Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does mumsnet make you feel better or worse?

103 replies

Shitegeist · 31/07/2023 12:14

IBR: worse
IBU: better

when I am feeling pretty rubbish about my life I go onto mumsnet as I think it will make me feel better seeing other women’s struggles. But it actually makes me feel worse - I think the confirmation that the sorts of things I am going through are pretty shit, and also the never ending snipeyness and mean girl comments.

if I’m feeling happy I generally don’t go onto mumsnet.

maybe I should just stick to the gardening boards! Anyone else?

OP posts:
ametrine · 31/07/2023 15:46

MN doesn't make me feel worse or better. To me, the user group is quite narrow, culturally and economically, and if you don't fit, don't bother. I don't start threads because as soon as I mention being a SAHM, people pile in with mind-numbing and unsolicited 'advice' which is irrelevant and nothing to do with me. They also feel the need to proclaim from on high about my husband and nothing they say has any bearing on my life or what I'm posting about. It's like some people are unable to hear about other peoples lifestyles without interpreting it as a criticism of their own! It definitely attracts these types on here, who have an axe to grind and have been doing so for years, it would seem. Also, anyone remotely wealthy or successful at anything is lying apparently. If you don't fit the 'type', don't bother basically.

Ted10 · 31/07/2023 16:09

Shitegeist · 31/07/2023 12:14

IBR: worse
IBU: better

when I am feeling pretty rubbish about my life I go onto mumsnet as I think it will make me feel better seeing other women’s struggles. But it actually makes me feel worse - I think the confirmation that the sorts of things I am going through are pretty shit, and also the never ending snipeyness and mean girl comments.

if I’m feeling happy I generally don’t go onto mumsnet.

maybe I should just stick to the gardening boards! Anyone else?

I have some stuff going on a I have a thread going at the moment. It's lovely. Everyone has been very supportive no judgement. Just empathy, understanding and ideas.

I have been ripped apart many times on here when I have Been having a hard time. But ignore the nastiness and take away what is helpful to you. I don't even report horrible posts on my own threads because I want the nasty posters to Shame themselves

Sazza26xx · 31/07/2023 16:09

MinnieTruck · 31/07/2023 12:16

I personally don’t feel anything when I’m on here and that’s because I don’t know anyone!

I can read a thread and think ‘oh no that’s so sad’ or ‘that’s amazing’ but that’s probably as far as I go. It doesn’t make me feel worse or better, I’m just passing the time on the internet

Yep same here

DancingInTheRaindrops · 31/07/2023 16:34

It makes me feel better.
I trust myself to make my own decisions, l love being single, living alone in my own home. My children are much older,so it's a relief to be through the other end so to speak.
I enjoy the litter tray and gardening threads.
I find the feminism threads ironic as they've become the very same as what they're meant to be fighting against. (toxic hate spewting bullies)
I take it all with a pinch of salt, happy minding my own business and letting others get on with theirs.

Wiccan · 31/07/2023 16:39

ametrine · 31/07/2023 15:46

MN doesn't make me feel worse or better. To me, the user group is quite narrow, culturally and economically, and if you don't fit, don't bother. I don't start threads because as soon as I mention being a SAHM, people pile in with mind-numbing and unsolicited 'advice' which is irrelevant and nothing to do with me. They also feel the need to proclaim from on high about my husband and nothing they say has any bearing on my life or what I'm posting about. It's like some people are unable to hear about other peoples lifestyles without interpreting it as a criticism of their own! It definitely attracts these types on here, who have an axe to grind and have been doing so for years, it would seem. Also, anyone remotely wealthy or successful at anything is lying apparently. If you don't fit the 'type', don't bother basically.

Yep , wish I'd never mentioned I was a sahm on here .anyone would think I'd committed some major crime 🙄

Allmyghosts · 31/07/2023 16:39

I can't read any of the threads where women are wondering if their shitty shit fuckhead partners are maybe a bit abusive. Too sad and far too plenty. I want to reach through the screen and shake the poor loves

CloudyMcCloud · 31/07/2023 16:43

Neither it’s just SM

Others go on FB, or Twitter or game

Sounds all the same to me

SouthLondonMum22 · 31/07/2023 16:47

Wiccan · 31/07/2023 16:39

Yep , wish I'd never mentioned I was a sahm on here .anyone would think I'd committed some major crime 🙄

Show quote history

I was called sick for sending my baby to nursery and asked why I bothered having my baby for someone else to raise him.

It really goes both ways.

YoDood · 31/07/2023 16:48

It can make me feel quite angry as it makes me confront difficult issues around poverty, how badly men treat women and TRAs etc.

But I don’t want to close my eyes to this stuff - some things are worthy of anger and that can fuel change. It’s a bit like reading the news.

wetwing · 31/07/2023 16:52

A bit of both really sometimes it makes me think of things I'd rather not think of and wouldn't have if I hadn't logged on other times. Sometimes I'll be feeling a bit smug when I read some post and then I feel bad that I was feeling smug.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 31/07/2023 16:53

Worse and I really should put it down!

ShouldReallyGoToBed · 31/07/2023 16:54

I really enjoy it when I'm happy and drunk! Never fails to make me laugh!! And sometimes it's helpful. But I don't think people who r desparate should ever post for advice because it can get nasty. I do also worry about some posters, especially late at night in DV situations etc... Sometimes posters annoy me, but I keep getting drawn back to answer to them - that's not good! If I can manage to observe from a distance, and have a laugh (hopefully not at anyone's expense) then that's all good.

I love the made up posts the best, but they always get deleted :( my favourite was the Russian millionaire who's son couldn't travel across London by himself. I was in absolute stitches reading that!!! I think there was also a funny one about borrowing someone's toothpaste when they went to stay or something, that had me giggling for a few days!!

ShouldReallyGoToBed · 31/07/2023 16:57

I do sometimes think nasty is relative and in the eye of the poster! I've challenged posters a few times, in what I think is a respectful way. Then someone will come along and say something like "ignore the fucking idiots OP, they r a disgrace and not worthy of a response" or something like that!! And then I think - mmmmm.. all I did was disagree respectfully, and now you've been absolutely vile about me!! Then others will plough in to swear at me. I normally exit at that point as I'm not keen on being called an idiot or sworn at!

Kay286 · 31/07/2023 16:59

Better for sure …. But also really sad for some women, I’m always stunned at how many posts there are about crappy relationships and the shit women put up with from men , being controlled , not allowed to do certain things , told what housework they have to do , what they have to do with kids , men earning 80k and stay at home mums scrimping buy !! Wtf do people put up with this crap ? It makes me feel very lucky my husband is a decent guy - we are a complete team and equal in every way. he got a 10k bonus this year …. It’s was “ours” not his.

B72 · 31/07/2023 17:14

Tahitiansummer · 31/07/2023 12:15

It's full of people spouting absolute bullshit - I love it for the entertainment value.

Exactly this 🤣
I read it, forget about it and get on with my day.

gingerguineapig · 31/07/2023 17:19

It probably isn't always good for my blood pressure but I learn a lot on here, too.

Conkersinautumn · 31/07/2023 17:20

It's certainly a cold dose of reality, how nasty most people are and how they really think. I'm not good at judging certain social things, this unfiltered version of people helps me make more sense of the way people react irl

IveHadItUpToHere · 31/07/2023 17:23

It makes me feel better. I love that there is a place on the internet where it's mainly women supporting each other.

JudgeRinderonTinder · 31/07/2023 18:43

MardaNorton · 31/07/2023 13:45

OK, well, I'm being entirely honest here -- though, obviously, I have no way of providing proof, so it's meaningless to anyone who is disinclined to believe me.

I did go to Oxford, and I went to Oxford as a working-class kid from a school that barely had anyone go to university (this was in the 1990s), far less Oxbridge. It can be done. I'm not brilliant and I was chippy and intimidated at the interview. I was also stubborn and very interested in my subject, and they took a punt on me. I have four degrees, all funded on scholarships. I earned just over 100k last year (not living in the UK, so am translating euros into sterling), though it varies annually as part of my income is variable. I have one child who is clever (but lazy), and still in primary, so no significant exam results as 'proof'. DH has a big job, and earns far more than I do, but does all the cooking and shopping, and a lot of the drop-offs and pick-ups/general parenting stuff, because why wouldn't he? I am deeply normal, in no way the most successful of my friends, not a 'perfect parent', don't have a 'perfect marriage', and I don't 'have my shit together' to any extent. I was raped as a child, and I'm in therapy dealing with stuff that still affects me as a result. A lot of my life in general is complex and messy.

It's not about whether you believe me or not, because obviously, we're strangers on the internet, and I could be anyone!

But what is interesting is the desire to disbelieve this stuff. I mean, feel free to think I'm making this up, but why be so invested in disbelieving it? Does someone else earning 100k really make you feel worse about yourself to the point where you really want to think people are inventing salaries, because it's that incredible?

Show quote history

Like I said, it’s not that I disbelieve that plenty of people on here went to oxbridge and earn big salaries, that wasn’t the point of the post 😂. It’s the numbers. Given that the average salary in the U.K. is just under £28k, then to most people that salary is that incredible! So yeah, I can see why people might lie. It happens.

I know it’s some people’s real life, but almost everybody mega successful? (Relative to most of the population?) Sorry, I don’t believe it. I think a lot of people on here are also out of touch with the average person’s life.

lljkk · 31/07/2023 18:49

used to be worse but now I'm here for the voyeur experience (often)

ametrine · 31/07/2023 19:54

JudgeRinderonTinder - I don't think 'almost everybody' claims to be 'mega successful' at all! 98% of posts seem to be describing lives from 'mediocre' to the other end of the economic spectrum. If you do earn this magical '100k' you are rounded on and it's implied you are making it up. There are far, far less 'mega successful' people on here than in real life, socially and economically. Look at the threads - people post about being lonely, or nervous at the school gates or they self-examine themselves over quite mundane scenarios most people wouldn't even give a second thought to - or they describe god knows what situations with horrendous husbands. Loads of women have what they describe as an 'abusive ex' or a STBX. Not saying people don't, but there definitely seems to be a lot more divorced or struggling in hideous relationships people here than on average. A lot of insecurity too, sadly, either honestly described or expressed in defensive ways. That's how it seems to me anyway and it's quite a sad reflection. But AIBU is self-selective I suppose.

Champagneponies · 31/07/2023 19:58

I find the relationship threads depressing and massively triggers my own relationship anxiety. Constant affair stories/discoveries of seemingly perfect husband caught using prostitutes. Can be very 'you can't trust any man.'

User265438765 · 31/07/2023 19:58

neither, it's similar to twitter and other social media, just anonymous people arguing most of the time

JudgeRinderonTinder · 31/07/2023 20:05

ametrine · 31/07/2023 19:54

JudgeRinderonTinder - I don't think 'almost everybody' claims to be 'mega successful' at all! 98% of posts seem to be describing lives from 'mediocre' to the other end of the economic spectrum. If you do earn this magical '100k' you are rounded on and it's implied you are making it up. There are far, far less 'mega successful' people on here than in real life, socially and economically. Look at the threads - people post about being lonely, or nervous at the school gates or they self-examine themselves over quite mundane scenarios most people wouldn't even give a second thought to - or they describe god knows what situations with horrendous husbands. Loads of women have what they describe as an 'abusive ex' or a STBX. Not saying people don't, but there definitely seems to be a lot more divorced or struggling in hideous relationships people here than on average. A lot of insecurity too, sadly, either honestly described or expressed in defensive ways. That's how it seems to me anyway and it's quite a sad reflection. But AIBU is self-selective I suppose.

I’m not making it up at all. I said in a previous post £100k+, I see it all the time, and others have said the same on other threads as well, in fact there’s another poster on here who mentioned it. I see threads all the time where either the OP or replies claim to earn six figures, their children are geniuses, they did everything in life by the book etc.

I also said I see loads about useless husbands and male misdemeanour and it makes me lose hope of ever being happy in a relationship 😂

ametrine · 31/07/2023 20:47

The poster who says she earns £100k or whatever it was is just stating a fact. Why question that or say "claims to earn?" Loads of people earn that kind of money. Nothing is remotely surprising. Loads of people earn a lot more than £100k. This is obvious. It's all relative.