to not want 19 yo DD to get a half leg sleeve tattoo?

[BlueEmerald73]

DD is booked in to have like a half leg sleeve, I have no idea what it's called but it goes from her ankle to right up top but just doesn't wrap all the way around the leg. She is travelling quite far for it which is the part I do actually respect as she has chosen the artist considerably but I do think it's a bit of a permanent, big decision at just 19. It's consisting of a few things as well, such as a reference to her favourite childhood interest, etc. basically just a bunch of things like that going up her leg. There's also my birth flower in there, which is sweet but I would rather she wasn't getting a tattoo, especially if it has a bit of a reference to me.

I realise it isn't my decision and I would never try and stop her, but AIBU to be a bit sad about it? She's still a teenager.

Is there some parallel 'pro teens smoking weed' MN that I'm not aware of?

🤔

Save your sympathies for the many other young people out there who need it.
My kids are happy, well-adjusted, beautiful human beings and we have a great relationship. It's an added bonus (in my opinion) that they have beautiful, ink-free skin.
(And, to be clear, we would have continued to pay the basics for them through University but they would have had to have upped their hours in their holiday jobs/cut down on luxuries/holidays elsewhere. Nothing barbaric that would have killed them).

@RitzyMcFitzy

There are threads about adult DC smoking weed daily and there are always posters saying it's not that bad. There are many people who normalise drugs on here.

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Yeah but for that to be relevant you'd need to point to the same anti tattoo for teens posters also being pro weed for teens. There are a lot of people on MN, it's inevitable there'll be an array of opinions on any subject, but the predominant drugs vibe I get is anti.

HNRTFT but my taste in hair , makeup and clothes have changed from when I was 19 !!
Nothing more unattractive than a tattoo on someone with dry , saggy skin in their older years. I haven't got to that age yet but it would be my concern!

@Gerrataere is it controlling if they were 18 so old enough to make financial decisions, parents don't have to make financial contributions to them anyway. Not the same as SAHM position.

DS is currently working to save some money for university, we will also be making some top up payments. If he spends all his savings on something frivolous before going to university, why should we increase our top up payments? So if he thought an expensive tattoo was more important than food that is his decision, and if it is thought he is not mature enough to be making those financial decisions he is not mature enough to have a tattoo.

We live in a world where it is still OK for people to be close minded to others. We still have people who feel that they have the right to tell someone what is and is not socially acceptable. It is 2023 and we still have people who want to label people and shame people for what they want to put on their bodies or do in their personal time.
If you feel like someone having a tattoo makes them any less qualified to do a job, then you need to open your eyes and realize that you encounter people with tattoos every single day. Your doctors, lawyers, teachers etc. could have tattoos and you would never know. As long as someone is good at what they do and they actually do their job, then it is none of your business what they do in their personal lives.
Having a tattoo doesn't make you a bad person. Having a tattoo doesn't make you trashy. Having a tattoo doesn't make you uneducated or unqualified. Having a tattoo doesn't make you any less of a person than the person sitting next you. Having a tattoo doesn't make you a criminal.
No one should have to feel like they have to hide a part of who they are just because of what other people might think. Everyone has the right to be themselves and love themselves. Everyone should be able to express themselves without being put down and belittled by the people they love or even complete strangers.

I nearly got a tattoo aged 20 but decided against it as I wasn't sure on the design. I'm now in my 40s and would have hated it if I'd have got it done, so pleased I didn't.

I still intend to get a tattoo one day (I think they look fab), but I just need to still decide on what!

My cousin got tattoo on the back of her neck when she was 18, and although the design is ok, whoever did it should be ashamed. Really poor line work! She has since had it re-done to improve it after admitting after 8 years it was a crap tattoo! At least your daughter has done her homework over the artist which is good news!

Tattoos and weed smoking are both fairly common things though to be fair.

I think today's kids will rebel against their parents and do neither 😂

You're right about tatoos per se, but humans will always talk to each other about what is or isnt socially acceptable and tolerated, its human nature and how societies function

There a few people I’m their late 20s I’m TikTok talking about regretting tattoos they got in their 18/19/20 age range. One reflected on how different she is now and how we generally consider people fully matured closer to 25. I’d discourage any large tattoos but at the end of the day it is her Choice.

It’s nothing to do with not being able to do a job . But who makes a decision about what is offensive or not , or whether the position of the tattoo is acceptable ? Why should an employer be put in that position . We have a rule that tattoos should not be visible and as an employer that’s our prerogative and we are under guidance from HR.

OP I sympathise and when my daughter had hers I just requested they would not be visible when she gets married .

Not sure that will happen though . I like her latest tattoo it’s relevant and cute . But IMO ( and I am entitled to it ) wedding dresses and tatoos look common and tacky .

No one should have to feel like they have to hide a part of who they are
Is a piece of inked skin really such an integral part of who you are, @changeyerheadworzel ?
That's kind of sad, really.

Firstly you’re talking about the ‘financial decision’ like it costs the same as a holiday or a deposit for a house. A small first tattoo would cost little more than a couple of big nights out or a months worth of takeaways. Things that many a student are quite happy to waste their money on with nothing to show for it bar a long trip to the toilet.

Secondly, teens are often left to do things that in a realistic sense no person of their maturity level should be partaking in. Like driving or having sex. Quite honestly having a tattoo has far less likely longterm implications if done stupidly. Would you financially cut them off for crashing the car or getting a woman pregnant? ‘Sorry I’d love to help you through uni but I see you’re on antibiotics for the clap and evidently not mature enough to deal with it, go work in McDonald’s….’. And yes they may be ott examples but the reality is people like yourself tell your children not to have tattoos because you’re classist and think your gene pool is above such choices. It’s something the plebs do isn’t it?

Not really , they could have got a job while at uni and paid themselves . The parents were only delaying tattoos not banning them altogether .

Perfectly true but the act of offering something on controlling and unnecessarily harsh conditions is the issue here.

YANBU to wish she wouldn't but of course she's an adult and its her choice, would be wiser to start with a small tattoo though rather than go straight for something so big. My OH right now has a horribly blistered arm because he's in the process of getting tattoos removed that he got around that age and really regrets now, I'm hoping it puts my children right off getting them!

Had an eye test in June ( when it was hot). The Optician was wearing thick black tights. We were making small talk about how hot it was and she said she had to wear them because she had a big leg tattoo and she wasn't allowed to show any tattoos at work. She said she was glad they had air con .
I worked for Waitrose for a while. They don't allow piercings,tattoos or anything ' different ' at all. If you can't totally cover it then no job.
A friend of mine paid for her daughter to do all the training to work on multi millionaires yachts. At the end of her training she got a huge tattoo on her thigh. At recruitment interviews they ask you to wear the staff uniform so that they can see that you look okay in it. The tattoo showed below her shorts. None of them would take her on.

Getting a tattoo seems very conformist and “me too” nowadays. I think some small and individually meaningful ones can be really quite cool, but the huge sleeve ones really just seem like a sign of desperate to be in the cool gang.

it’s your daughter’s choice of course but it’s a shame she wants to follow the crowd.

How much is this costing her?

This I went out a few weeks ago and met up with about 20 people for dinner and drinks - I was the only one without tattoos - every single one had huge tattoos. One of my friends was in a lovely top and had a huge skull dripping with blood on her top arm. Not my taste but I didn’t mind.

mind you they probably look at my top and skirt and probably think - yuck not my taste (very m and s!) and that’s fine. I’m not a tattoo lover. But that’s my issue not theirs

I would be furious. All these people saying ‘not my body not my business’ baffle me, it’s your business if she’s living in your house and you still pay for their clothes, rent, do their washing, cooking etc. I would tell her how you feel. If it was my DD I would say ‘why the fuck are you getting my birth flower tattooed on your leg? I don’t giving a flying fuck about my birth flower, it means nothing to me, do you not think it’s a bit naff? Whatever next? Your Nan’s star sign? Hogwarts coat of arms? Grow up, you’ll look like a chav and won’t give a shit about any of this stuff in ten years time.

I'd feel exactly the same, OP. You know there's nothing you can do about it but also know you've got to find something positive to say about it when it'll look like everyone else's.

Not sure I follow the logic of getting one on your back just for you.

Not sure I follow the logic of getting one on your back just for you

You don't have to but if you need to - it's going to be a big ongoing project and my back it the right space for it