to not want 19 yo DD to get a half leg sleeve tattoo?

[BlueEmerald73]

DD is booked in to have like a half leg sleeve, I have no idea what it's called but it goes from her ankle to right up top but just doesn't wrap all the way around the leg. She is travelling quite far for it which is the part I do actually respect as she has chosen the artist considerably but I do think it's a bit of a permanent, big decision at just 19. It's consisting of a few things as well, such as a reference to her favourite childhood interest, etc. basically just a bunch of things like that going up her leg. There's also my birth flower in there, which is sweet but I would rather she wasn't getting a tattoo, especially if it has a bit of a reference to me.

I realise it isn't my decision and I would never try and stop her, but AIBU to be a bit sad about it? She's still a teenager.

I think they’re hideous so I understand how you feel. Her leg though so you’re very wise not to comment.

One of my DDs has loads but if that’s the worse they do in their teens then we’ve got off very lightly IMO.

Is this only ok if it's parent/child? What about if it was husband/wife?

@Beezknees did you actively choose to get pregnant at 17? Were you financially independent then?

It’s an interesting one I think with young adult kids at university. If I am financially contributing to their life, do I have any say at all over how they spend it? I have not been in a difficult situation yet with my university teens but is the cash I give them completely without strings attached? It has been without strings to date but should they spend it unwisely, do I get any say? Their finances depend on our ‘parental contribution’. Is it the ‘bodily autonomy’ that’s the issue? If I refused to give the money for a deposit on a sportscar, would that be ok?

When people get tattoos and they are big and visible, I always hear "they are done by a good artist and they represent important things to me etc."

OK, but most of the time onlookers haven't a clue what their significance is, then the tattooee explains all the symbols, images etc. and the thing that puzzles me is most of the time the tattooee cannot see the tattoos unless they are a contortionist!

If people are that interested in having significant and personalised artwork, what is wrong with commissioning a painting, a little sculpture whatever. They are portable, you can see and admire them every day, whereas most tattoos are covered up especially in Winter.

Is it the concept of "body art" and is that very different to other forms of art, is it a fad, a movement, could someone explain?

What does that have to do with anything? The answer to both questions is no, but it still wouldn't have given anybody the right to bribe me with money into having an abortion.

Bizarre way of thinking about it. You could fill your house up with sculptures and art, if someone walked around and said ‘urgh what ugly pieces, what’s the point of them?’ would you have thought twice about buying them to start with? Or would you think ‘how rude, this is my home. I might not be looking at each individual piece daily, but it makes my living space personal and nicer for me’.

People can get boob/nose/whatever jobs for many a reason to make themselves feel happier in their own bodies. They’re not going to be looking at that part of their body all the time either. As long as it’s not hurting anyone else on a large scale, even if you don’t personally feel like it’s something you’d do to yourself, then what matter is it if someone else chooses to do it to themselves?

I would feel the same OP.

I appreciate the skill required of tattoo artists, it must be really hard not just the design but all body shapes are different so accommodating that within a design, but they’re not for me.

People are entitled to think that about my clothes/general style. I can easily change it and have over many decades. Tattoos not so simple.

@Beezknees if you said to your parents that you wanted to become a mum at 17 would your parents have been in the wrong to say they wouldn't help you financially as they didn't approve of your decision?

Saying that if you pay the bills you have a right to dictate what a grown adult does to their body is a pretty slippery slope you realise?

If they're a grown adult they can vote with their feet and pay their own bills.

So if something happens to you so that you can't earn money, and if you are in a relationship, are you happy with your partner turning around and telling you they now have a right to dictate what you do with your body?

The woman can by all means leave if she wants to. But it doesnt matter how much money you have, or bills you pay, you cannot buy the rights to someone elses decisions about their body.

And teaching a 19 year old women that if someone pays the bills they can control what they do to their body is pretty fucked up.

Say my 20 year old asked me for £1k. If they said it was to help secure a flat for university, I would look into it and probably
say yes. If they said it was for a tattoo I would say no. Does this make me a controlling mum who doesn’t respect bodily autonomy?

Theres a massive difference between not paying for a tattoo and thinking you have the right to tell an adult they cant have one because you pay the bills 🙄

They did not help me financially. I was living with my boyfriend. He worked and I was a SAHM.

Not sure what the eye roll is for. I was just debating a hypothetical concept. Never mind.

So if you're a SAHP and earning no money does your partner have the right to tell you what you can and can't buy because they pay the bills?

No. But if they said they were planning on getting a tattoo with their own money and you said no because they're living under your roof and you don't want them to, I would call that controlling.

I have them but I really do not like the huge tattoos on such young people in prominent places - they'd take a lot of lot of lasering off

Could it affect future work?

My DS has more tattoos than I'd like (that's any more than zero!) but none of them are visible when he's at work.

Yes I agree

I hate them on men too.

If my kids had started smoking they wouldn't have got any money then either.

Controlling? Don't care

Luckily then didn't. And they've funded their own tattoos.

That's fair but women are judged a lot more for it. The whole "tramp stamp" bollocks and all this talk of not looking classy and beautiful in a wedding dress 🙄