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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want 19 yo DD to get a half leg sleeve tattoo?

413 replies

BlueEmerald73 · 29/07/2023 13:01

DD is booked in to have like a half leg sleeve, I have no idea what it's called but it goes from her ankle to right up top but just doesn't wrap all the way around the leg. She is travelling quite far for it which is the part I do actually respect as she has chosen the artist considerably but I do think it's a bit of a permanent, big decision at just 19. It's consisting of a few things as well, such as a reference to her favourite childhood interest, etc. basically just a bunch of things like that going up her leg. There's also my birth flower in there, which is sweet but I would rather she wasn't getting a tattoo, especially if it has a bit of a reference to me.

I realise it isn't my decision and I would never try and stop her, but AIBU to be a bit sad about it? She's still a teenager.

OP posts:
Brightandshining · 29/07/2023 18:07

Nowt you can do really. I wouldnt express this to her either as she's probably very into the idea and you thinking its awful will only make her sad and resentful. Its her body and im sure she's thought it through. I wanted a tattoo as a teen and I never got it and actually I'm quite sad because I dont really have the disposable income to justify getting it done well now days but I still think about getting the same tattoo.. I designed it myself. Maybe one day I will...
Sometimes your children have different tastes to you. If it makes her happy try to be happy for her.n

Lagershandy · 29/07/2023 18:59

My Dad was fighting in Burma during WW II as most of his unit were getting tattoos, so did he.

He hated them for the rest of his life, he had them on his upper arms, forearms and 'true love' on his knuckles.
One was a crucifix and another was Jesus, he wasn't the least bit religious!
Not surprisingly non of his five children have tattoos

TheProcrastinati · 29/07/2023 19:13

I’ll probably be deleted for doxx-ing but here is a photo of one of the posters on this thread

to not want 19 yo DD to get a half leg sleeve tattoo?
Yusay · 29/07/2023 19:18

YANBU. At the end if the day the full ‘sleeve’ thing looks ridiculous unless you’re a warrior in Game of Thrones / Vikings.

thaegumathteth · 29/07/2023 19:19

I got a tattoo on my 18th birthday and it was on show on my wedding day.

Common and tacky and proud.

oneleggedspider · 29/07/2023 19:34

Some of these comments... 🙈

There's plenty of things you can choose to do at 19 that you might later come to regret. Having a baby, studying the wrong course at uni, marrying someone you shouldn't have.... that's just life. My tattoos are the least of my regrets 😅 Though I did wait until I was 27 after reading that your brain doesn't stop maturing until then. Maybe encourage her to think on it for another year to make sure she's 100%

YANBU to be upset. My parents don't love mine. The comments calling them chavvy and common are unreasonable imo. Yes there are crappy looking tattoos around. There are also some that are genuine works of art and cost a fortune.

Catusrusty · 29/07/2023 19:38

I had a tattoo at 20. Fifteen years later at 35 I had it extended. Shortly when I'm 50 I may have it extended still further. It is part of me and part of my life experience.

Just because your daughter is young, it doesn't mean that she hasn't considered this.

I asked my son not to have one at 18 and then multiple times afterwards at various ages, because he so clearly hadn't considered it, and everytime he decided he wanted one, the design was a whim and something fashionable at the point. In the end he realised that unlike me he couldn't think of anything that he would be happy with for life. I will say that I said to him each time that if he did go ahead I would support him and wouldn't be upset even though I thought it wasn't a great idea. Your daughter sounds exactly the opposite. She sounds like she knows what she wants.

If she loves her tattoo than there is nothing to be sad about. Remember the old saying. Those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind.

Arewehumanorarewecupboards · 29/07/2023 19:42

One of my adult dc has about 9 tattoos. Despite not having any myself I am really proud that they can express themselves with body art.

Original poster
BlueEmerald73 · 29/07/2023 19:44

It's costing well over 1k! She is having it done in stages yes and the stages are going to be where a portion is fully complete first vs doing the whole outline first, etc but it is her first tattoo but because of it being done like that, I suppose she can stop whenever she wants before having the whole thing done.

OP posts:
Grapewrath · 29/07/2023 19:47

BlueEmerald73 · 29/07/2023 19:44

It's costing well over 1k! She is having it done in stages yes and the stages are going to be where a portion is fully complete first vs doing the whole outline first, etc but it is her first tattoo but because of it being done like that, I suppose she can stop whenever she wants before having the whole thing done.

You may find that she runs out of money or patience OP. It happens- sitting in a tattoo chair is boring and expensive.
if she does go ahead with all of the sessions she is obviously really committed to it and has thought about it a lot

Poppyblush · 29/07/2023 19:54

Yanbu, they are awful.

notagainfml · 29/07/2023 20:14

*OP I sympathise and when my daughter had hers I just requested they would not be visible when she gets married .

Not sure that will happen though . I like her latest tattoo it’s relevant and cute . But IMO ( and I am entitled to it ) wedding dresses and tatoos look common and tacky*

controlling much?

Keykaty · 29/07/2023 20:23

Does anyone ever look at brides to be in their fabulous designer wedding dresses, and just see full sleeve tatoos and often some on the neck?

Sorry but I honestly can't see the point of spending thousands on a beautiful wedding dress when (if people are honest) most of the comments, even discreetly will be about the tatoos spoiling the look of the dress.

There was a thread earlier from a bride to be about shoes that might go with her wedding dress. She was beautiful, the dress was gorgeous, but the tatooed arms, oh god I could not help myself from thinking, nope, it doesn't work love. Full length sleeves and forget about the shoes!

I know, I know, very judgmental of me. But if that's what I think, I am guessing I am far from alone.

Maray1967 · 29/07/2023 20:31

TheCrystalPalace · 29/07/2023 15:08

I'm afraid I did exactly the same. Told my kids they would be supporting themselves financially if they went ahead (not that either of them were interested).
People can call it controlling of me (and DH, who agreed) if they like. Yes, it was their body, their choice. OK, but it was my money, my choice too.
So they made their choices (not to have them) accordingly.

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Same here - DH and I in total agreement in this.

DiddyHeck · 29/07/2023 20:34

Keykaty · 29/07/2023 20:23

Does anyone ever look at brides to be in their fabulous designer wedding dresses, and just see full sleeve tatoos and often some on the neck?

Sorry but I honestly can't see the point of spending thousands on a beautiful wedding dress when (if people are honest) most of the comments, even discreetly will be about the tatoos spoiling the look of the dress.

There was a thread earlier from a bride to be about shoes that might go with her wedding dress. She was beautiful, the dress was gorgeous, but the tatooed arms, oh god I could not help myself from thinking, nope, it doesn't work love. Full length sleeves and forget about the shoes!

I know, I know, very judgmental of me. But if that's what I think, I am guessing I am far from alone.

You're definitely not alone. Tattoos never compliment classy or beautiful clothing.

Maray1967 · 29/07/2023 20:35

Gettinagoldtoof · 29/07/2023 14:40

This is an example of considering your offspring’s teenage underdeveloped frontal lobe and guiding them the best (and only) way you could. Well done, and thank you for this idea which I’ll be using if necessary as my nine yr old recently announced he will be getting a dragon covering his whole back when he turns 18…!

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At 9 mine wanted to have a load of rabbits as pets - by 12 he’d forgotten all about it. Hopefully yours will also have moved on to other ideas then…

Maray1967 · 29/07/2023 20:41

ShodanLives · 29/07/2023 14:43

I hope your DS doesn't have anything to do with you anymore.

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Hilarious response. He’s happily on holiday with us and will be living with us while he saves up for a deposit. Because he knows we’re sensible parents who know that 18 year olds can do things that they later regret.

He hasn’t sprinted down to the tattoo parlour the minute he graduated. I wonder why not.

Keykaty · 29/07/2023 20:43

After 15k worth of tattoos, daughter may rue the day she didn't use the bank instead of the ink in order to get a place of her own to live in later on.

knitnerd90 · 29/07/2023 20:47

I don't do tattoos for religious reasons and would prefer my DC keep that tradition but I don't judge them otherwise. I would be concerned about going for such a large piece so soon especially if she doesn't have other tattoos and has never used this artist before. That's a massive commitment and risk.

the expense might also concern me as good work is not cheap but that is entirely on her.

Emmamoo89 · 29/07/2023 20:47

AngelinaFibres · 29/07/2023 15:57

Had an eye test in June ( when it was hot). The Optician was wearing thick black tights. We were making small talk about how hot it was and she said she had to wear them because she had a big leg tattoo and she wasn't allowed to show any tattoos at work. She said she was glad they had air con .
I worked for Waitrose for a while. They don't allow piercings,tattoos or anything ' different ' at all. If you can't totally cover it then no job.
A friend of mine paid for her daughter to do all the training to work on multi millionaires yachts. At the end of her training she got a huge tattoo on her thigh. At recruitment interviews they ask you to wear the staff uniform so that they can see that you look okay in it. The tattoo showed below her shorts. None of them would take her on.

It's ridiculous. Having a tattoo doesn't stop you from doing your job. It's discrimination.

Parsley1234 · 29/07/2023 20:50

Interview for BA on video to check your face neck and hands arms for tattoos which is right it doesn’t stop you doing your job but it looks awful. I go to a gym/spa who have just taken in a girl with a full sleeve it looks awful in her uniform completely at odds with the rest of their staff

roarrfeckingroar · 29/07/2023 20:50

YANBU. They're awful.

FoodFann · 29/07/2023 20:51

I’m with @HarrietJet and @DinnaeFashYersel.

rubydoobydoo · 29/07/2023 20:51

The wedding dress comments never make sense to me - people who like tattoos think that tattoos are beautiful. I took my back tattoo into account when choosing my wedding dress and made sure I had one that showed it off nicely!

If anyone was commenting about it I couldn't give a flying one, I felt beautiful!

sammyjoanne · 29/07/2023 20:52

My daughter is 18 and had a tattoo. a couple of stars on the wrist that we hand drew, one from me and one from her dad and it got transferred on and tattooed by the artist. Perhaps she should start with a couple of things only that are small on the leg and see if she likes it rather than going all in