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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anyone else not really enjoying this life thing that much?

46 replies

Mrsdoubtfire18 · 29/07/2023 22:05

I will never be a high earner, I'm on about 26k, going up to 27k in September which I know isn't terrible at all but it will never be high. I've never known what it's like to not budget, to have to buy everything cheap, to not have to count every penny I spend.

People say money isn't everything. Sorry, but people who can afford more will likely have a better standard of living, that's just how it is. I at least like my job which is something though.

I was bullied for the whole of secondary school, until 6th form when most of them left. I've had many toxic 'friendships'.

I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years, I was single for 5 years because none of the men wanted a serious relationship with me, one of them treated me with such utter contempt for daring to stand up for myself. Been bullied in a few jobs, however I always stand up for myself now and report it. I'm self employed now so luckily doesn't really happen anymore.

I don't have many close friends. I'm shy, quiet and have social anxiety and OCD.

I do have a partner who I'm very fortunate to have. However no proposal suggestion after 3.5 years so it will likely not happen. I'm told men don't get married these days until over 30 (he isn't far off 30).

I'm fortunate to be in good health physically and mainly happy with my appearance, it's just mentally.

I look after sick and vulnerable people, this week I've been looking after a woman in her 50s with stage 4 cancer who's now on end of life care. I see a lot of things that move me and I know I'm very fortunate to have the health I've got.

I've also got a supportive family. However I just think 'is this it?'
Is this the rest of my life? I guess I'm depressed. There's so much pressure to love life, everybody must be happy at all costs. I just don't know what to do, sorry for the rant. I'm lost.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrsdoubtfire18 · 29/07/2023 22:06

I'm almost 33 forgot to say.

OP posts:
CrackersCheeseAndWinePlease · 29/07/2023 22:08

Not everyone is happy, a lot of people are faking it til they make it so to speak.
I think your job could play a part, my dd is a carer and it's very mentally draining but she enjoys it.
Do you have any hobbies or do anything out of work that you enjoy?

Original poster
Mrsdoubtfire18 · 29/07/2023 22:08

My OCD makes me have recurring, disturbing thoughts and I don't know what could solve it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrsdoubtfire18 · 29/07/2023 22:09

I do enjoy the work, I'm also self employed in another industry which is a lot more relaxed, but yeah, it's certainly tough emotionally sometimes.
I do like things such as sport, art and music, I just lack a lot of motivation ATM. I need to do more though.

OP posts:
Olderandolder · 29/07/2023 22:11

Completely agree with you!

LilacRain12 · 29/07/2023 22:15

I feel the same but am older at 38.
I hate my job, earn less than you also. Have chronic health issues. Single. No friends. Not close to family. I'm turning into a weirdo spinster type and I hate myself for it.

Original poster
Mrsdoubtfire18 · 29/07/2023 22:16

I'm sorry xx

OP posts:
HUGanALPACA · 29/07/2023 22:20

It does sound like you might be depressed but you could be having a very logical response to some really horrible experiences - and possibly trauma? It would be good to get some help.

I feel really happy with my life - that's not a boast and it has certainly not always been the case. The things that bring me happiness include exercising, getting out in nature, learning new stuff, volunteering, seeing family and friends, going out of my way to be helpful, reading books. I also try and do the best I can to be good at my work - if that means doing extra training courses or watching 'how to...' videos on youtube, I'll do it. I try to be curious about things and I read a lot of self help books / listen to podcasts about self improvement etc. Mel Robins is V motivational.

I try and go into every situation and conversation with the mindset of 'I have something to learn here'.

I know life can be a drudge at times and you've had more than your fair share of hardship but small, persistent changes can make a big difference.

It sounds like you are feeling reflective which could be an indication you're wanting to make some changes.

Jingleq · 29/07/2023 22:26

I’m in a similar boat and I’ve decided to hopefully make a move to Australia. Life’s too short it’s since having my DS and turning 33 terrifying but I need a life overhaul

Ohforfox · 29/07/2023 22:31

I'm also 33 & don't enjoy life. I have a lot to be thankful for, I do a very fulfilling job (I look after sick children- sometimes terminally ill) and I'm very good at it. However, I feel like it should make me appreciate life & feel very guilty that I don't. Truth be told I'd be happy if I didn't wake up tomorrow. I don't think I'm depressed I think I've just accepted that I don't love my life & I don't really want to struggle through it much longer. I should say I have no plans to take my life, I would never do this. But I wouldn't care if this was my last day here. I know some people would miss me & everyone in real life would be shocked I feel this way.

Olderandolder · 29/07/2023 22:34

Same.

And I know it’s worse for your generation. It may not be forever.

UpaladderwatchingTV · 29/07/2023 22:34

While I think to some degree you realise how lucky you are OP, in reality, I don't think you've fully grasped how important good health and having a positive outlook is. I became disabled at 40, suffer a lot of pain EVERY day of my life, and spend an awful lot of time stuck in bed. People often ask me 'how do you keep so cheerful?' My answer? I concentrate on remembering that there is ALWAYS someone worse off than myself, and I really mean this. I was in hospital at one point, with double pneumonia and sepsis, I almost died the night that I was admitted. Next day I was in bed, with curtains drawn all around me, and feeling really dreadful, when I heard a lady telling one of the nurses about her health problems. She had gone into hospital for a gynae problem, the doctors had operated, and due to a mistake, which almost cost her her life, she ended up with a stoma, and other medical problems, which I later learned had affected her life so much, it was tragic. However, just listening to some of what she'd been through, while I was laying there feeling so ill and naturally a bit sorry for myself, I realised, that here was another person, worse off than me. It made me pull myself together mentally, even though I knew there was still a fair chance that I might not make it. When I began to recover, I became friends with the lady behind the curtain, and learned just how badly her life had been affected by a medical mistake, and thought how lucky I was. This was 8 years ago, I heard about 3 years ago that she'd died, and she was 10 years younger than me. So what I'm trying to say OP, and to others who feel the same way. Remember that this wonderful life that we only get once, could be taken away at any moment. So in the nicest possible way, stop feeling sorry for yourselves, if you're feeling depressed, talk to your GP about it, and get some help, but whatever you do please, please, MAKE THE MOST OF WHAT YOU'VE GOT, while you've got it!

Ohforfox · 29/07/2023 22:35

I should also add, I do try to force myself to enjoy life. I regularly think how lucky I am to live near beautiful scenery as I drive to work. I feel lucky to be in a place where I am 'doing well' in life, I take pride in my work, I'm kind and generous, genuinely care about people's feelings & have come from a traumatic childhood where I couldn't imagine this life. Maybe that's what it is that subconsciously I feel like I don't deserve it. I'm not sure. But you're not alone.

biedrona · 29/07/2023 22:36

I'm older than you, earn ok, own flat...but I hate the daily grind. Not that I would just like to be funemployed but..I often think what is this all for?

35965a · 29/07/2023 22:37

I know what you mean. It’s an endless grind.

Original poster
Mrsdoubtfire18 · 29/07/2023 22:48

I do fully appreciate my physical health, but sadly I can't change my mental health just based on that. I am very sorry to hear those stories, however mental and physical health are different.

OP posts:
OldNed · 29/07/2023 22:49

"Life can be tough sometimes, but l think it just starts with admitting ok the world's not perfect, how do we live within that and not be miserable?"

Original poster
Mrsdoubtfire18 · 29/07/2023 22:49

I made a suicide attempt 7 years ago, luckily it didn't work. Nobody knows except for one close friend (drifted apart)

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrsdoubtfire18 · 29/07/2023 22:51

Life just feels like a massive lottery. I know I'm very lucky to be in good physical health, but I need to change my mind.
I know I'm just making myself sound like a victim, everyone's been through difficult stuff. I just don't know where to start.

OP posts:
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 29/07/2023 22:52

Social anxiety and OCD. Have you had any help with these?

Original poster
Mrsdoubtfire18 · 29/07/2023 22:53

I've dipped in and out of therapy, tried self help books and so on. Not sure if it worked.

OP posts:
WeveLostSightOfWhatANormalHoodieSizeIs · 29/07/2023 22:54

I get it. I think my children would be better off with another parent. If I could press a button to not exist, and switch myself for a better parent for them, that they’d know no different, I wouldn’t hesitate long.

Original poster
Mrsdoubtfire18 · 29/07/2023 23:03

I'm sure you're a great parent xx

OP posts:
SofieM0 · 29/07/2023 23:11

What @Ohforfox said really.
most days I hope not to wake up, that really struck a chord. And no one would believe it.
on the surface I don’t struggle but I just think what’s the point, were living to die and it’s not that great. Can I really be arsed to do the grind every day for the rest of my life?!
same age too, is it a generation thing??
my mum always tells me that this this life is the hardest and most texting of all the lives we’ll live (if you believe in that) and it makes sense!
sorry not quite uplifting but you’re certainly not alone and maybe some validation will help 💖
i don’t feel depressed (from the symptoms I’m aware of) or suicidal just really bored/disenchanted/can’t be arsed. Weird.

MagnificentMagnolia · 29/07/2023 23:17

What is the relationship with your partner like OP? I think having a nice relationship can make all the difference. I also think a lot of people feel ground down at the moment. Building up economically seems impossible with the cost of living and house prices. So hope and ambition gets subdued. All the horrible things going on in the world. Day to day living getting harder and harder with lack of access to services like GPs or aby public services really. Anyone rried ferribg sebse out of HMRC kately Banks closing people's accounts for political views. Disparity of incomes like the CEO of Natwest earning 2.4 million and going to get that as a goodbye present even though it seems she broke client confidentiality in a huge way. Everything is so damn depressing and the country seems to be going to rack and ruin. Too many at the top racking in the money leaving little for public services or fair distribution of wealth.