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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think reins are a good idea

176 replies

Carole84 · 29/07/2023 16:26

Ok backpack reins for a one year old yes or no?
my one year old is very active, was an early Walker. Is hard to keep in place unless strapped in buggy - it’s great he loves to walk so much so I don’t want to encourage buggy when he’s happy to walk. (Also my 6 year old neice still
uses buggy because she complains about walking so I don’t want to make it a habit when he’s happy to walk every where - ) I would still hold hands crossing road etc. and reins are easier for me but are there pros for my toddler other than just making my life easier?!

OP posts:
Cosyblankets · 30/07/2023 08:55

Child of the 70s here
I think we all had them as kids
I didn't know people had issues with them
Do what works for you

PinkButtercups · 30/07/2023 08:59

I used reins with my eldest and I'll be using them again when my twins start walking.

It wouldn't be safe for them to walk without reins when it's just us.

Zanatdy · 30/07/2023 09:00

I used them on all 3 of mine - very sensible

TwinsPlusAnotherOne · 30/07/2023 09:01

ZairWazAnOldLady · 30/07/2023 08:22

Reins aren’t a given just because you have twins as I said up thread. It’s a choice and not a good people do this bad people do that.

Correct. They aren't a given.

As part of several twin groups, I don't know a single twin mum that hasn't used them, but anyway...

My point is, anyone thinking they didn't use reins because they parented better, is delusional. As if we are all hapless, silently watching our children run into a road, scratching our arses, wondering what to do.

Our first DC walked perfectly. With almost zero input from us. Girl twin needed a lot of guidance but in time, walked perfectly. Boy twin does not. Sits down in defiance. Bolts.

It's pure luck. Without boy twin, reins wouldn't be necessary. With boy twin, they are a necessity. Having said that, we don't actually need them now, because girl twin is now old enough to stand still and wait, if I need to dart after boy twin.

PinkButtercups · 30/07/2023 09:06

ZairWazAnOldLady · 30/07/2023 08:22

Reins aren’t a given just because you have twins as I said up thread. It’s a choice and not a good people do this bad people do that.

Of course not but you don't have twins? You might have minded 'lots of little people' it's not the same. They don't have the same relationship to you as their parents. They will test their parents and probably won't listen and bolt given a chance.

B72 · 30/07/2023 09:08

Mine were always on reins when we were out of the house.
They were the old ' bra ' style ones, round the chest and back with shoulder straps.
They were great if I needed both hands free in a shop when I was paying for goods. I just looped the strap over my arm.
Also great if they were playing up, I just used to lift them up and carry them like a bag of shopping.
One woman actually said ' you would think that child is a dog on a lead!'
My response was that maybe so, but at least my child will be going home rather than to a morgue.

Purplecatshopaholic · 30/07/2023 09:11

Never did understand the hate for reins. Or the parent oneupmanship thing, lol. Reins are great - keep your kid safe while they are walking. It’s far worse to see kids who can walk stuck in buggies!

Firsttimecaller · 30/07/2023 09:15

The back pack style is brilliant because my dd believed me that it was her bag (like parents carry) and, at the time she was toilet training she carried her own changing gear (2 nappies, 2 bags, wipes, very portable change mat, spare knickers, tiny toy); took a load off my and made her feel grown up!
The mums at your group are on a weird brag.

B72 · 30/07/2023 09:15

OneMoreCookieMonster · 29/07/2023 17:01

Here I go againist the grain again. I refuse to put a child in reins. I think it's demeaning and doesn't teach them anything at all. When my eldest was a tot if he bolted it was straight in the stroller and if I could, it would be straight home again. They are unnecessary. No child or parent needs them. Same with a dummy. (Which I have used with both of mine.) In my mind, it's another tool for lazy parenting. I'm not saying Im the perfect parent, far from it in fact.

Would I silently judge a parent using them? Would I feel sorry for the child? Absolutely. But I would never say anything. It ultimately comes down to, your child, your choice. Nothing anyone says can change that so I don't. And, if you're honest enough we all judge other parents and their parenting choices. I'm just able to admit it. Because it's not right for me or I don't believe in their use doesn't mean others can't see their value.

I'm sure poor Denise Bulger is delighted to be thought of in such a way. If only she wouldn't have been lazy hey.

B72 · 30/07/2023 09:16

Would have, not wouldn't have.

SaltyGod · 30/07/2023 09:17

I once caught a toddler who had bolted and was about to run into two lanes of London traffic (followed by a shouting, heavily pregnant mother who wouldn’t have caught her in time and was very grateful)

I used reins on my eldest as we lived in London and all routes involved very busy roads. I was pregnant and unable to catch her if she bolted. She wasn’t keen on the buggy and I needed to safely leave the house.

Once I was confident that she wouldn’t bolt, and I could have caught her if she did, of course we dropped the reins.

You do what you need to do to keep your child safe in your circumstances.

BlastedIce · 30/07/2023 09:17

ShirleyPhallus · 29/07/2023 16:33

There was a poster on here some years ago who told a really sad story of one of her twin children running in to the road, he was hit by a car and passed away. Reins are a good idea.

I recall this, I think her DH hadn’t put the reins on?

I think reins are a fabulous idea, not sure why they’re not used more.

PetitPorpoise · 30/07/2023 09:20

I wonder if some of the smug rein denouncers are still early in their parenting journey. I can admit to being a bit inwardly smug about my PFB never needing a dummy, however my second really benefitted from hers to sleep.

Conversely, DS was terrible for never wanting to hold hands and even now at 6 tries to push it with how far ahead he wants to walk, whereas my DD is almost always happy to hold hands (especially when DS is not there setting a bad example!).

ZairWazAnOldLady · 30/07/2023 09:21

@TwinsPlusAnotherOne and @PinkButtercups actually I DO have twins and so I was talking from experience just not similar to your own. As @Purplecatshopaholic so neatly put it, Never did understand the hate for reins. Or the parent oneupmanship thing. I personally didn’t use reins because they didn’t work for my family. It doesn’t mean those who do are lacking or that they HAD TO because they “had twins” or they “had lots of small children at once”.

RampantIvy · 30/07/2023 09:24

We lived in a village where there were no pavements outside our house, plus of the roads was an unmade road.
Reins were an extra safety measure and were great for preventing DD from tripping over and ending up with grazed hands and knees.

Also, I don't think it can be comfortable for a small child to walk with their arm up for upwards of half an hour.

Maybe the anti reins parents should try walking with one arm up and see how they like it.

BlastedIce · 30/07/2023 09:25

OneMoreCookieMonster · 29/07/2023 17:01

Here I go againist the grain again. I refuse to put a child in reins. I think it's demeaning and doesn't teach them anything at all. When my eldest was a tot if he bolted it was straight in the stroller and if I could, it would be straight home again. They are unnecessary. No child or parent needs them. Same with a dummy. (Which I have used with both of mine.) In my mind, it's another tool for lazy parenting. I'm not saying Im the perfect parent, far from it in fact.

Would I silently judge a parent using them? Would I feel sorry for the child? Absolutely. But I would never say anything. It ultimately comes down to, your child, your choice. Nothing anyone says can change that so I don't. And, if you're honest enough we all judge other parents and their parenting choices. I'm just able to admit it. Because it's not right for me or I don't believe in their use doesn't mean others can't see their value.

How totally irresponsible letting your child bolt into a road! I’d judge you 100%.

if your child bolted out in front of my car, because you decided that you wanted to “teach” them beside a road, I would be getting out and giving you the biggest dressing down you’d ever had. I would not be silently judging you.

disgraceful “parenting”..

LT2 · 30/07/2023 09:56

Just yesterday my 18 month old ran towards an escalator (we got to him way before he reached it!). It had been in our minds to get reins but this just confirmed for us that we will order them before our next outing. Toddlers don't have any sense of danger. There's not really any reason not to!

LT2 · 30/07/2023 09:59

@OneMoreCookieMonster it teaches them nothing? Well I guess it won't either if they die🤔
And what has happened to all those now-adults that were raised with reins? I guess they don't exist because none of them had any road sense and walked in front of cars.

Fooksticks · 30/07/2023 10:11

@OneMoreCookieMonster

Fooksticks · 30/07/2023 10:17

@OneMoreCookieMonster having lived in London with young DC, reins were a must a lot of the time.

We all judge others parenting, and usually think we're doing ok. But if the choice was DC being injured or having them in reins, you can definitely judge away on me.

TwinsPlusAnotherOne · 30/07/2023 10:39

ZairWazAnOldLady · 30/07/2023 09:21

@TwinsPlusAnotherOne and @PinkButtercups actually I DO have twins and so I was talking from experience just not similar to your own. As @Purplecatshopaholic so neatly put it, Never did understand the hate for reins. Or the parent oneupmanship thing. I personally didn’t use reins because they didn’t work for my family. It doesn’t mean those who do are lacking or that they HAD TO because they “had twins” or they “had lots of small children at once”.

Yeah I could already see the "I've got twins" coming from a mile off. What's your point? Of the forty or so twin mums I know from twins groups, all have used reins.

You're the first I've ever encountered who hasn't.

All you demonstrate is that you are the exception, not the rule.

ZairWazAnOldLady · 30/07/2023 10:40

We honestly DON’T all judge people’s parenting choices. I’m occasionally intrigued as to why someone would choose x or y, but I don’t care what they do. Most people look at parents outwith their children and either think nothing of it or remember a similar time in their life. I would go as far as to say VERY few people judge others at all

RampantIvy · 30/07/2023 10:50

Reins are never a bad idea. They might not be a choice for some parents who think they don't need them, but they are never a wrong choice to use them.

We used them as soon as DD could walk, so it was normal for her.

zingally · 30/07/2023 11:14

I had old-fashioned strap around the shoulders/waist for my twins when they were at the walking, but not listening stage! My mum found them in a charity shop, randomly. They were probably from the 80s! But for that 6 months or so, when they both wanted to go off in opposite directions, they worked a treat!

Honestly, I can't understand why people are so anti-reins.

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 30/07/2023 11:58

Some people need reins some don't. Its not always about the child, its also the parent, the lifestyle. If you drive everywhere no you aren't going to need reins. If you have everything you need, shops, park etc in a 5 minute walk of your house (safer roads) then you don't need reins. If your local park is half an hour away on a main A road and you don't drive your options are reins or pram - I'd rather use reins or a wrist strap. I also used an old coach built pram so my child was wearing a harness in that from about 3 months as she could sit up.