What's your opinion on religions that don't think you, if single, should have a 'love life' even with yourself?

[porridgeisbae]

Just that really.

I converted to Catholicism but I think that bit's a bit harsh.

You chose to follow this religion and interpret the teachings in this way.

I don't make the rules sadly, or they would be a lot more laid back. It's all in the Catechism which we're supposed to follow as Catholics.

I give it a week

😂You could be right.

Off to the gym (just letting you all know so you don't think I've run off.) Back in a bit.

You chose this religion and you chose this interpretation. Don't go all 'oh woe is me, it's not my fault I'm a homophobe, I wish I wasn't a homophobe.' It's pathetic. At least own your decision.

This is making me so angry. You deign to dismiss an entire proportion of society because some old men told you so? Are you so unquestioning? Do you feel gay people are less worthy? Engage your brain. We're supposed to follow the catechism sounds scarily similar to the people who 'had to follow' Hitler.

In the nicest possible way I think you need therapy, because that is mega fucked up. You don't just join a religion and deny part of yourself just to fit in unless you are a teenager and don't know any better.

You sound a little bit vulnerable to me, OP. Are you ok?

Do you think there may be another way you can approach this? I don’t think these issues are really what we should be worrying about but I think they can become something that occupies our thoughts when something bigger, something more significant is amiss.

Are you single and wanting to be in a relationship? Do you know what core values are important to you? I think that’s a good place to start.

Also, remember with Catholicism to keep things in context - a sin is something that doesn’t fulfill you emotionally ( the soul) it’s like eating junk food instead of healthy food - it’s something that isn’t the greatest thing for your interior.

It’s up to you to decide what you think of these issues and then it might be helpful to look at the Church’s teaching and see if they marry up if you want but you are allowed to have your own thoughts and ideas that may conflict and still be a practising Catholic.

Be gentle on yourself x

Religion is optional, based on made up fairy stories and has no place in modern life.

Do what winds the local parish priests up so much, à la carte Catholicism. Take the bits that work and ignore what is pointless and harmless.

Do Anglican catholics also believe it's wrong?

This. Homophobia is abhorrent and I have no time for people who try to justify their bigotry on religious grounds. "I don't make the rules" doesn't cut it. You are an adult woman with a mind of her own and the freedom to make choices.

Your bisexuality is nothing to be ashamed of. Sexual desire and maturation are nothing to be ashamed of. You do not need the approval of men like your ex, or the vile waste of skin in those videos you posted. You are fine as you are, OP.

I grew up in religion, have much internalised homophobia and sexual repression from it (I am not heterosexual but I'm not openly out despite having left religion for over a decade)

I actually have much affection for scripture from many religions and don't see it as a blanket condemnation against things - everything is open to interpretation when taken out of the context of the time, place and culture and applied across the board

The no masturbation thing isn't solely in the various sects of Christianity- even the new age movement has its own version of it- redirecting the energy back through the crown chakra etc for kundalini awakening

The difference seems to be the point of it differing in different belief systems

I don't think it's necessary for people to make their minds up by religious guidelines- I have a high drive, it's much easier for me not to engage unless I have a partner as it's annoying to me otherwise but that's just my practical preference

If it causes you problems- consider not, if it doesn't cause you or anyone else any problems- then maybe consider researching the context of scriptures that make you feel uncomfortable and determining if you interpret the text in the same manner yourself as those who use it to define it as sinful

Isn't the bible full of man made rules? Its men's interpretations of various religious texts etc?

This god they want you to believe in sends men to give his orders.
Why wouldn’t you believe what they tell you. When they assure you that it’s the word of god.

Converting to Catholicism is second only to reverting to Islam in a list of dumb things to do imo.

I’ve gone the other way. I am a Christian (not catholic). I still believe but I make different choices. In my teens and twenties, I was celibate. Waited until marriage. I prayed for a husband, a good man of faith who respected my wishes. I wouldn’t even date a non-Christian!

I thought I’d done ‘everything right’. Prayed for him, prayed together, prayed for him..years down the line I finally realised he’d been emotionally abusing me for years. He was controlling. He put me down. It was a miserable existence. We divorced in the end - a HUGE decision for me, I really had believed it was for life.

Now I still have faith but I don’t quite know where I stand with it all. How could I have followed the rules last time and fallen for such a man? So this time around, I’m approaching things differently. Seeing a lovely guy (who isn’t a Christian). I’m very happy and content. I still believe but I don’t let the rules dictate my life to the point that it stops me being happy any more!

I personally don't understand people blindly following religions. Do you believe everything in the Bible or can you critically analyse it? Do you believe God made the world in 7 days? Do you believe in all the miracles? Do you believe the vengeful God of the Old Testament is the same as the loving God of the New Testament? If so how do you rationalise these issues?

Personally I separate faith (which I have) from organised religion which has been created by men with the biases they have such as controlling women, homophobia etc.

I have a (now ex) friend who is a devout Catholic. Her beliefs are totally at odds with society and she only socialises with others from her church. Her beliefs are so insane frankly, that I would say she was in a cult, except the Catholic Church is recognised as a legitimate religion.

How odd of you to convert to a religion that makes you unhappy!

@ThisWormHasTurned Well done. Some denominations/cults think women should carry on living with abusers, but I don't of course, and the Priests at my church don't either, if a man is abusive they'll advise a woman to leave. Ok the bible doesn't say that but I definitely think that's one respect at least where tradition can evolve things.

How odd of you to convert to a religion that makes you unhappy!

There are a lot of aspects to it so it's only, say, 5% annoying to me, or more in the relatively infrequent event I'm 'craving company.'

I personally don't understand people blindly following religions. Do you believe everything in the Bible or can you critically analyse it? Do you believe God made the world in 7 days? Do you believe in all the miracles? Do you believe the vengeful God of the Old Testament is the same as the loving God of the New Testament? If so how do you rationalise these issues?

Some things I forget and will have to ask the Priests about again.

Jesus isn't anywhere near as fluffy as people think he is. We don't have to read much of the Gospels to see that.

Protestantism was born because some people felt that the priests had too much power and control. That their role should be about supporting the congregation in understanding the Bible and God, not telling them what to believe. You've chosen to follow Catholicism but this for me is a failing of that religion. You shouldn't have to ask priests what you should believe and how you should interpret things. You're an intelligent individual with independent thought. Use it and make up your own mind.

So you can think for yourself when it comes to leaving abusive relationships but with masturbation and homosexuality it's "thems the rules"?

@ShodanLives Well I didn't 100% have to as thankfully the Priest who gave me instruction mentioned it off his own bat. But everyone has their limits.

It's one thing to not have your itch scratched sexually because the bible says you can't have the sex you want.

It's another thing for a woman to be being abused by someone else and have a cult say you have to stay.

It's not about "not having you itched scratched sexually", it's about never being able to have a loving relationship.

Yes I still imagine women being stuck in an abusive relationship for life (and maybe being murdered) as worse.

And I say that as someone who was LGB.

Relationships aren't everything in life- I know it's hard though and there must be a lot of LGB people who leave the church over that as they're not prepared to be permanently celibate/single. I'm lucky that I was bi not lesbian.

Was?

You can minimise being gay or bi as scratching a sexual itch all you want, but homophobia is dangerous and damaging, especially conversion therapy and the false idea that people can and should change their sexual orientation.

Being gay or bisexual is not a choice. Being homophobic is, and it's one you've made.

I'm bi - but I didn't find this out until I left, I'd always believed the praying it away had worked until the next time I was afflicted with a female crush to test my faithfulness

I now accept I'm bisexual and that nothing is sinful about that but have enough internalised homophobia to choose not to live as out but online and a select few trusted people

I have always been stupidly grateful to men who I could fancy and found it hard to take notice of red flags as early as I should have which I think is because I'm still more comfortable being public about heterosexual relationships and consider them subconsciously more valid (internalised homophobia that I am working on changing within myself, not views I'm proud of)

We could be incredibly different people and have incredibly different experiences but I hope you aren't walking in similar path

Being bi had zero to do with me leaving Christianity since I literally didn't accept I actually was bi till after I had left and at the time considered myself heterosexual, it was actually a surprise the first female crush and odd wondering what to do with it since I didn't have to rebuke it or pray it away anymore. Suddenly it sort of clicked

The bible doesn't say "don't masturbate". Not even in a roundabout way.

Religious leaders have taken the whole "treat your body like a temple" and extrapolated from there.

There is no mention of women having sex with women. In fact it says "YOU shouldn't lay with a man". So if you read it literally women shouldn't have sex with men.....

And the passages about homosexuality? Up until the King James revision it said "pederasty"". So basically a bunch of guys surrounding King James (and maybe him as well) sat there and changed the meaning from "men shouldn't have sex with YOUNG BOYS" to Men shouldn't have sex with MEN." If you look at other translations they retained pederasty for quite awhile. The German translation was only changed when the American Bible Society funded a new translation in 1983.

An arbitrary rule change that is caused so much harm and pain.

But you know, if converting to a religion that follows such arbitrary rules makes you feel better about yourself.... 🙄

I think that these ideas come from the letters of St Paul in the New Testament. He often says that as Christians we should try and concern ourselves with only spiritual matters and not the “desires of the flesh”. The Catholic Church sets up ideals that people should aim for but also recognizes that we are human and will fall short.