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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think reins are a good idea

176 replies

Carole84 · 29/07/2023 16:26

Ok backpack reins for a one year old yes or no?
my one year old is very active, was an early Walker. Is hard to keep in place unless strapped in buggy - it’s great he loves to walk so much so I don’t want to encourage buggy when he’s happy to walk. (Also my 6 year old neice still
uses buggy because she complains about walking so I don’t want to make it a habit when he’s happy to walk every where - ) I would still hold hands crossing road etc. and reins are easier for me but are there pros for my toddler other than just making my life easier?!

OP posts:
Parker231 · 29/07/2023 20:17

With DT’s the two things used the most were reins and a playpen - can’t imagine not having had them when they were little. Still plenty of opportunities to teach them safety and walking holding hands.

IamAlso4eels · 29/07/2023 20:17

I'm not being smug at all. I didn't and don't see the need for them within my family

If you were just talking about not seeing a need for them in your family, why make a dog about them being "a tool for lazy parenting"?

Imagine thinking that keeping a small child safe is somehow lazy parenting.

Embarrassed for you, tbh.

IamAlso4eels · 29/07/2023 20:18

*dig

melisma · 29/07/2023 20:19

ShirleyPhallus · 29/07/2023 16:33

There was a poster on here some years ago who told a really sad story of one of her twin children running in to the road, he was hit by a car and passed away. Reins are a good idea.

There was - MrsPresley is her name, and her story has always stayed with me. I used reins with all my three.

MuddlingMackem · 29/07/2023 20:21

@Summermeadowflowers my DS would sit down and refuse to move with reins, but was fine with a wrist strap, so that's what we used for him.

DD however, preferred reins, I think it gave her a sense of security she needed.

WeetabixTowels · 29/07/2023 20:23

Curtains70 · 29/07/2023 16:36

Why wouldn't they be a good idea? Do people have issues with them? I can't see a downside.

Some pearl clutchers liken it to walking a dog.

IamAlso4eels · 29/07/2023 20:26

WeetabixTowels · 29/07/2023 20:23

Some pearl clutchers liken it to walking a dog.

Show quote history

Usually the same pearl clutches who would have a conniption at the sight of an off-lead dog in a public place because it's so dangerous.

Ambi · 29/07/2023 20:27

I don't think they are bad at all and I remember having them as kids. If I'd have had a bolter I'd have definitely used one but mine were fairly placid DC that were OK holding hands.

DinnaeFashYersel · 29/07/2023 20:37

@OneMoreCookieMonster

I'm not being smug at all

And yet you've stated that you judge those who do and called it lazy parenting

Notsureonusername · 29/07/2023 20:40

I used them on my children. I felt I had more control over them in reins as opposed to the ones that attach to the wrist (don’t know if you can still get those type)
Also you can just tuck the reins in the back of the harness or unclip them when they are not needed.

RampantIvy · 29/07/2023 20:42

Stichintime · 29/07/2023 16:37

I dislike reins, as I think it's important teach children to walk holding hands. If they refuse or keep pulling, it's buggy time. This is just on the street, not in the park etc!

I am biting my tongue so that I am not rude to you, but if you have a bolter you would have to hold their hand so tightly that you would hurt them.I

Or you are vertically challenged so that you don't have to bend down to hold hands

Or you have a very lazy docile and biddable child that does not have any extra needs.

Using reins is an extremely sensible option and anyone who judged other people's parenting skills because they use them is a brainless idiot. And they aren't superior parents with better parenting skills because they don't use them.

Pickingmyselfup · 29/07/2023 20:45

Used them with both of mine and loved them for the extra safety they provided me with. They are 6 and 8 now and can be trusted to be free or hold my hand if needs be without running off.

Just like the baby gate at the top and bottom of the stairs didn't stop them from learning how to use the stairs or the one on the kitchen stop them from learning not to snack on liqui tabs and dishwasher tablets.

Mind you I bottle fed, gave them a dummy and wasn't averse to sleep training so I was already ruined before they reached toddlerhood.

Those rucksacks are great for putting snacks in or even a bit of shopping if you need a couple of small bits. I used ours for ages after I needed to because the strap was removable and it was just the right size for a few snacks.

MayBe6 · 29/07/2023 20:49

Not unreasonable at all, I didn’t use reins with my daughter as she was very good at holding my hand for a long time. My son however wanted to be exploring and would only hold my hand for a short time, he was also shorted than my daughter at the same age and I’m quite tall so it was quite a stretch for both of us to hold hands securely, reins really helped in that situation.

Daisypod · 29/07/2023 20:55

With my first 4 children I never used reins, didn't need to buy had no judgement about them. My 5th is a runner and has no concept of danger so I use reins, it keeps him safe so why wouldn't I. People who are dead set against them and judge are people who either don't have children or very compliant children and have no idea of the fear of having a child who doesn't understand danger.

FoodFann · 29/07/2023 20:57

Big thumbs up to reins!

ginghamstarfish · 29/07/2023 21:06

I often wonder why we never see kids with reins any more! Was pretty common when I was growing up.

ZairWazAnOldLady · 29/07/2023 21:14

I didn’t find them helpful at all but I had lots of little children and I think they would have added a layer of complication not to get tangled that’s beyond my skill set. For me a pushchair and learning to walk holding it or me or you’d be put back in was better.

Purpleboat · 29/07/2023 21:17

I definitely disagree that using reins is lazy. It’s something additional for added safety, all the things people teach their kids without reins, still need to be taught to those who do have them. Great for those who feel they don’t need to use them, but for me personally I was happy to be precautionary until I was confident DC understood more about the dangers.

Sidking · 29/07/2023 21:23

I like reins, or don't have anything against them anyway.

My eldest had a backpack style one we used in town because he liked to try and run off and would get under people's feet.

My youngest was much happier to hold hands but we had harness style reins for hiking, and now he's heavier he has a climbing harness instead, just in case he slips!

londonrach · 29/07/2023 21:27

Vvvv strange around here not to have reins or backpack a one year old ..they no traffic sense. Also very strange for a six year old unless sens to be in a pushchair..I have 6 year old and they be embarrassed to be in a pushchair. In the first term if reception some four year olds in pushchair but after that...no

MaryShelley1818 · 29/07/2023 21:27

I never needed to use reigns with either of mine DS5 and DD2 (sheer luck not parenting skills!)
BUT I did buy traditional ones and backpack ones in preparation for needing them and ended up giving them to friends.
Brilliant and useful inventions if they're needed to keep your children safe.

HappyAsASandboy · 29/07/2023 21:29

I think they're a great idea.

My only advice is to make sure the strap is long enough for you to hold it comfortably. I am not particularly tall, and the reins I bought had a strap that meant I was bent double to walk with them (and I had two sets for my twins, so holding two short straps was awful!). I replaced the straps with narrow dog leads - longer, they chose the colours, and they had a wrist strap loop to make my life easier!

WaltzingWaters · 29/07/2023 21:33

I’ve just got a little life one for my 16 month old. He loves walking now and is pretty good at holding my hand, but his arm aches after a while holding it up and he tries to pull it back down. I luckily don’t need to use the reins much as I live in the countryside so not doing roadside or busy town walks often, but for when we do it’s great to have that extra bit of reassurance. It’s so easy for them to quickly slip out of your hands no matter how much attention you’re paying, and unfortunately on the odd occasion that split second could be devastating.
Ignore any comments about your child looking like/being treated like a dog. Safety first.

takealettermsjones · 29/07/2023 22:03

OneMoreCookieMonster · 29/07/2023 20:03

I'm not being smug at all. I didn't and don't see the need for them within my family. If I had multiple children under 3 or 4 or twins, or a child with additional needs maybe I would feel differently. I had one child and took a responsibility for them when out.

I was adding to the discussion. If this was 15 yrs ago the attitudes would be very different. It's a parenting choice and I choose not to use them and yes I judge. We all do. You've all decided and have (some of you) posted clear and unfair judgements regarding my stance on this but rather than slate my views you've chosen to slate my parenting and my choices. That shows real depth and intelligence.

Big deal. I'm not bothered in the least. I'm happy with the choices I have made. And presume that you're happy with yours. Free will is wonderful thing. Therefore, I won't restrain my children.

"I won't restrain my children." Well strapping them straight into the buggy and/or marching them home as soon as they display a perfectly normal toddler behaviour is restraining them, but okay.

Besides, you weren't just adding to the discussion. You essentially called everyone on this thread a lazy parent. At least own it, instead of this wide-eyed "I'm only giving my view, why are you all so mean to me?"

Re. reins OP, I am 100% in favour. My eldest walked at 9 months. By 12 months she was a demon on her feet, so excited to be out and walking, and there were far too many roads and rivers for my liking to be without reins. They don't have a great concept of cause and effect at that age so strapping her into her buggy would have taught her jack shit, no matter what some of the naysayers seem to think.

I just can't fathom why anyone would be so against them. To be fine without them, you have to be lucky every time. For things to go wrong you only have to be unlucky once.

MaxiPadd · 29/07/2023 22:08

The only time I can see to be anti reins is if they're not used correctly

So long as they're used as intended- great extra layer of safety for unpredictable tiny people

If they're put round a child's neck (yes, I've seen this with the wrist link type - they become dangerous)

Obviously don't swing a child from them and make sure they're tight enough without being too tight

And perfect the "oh fuck off" mothers stare for interfering idiots who care to share their thoughts to avoid a waste of time explaining why you're using them