to not want 19 yo DD to get a half leg sleeve tattoo?

[BlueEmerald73]

DD is booked in to have like a half leg sleeve, I have no idea what it's called but it goes from her ankle to right up top but just doesn't wrap all the way around the leg. She is travelling quite far for it which is the part I do actually respect as she has chosen the artist considerably but I do think it's a bit of a permanent, big decision at just 19. It's consisting of a few things as well, such as a reference to her favourite childhood interest, etc. basically just a bunch of things like that going up her leg. There's also my birth flower in there, which is sweet but I would rather she wasn't getting a tattoo, especially if it has a bit of a reference to me.

I realise it isn't my decision and I would never try and stop her, but AIBU to be a bit sad about it? She's still a teenager.

If I got the tattoos I wanted when I was 19 it would have been Disney characters and Chinese symbols which where all the rage back then (late 90s/early 00s)

Thank the lord I didn’t go through with them I would cringe to have any of that tattood on me. I know I’m not the same person now as I was when I was 19.

I did get various piercings but thankfully they were easily removed and now closed over.

With all that being said, unfortunately I don’t think you can stop your daughter. You can simply advise and let her decide

No. Not unless you put on huge amounts of weight. I was a size 6 when I was in my early 20s, now I'm a size 14. My tattoos are fine.

People keep coming out with stories like this like they’re not totally messed up things to do. Almost like you have pride in this absolutely f’d up behaviour controlling your children with money.

It’s not about controlling your child with money. It’s more to do with parenting someone who is too young to make a very serious decision, and offering them an alternative. If he still wanted that tattoo five years later I would have shrugged and moved on. As it turned out it was the right thing to do.

My point was that touching up makes no difference on saggy wrinkled skin.

Too young to make that decision yet old enough to move out, get a job, go to uni, drive a car, join the army, have sex, start a family…. would you bribe him not to do one or several of those things as well? Or are they parentally approved activities in your mind for a grown man to do?

I was pregnant when I was 17. Should my mum have offered me money to get an abortion as I was too young to make a serious decision?

I have not had to do this. But is it actually abusively controlling? The kid can get a tattoo but won’t get extra funds as an adult. It’s a financial incentive more than control? I can imagine some adults are appreciative of this later in life.

Well it still touches up the tattoo, so that’s the whole point. Your tattoo can still look vibrant regardless of how wrinkled your skin is or isn’t. Personally I am already past middle age but spend a lot of time lifting weights so I have very toned arms still. No doubt they’ll go saggy when I’m an OAPbut saggy is saggy, tattoos don’t make any odds.
For those curious about weight loss/gain, I’ve been everything from a 6-14 and had three pregnancies. My tattoos are fine! I haven’t had any over my abdomen though, which I dare say may change any tattoos done pre pregnancy.

Well of course. And then she could have bragged to everyone that everything that went right in your life was due to her.

If she had, you’d have had the choice to accept it or not. The control would still have been completely in your hands.

It is controlling, it’s the idea that they would deliberately make life harder (though obviously not impossible) on the bases of personal decisions. It’s tip of the iceberg behaviour that’s set in early life - the one with the money holds the power. If they can control over something such as having a tattoo, why not any other aspect? Once you cross that line then you know you have that power for anything you deem your children (whatever their age) to be making the ‘wrong decision’ about.

I've always said to my children if they want a tattoo I can't stop them. However I said that they should choose the design and then if they still want the same design 1 year later, go ahead. Maybe suggest that to your daughter...?

And if she'd had, my relationship with her would have been damaged beyond repair.

I am ready to be shot down, but I think they look common. They are incredibly ugly no matter who they are on. I do appreciate the artistry, but not on skin. I have heard them described as "tramp stamps".

How original.

That says more about you though. It says that you have a snobby personality, and also misogynistic because "tramp stamps" comments are aimed at women with tattoos, not men.

Both DH and myself have tattoos, a few are visible. People can think what they want but we're both professionals and nobody bats an eyelid at work.

It's up to your DD but I'm not surprised at the posters who have bribed or threatened their children to not get tattoos, this is Mumsnet after all and quite a few posters are hypocrites.

If there was a husband trying to bribe their wife not to do something there'd be a chorus of LTB but adult children are fair game.

And how great a job/situation the child is now in due to their intervention... I still managed 2 Masters degrees and a very good job, with numerous tattoos.
I wonder if it's down to my tattoos that I didn't need to use my car to get/keep my job as flight expenses are paid if I need to travel far. 🤭
I can't say tattoos ever put me off anyone in interviews either, unless it was offensive I wouldn't bother.

I’d rather be common than whatever you believe yourself to be. At least I don’t believe myself to be above anyone simply based on looks and taste. ‘Tramp stamp’ - the ‘00s would like their misogynistic language back…

imagine still using phrases from the 90s.

I've got my entire side tattooed, from my shoulder blade, across my ribcage amd down to just below my hip so it wraps around from back to front, I got it as a size 8 and now a size 12, it looks the same as is did (not as bright, but coliur fade and I can have it touched up), I'm just a bit bigger.
My first pregnancy didn't do anything to the design either (my belly button piercing isn't straight anymore due to a stretch mark though) and I'm currently 4 months pregnant, so far nothing changed bar the bump appearing.

Thanks for that @DeadbeatYoda, I do feel like I lucked out with my folks.

It’s a message that the one with the money is the one with control. It’s a message that your parents will manipulate you into fitting into their box. It’s the message that if you make your own decisions, you will be punished and vilified.