to not want 19 yo DD to get a half leg sleeve tattoo?

[BlueEmerald73]

DD is booked in to have like a half leg sleeve, I have no idea what it's called but it goes from her ankle to right up top but just doesn't wrap all the way around the leg. She is travelling quite far for it which is the part I do actually respect as she has chosen the artist considerably but I do think it's a bit of a permanent, big decision at just 19. It's consisting of a few things as well, such as a reference to her favourite childhood interest, etc. basically just a bunch of things like that going up her leg. There's also my birth flower in there, which is sweet but I would rather she wasn't getting a tattoo, especially if it has a bit of a reference to me.

I realise it isn't my decision and I would never try and stop her, but AIBU to be a bit sad about it? She's still a teenager.

It sounds horrendous. No wonder you are upset. Why do you think she wants to do this?

I wonder how many of these adult kids actually do have them but keep them hidden from their parents

You can refuse the o pay for the tattoo of course, but what’s in question here is withdrawing support for education due to a decision your adult child has made for their own body. To me it’s coercing your child who is in a vulnerable financial position into following your own ideology.
As an example, my DD wants lip filler. I’m not keen on the idea at all but I would never threaten to take away her university support if she got them. I absolutely would not pay for the filler but I would not control her life by taking away her scaffolding.

The debate is what level of finacial support is sufficient to be able to control what another adult does with their body. That's what the eye roll is for.

To be fair, men tend not to wear wedding dresses.

But if the groom wore a short sleeved shirt or had a face/neck full of tattoos, he's not going to look beautiful or classy either.

Yeah but how often do you hear people judge men that way?

I've never heard anyone fuss over a man looking classy.

"It's a personal reminder of what made me fall in love with my biggest hobby. It's also an easy talking point"

@Hummusanddipdip you could just read or buy them the books 🤣🤷🏻‍♀️

@PistachioGelato I do own them, and like I said in the post you lifted that quote from, I do read them. Admittedly not as frequently as I did as a teen and younger, but I do still and my ds is interested in the stories from seeing the tattoo, so they are stories I have told him and books that I will read with him as he grows.

The artwork on my leg, because believe me it is artwork, are drawings that myself and the tattooist created together, discussing the characters, the stories, pulling details from the books. He is so talented, I described what I imagined and he drew it, so perfectly. Funnily enough, I actually have some of the initial idea drawings framed in my home. Which someone upthread suggested doing if you love it so much...

I get what you are saying with the whole "just read or buy them the books" funnily enough its what I plan to do with my children. But equally why wouldn't I want to decorate myself with something I love?

In my early 20s I had the disposal income, I had the desire and knew the right people with the talent needed to create what I wanted, and I did it. I still love what I've got, yes I have changed changed in the 14 years since I got my forst tattoo, yes my fashion sense changes, my hairstyles and colours change frequently. But my passion for reading and love of those 4 books, I don't think that'll ever change and the same goes for my tattoos.

The people bleating about tattoo snobbery are genuinely more insufferable than the snobs they are complaining about.

I swear some people get tattoos just so they can feel hard done by. Rebels without a cause.

For the record, I dislike tattoos because 98% of the time they're hideous and most people can't pull them off.

Recent tattoo trends just make their bodies look like a scribbled-on school notebook. The worst I've seen are those of Wimbledon winner Marketa Vondrousova.

Additionally, tattoo pigments are not guaranteed to be safe and are contaminated with a lot of heavy metals. The pigments build up in your lymph system, to the point where lymph nodes near tattoo sites can become discoloured.

Good lord nobody cares for your opinions on tattoos. Don’t like them, think they look like scribbles, will look so awful - good for you and others like you, but you’re just boring on now.

I swear some people get tattoos just so they can feel hard done by. Rebels without a cause.

Sure they do 🥺.

Disagree. We don't care if people have tattoos or not. You on the other hand think you're entitled to call us common, chav, tacky, say we look hideous and then expect us not to retaliate.

The defence some are putting up regarding their tattoos can come across as justification for their permanence. Not much can be done for a massive design that doesn't age well, or where the recipient has a change of mind.

The permanence of tattoos can lead to many regrets I reckon.

The permanence of tattoos can lead to many regrets I reckon.

There are many things in life that can lead to a permanent change and thoughts of regret. Shit happens, bad choices happen, sometimes you are marked for life by them. It’s not for others to judge you for these and proclaim your ugliness for making them. It’s worse when there is no regrets no matter how many times others say you should or will feel that way when you yourself are perfectly happy with the decisions you’ve made.

Don't regret any of mine. The defence comes from being called "common" and "chav."

I honestly don't think anyone has been defensive about their tattoos, most of the replies have explained choices. I guess this could be seen as justification but not defensive...

I couldn't care less what anyone else does to their body, I think people should give others the same respect and not resort to the name calling this thread has encouraged.

YANBU to be sad about it I would feel the same. They are so popular now though and so many younger people have them so I do think they are far more accepted now then when we were younger (well me I am 47). I got my nose pierced and belly button pierced as a teen but got rid of them probably in my mid 20s and was glad I could.

I think tattoos are lass taboo now though. They were talking about it on the radio the other day (Irish radio station) from an employers perspective and many employers were on saying it doesn't bother them if an employee has a tattoo and it wouldn't put them off employing them. This was definitely not the case when I was younger so that is a positive.

Hope the tattoo goes well and in time you love it

I'd feel exactly the same as you OP. I'm really not a fan of tattoos and have gently over the years commented on how much I don't like them and am hoping that my drip, drip tactic pays off and that DD won't like them either 🤣

I'd actually suggest that she gets the design done in henna first and lives with that for a while to see how she likes it. And just think... if she has it done in henna she can change it every couple of months!

Yanbu to dislike it. I would. What a waste of money. Are you still supporting her or does she work?
It's a bit ridiculous for her to include your birth flower when she knows you don't like tattoos. However, she is 19 so it's up to her.

I've a very skint niece who I love to bits. She has lots of tattoos. I wouldn't mind but she is always trying to cadge money of people.

YANBU, have you suggested something more discreet?

I'm not a fan; my brother has a huge tattoo featuring his first wife. I'll say no more.

YANBU. I hate tattoos on men and women and I'd feel a bit sad if my DD chose to have one when she turned 18. But it's her body and if you've checked that she is sure that she won't regret it, there's nothing more that you can do really. In your position I certainly wouldn't feel dutybound to support her in her decision or tell her it looked lovely when I secretly hated it.

You’re beyond offensive.

I’d be distraught if this was my daughter as I think they look awful, but she has spoken to you about her plans prior, so does she value your opinion? My worry would be the fact she’s so young and might regret it. Some employers wouldn’t look favourably at it either. My daughter had one in her teens, I hated it. She tired of it after about eight years. Cost her £16 to have it done, cost me £500 to have it removed on the proviso she had no more. That was fifteen years ago 😉

What career is she considering OP?
Some careers/employers are still very conservative about tattoos and I have worked in a few schools where the dress code states that tattoos must be covered.
No bother if she's going into a creative type profession but might be an issue for her if she goes into a more traditional or public facing role one day.