Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Child given melatonin without our consent

996 replies

HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 28/07/2023 22:44

DS6 went to his first sleepover last night, at a close friend's house. 4 other kids were there also, ages 6-8.

His friend's mum messaged to say he was asleep shortly after 9 which I found unusual because he would usually stay up later with all that excitement. But I thought that he was just very tired. We have been very busy recently, he has been in swimming lessons and football and was starting a mild cold.

This afternoon when I picked him up it was casually mentioned that the kids were all dosed with melatonin. I know it's super common to do so but our son has never had melatonin, and we certainly would have said no if we were asked.

It put him into a really deep sleep, causing him to have an accident in the night which really embarrassed him.

I didn't really say anything when my friend mentioned this. I was a bit blindsided, and the party was still going on so I didn't know how best to address it.

My husband is really irritated that they went ahead and dosed our child without our consent. Melatonin has been something we agreed not to give our children unless medically directed. He wants me to say something to the parents. I'm inclined to leave it as he's unlikely to go there for a sleepover again for quite some time. I was thinking we could just bring it up if he ever sleeps there again.

My husband thinks that on principle, you don't give a child anything without their parents' consent, so we should raise the issue and set the boundary now. Our children do play there occasionally in the daytime. Usually he is the non confrontational one and I am the one bringing these things up. Idk if it's because I'm 38 weeks pregnant so I just don't feel like pursuing it?

What would you do? Are we right to be irritated?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
14
CaravaggiosCat · 30/07/2023 19:15

Sorry but I'd be very suspicious of anyone who wanted my child to go to sleep quickly and deeply, it's just weird.

embod · 30/07/2023 19:16

As soon as I saw your title I knew you were in the US. I know over here in the UK melatonin is almost impossible to get hold of and parents and children can wait years before being prescribed it. However, my sister lives in the US and ‘sleep gummies’ are seen as the norm. They are often called vitamins so it’s understandable that many see them as harmless. I’ll confess my sister will bring some over for my own use when she comes over and that’s the brand she brings.

Agehdidbfkgjsgwgzbzk · 30/07/2023 19:17

If your not going to report it or mention it then you are just as bad so I don’t really see the point in you over reacting!

Mumto32022 · 30/07/2023 19:19

I consider myself a very laid back parent but wow!! I would be furious!!
no one has any right to administer any Medication to your child without consent and even then it’s not like it’s a bit of calpol they’ve given something purposely to get them all to sleep. Shocking. Why have a sleepover with a bunch of kids if you do expect noise and for them to be up all night messing around!

Poundfoolishpennywise · 30/07/2023 19:20

I would literally go absolutely apeshit if this was me and would be looking into whether I could involve the police. This surely has to count as assault of a minor?

RampantIvy · 30/07/2023 19:21

Please can posters read the OP's updates. She is US based so some of the responses don't apply.

JLou08 · 30/07/2023 19:27

ScrollingLeaves · 28/07/2023 23:45

I don’t intend to be rude but more want to back up your own stance: Here in the U.K, we get the impression that there is a sort of madness with over medicating/drugging children in the USA.

Leave children’s healthy bodies alone.

I get this impression too from a lot of things I've read and heard, also heard about problems with children inappropriately diagnosed with ADHD and wrongly medicated.
There are some children with complex emotional and behavioural needs who need medication and it is used in the UK as a last resort after carefull consideration from parents and medical professionals. It seems like in the US medicating children to control their behaviour is just the norm. It's really sad.

Aly1977 · 30/07/2023 19:28

Im the same as you, my son is scripted it because he cannot settle down due to his asd and has been on it for 4 or so years now (2mg) we are in the U.K. I know the USA it’s taken off the shelf but I’d be livid if someone gave my child it or anything without asking, I have my grandchild and my friends son over night and don’t even give calpol unless I check with them first x

OhCrumbsWhereNow · 30/07/2023 19:29

Comefromaway · 29/07/2023 20:27

You think it's nonsense? Give some to your DC without it being medically prescribed and report yourself to the GP and social services, see how nonsense it is when your DC are removed from your care whilst you are investigated

I told my GP & the nurse practitioner at CAMHS I was giving it to Ds & they did nothing other than nod in approval. The nurse practitioner advised me to try increasing the dose.

Same - I was totally upfront with the GP and the psychiatrist. They all said to carry on - and that I might find I needed to buy a slightly stronger dosage than the current one.

Cerealkillerontheloose · 30/07/2023 19:29

Thally · 28/07/2023 22:52

This cannot be real. It requires a prescription. It's use is not common. The only kids I have known to have it have severe sleep disturbances that require professional help.

That’s not quite correct.

it can be brought from abroad and shipped to the uk without prescription

tzb · 30/07/2023 19:29

Why have a sleepover if you can't bear kids making noise? Giving kids melatonin is very unnecesary, although it is a safe substance.

SemynonA · 30/07/2023 19:30

RampantIvy · 30/07/2023 18:39

I think the nature of medical insurance in the USA results in a lot of interventions that are not essential.

That is very true. When DD was a baby she had a medical condition that needed treatment. I joined an online forum for carers of DC with this condition. It was a US based forum, and I was horrified at the medical interventions that the American children underwent. With DD the consultant advised me that medical interventions carried more risks than waiting until the issue went away, which it duly did.

As a result I am very cynical of American doctors' (over) enthusiasm for treatment as I suspect that they view it as a money making exercise and not necessarily in the best interest of the patient.

You're not entirely wrong, however, I do not really agree with your conclusions.

I am French, so I come from a world at a cross between the NHS "wait and carry on" and the American high interventionism even when the benefits/risks balance isn't necessarily in the right direction.

The difference between the UK and France? It's the same system, of a state-subsidised healthcare, but unlike the UK, private care is subsidised at the same level (if your NHS GP gets paid £25 for a 15mins appointment, then the French state considers that it shall fund £25 towards that primary care for you but leave up to you the choice of with whom you'll spend it. Primary or secondary care, state-funded in France means choice between state offer and private offer.

Since in France the private offer is financially aligned with the state offer (to be funded the doctors have to sign a convention, meaning their price needs to remain in a certain range) and state-funded, French people get more of a similar level of care to Americans than British people.

For example, I had a deep cleaning of my teeth every 6 to 12 months in my life (state-funded) and considered it a norm, something you have to do just to keep healthy teeth and that everyone do.
I was in for a serious shock when I came to live in the UK. The state doesn't even find it its duty to treat a tooth infection. Apparently, in the UK an infection doesn't have to be treated if it's sitting in your teeth, despite the cardiovascular risks? I mean, sure if you get up at 8 am (and not 8.30 then it's too late!) to ask for a phone call from your GP you might get some antibiotics sent your way, which won't solve the underlying issue. Because alas, when it comes to removing the dead tissue from your mouth causing the infection, you'll be in from your pocket and to a cost that would seem absolutely scandalous to a French person.

As a result of being able to access everything state-funded, including private care, French people have the best of both worlds (ranked 1st healthcare service in the world by WHO), and a less dogmatic view of what harm or good both the British and the American healthcare systems provide.

So our views (which are shared by most state-subsidised healthcare residents, such as Ireland, Germany, Italy, and so on) are that :

  1. the British (state-funded) healthcare is absolutely too minimalistic, to the point that it endangers lives, end of it; You'll be better served in Italy or Spain, considering that the private healthcare is as unregulated and expensive (albeit excellent) as the American one.
  2. the American healthcare is mostly excellent when you can afford it, and within reason kept; There is indeed a push-to-intervene tendency, which is immediately identifiable at the C-section rate.

And since I'm in the UK I've been constantly treated as if I just swallow pills for fun and I need none of it. However, during my decades in France I've never seen as many walking aids as I've seen in a couple of years in the UK, not to mention the bad teeth or the many coughs or the severe obesity (pain prevents you to exercise, which makes you put on weight, which prevents you to exercise, vicious circle and unsurprisingly I couldn't access in the UK the pain management I had in France and was more or less offered mindfulness instead) and found that mostly any call to the GP in the UK concludes by the GP ordering you to "just buy xxxx OTC".

To illustrate how minimal the British healthcare is, French GPs have a dispensary in London for French citizens in the UK, and this despite the fact that any French citizen necessarily access the NHS for free (I mean pre-brexit and (pre)settled status, I don't know how it works now since if not leave to remain). https://www.df-sfb.org.uk/fr/
Do you know a British dispensary in Paris? Because I don't.

Dispensaire Français – Société Française de Bienfaisance

https://www.df-sfb.org.uk/fr

OhCrumbsWhereNow · 30/07/2023 19:30

Cerealkillerontheloose · 30/07/2023 19:29

That’s not quite correct.

it can be brought from abroad and shipped to the uk without prescription

Correct - you can order it online and have it shipped no problem at all. $3.50 for a tub of 80 last time I ordered.

sweetdreams33 · 30/07/2023 19:33

This is so bad on so many levels. They should not be giving your child anything without your consent. Apart from the fact IT IS JUST WRONG, what if your child had any allergies, or if he had a bad reaction. I would be furious, and yes I would definitely have said quite a few words. Some I won't say here in such polite company

Lollipop81 · 30/07/2023 19:35

That is so wrong.

Mummytomybabies · 30/07/2023 19:36

I would be LIVID!

As a parent you NEED to say something. The parent that gave the dose shouldn't think it's ok to just do what she did. What a joke. I'd never let him stay there again either irrespective. How you even consider not saying anything is beyond me.

BaconChops · 30/07/2023 19:39

I would be so angry if someone did that to my child without my consent. How very dare they!!! You are not being unreasonable I totally agree with your husband.

Lianney84 · 30/07/2023 19:43

Yes it it's prescription only drug given to children in the UK not sure about anywhere else . My son has it he's been prescribed it for his autism and adhd.

You should never give a child or adult medication that's not been prescribed to thEm. Can be dangerous melatonin is a sleeping pill and isn't made for everyone

KateKateLee · 30/07/2023 19:45

Worse case scenario what if he’d had an allergic reaction and died? Or it had interacted with other medication he was taking? Or caused a lasting side effect? They should never give medication without parent’s permission. If they feel they have to medicate all the kids at a sleepover like that perhaps they shouldn’t be hosting sleepovers.

KateKateLee · 30/07/2023 19:50

Mummytomybabies · 30/07/2023 19:36

I would be LIVID!

As a parent you NEED to say something. The parent that gave the dose shouldn't think it's ok to just do what she did. What a joke. I'd never let him stay there again either irrespective. How you even consider not saying anything is beyond me.

You should definitely say something. It’s totally unacceptable. If they go away with school or a youth organisation they can’t be given so much as a plaster or paracetamol without parental permission.

DahliaRose3 · 30/07/2023 19:52

I think you need to say something, so that the parents learn it isn’t okay to give other people’s children medication etc without their consent. Irrespective of whether or not they can pick it up in the shop easily; your child could have had an adverse reaction & then what? I don’t understand why you’re so calm about it all.

I would be fuming, and I hate confrontation.

You can say to them, that what they did was not okay, and you’re both angry and upset by the situation. You trusted them, and they violated your trust by medicating your child without permission; with no thought of the medication’s effects and potential interactions with other meds.

MeandT · 30/07/2023 19:53

Says a lot about the lack of judgement of the sleepover parents OP. Make it very clear to them he won't be staying over again, and make it very clear why. I had to do the same thing for DD for a completely different reason. If the adults you're putting in loco parentis aren't bright enough to realise that dosing up the kids is the wrong thing to do without asking first, they're really not safe to leave in charge.

Yes I understand it's culturally normal to make a family decision to use melatonin in the US. It's also culturally normal to drink a pint of coffee a day to facilitate having a shit because their average diet is so poor & so lacking in fibre that it won't happen any other way. That doesn't mean I'd be ok with them giving coffee to my 6 year old!

Diet would resolve the constipation issue without coffee. Exercise would resolve the sleep issue without melatonin*. And god only knows most kids in the US could do with more exercise! If they're too lazy to wait for kids to go to sleep normally, that's a second reason they're inappropriate sleepover hosts for your child's wellbeing.

*yes I know melatonin is medically necessary to help a small percentage of the childhood population to sleep properly. I'm not talking about them, I'm talking about OP's unmedicated child.

SummerPeach · 30/07/2023 19:53

Part of me can’t believe that this happened!!
but if it HAD happened to my Child, I would be informing the police and the school and the local GP.
and I would be telling my Child we were no longer friends with that family.
I’d be SO UPSET , devastated and no words to express the anger ! I would be filled with rage !

KateKateLee · 30/07/2023 19:56

HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 28/07/2023 22:44

DS6 went to his first sleepover last night, at a close friend's house. 4 other kids were there also, ages 6-8.

His friend's mum messaged to say he was asleep shortly after 9 which I found unusual because he would usually stay up later with all that excitement. But I thought that he was just very tired. We have been very busy recently, he has been in swimming lessons and football and was starting a mild cold.

This afternoon when I picked him up it was casually mentioned that the kids were all dosed with melatonin. I know it's super common to do so but our son has never had melatonin, and we certainly would have said no if we were asked.

It put him into a really deep sleep, causing him to have an accident in the night which really embarrassed him.

I didn't really say anything when my friend mentioned this. I was a bit blindsided, and the party was still going on so I didn't know how best to address it.

My husband is really irritated that they went ahead and dosed our child without our consent. Melatonin has been something we agreed not to give our children unless medically directed. He wants me to say something to the parents. I'm inclined to leave it as he's unlikely to go there for a sleepover again for quite some time. I was thinking we could just bring it up if he ever sleeps there again.

My husband thinks that on principle, you don't give a child anything without their parents' consent, so we should raise the issue and set the boundary now. Our children do play there occasionally in the daytime. Usually he is the non confrontational one and I am the one bringing these things up. Idk if it's because I'm 38 weeks pregnant so I just don't feel like pursuing it?

What would you do? Are we right to be irritated?

Incidentally OP bedwetting is a side effect of melatonin.

TMess · 30/07/2023 19:56

This thread is one wild cultural misunderstanding. DCFS, police etc would be exactly 0% interested, which thankfully the OP seems to sensibly grasp. Yes, it is super common here. The majority of my DCs friends take/are given it. We don’t use it, and I wouldn’t want them given it without my knowledge or permission obviously, but a quick word to the other parent should suffice.

I’d be shocked if the Olly gummy made your son sleep so soundly though, sounds more like sleepover exhaustion! One of mine at a little younger (pre-reading) thought they were gummy candies at a friend’s house when told they could have some candy from the pantry and ate a LOT. He fell asleep quite early that evening as you can imagine lol but no more deeply than normal nor for longer.