Child given melatonin without our consent

[HuckleberryBlackcurrant]

DS6 went to his first sleepover last night, at a close friend's house. 4 other kids were there also, ages 6-8.

His friend's mum messaged to say he was asleep shortly after 9 which I found unusual because he would usually stay up later with all that excitement. But I thought that he was just very tired. We have been very busy recently, he has been in swimming lessons and football and was starting a mild cold.

This afternoon when I picked him up it was casually mentioned that the kids were all dosed with melatonin. I know it's super common to do so but our son has never had melatonin, and we certainly would have said no if we were asked.

It put him into a really deep sleep, causing him to have an accident in the night which really embarrassed him.

I didn't really say anything when my friend mentioned this. I was a bit blindsided, and the party was still going on so I didn't know how best to address it.

My husband is really irritated that they went ahead and dosed our child without our consent. Melatonin has been something we agreed not to give our children unless medically directed. He wants me to say something to the parents. I'm inclined to leave it as he's unlikely to go there for a sleepover again for quite some time. I was thinking we could just bring it up if he ever sleeps there again.

My husband thinks that on principle, you don't give a child anything without their parents' consent, so we should raise the issue and set the boundary now. Our children do play there occasionally in the daytime. Usually he is the non confrontational one and I am the one bringing these things up. Idk if it's because I'm 38 weeks pregnant so I just don't feel like pursuing it?

What would you do? Are we right to be irritated?

That's madness

I would never EVER let that parent have my kid even for 5 mins afterwards

I would also report them to social services and the police personally

I wouldn't even give calpol to a child in my care without getting the parents permission and I would collect my child before anyone needed to medicate him

That is absolutely insane and could've ended in tragedy

Wow I had no idea you couldn’t get melatonin otc in England. We buy sleep gummies here in America with them in - I use them a lot combined with 200mg diphenhydramine and two anxiety meds that are meant to cause extreme drowsiness. I still don’t always sleep. My kid sometimes takes a melatonin if he’s had a bad nights sleep the day before or is trying to get back into a better sleep pattern.

that said I’d be mad as hell about them being given it without asking me. You have to set boundaries immediately otherwise he can’t go back there again.

I think it is entirely possible to understand that the OP's sleepover hosts acted poorly and should not have done what they did AND to also understand that in a different country from our own this might not be anything the local police would have any avenue to pursue for prosecution @SummerPeach. Call that weird if you like?

In the 3 examples that @SingingNettles posted, the first prosecution was for a daycare (nursery!) worker administering paediatric prescribed level dosages. The second was for workers giving out a 30mg dose to toddlers, and the third was for administering OTC supplements which were clearly labelled as 'over 16 only' to far younger children.

If the sleepover hosts did any of these things, then yes, OP would have cause to call her local police & seek a prosecution - but based on the information to date that it was likely a single 0.5mg, age allowed softee, what would they do?

It's not for you & I to argue the case for whether the FDA has got it right or not. They've presided over plenty of shocking & unhealthy decisions. But it's not going to help OP to call the police to report something which isn't illegal there.

All she can do is change her friends & be crystal clear on what is and isn't ok to her when DS next goes on a sleepover - even when it's something which would appear blindingly obviously to ALL of us!

Abosifuckingly not!!!What if one of the children react badly and possibly not wake up???The nerve of those people is gobsmacking.Drugging kids??Massive safeguarding issue.I would have lost it!

In the 3 examples that @SingingNettlesposted, the first prosecution was for a daycare (nursery!) worker administering paediatric prescribed level dosages

They were not prescribed doses, and were the same strength as was given to the OP’s child.

https://ministrywatch.com/amp/church-daycare-director-pleads-not-guilty-for-giving-children-sleep-aid-without-parental-consent/

I'd be furious!!! So many aspects to this. I see that the info from the bottle of gummies says "for special occasions" only. For all she knew, your dc might be on some medication that would react with them. Or might have an allergy to any of the ingredients.
If this is the norm in the USA then you'll probably have to tell the parents of any future sleepover that you forbade them from giving any medication whatsoever without your prior consent.
Without doubt you will need to speak to the parent who gave your dc the gummy(again the packet says one initially so hopefully she didn't give him 2) and make it clear how serious you view this and how furious you are that she did this.
You can only deal with this regarding your own dc but Id also be wondering if the other parents were aware that she did this and how they feel about it.

At the end of the day, someone else has given your child medication without your consent. It doesn't matter what the dosage/make/form was, it already happened and cannot be changed- WHY are you making excuses about dealing with this?!

Either you or your DH need to speak to her today and let her know, firmly, that this is not appropriate and you are not happy about it.

Who else is going to advocate for your child if his Mum and Dad won't?!

Step the fuck UP!

Do you not know the meaning of the word pediatric? it's a category that covers dosing for children, nothing to do with whether something is prescribed by a dr. There is no prescription strength for melatonin in the US because it's considered a dietary supplement by law, not a medication.

The nursery worker cases are different because they are licensed by the government and have to operate according to law -- there is no law against the poor judgement of a friend giving a child melatonin.

It would be great if we had a US criminal lawyer who could weigh in but, absent that:

We can say with confidence that it can be a crime, in the US, for an adult to give melatonin (with a strength of 0.5mg) to a child without the consent of the child’s parents.

On the facts of the 3 cases that I found reported in the press, the closest one is the daycare worker who gave melatonin of that strength to children aged 2 to 4.

I could not tell you with certainty that the law would apply evenly between daycare workers and other adults, or that it would apply differently depending on whether the child is 4 or 6, but I certainly think a conversation with the police would be entirely warranted.

It is extremely reckless for someone, other than a suitably qualified lawyer, to confidently state that no crime has been committed (particularly when there are somewhat similar incidents where the melatonin-giver has been charged).

Oh my god?! How are you not more angry about this?? Its absolutely not okay and you need to put your child's welfare before rocking the boat.And I can't beleive you would actually let him go back there again!

That second para is useful, thank you.

I thought it could be bought over the counter in England. I'm 79 and prescribed it every night. She should be reported to somebody. I hope there were no lasted effects for your dc

I would be furious and after processing the information (I'd be like you and initially not process it when being told) I would go mental at her and also report her to the police! In the UK (not sure where you are) this is prescribed. Who the hell gives a child another child's prescribed medication? She also didn't ask for your consent and I'm assuming she probably didn't ask for your child's consent either! This is assault?! I would never allow the child anywhere near them ever again.

Personally I’m not a fan of sleepovers for safeguarding reasons.
You should never medicate another child unless you’ve got permission (parents have packed medication with their child and provided instructions on when to give and why etc) - I agree with your husband about the need to address it.
This is really unsafe to do with someone else’s child.

The dose is irrelevant, the fact that it’s widely available in the US is irrelevant, the fact that all of the other children have it regularly is irrelevant.

You do not give another persons child medicine without their consent.

I wouldn’t even give a child a multivitamin without asking their parent.

Your friend has lost her mind.

For those saying that melatonin wouldn’t work as quickly as 10 mins. My mum was prescribed it and was very sensitive to it. It made her sleep quickly and kept her asleep. Everyone responds differently to medication.

I think it was wrong on all levels, and I’m quite shocked it’s acceptable to give this to kids in USA.

I have never given a poorly child under my watch a paracetamol or ibuprofen without getting permission from the parent(s) first.

Irritated? I'd be furious!

If I took melatonin along with one of my prescribed drugs it would cause seizures.

WTAF is wrong with people? They're idiots.

It's not common over here but is available. It strikes me that the sleepover parents are lazy fuckers and just wanted all the kids asleep so they could have a quiet life.

Insulin is a ‘natural hormone’ but you wouldn’t give it from a bottle to your child without a prescription would you?

my disabled child was prescribed melatonin and my husband and I went out of our way to ensure they did not receive this on a long term basis. Life is difficult for us and we can have no hobbies as our child requires full time assistance and very strict routines so that we can get sleep for work in the morning. We do know our child needs this and life would be easier with it and still try not to give it. If anyone else gave my child this I would totally lose my sh1t!!! They sound selfish and wanted an easy life. For me this is not forgivable!

I don’t even feed other people’s kids without calling their parents. what if there’s an allergy? I can’t imagine giving paracetamol without calling first and certainly not just something “to help them go over” for my own personal gain. Under no circumstances would my child be allowed in their house again, night or day time!

@wellstopdoingitthen - no because my child isn't diabetic. He does, however, have a sleep disorder, hence giving him 0.5mg of melatonin. It's that or absence seizures... 🤷🏽‍♀️

And as you well know, the risks of administering insulin can be lethal whilst I don't believe melatonin ever has been.

And in any event, the point isn't about the availability of melatonin, it's whether the parents should have given it to a strangers child or not (which they obviously shouldn't have).