to not want 19 yo DD to get a half leg sleeve tattoo?

[BlueEmerald73]

DD is booked in to have like a half leg sleeve, I have no idea what it's called but it goes from her ankle to right up top but just doesn't wrap all the way around the leg. She is travelling quite far for it which is the part I do actually respect as she has chosen the artist considerably but I do think it's a bit of a permanent, big decision at just 19. It's consisting of a few things as well, such as a reference to her favourite childhood interest, etc. basically just a bunch of things like that going up her leg. There's also my birth flower in there, which is sweet but I would rather she wasn't getting a tattoo, especially if it has a bit of a reference to me.

I realise it isn't my decision and I would never try and stop her, but AIBU to be a bit sad about it? She's still a teenager.

I wouldn't say I hate tattoos, I had a boyfriend with a few.

But I do think they look better when you are in the prime of life.

If you see someone that had one done in say the 90s (probably who is probably about 45 now), the tattoo usually somehow doesn't fit them (I think incongruent is the word), it also highlights that their skin isn't in as good as condition as it once was. You wouldn't notice this so much on a 45 year old without a tattoo because you wouldn't have thought about their skin.

Disclaimer: I'm a sure there are many people that don't care what I think, they only got some special unique style with a unique meaning etc. etc. In which case great.

Grow up. What other people think of you is none of your business.

Why are you taking it so personally that a handful of posters on the internet think tattoos look common or chavvy? No one actually called tattoo-havers common or chavs by the way, they were talking about the tattoos themselves.

Why is something you like being seen as "common" or "chav" (not by me, incidentally) so terrible to you that you must "defend yourself"? Is this the ultimate insult to the middle class?

I repeat, nobody has to like your tattoos.

Because I think "common" and "chav" are nasty words used by people who think they're better than others. I'll do what I like, thanks. And I'm not middle class either.

I would feel the same OP. I wouldn’t say anything if it was my child but I would find it hard to feign enthusiasm. If they’re a grown adult and they’re paying for it themselves then it’s totally their choice.

Yes, tattoos have been around for thousands of years but they are a lot more common now then 30 years ago, certainly in the UK. Growing up in the 70s and 80s you didn’t see that many tattoos but so many people have them now, so you could say it is a trend. Will be interesting to see if there is an increase in demand for laser removal in the future. Personally, I’m not a fan but I would never judge someone’s personality or ability to do a job from having tattoos.

I also think a lot of employers are changing their stance now on tattoos, piercings etc, realising it doesn’t actually matter. I flew back from holiday with Virgin last week and two of the cabin crew had very visible tattoos. One lady had both arms, chest and neck tattooed and was wearing a short sleeve blouse. She was fantastic at her job and I don’t see how having tattoos would affect her ability. I noticed all her tattoos straight away and thought to myself how great it is that Virgin are now allowing staff to show them rather then covering them up.

Each to their own but don't like their permanency....people change! And some look dreadful and not classy.

Maybe show her these scientific research papers below and ask her what she thinks.

Essentially tldr: Tattooed women are more likely to be drug users, engage in casual sex, exhibit psychopathology, and get divorced. If that isn't her then she might still be perceived that way by others. If that's ok with her then she should go ahead.

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/341764944_Tattooed_and_Non-Tattooed_Women_Motivation_Social_Practices_and_Risk_Behavior

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12119-020-09729-1

<a class="break-all" href="https://sci-hub.ru/www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1047279711002870" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://sci-hub.ru/www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1047279711002870

Sorry last link should be:

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1047279711002870

@scatterolight they are interesting links and I did actually read them.

But 316 women is not a great sample size, although it does its job and very clearly helps to make the researchers point and definitely makes the statistics fit that point.

I do feel they should have spoken to a larger selection of women. They may have found their results differed...

Tattooed women are more likely to be drug users, engage in casual sex, exhibit psychopathology, and get divorced

Tbh most days that could describe most of MN going by some of the threads on here!

I'm tattooed and have never done any of those things - need to catch up !!!!

Not sure casual sex and getting divorced are the same as psychopathology either......

I go to an upmarket health club, the glossy women in class don’t have them, the instructors do. Same at any of the top restaurants. The wait staff have them, the clientele, not so much.

I know this prob makes me classist, but it’s an observation.

Kate Middleton & Meghan M, no obs tats. If Meghan had an obvious sleeve/s PH prob wouldn’t have fallen as hard or married her IMO.

I don’t get the recent trend for the drawn on with bic biro type look, couldn’t you get it from using a pen?

What’s the next phase for tats? More easily removable? What follows?

Oh shock horror if a woman has a tattoo she might get mistaken for a waitress or a fitness instructor rather than l
royalty

Get the fainting couch handy, the horror might make me swoon

So women with tattoos are common chavs who are promiscuous, divorced drug takers who work for a living...

Better than judgemental people who jump to sterotypes and don't want to be mistaken for waitresses I guess

Can you change your mind & get them completely removed if you want? I think Victoria B did? But she didn’t have many?

The point is many young people think they are super edgy & cool but they can also hold you back & be limiting. Depending.

You are definitely not being unreasonable for feeling as you do (I really dislike any tattoos) but you would be unreasonable to share your feelings with her at this stage.

You might have to appreciate the art in itself when it is finished, and try not to think about where it is. You can still share the fact she is really pleased with it (hopefully) without actually being pleased.

I don't think tattoos are what's holding a waitress back from being Kate Middleton. I think it's intergenerational wealth and a class system personally. Throw in a little private schooling, some rich friends etc

Everyone on here is entitled to their opinion. This comment is not directed at OP but rather overall to the thread.

Tattoos and piercings say nothing about an individual bar the fact they like tattoos and piercings. That is literally it.

But calling people with tattoos and their tattoos nasty times and likening them to being disfigured or using offensive language regarding poorer people (multiple people have made similar comments to this, this is not directed at any person specifically) may indicate you need to approach the world with a more open, less judgemental mind.

No one has to like tattoos- it’s ok to prefer so called ‘natural beauty’. But the language and tone of some of these comments made me really sad. Some seemed quite hateful, which I don’t think is ok. Why are we being so judgemental of something so unimportant to a persons overall character? They are probably full of kindness, love, achievements, qualifications… and all some commenters seem to think matters is their so called ‘ugly’ tattoos, which could just be a non-offensive flower.

@Tatslookawful Luckily this is changing. Most employers allow tattoos now (providing they are not hate symbols etc) and even those who often don’t (say teaching) most can be easily covered with a sleeve or trouser leg. Most public roles including healthcare, emergency services etc allow non offensive tattoos.
Im sure most corporate roles wouldn’t even know most people had tattoos, as most are covered by clothes anyway.
I have never come across a higher educational institution that has not allowed tattoos and piercings. In fact many professors themselves have tattoos etc.

I cannot think of a job where most tattoos would be an issue at all.

Piercing removal for sport careers and food hygiene logically makes sense- this is not to do with judgement but safety.

Perhaps employers who judge tattoos should be challenged rather than someone with the lunar cycle or a mountain or whatever it is that’s non offensive, tattooed on them?

To anyone who may read/look at the summary of the paper posted above by another user

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1047279711002870

To provide a balanced view:
Whilst the paper is interesting it’s correlational. There’s a relationship (which is interesting!) but no cause and effect. It’s not necessarily the tattoos causing any of those things listed. Its likely to be that women with different risk factors are also likely to get tattoos so nothing to do with the tattoos themselves. Or a whole host of confounding factors.

Firstly, this paper is only generalisable to Brazilian women (the sample type).

Next looking at the figures, the differences are often very small between those with and without tattoos.

ie to quote the paper:

’As regards the participants’ sexual life, the major- ity of both non-tattooed (87.9%) and tattooed (82.3%) participants reported having had two or less sexual partners in the previous year, whereas 10.2% of the non-tattooed ones and 13.3% of the tattooed ones cited 3 to 5 sexual partners in the same period; the same per- centage (1.9%) in both groups had had between 6 and 10 sexual partners’

Thats just one thing they looked at yes. But the differences are pretty small throughout.

Bigger differences with both types of smoking, yes. But that just means in this sample more people with tattoos were smokers- not that smoking is necessarily associated with the tattoos themselves. Also, it was self report- ie the participants were asked about their behaviours.
Maybe those with tattoos were just more honest than those without? We can’t know etc, confounding factors.

It also says that women who display more psychopathology also more often have tattoos- ie those with mental health issues etc. Easy to misread this as psychopathy!
The tattoos haven’t caused the mental health issues.

I’ve seen other papers looking at how those with mental health issues often show more creativity - maybe this influences? This is often seen as positive!
Or of course, maybe many other factors too.

The paper also says the differences between those with and without tattoos are reduced.

98% were satisfied with their appearance after getting tattoos and 3 quarters of the sample said they wouldn’t remove their tattoos. This is pro tattoo to me!

I am not saying the user who linked the paper thinks the paper is causational but I just want to provide some clarity as some commenters may not realise, have time to read it all, or the access.

OP- It was suggested you show this paper to your DD. This paper has very little to do with your DD, unless she potentially lives in Brazil.

As for the second paper it’s 2am and I don’t have time to read it as well. It too is correlational and is more than 10 years old, so should be taken with the knowledge that society has greatly adapted in the last 10 years and thus results may not still be as representative.

Honestly I’m not sure what the inclusion of these papers was actually trying to prove relevant to this post. Why OP would need to show them to her daughter? It’s got nothing to do with her daughter wanting a tattoo in my view.
Anyway, I did find interest in reading what I did so a win I guess!

DS2 gave DH an imitation tattoo sleeve. It was very realistic, one end fitted under his short shirt sleeve, the other under his watch.

He wore it to a friend’s party. None of our friends have tattoos, and when the host spotted DH’s arm I thought he would pass out in shock.

DH also wore it to a ‘British Night’ party on a cruise. I noticed the sneers from people who spotted it. Yes, they may not be people whose opinion we care about but no denying tattooed people are judged.

Sorry, but we judge too. Rule of thumb: the posher the hotel, the fewer the tattoos.

Some of these posts are hilarious

Most people I know regret some of their tattoos what was appealing and meant something to them in their 20’s doesn’t in the 40’s

Exactly. Tattoo removal is a very lucrative business.

I'm heavily tattooed and been to a few posh hotels including the Shangri-la. Never noticed any sneers, maybe I'm just thick skinned. And the people who sneer are people I'd want nothing to do with anyway!

OK, but I don't want to be Kate Middleton or a "glossy woman". That's not who I am. And they're not automatically better people than I am. Being upper class or wealthy doesn't make you a good person.

Me neither! I live a pretty boring life by all accounts. I go to work, look after teen child, go out for coffee. Been celibate for 4 years actually! Never been married to get divorced and never had any issues with my mental health. Did smoke a bit of weed in the past, but then plenty of women on MN drink wine every day which is just as unhealthy and which I don't do.