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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want 19 yo DD to get a half leg sleeve tattoo?

413 replies

BlueEmerald73 · 29/07/2023 13:01

DD is booked in to have like a half leg sleeve, I have no idea what it's called but it goes from her ankle to right up top but just doesn't wrap all the way around the leg. She is travelling quite far for it which is the part I do actually respect as she has chosen the artist considerably but I do think it's a bit of a permanent, big decision at just 19. It's consisting of a few things as well, such as a reference to her favourite childhood interest, etc. basically just a bunch of things like that going up her leg. There's also my birth flower in there, which is sweet but I would rather she wasn't getting a tattoo, especially if it has a bit of a reference to me.

I realise it isn't my decision and I would never try and stop her, but AIBU to be a bit sad about it? She's still a teenager.

OP posts:
CruCru · 29/07/2023 16:10

How much is the tattoo? There are some beautiful pieces of tattoo artwork but they are not cheap. A cheap tattoo is an abomination. I will be amazed if someone so young can afford the £15k that such a large tattoo should cost.

Friends with tattoos got the ones they got at 17/18 lasered or adapted - because they were cheap and nasty. Their later tattoos were much better work (not all to my taste but that is fine).

The problem is, what she likes at 19 may not be what she likes at 25 - and what she likes at 25 may not be what she likes at 30. People don’t really know who they are until they are about 30.

Honestly? I rather disapprove of a tattoo artist who is willing to do such a large tattoo on someone who has never had one.

Gerrataere · 29/07/2023 16:10

Dukeydo · 29/07/2023 16:04

This I went out a few weeks ago and met up with about 20 people for dinner and drinks - I was the only one without tattoos - every single one had huge tattoos. One of my friends was in a lovely top and had a huge skull dripping with blood on her top arm. Not my taste but I didn’t mind.

mind you they probably look at my top and skirt and probably think - yuck not my taste (very m and s!) and that’s fine. I’m not a tattoo lover. But that’s my issue not theirs

Show quote history

A very fair post. Many of my friends group are actually younger than me and we were having a discussion a little while ago (after I’d just got my latest). One said she simply didn’t justify the cost of one, but on balance spent a lot more on self care that made her feel good about herself (and I think she looks absolutely fab). But I’d not spend that money myself on constantly redoing nails/eyebrows/highlights. I’m happy with a box dye and bit of a trim every few months. But I am very happily single and not answerable to a husband nor parent at my age 🤣. I couldn’t care less what another person passing me in the street was thinking either.

megletthesecond · 29/07/2023 16:13

Yanbu.
I'd do anything to make sure my dc's don't do it. I regretted one of mine within days and hate how I look if I accidently see myself in a mirror. I must get it removed but it costs and I have to travel for it.
Tattoos should be illegal until you're 70....

triforcetotem · 29/07/2023 16:13

Moveoverdarlin · 29/07/2023 16:05

I would be furious. All these people saying ‘not my body not my business’ baffle me, it’s your business if she’s living in your house and you still pay for their clothes, rent, do their washing, cooking etc. I would tell her how you feel. If it was my DD I would say ‘why the fuck are you getting my birth flower tattooed on your leg? I don’t giving a flying fuck about my birth flower, it means nothing to me, do you not think it’s a bit naff? Whatever next? Your Nan’s star sign? Hogwarts coat of arms? Grow up, you’ll look like a chav and won’t give a shit about any of this stuff in ten years time.

Jesus, your poor kids.

sonjadog · 29/07/2023 16:13

I had a tattoo for ten years before my Mother found out. So all those congratulating themselves on their children’s ink-free skin, unless you are actually examining your adult children naked, you don’t actually know…

TonTonMacoute · 29/07/2023 16:14

YANBU to be sad. I hate tattoos and am baffled by so many people want to mutilate themselves in this way, although obviously they are free to do what they want.

I thank god that DS hates them as much as I do.

Anotherdayanothernamechanged · 29/07/2023 16:18

CruCru · 29/07/2023 16:10

How much is the tattoo? There are some beautiful pieces of tattoo artwork but they are not cheap. A cheap tattoo is an abomination. I will be amazed if someone so young can afford the £15k that such a large tattoo should cost.

Friends with tattoos got the ones they got at 17/18 lasered or adapted - because they were cheap and nasty. Their later tattoos were much better work (not all to my taste but that is fine).

The problem is, what she likes at 19 may not be what she likes at 25 - and what she likes at 25 may not be what she likes at 30. People don’t really know who they are until they are about 30.

Honestly? I rather disapprove of a tattoo artist who is willing to do such a large tattoo on someone who has never had one.

£75 an hour for the tattoo artist I use. £75ph and if you want a weekend you can be waiting up to a year to get booked in.

If you go to a good artist you will not be able to afford financially or time wise to do so on a whim.

ghostyslovesheets · 29/07/2023 16:22

Mine is £30ph - she's very experienced and older then me! She designs beautiful pieces - I give her the general idea and she sends me her drawings - she's really collaborative. It's a very small studio and I usually go mid week

ghostyslovesheets · 29/07/2023 16:22

sorry £60 ph! £30 would be a bargain!

Gerrataere · 29/07/2023 16:22

TonTonMacoute · 29/07/2023 16:14

YANBU to be sad. I hate tattoos and am baffled by so many people want to mutilate themselves in this way, although obviously they are free to do what they want.

I thank god that DS hates them as much as I do.

Again horribly crass. Some people actually mutilate themselves due to severe mental health issues, they don’t pay £100 a pop to do so 🙄.

And I’ve known so many ‘my kids would never’ parents who would be so shocked to know they would and have 🤣

BunnyBettChettwynd · 29/07/2023 16:26

If I've learned one thing from this thread, it's that we have birth flowers.

Mine's gladioli. I don't like them.

Anotherdayanothernamechanged · 29/07/2023 16:26

The Victorians had a thing for communicating through flowers. There's whole books dedicated to it.

Shokd · 29/07/2023 16:38

TonTonMacoute · 29/07/2023 16:14

YANBU to be sad. I hate tattoos and am baffled by so many people want to mutilate themselves in this way, although obviously they are free to do what they want.

I thank god that DS hates them as much as I do.

Mutilate 🤣🤣🤣 I LOVE how hysterical MN is sometimes.

HarrietJet · 29/07/2023 16:42

Shokd · 29/07/2023 16:38

Mutilate 🤣🤣🤣 I LOVE how hysterical MN is sometimes.

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Who's hysterical? I think posting 🤣🤣🤣 could possibly be described as hysterical, personally. Or certainly a little over excited, which is hardly warranted in response to that post.

tt9 · 29/07/2023 16:44

maybe suggest that she gets the design she wants as a temporary tattoo or in henna... then she can decide if she really really wants it for the rest of her life. also maybe research how much it would cost to get it removed?

finally if she has never had one, maybe start small first? they r incredibly painful..

Shokd · 29/07/2023 16:48

The poster describing tattoos as mutilation. Tattoos don't meet the criteria for mutilation, far from it.

Your definitions is a little off, but I'll take over excited, although I'd probably say "extremely amused" is more accurate. If my mum ever talks about my "lovely/perfect skin" though, I'm going to be rather concerned.

Mrstwiddle · 29/07/2023 16:49

It will look dreadful but unfortunately there's not really nothing you can do other than perhaps show her the costs involved with lasering them off.

carbonarya · 29/07/2023 16:54

HarrietJet · 29/07/2023 16:42

Who's hysterical? I think posting 🤣🤣🤣 could possibly be described as hysterical, personally. Or certainly a little over excited, which is hardly warranted in response to that post.

Show quote history

Why so defensive?

Grapewrath · 29/07/2023 17:43

Mumsnet is so funny and dramatic at times-cutting kids off financially for a bit of body art and talk of prisoners of war and self mutilation. Bet some of you are golden at dinner parties 🤣🤣

Beezknees · 29/07/2023 17:53

YABU, I have a tattoo like this, they're great. I have over 50 tattoos and out of them all there is only one small one that I regret, I'm in my 30s now.

NeedToChangeName · 29/07/2023 17:54

Her body, her choice

But, I agree with you, OP, and would also be concerned

Fashions change, and I'm sure clean skin will be fashionable again soon enough. I'm sure many oeople with tattoo will live to regret them

Perhaps show her some old family photos and ask her to reflect on whether all those people would have chosen to keep those hairstyles and outfits fir the rest of her life

Beezknees · 29/07/2023 17:57

NeedToChangeName · 29/07/2023 17:54

Her body, her choice

But, I agree with you, OP, and would also be concerned

Fashions change, and I'm sure clean skin will be fashionable again soon enough. I'm sure many oeople with tattoo will live to regret them

Perhaps show her some old family photos and ask her to reflect on whether all those people would have chosen to keep those hairstyles and outfits fir the rest of her life

Tattoos are not a new fashion. People have been getting tattooed for years and years.

Beezknees · 29/07/2023 17:59

Sureaseggs44 · 29/07/2023 15:52

It’s nothing to do with not being able to do a job . But who makes a decision about what is offensive or not , or whether the position of the tattoo is acceptable ? Why should an employer be put in that position . We have a rule that tattoos should not be visible and as an employer that’s our prerogative and we are under guidance from HR.

OP I sympathise and when my daughter had hers I just requested they would not be visible when she gets married .

Not sure that will happen though . I like her latest tattoo it’s relevant and cute . But IMO ( and I am entitled to it ) wedding dresses and tatoos look common and tacky .

Show quote history

See, I judge people who say things like "common and tacky" as massive snobs who think they're something they're not.

lljkk · 29/07/2023 18:03

ugh, my only advice as parent of young adults is:

You don't tell them not to do it, but you do bring them back to the principles of how to do it to best standard, how they decide to do it. So ... find an artist who does it safely & at a high standard, is affordable (don't go into debt for a tat!), plan for the pain afterwards, think about how it will 'age', what is their plan if it got infected, etc. You try to remind them of what principles they want to make the decision, rather than argue against the decision itself.

If you utterly loathe the tat then you might have to confess that & ask them to leave the personal reference (birth flower) out. "Your body your choice but I don't want to feel that any of it is a reference to me." That's a bit of a grenade to communicate, but it would be ok to say in an open honest relationship.

Adult DD has a pointless small wonky dull tat her 'friend' gave her. I hope she gets it covered over with a (still small) but actually nice tat one day. Class wise, something which is hilarious... DD identifies with upper MC & got the home-made tat. Adult DS identifies with WC, his peers are tat'd to nth degree, and has not a single tat.

winewolfhowls · 29/07/2023 18:07

Remind your dd that you can't have laser hair removal if you have a tattoo ( I use a lumea for most of my legs but can't do my small tattoo area). This alone puts me off any more as I am naturally very hairy and I love my tattoo that I got in my late 30s.