been prescribed another medication on top of it. It’s helping so far but I hate the thought of taking it and the original medication isn’t without its side effects.

When I was prescribed the meds at age 43 I did get blood tests, I think for thyroid and menopause, so nothing must have showed up.

Do you think I should be asking about HRT?

OP sorry for hijacking - very glad it’s worked for you, ignore your friend and keep enjoying life again!

To me personally - I've been through the menopause and did it naturally. Though, goodness knows, periods were one HECK of a problem to me then - too long/too heavy/too uncomfortable/you name it. It never really occurred to me to take artificial hormones for it - and I knew it wouldnt be the easy way out for me (as, first of all, I'd have to check to see whether it still involved cruelty to horses - Primarin??? was the name I think). I would imagine they've come up with something more acceptable by now??? = but I didnt investigate to find out. In hindsight - I just wish I'd had more money to spend at the time - and then I could have followed what I'm doing these days of super/super/super healthy diet (I'm working my way currently towards being 100% wholefood plantbased - ie healthy vegan). Money was definitely a problem for me personally at that time (has been for most of my life) and I had to eat more cheaply than I'd decided/do overtime and sideline work on top of a full-time job I didn't want to do/etc/etc. So - yep...I got through it naturally and only wish I'd had enough money I could have binned the extra hours of work I had to put in and spend on the better diet I'd decided to have/but couldnt. I did the best I could - and at least I didnt have to put in the research to see if horses would be affected by my decisions (pregnant mares as far as my memory recollects). The other point was that I believe one has no option but to go through any menopause symptoms that are going to come up at some point - and that the artificial hormones only postpone them to later in life and don't stop them (so I decided to "get it over with").

I'm really pleased you have got your life back because of taking hrt. I'm the same age as you and have tried 6 GPs so far and non will give me hrt because I'm too young. Every day is an awful battle.

Isn’t it only 18% of women who take HRT? I was so surprised by that statistic as menopause is everywhere at the moment - I assumed it was more widespread.

Your friend is in the majority but there’s no need to moralise it. As if it’s not complicated enough.

I really can't be doing with martyrs, there's no Brownie points for this in life.
There really is no need to suffer if you don't need to.
HRT gives many women their life back and should continue to do so.

I had similar from my sister, I told her a really don't care what you think, it's helped me and that's all that matters to me!

That’s so daft! I’m supplementing with herbs and feel ok but after your post I’m seriously considering HRT! You can’t ‘cheat’ by making yourself feel better, I think you’ve ‘conquered’ the menopause beast! Well done you x

She won't make old bones work that attitude. Menopause isn't just about weight andhot sweats. It's about all the things you can't see like brittle bones. This is what HRT is for. Your friend is very narrow minded and ignorant.

Your friend is an idiot! Not for making her choice, but for seeing it that way!

People are also pig headed, irrational and very stupid!!! 🙄😱

Well there's no gold medal at the end for going through years of hell without HRT is there. You do you💕. Bit like having a baby, no one cares how they're delivered as long as everyone is safe and well. Women should be lifting each other up, her comment is unnecessary and wrong!

No way are you cheating, some women sail through the menopause and some don't. There are actual health benefits and protections to taking HRT, so if it works for yiu don't feel guilty. Why suffer when there is a solution.

I'm surprised at how many women seem to feel that way. I couldn't cope without my HRT. I tried - I massively failed - it works for me BUT everyone chooses their own path.
If she wants to moan about how she feels - just tell her that you felt the same before HRT and that you did it to help improve your life.

Mine did had my first fracture, my wrist, the week I turned 54. Then the spinal fractures started. Wish I had HRT as an option.

So has the op though too.
The friend comes across as criticising the OP's decision.

A friend said that to me too. But no they don't use that anymore, HRT has moved on since then.

I am now 75 and there may be new info on HRT since I was on it? I came off it after about 15 years simply because my doctor refused point blank to let me stay on it any longer no matter what fuss I kicked up or how much I complained that i wanted to stay on it indefinitely!!! She referred me to a gynecologist who suggested progesterone only which just made me ill and was no good without the oestrogen which of course is the magic ingredient in HRT!!!
As he was an elderly male, he surprisingly sympathised with me not being able to no longer have HRT as he reckons that because in days gone by women used to die not long after they became menopausal now that we live so much longer it's not fair that we have to do so without oestrogen!!! He has a bloody point!! 🙄😱

Royal Osteporosis Society are v clear that hrt helps protect bones.

also take vit d, eat plenty of calcium and do weight bearing exercise

I had every terrible symptom of peri menopause last year. The doctor says it was my M.E back. It then dawned on me what it really was. I am my old self again loving life. Lost weight exercising socialising and enjoying my 40s. Your friend smacks of envy and miseducation.

I will also add in now protecting my brain too with it! I actually thought I was getting early onset dementia.

Fantastic. I’m 52 and have been on HRT for 14 months. Much better but still fat & grumpy.
Live your life OP - sounds great to me - she is mad for not at least trying it 🤷🏼‍♀️

Taking friend’s argument to its logical conclusion she wouldn’t accept any medical treatment so she would take her chances with being cave-woman.