Anyone else not really enjoying this life thing that much?

[Mrsdoubtfire18]

I will never be a high earner, I'm on about 26k, going up to 27k in September which I know isn't terrible at all but it will never be high. I've never known what it's like to not budget, to have to buy everything cheap, to not have to count every penny I spend.

People say money isn't everything. Sorry, but people who can afford more will likely have a better standard of living, that's just how it is. I at least like my job which is something though.

I was bullied for the whole of secondary school, until 6th form when most of them left. I've had many toxic 'friendships'.

I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years, I was single for 5 years because none of the men wanted a serious relationship with me, one of them treated me with such utter contempt for daring to stand up for myself. Been bullied in a few jobs, however I always stand up for myself now and report it. I'm self employed now so luckily doesn't really happen anymore.

I don't have many close friends. I'm shy, quiet and have social anxiety and OCD.

I do have a partner who I'm very fortunate to have. However no proposal suggestion after 3.5 years so it will likely not happen. I'm told men don't get married these days until over 30 (he isn't far off 30).

I'm fortunate to be in good health physically and mainly happy with my appearance, it's just mentally.

I look after sick and vulnerable people, this week I've been looking after a woman in her 50s with stage 4 cancer who's now on end of life care. I see a lot of things that move me and I know I'm very fortunate to have the health I've got.

I've also got a supportive family. However I just think 'is this it?'
Is this the rest of my life? I guess I'm depressed. There's so much pressure to love life, everybody must be happy at all costs. I just don't know what to do, sorry for the rant. I'm lost.

I'm older, in mid 50s, and yes, the daily grind is, well...a grind.

I keep reminding myself of a line from a movie that resonated with me years ago (The Big Chill) - "Nobody said it was going to be fun. At least, nobody said it to me".

I don't think anyone is happy all the time, or even most of the time. Some of us are better at grabbing onto the good moments and holding them in our minds than others, that's all.

Sorry about some of the typing in my last post - not even had a drink tonight 😀

I haven’t enjoyed my life for the last several years either. Making steps to change it though🤞🏼I don’t want to waste my life being miserable!

I can understand your perspectives, for me it's needing the technology that potentially does not exist then also I'd need to use it, think time travel or parallel universes, mainly to see different time lines of what could of been had I known what I know now.

But being realistic if this is my lot in life so to speak, then it is what it is. Yes overall I wish I made more of different opportunities but the events have made me me, would I change different events, yes I would but then that depends on the option of the unavailable tech.

I strongly believe that many people fake the constant 'happy/high on life vibe'. This is not to say that many people do not have happy and happier days/times/moments. This constant narrative of stop moaning, stop over thinking, stop being negative... is over rated in my opinion.

I have stated this before but strongly believe that if many people felt that they could comfortably speak about how they really felt I am sure there would be less suicides/suicide attempts in society.

I feel this constant 'be positive' narrative is unrealistic and unhealthy. I am not saying that off loading on others all the time is healthy in a friendship/relationship but feeling down is not a crime.

Learning strategies to regulate emotions needs to be championed in society. OP I think there are many people who have the same reflective thoughts that you have shared. It is good that you are not pretending that everything is great!

There is support out there and it is ok to have less that great days.

The only way I deal with it is by thinking that this life is only temporary and is a tiny spec compared to eternity in heaven. My faith helps me, even though it doesn't take away my all problems right now. I'm no saint and I still get low about things (it's been a hell of a year) but that hope keeps me going. Prayer might not be your thing but it's worth a shot!

I’m grateful for what I have but I’m not really enjoying it either. The life I wanted is so different. I’ve got physical and mental health issues and I haven’t worked in a long time. The days are monotonous and always thinking about how to make it better. I’ve lost all the friends I had when I was suffering from depression. I’ve gave my son a bad life from not coping in an abusive relationship and being a bad mother and now he’s almost grown up. I don’t even think I’ve really learned anything from all this. It’s more just like I’m the way I was before I got damaged. I wonder if things can change. If I can make money I can pay for private treatment for my conditions. But I can’t earn money while I’m like this. I think all the time of ways to have a solo career. I think that would fulfill me. There’s a Stephen king story about this, about not being content with what you’ve got- at least it’s not a nightmare. That can happen anytime, to anyone.

I get what you’re saying OP and I am someone who on the surface has a lovely life, own my home, married, child…but daily I feel uninspired and like…is this it? Is this the rest of my life? I feel guilty I have so much to be grateful for but…I feel fed up with the grind too, this world gets me down

I'm like most people, just plodding on through and trying to make the best of life whatever it throws my way. Now I've hit the pre-menopause stage I'm finding it harder. I want to live a long life to be here for my kids though.

I would suggest going back into therapy, long-term. Unfortunately therapy doesn't work on 'dipping in and out' basis. I also wonder whether you need to take a break from your job as some of what you describe could be symptoms of burnout and vicarious trauma.

Life just feels like a long pointless slog.

I'm fed up of working long hours, travelling up and down the country in a job I hate. Nothing I do is good enough for them and they're constantly piling on pressure.
I feel like I don't spend enough quality time with my young kids due to a job I hate with a passion. Mine and DP's jobs don't work well together for childcare reasons but we're stuck in them.

I have zero support from family, no real friends (not really bothered that much about this but means I don't have anyone to confide in) and a lot of the people I work with would crawl over anyone to get ahead.

My health isn't great either and life just seems pointless. I've never been a happy person but there's so little joy in life. All our money goes on bills and childcare so no holidays or nice days out.
I struggle to see what the point in life is.

I’m curious about what death will be like. It like to imagine I get a new body and all the worries in this life don’t matter anymore

I feel ya.
I am 40, happily married with 2 children and our labrador, children are 1adult and 1teen, I'm about to become a grandmother in December.
I have a good enough job, as does my husband, own our terraced home(mortgaged), drive 2 cars, have our share of what I call our treats such as a foreign holiday each year and 1 or 2 weekends away, couple of takeaways a month, no real money worries in that we can have our treats and pay our bills, although the cost of living has definitely hit, noticeably in the food shop and the utility bills and I'm noticing there's not much left at the end of the month but we don't exactly struggle. I know im very fortunate, it's not a woe is me post atall.
But i agree in that if I didn't waken up in the morning it really wouldn't be the worst thing, life is mundane and like groundhog day, i often think really, is this it, work, clean, cook, eat, sleep until we die...its actually exhausting.
I don't think I'm depressed just struggle to see the joy.
Thought I was the only one who felt like this.

I'm so sorry you are struggling. You sound like a lovely person in a caring profession who has made massive progress already, such as not allowing people to bully her anymore, and having a secondary income.

I won't give advice unless you ask for some. (But do have some suggestions to improve your happiness if you want.)

I found my 20s a struggle emotionally and financially. Things changed around age 29. I just found my feet in life then. To me you sound like someone who will do this too, because you are already improving the biggest issues.

You seem set that you will never make more money. Why is that? Do you mean in that job, or ever? You don’t have to stay in that job.

You’re right, money makes things easier.

Two household incomes makes things easier too, ie getting married and sharing finances. Sounds like you’re under 30 and only been together 3.5 years - and sounds like you’re assuming you guys won’t get married? Just have a conversation about it.

I think a lot of your concern is to do with unknowns/assumptions.

You can make your life better, is my point. It’s literally in your hands and no one is going to do it for you. You’re in control! That’s great! Lots of women sadly are not.

Nothing much worked for my ocd until I took an antidepressant. It really worked well for me. I couldn't have continued like that.

But ocd aside, I agree. I can't figure out what the point is or where to derive any happiness. It's all just the same shit day in and day out.

Constant happiness is a myth created to make us feel like failures. The vast majority of people are just neutral with times of happiness and sadness during their life span. It’s ok to just be. Since I stopped chasing ‘happiness’ I feel so much better.

In the nicest possible way, OP, if you don’t like your life, change it. You seem very convinced you will never earn more. If money is an ongoing problem, explore cost-effective ways to retrain in a better-paid field. Do you want to reman in your current healthcare setting? What do you want to earn? There will be ways of doing this while still working, though it will involve sacrifices. You are young, and you don’t mention children — you’re well-situated to change your working life, but you will have to take action to change things.

The thing that runs like a thread through everything you say is a pattern of being in toxic, unequal and abusive relationships. While absolutely nothing you do in any way excuses the actions of the other people in these situations, the common denominator here is you, and I think you need to acknowledge the role played by your obvious poor self-esteem in making you a target for bullies and abusers. It’s great that you started reporting them in previous jobs, but you sound as if you would benefit from working very hard with a good therapist, not just ‘dipping in and out’ and coming on the internet to ask other people if their lives are shit, too. Everyone is dealing with difficult stuff, but even the hardest stuff feels more manageable when you have a sense of agency and the ability to change things. OCD is horrible, but can be managed with work and commitment.

Take control, OP. Why are you ‘grateful’ for being in a relationship? If you are happy with this person, and would like to marry him, why are you sitting about passively hoping it might happen, and coming up with reasons why it hasn’t ? And if everything isn’t rosy in the relationship (as suggested by you apparently not be able to say, here and a half years in, ‘I’d like to marry you — are we on the same page about this?), why be grateful?

Genuinely, best wishes, OP. You can do this.

Sorry for the late replies, thanks everyone just reading them now. Sorry to hear there are others feeling this way, you are right though I can and do need to make changes, I hope we all can achieve the things we want.

Appreciate all the responses.

It is so important and helpful to recognise this. And to understand no one else is happy all the time either, even the ones skipping around like Pollyanna.