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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think reins are a good idea

176 replies

Carole84 · 29/07/2023 16:26

Ok backpack reins for a one year old yes or no?
my one year old is very active, was an early Walker. Is hard to keep in place unless strapped in buggy - it’s great he loves to walk so much so I don’t want to encourage buggy when he’s happy to walk. (Also my 6 year old neice still
uses buggy because she complains about walking so I don’t want to make it a habit when he’s happy to walk every where - ) I would still hold hands crossing road etc. and reins are easier for me but are there pros for my toddler other than just making my life easier?!

OP posts:
Zhougzhoug · 29/07/2023 17:19

You can just loop the rein over your wrist and then hold their hand as though they didn't have reins on, then they'll only notice the rein if they run off.

sweepleall · 29/07/2023 17:20

there was also an occasion recently when DH went to work with buggy and sling in car so we toddler wlaked to the park and it took forever as he just wants to go into everyone’s gardens 😂

Fwiw I don't think reins would have helped you there. Both of mine would just have sat or layed down on the pavement and refused to move if you didn't let them do things like that. The only solution was carrying them or strapping them into a buggy.

I mean by all means use them if you want to but I don't think they would have been helpful in that scenario

x2boys · 29/07/2023 17:22

Of course if it keeps children safe .

Sureaseggs44 · 29/07/2023 17:25

Yes . Especially the backpack reigns they look great .

I had a child run out in front of a bus I was on . It was so scary . Luckily the driver stopped in time .

x2boys · 29/07/2023 17:27

OneMoreCookieMonster · 29/07/2023 17:01

Here I go againist the grain again. I refuse to put a child in reins. I think it's demeaning and doesn't teach them anything at all. When my eldest was a tot if he bolted it was straight in the stroller and if I could, it would be straight home again. They are unnecessary. No child or parent needs them. Same with a dummy. (Which I have used with both of mine.) In my mind, it's another tool for lazy parenting. I'm not saying Im the perfect parent, far from it in fact.

Would I silently judge a parent using them? Would I feel sorry for the child? Absolutely. But I would never say anything. It ultimately comes down to, your child, your choice. Nothing anyone says can change that so I don't. And, if you're honest enough we all judge other parents and their parenting choices. I'm just able to admit it. Because it's not right for me or I don't believe in their use doesn't mean others can't see their value.

I know loads of kids with disabilities whose parent s use reins for safety even older kids my son is severely autistic and whilst he personally doesnt need reins or a,wrist strap.many children do so stop.judging!

Nagado · 29/07/2023 17:28

I think it's demeaning and doesn't teach them anything at all. When my eldest was a tot if he bolted it was straight in the stroller and if I could, it would be straight home again. They are unnecessary. No child or parent needs them

Isn’t it lucky you managed to grab hold of your eldest before he bolted into a busy road each time? I think you’re confusing that luck with superior parenting skills.

Reins aren’t there to teach toddlers anything, in the same way that safety gates aren’t going to teach them anything about climbing the stairs. Did you worry about your DC feeling demeaned because you didn’t trust their acrobatic skills?

misskatamari · 29/07/2023 17:29

100% back pack reigns are great and I don’t get how some people think otherwise. The alternative, not using them and a toddler running off into a road, doesn’t even bear thinking about

ZZpop · 29/07/2023 17:33

"They are unnecessary. No child or parent needs them. "

You will find lots of parents of children with additional needs disagree with you. No need to feel sorry for children whose parents give them safety and independence.

Gatehouse77 · 29/07/2023 17:33

We used reins as it allows the child to walk at their own pace and find their own balance. Additionally, I wouldn't want to be walking with my hand in the air for periods of time so don't ask it of them.

As you say, certain areas warrant hand holding - crossing roads, etc. - but we felt reins actually gave them much more independence.

HAF1119 · 29/07/2023 17:39

Mine hated reigns but loved holding hands (still does age 4) so no direct experience, but I think you do whatever works for you!

Some won't need/use them especially if they have a later/slower Walker (so by the time they're fast they understand instructions) others they are fantastic

DoAWheelie · 29/07/2023 17:40

Keep your kid safe however you need to. I was hit by a car as a young kid and the injury I got deteriorated through my childhood and teens. I ended up needing a wheelchair by 23.

The kids are too young to understand the risks of bolting, they think the whole world is a playground. They WILL try and run somewhere dangerous at least once, relying on seeing it and catching them in time seems stupid. Didn't work for my mother.

Changethenamey · 29/07/2023 17:41

Yes! I’ve always used reins and don’t care what others think. I still hold hands near roads etc. I still use the backpack reins on my 5 yr old if we go into London because he is a runner/easily distracted

SleepingStandingUp · 29/07/2023 17:41

OneMoreCookieMonster · 29/07/2023 17:01

Here I go againist the grain again. I refuse to put a child in reins. I think it's demeaning and doesn't teach them anything at all. When my eldest was a tot if he bolted it was straight in the stroller and if I could, it would be straight home again. They are unnecessary. No child or parent needs them. Same with a dummy. (Which I have used with both of mine.) In my mind, it's another tool for lazy parenting. I'm not saying Im the perfect parent, far from it in fact.

Would I silently judge a parent using them? Would I feel sorry for the child? Absolutely. But I would never say anything. It ultimately comes down to, your child, your choice. Nothing anyone says can change that so I don't. And, if you're honest enough we all judge other parents and their parenting choices. I'm just able to admit it. Because it's not right for me or I don't believe in their use doesn't mean others can't see their value.

And if that first bolt is into a road, will you be ok saying well at least they kept their dignity?? Exactly.

DTwins hold my hands but if one stops or stumbles I don't risk the other one being free to walk under a car because I have hold of their reins.

It's not a lead round their neck whilst they're expected to crawl behind me fgs

WaitingfortheTardis · 29/07/2023 17:41

The only reason we didn't use them was because we didn't need them, dd was happy to walk holding hands and rarely liked to be in the buggy. I'm not bragging, she just happened to not need them, if they'd been needed to keep her safe then I would've bought some.

00100001 · 29/07/2023 17:42

OneMoreCookieMonster · 29/07/2023 17:01

Here I go againist the grain again. I refuse to put a child in reins. I think it's demeaning and doesn't teach them anything at all. When my eldest was a tot if he bolted it was straight in the stroller and if I could, it would be straight home again. They are unnecessary. No child or parent needs them. Same with a dummy. (Which I have used with both of mine.) In my mind, it's another tool for lazy parenting. I'm not saying Im the perfect parent, far from it in fact.

Would I silently judge a parent using them? Would I feel sorry for the child? Absolutely. But I would never say anything. It ultimately comes down to, your child, your choice. Nothing anyone says can change that so I don't. And, if you're honest enough we all judge other parents and their parenting choices. I'm just able to admit it. Because it's not right for me or I don't believe in their use doesn't mean others can't see their value.

Well good for you, but when you have twins that are 3½ and a baby in a stroller and you don't have enough hands or seats....then reins keep them safe.

And making others feel bad isn't great

RandomMess · 29/07/2023 17:43

I never needed them but my DC were naturally compliant then. No judgement from me ever about adults keeping children safe!

FOJN · 29/07/2023 17:45

OneMoreCookieMonster · 29/07/2023 17:01

Here I go againist the grain again. I refuse to put a child in reins. I think it's demeaning and doesn't teach them anything at all. When my eldest was a tot if he bolted it was straight in the stroller and if I could, it would be straight home again. They are unnecessary. No child or parent needs them. Same with a dummy. (Which I have used with both of mine.) In my mind, it's another tool for lazy parenting. I'm not saying Im the perfect parent, far from it in fact.

Would I silently judge a parent using them? Would I feel sorry for the child? Absolutely. But I would never say anything. It ultimately comes down to, your child, your choice. Nothing anyone says can change that so I don't. And, if you're honest enough we all judge other parents and their parenting choices. I'm just able to admit it. Because it's not right for me or I don't believe in their use doesn't mean others can't see their value.

I wonder if you would have felt so smug if you couldn't catch your bolting toddler before they ran into the road and got hit by a car. I saw that happen when I was a child and the memory of that little girl being tossed in the air still haunts me. Thankfully, and by some miracle, she got away with bruising.

DinnaeFashYersel · 29/07/2023 17:49

My eldest was a runner and reins were essential. Couldn't leave the house safely without them.

BasilParsley · 29/07/2023 17:51

I have restricted mobility. When my DGD was 2/3 yo (she's 7 now), I used to have her on a Saturday morning and we'd regularly go to the high street to do a small weekend shop. I used the back pack with a clip rein in order to make sure that if she did decide to run somewhere, she couldn't get far because I wouldn't be able to catch her.

My down fall was the day that she decided she wanted to hold the rein but I wouldn't let her (because I then couldn't!). She had a full-on temper tantrum in the middle of the high street and I had to stand there patiently, with other Saturday morning shoppers walking by, until she'd finished her tantrum.

After that, I always made sure I had a spare clip-on dog lead in my bag so if it happened, I could just clip it on and hand her the other one with impunity!

DappledThings · 29/07/2023 17:51

I never used them because I didn't need to but I can see why they'd be helpful around busy roads etc.

I do raise an eyebrow when I see them in parks. Children being given no freedom to explore in a safe big space like that because they are being held back by a lead.

sweepleall · 29/07/2023 17:51

Changethenamey · 29/07/2023 17:41

Yes! I’ve always used reins and don’t care what others think. I still hold hands near roads etc. I still use the backpack reins on my 5 yr old if we go into London because he is a runner/easily distracted

My just turned 4 year old is a bit of a bolter too but he would just unclip the reins/take off the backpack so my only option is constant vigilance 😂

SquirrelSoShiny · 29/07/2023 17:52

They're great but expect judgy looks from a few idiots.

My ADHD DC are probably only alive today thanks to reins 😂

PowerToTheGnomes · 29/07/2023 17:53

Gatehouse77 · 29/07/2023 17:33

We used reins as it allows the child to walk at their own pace and find their own balance. Additionally, I wouldn't want to be walking with my hand in the air for periods of time so don't ask it of them.

As you say, certain areas warrant hand holding - crossing roads, etc. - but we felt reins actually gave them much more independence.

My thoughts exactly

randomsabreuse · 29/07/2023 17:55

Reins are good when the child is too short to comfortably hold hands. Having your hand well above your head isn't very comfortable, neither is leaning down slightly great for adult backs.

Reins are also good for practicing balance but not smashing your face in... More freedom to balance than holding hands but a bit of a safety net...

I preferred the harness type to the backpack type tbh.

thejadefish · 29/07/2023 17:59

I used reins, particularly if walking next to a road or in a busy place e.g. shopping if there was a crowd. DC got to feel a bit independent because they weren't holding my hand all the time, I knew that they would be safe - couldn't bolt or get lost or separated from me at the Christmas Market or whatever. The only time anyone ever commented on it to me was to say what a good idea it was. Plus if you need your hands briefly you can loop it around your wrist whilst you shuffle bags etc!