Does mumsnet make you feel better or worse?

[Shitegeist]

IBR: worse
IBU: better

when I am feeling pretty rubbish about my life I go onto mumsnet as I think it will make me feel better seeing other women’s struggles. But it actually makes me feel worse - I think the confirmation that the sorts of things I am going through are pretty shit, and also the never ending snipeyness and mean girl comments.

if I’m feeling happy I generally don’t go onto mumsnet.

maybe I should just stick to the gardening boards! Anyone else?

It can be a really toxic angry atmosphere

It's full of people spouting absolute bullshit - I love it for the entertainment value.

I personally don’t feel anything when I’m on here and that’s because I don’t know anyone!

I can read a thread and think ‘oh no that’s so sad’ or ‘that’s amazing’ but that’s probably as far as I go. It doesn’t make me feel worse or better, I’m just passing the time on the internet

It doesn’t really make me feel better or worse. I just use it when I’m bored and don’t fancy watching Netflix. I don’t believe much of what is on here, maybe that’s why.

It's entertainment on a rainy day.

I think that’s a healthy way of using it. But I do find it hard to be honest that some of the darker stuff is obviously seen as entertainment (eg woman suspects husband of cheating, swathes of users see it as some sort of whodunnit and clearly relish in the suspicions being true)

I think it depends, sometimes you find threads where people are actually just discussing the way you do irl ie oh sorry, I meant x, with an answer of lol oh sorry, but sometimes the meanest people seem to be on just for a fight. There are funny threads, and I love the beauty and chat. I think overall positive but yes there’s times it leaves you feeling like your opinion is against the world and you’re an idiot!!

Makes me feel better
I do wonder how half of the people on here get through life

Both, depending on how I'm feeling. Today is not a good day and keep checking posts to see if there's something similar I can relate to which might help me rationalise my thoughts. I think reading some of the situations that others are going through, instead of thinking I'm not alone, it makes me feel worse.

People keep saying that. I’m interested. Do you think it’s random people just making things up for a laugh, or something else ?

This is exactly how I feel. It’s the replies I think - people pile on agreeing that yes this is awful, poor you, how terrible etc etc

sometimes I search for posts pre-2012 ish to get a more sympathetic view point!

Sometimes I feel like I've finally found my tribe! I try to steer clear of petty cat fights and ignore the silly comments designed to provoke. I wouldnt be on it if I didn't feel the benefits.

It depends on the poster, the board, the topic and your state of mind.

Mumsnet at its best can be incredibly supportive and people often forget this. On threads where someone is in a bad state of mind and urgently needs support and help (marriage breakdown, health crisis, work crisis etc) people can really rally round and I've seen some people talked away from the ledge in an incredible way. There really is a bedrock of kindness which is tapped when its needed.

But, it can bring out a really nasty toxic streak in some women and there's definitely a "kick 'em when they're down" tendency on certain threads. All the pile-ons and people who post things like "It's called parenting, you should try it". Or people making gratuitously sweeping statements about people as a class: SAHMs/working mums/people who don't breastfeed/people who privately educate. Some people are there for a row and don't care who knows it.

To be honest I don't think its all that different from real life. People can be quite bitchy and nasty until they realise you're genuinely in a really bad way and then the compassion and support kicks in.

When I think my life can't get any more bizarre I come on here and it feels calm in comparison.

It is not situations that surprise me that happen to people it is the way it is written and the need to live with constant drama, and the replies that invest more in a strangers situation than the op's do themselves.

I think some people need drama for some reason

This ☝️ 🤣🤣🤣

Mostly better. Sometimes irritated by threads like we are on £150k a year plus how will we afford to get through and pay our bills. Then I think how pathetic. I think what we are reading is a nice topic to browse through.

I think a lot of the problem, obviously, is that there’s little context for a lot of the advice seeking threads so people fill in the gaps with their own, usually negative, experience. Maybe because most of the audience for the relationships forum, for example, is people who have had shit relationships?

I don’t believe much of what is on here, maybe that’s why.

I'm also curious about the point of view and I don't really agree. People are always disbelieving the threads about money, in particular.

I have to say I'm more honest on Mumsnet than I am in real life. I don't really understand what the point is of boasting or fantasising on an anonymous talk board when (in theory) no one knows who you are.

Yes I agree. Surely people making up shit on mumsnet for a creative writing class or for kicks are in the minority? Sounds like too much effort to me

I am trying to use it less. I think it’s information overload & there often isn’t very much positivity. I notice I’ve become more judgemental and have a shorter fuse with others which is not someone I want to be! I think I am very impressionable naturally though and if I read too many threads on here they start to subconsciously influence me

It makes me feel like a pauper!

A bit of both.

Overall it makes me feel worse as a parent and I've deleted the app several times as a result. It also makes me feel a bit shit because we are very much a lower income family than most people on here.

I tend to feel a lot better about my marriage though, my husband is absolutely lovely and there is no way he would treat me the way a lot of women on here are treated, not in a million years, and neither would I put up with it.

I stay (or return) here because it's something to look at on your phone isn't it? Sometimes there are helpful posts and it's a bit of entertainment. I try not to take it too seriously or personally as much as possible.

Neither.

A lot of the threads are made up stories and I'd say a large portion of posters create a fantasy life for themselves.

It's entertaining but I'm always baffled at how many people get investing on threads that are clearly BS😂

There are some really horrible mean posters on here, but also some lovely ones and I think they mostly balance out.

I’ve learned a lot from MN because of people mentioning things like Futurelearn that I wouldn’t have known about otherwise.

Also it can be really encouraging, a while ago I had a thread asking about learning to ride a motorbike as a middle aged woman and everyone was really encouraging, I have my first lesson tomorrow 😁

All that said, sometimes when I feel a bit down for whatever reason I find myself doomscrolling through threads and it never helps but I think that applies to the internet in general.