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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think reins are a good idea

176 replies

Carole84 · 29/07/2023 16:26

Ok backpack reins for a one year old yes or no?
my one year old is very active, was an early Walker. Is hard to keep in place unless strapped in buggy - it’s great he loves to walk so much so I don’t want to encourage buggy when he’s happy to walk. (Also my 6 year old neice still
uses buggy because she complains about walking so I don’t want to make it a habit when he’s happy to walk every where - ) I would still hold hands crossing road etc. and reins are easier for me but are there pros for my toddler other than just making my life easier?!

OP posts:
AliTheMinx · 29/07/2023 22:11

My DS started walking at 10 months, and we bought one of those little backpacks with reins and he loved it! He could choose 5 cars or small toys to put in his bag and was always happy to wear it!

110APiccadilly · 30/07/2023 06:52

Just out of curiosity, how do the backpacks work? Can't a runner just wriggle out of them? (The set of reins I have are old style ones.)

Purpleboat · 30/07/2023 07:00

@110APiccadilly they have a clip to clip the two arm straps across the chest on the ones I’ve seen.

Original poster
Carole84 · 30/07/2023 07:19

Thanks all for all your advice and suggestions.
I’m with the majority of you it seems that I don’t understand the ‘lazy’ side of it because honestly the absolute easiest for me would be buggy or car. We opted not to get a second car so mostly walk and cycle everyhwere unless we find car is best option ie going another city, collecting fire logs etc etc .

I cycle my little one to nursery then to work and back again etc. I want my little one to grow up being used to walk and cycle everywhere and not find it a chore. there are some times he is fine to be in buggy which I find easier, but I choose to let him out and walk and explore as i think it’s great he’s happy to do so.
map like lots of you have said it’s more freedom and independence etc etc. and yes I think everyone agrees still holding hands crossing road etc. so I was looking for ways not to put him back in buggy also because I won’t even always take the buggy anymore lol.
my sister is upset because her 6 year old hates walking any distance so still goes in buggy a lot.
Her little one used to run around a lot. my sister was against reins but says if she could do it again she would give them a try. So I think this is part of the reason I want to try reins also.

OP posts:
Original poster
Carole84 · 30/07/2023 07:20

Also by the way I’m not against people who use buggy instead either. My sister finds that harder soemtines. I just don’t think any option is more easy or lazy than the other really.
not really possible to be lazy with toddlers lol

OP posts:
sashh · 30/07/2023 07:36

The only thing I would say is make sure if you are using a lift or anything else with automatic doors you hold his hand, you don't want to have him on oneside and you on the other.

Original poster
Carole84 · 30/07/2023 07:39

sashh · 30/07/2023 07:36

The only thing I would say is make sure if you are using a lift or anything else with automatic doors you hold his hand, you don't want to have him on oneside and you on the other.

Omg good point!

OP posts:
Original poster
Carole84 · 30/07/2023 07:40

Zhougzhoug · 29/07/2023 17:19

You can just loop the rein over your wrist and then hold their hand as though they didn't have reins on, then they'll only notice the rein if they run off.

Yes good idea!

OP posts:
Original poster
Carole84 · 30/07/2023 07:40

sweepleall · 29/07/2023 17:20

there was also an occasion recently when DH went to work with buggy and sling in car so we toddler wlaked to the park and it took forever as he just wants to go into everyone’s gardens 😂

Fwiw I don't think reins would have helped you there. Both of mine would just have sat or layed down on the pavement and refused to move if you didn't let them do things like that. The only solution was carrying them or strapping them into a buggy.

I mean by all means use them if you want to but I don't think they would have been helpful in that scenario

Fair point lol

OP posts:
Original poster
Carole84 · 30/07/2023 07:43

thejadefish · 29/07/2023 17:59

I used reins, particularly if walking next to a road or in a busy place e.g. shopping if there was a crowd. DC got to feel a bit independent because they weren't holding my hand all the time, I knew that they would be safe - couldn't bolt or get lost or separated from me at the Christmas Market or whatever. The only time anyone ever commented on it to me was to say what a good idea it was. Plus if you need your hands briefly you can loop it around your wrist whilst you shuffle bags etc!

Yes I was thinking I would start walking him to eh supermarket without the buggy for smaller shops just so he could get used to it etc so it would add an extra peace of mind. Also have started going to kiddie festivals in Parma wets that get quite busy

OP posts:
Original poster
Carole84 · 30/07/2023 07:44

Plumbear2 · 29/07/2023 18:59

My kids had reins, they still learnt to hold hands. I would prefer my child to be safe. My kids are adult and teenagers now, funnily enough they can walk independently now even tho they used reins

Show quote history

Lol

OP posts:
Original poster
Carole84 · 30/07/2023 07:44

TidyDancer · 29/07/2023 18:35

OP please ignore this post. It is all kinds of wrong.

There's a bizarre anti-reins attitude amongst some but no one who has ever heard MrsPresley's story on here would dare say something as ridiculous as the above post.

I haven't tagged MrsPresley as I'm not sure if she's still on here and she may not want this brought up time and time again but Google search her username and Mumsnet and you'll see her heartbreaking account of why reins are so valuable and sometimes entirely necessary.

There is little doubt in my mind that her story and the retelling of it on MN has very likely saved lives.

Show quote history

I couldn’t find her story but can tel it’s so sad :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Carole84 · 30/07/2023 07:47

IamAlso4eels · 29/07/2023 20:15

This is the poster whose son was tragically killed as a toddler, an accident that wouldn't have happened if he had been one reins. His dad got distracted for a brief second and in that second the child ran into the road, was hit by a car and killed. It affected their entire lives after, their marriage ended and his dad died a broken man with alcohol problems due to the guilt. I don't know if @MrsPresley is still around on the boards but her story is heartbreaking and she is very passionate about the use of reins.

To the poster who thinks they're somehow superior at teaching small children road safety - would you let a dog roam free next to a busy road even if it was well trained or would you realise that the dog doesn't have the cognitive maturity to properly assess risk and could potentially react in an unexpected manner (including running into to road) and so would keep it on a lead for its own safety...?

Oh this is way to sad. I will definitely be getting reins. I’m so sorry this happened :(

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 30/07/2023 07:50

@Carole84 she very sadly lost one of her twins when they bolted from her DH into traffic. It only takes one moment, even the most compliant kid can have a flash of madness. Please don't let yourself be persuaded away from using reins by the odd utterly stupid post on here.

Original poster
Carole84 · 30/07/2023 07:53

TidyDancer · 30/07/2023 07:50

@Carole84 she very sadly lost one of her twins when they bolted from her DH into traffic. It only takes one moment, even the most compliant kid can have a flash of madness. Please don't let yourself be persuaded away from using reins by the odd utterly stupid post on here.

Thank you. I’m going to get some today!!

OP posts:
3mma22 · 30/07/2023 07:53

Hi OP

Controversial but backpack reins were/are a personal pet hate as I was so worried that it taught my child to run ahead of me rather than walk beside me and I thought the one time we didn’t use reins they might just keep running in front of me which could be tragic so I bought this wrist strap:

Boots wrist rein

been a lifesaver (probably quite literally with the youngest who was walking before 1 and loves exploring!), he’s also a little Houdini and would have found a way to get out of the backpack!

Bought a second one recently for a trip to London as DS1 - a 9yr old - wanted to be connected to me too in a busy city and I wasn’t going to say no!!

Boots Baby Wrist Reins - Boots

Shop Boots Baby Wrist Reins. Collect Advantage Card points for every £1 you spend, or 10 points for every £1 you spend when you sign up to Parenting Club.

https://www.boots.com/boots-baby-reins-10271733?cm_mmc=bmm-buk-google-ppc-_-PLAs_HeroCompare-_-Baby_Accessories-_-UK_Smart_Shopping_Baby_Accessories&gbraid=0AAAAADrIajUhv4QYBQsKB9OuVT47Kyt-H&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIvIPHzeu1gAMVlIdQBh1LUQHEEAQYASABEgLX2fD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

TwinsPlusAnotherOne · 30/07/2023 08:00

I have twins.

Reins were a life saver.

I did as PP did, and held DC hands, with reins wrapped round my wrists, so they were only used if someone wriggled out and bolted (yeah boy twin, I'm looking at you) and I can't run in two directions at once.

Also DH is 6ft4 and found it impossible to walk holding their hands without back ache for the rest of the day.

Ignore superiority twats who think the fact their DC walk nicely, earlier, is anything to do with their parenting, it's complete luck of the draw. Our eldest was super at walking roadside, from age 2, not through any particular work on our part.

DTwins are 3.5. And essentially feral.

We have parented no differently, if anything we are better this time round as more experienced.

Reins are excellent.

ZairWazAnOldLady · 30/07/2023 08:22

Reins aren’t a given just because you have twins as I said up thread. It’s a choice and not a good people do this bad people do that.

doorstopper123 · 30/07/2023 08:25

Start young. I tried on a 3 year old and it was a nightmare.

So yes! Good idea

RampantIvy · 30/07/2023 08:34

ZairWazAnOldLady · 30/07/2023 08:22

Reins aren’t a given just because you have twins as I said up thread. It’s a choice and not a good people do this bad people do that.

Why so defensive?

PeonyBlushSuede · 30/07/2023 08:38

Before I had my son I was very against reins - aren't we all perfect parents before kids Smile

But my son is a bolter. At the moment he is young enough to not have speed to get away but it won't be long!

I now use reins along with the buggy. We will often hand hold still but I have the reins there as a back up if he does pull out of my hand - how are toddlers so strong?!

TinselTarTars · 30/07/2023 08:43

Needed the back pack style reins for my son, he bolted twice. Once when I was heavily pregnant and it was snowing and the second time after I'd just had a c section...he ran into the road that time and I was helpless.
I was put off because none of our friends needed them etc but I had no choice.

My daughter hasn't needed them, but grandparents use them for piece of mind.
Brilliant invention in my opinion.

ZairWazAnOldLady · 30/07/2023 08:50

RampantIvy · 30/07/2023 08:34

Why so defensive?

Show quote history

I don’t think I was 🤷🏻‍♀️. I don’t think people use reins because “they have twins” or because “they have children close together”, I think they do it because it suits their family and works for them. It’s not a virtue indicator either way. I’m not sure what I would be “defending” by that sentiment beyond “live and let live”.

Glittertwins · 30/07/2023 08:51

We used them when either one of us was out on our own with both DCs. It was not safe to try and control a buggy with one child in it and hold onto another child's hand at the same time down steep hills. It's also not comfortable for the child to have one hand up in the air for long periods of time nor for them to try and hang onto the side of the buggy.

INeedAnotherName · 30/07/2023 08:55

Yes I was thinking I would start walking him to eh supermarket without the buggy for smaller shops just so he could get used to it etc so it would add an extra peace of mind.

Take the buggy still. Use it to carry the shopping instead of the toddler 😂 Honestly twenty years later I still miss putting the shopping on one.

Both mine had the old fashioned reins. Any comments I had were positive. My first DD was a bolter and a tripper and a wriggler so was a nightmare going anywhere until we got reins. Second DD didn't really need them but I wanted that piece of mind, esp after having a demonwalker for a firstborn. She scarred me for life .