Child given melatonin without our consent

[HuckleberryBlackcurrant]

DS6 went to his first sleepover last night, at a close friend's house. 4 other kids were there also, ages 6-8.

His friend's mum messaged to say he was asleep shortly after 9 which I found unusual because he would usually stay up later with all that excitement. But I thought that he was just very tired. We have been very busy recently, he has been in swimming lessons and football and was starting a mild cold.

This afternoon when I picked him up it was casually mentioned that the kids were all dosed with melatonin. I know it's super common to do so but our son has never had melatonin, and we certainly would have said no if we were asked.

It put him into a really deep sleep, causing him to have an accident in the night which really embarrassed him.

I didn't really say anything when my friend mentioned this. I was a bit blindsided, and the party was still going on so I didn't know how best to address it.

My husband is really irritated that they went ahead and dosed our child without our consent. Melatonin has been something we agreed not to give our children unless medically directed. He wants me to say something to the parents. I'm inclined to leave it as he's unlikely to go there for a sleepover again for quite some time. I was thinking we could just bring it up if he ever sleeps there again.

My husband thinks that on principle, you don't give a child anything without their parents' consent, so we should raise the issue and set the boundary now. Our children do play there occasionally in the daytime. Usually he is the non confrontational one and I am the one bringing these things up. Idk if it's because I'm 38 weeks pregnant so I just don't feel like pursuing it?

What would you do? Are we right to be irritated?

WTAF?!?!

The parent was totally out of order .are you sure it was melatonin she gave the kids .my 2 ds are prescribed it .but I v never known them to have that deep a sleep .( 1 of the good reasons for them taking it.) It doesn't knock them out into a deep sleep .

This is why kids shouldn’t stay at other houses!

Id be calling the police and tell
her starlight it’s not on and never go near my
child again !
you say your child isn’t likely to be staying over for a while !!! Do
tou Cara about your child ???? He wouldn’t be staying over EVER again

I think I’d be in serious trouble if someone did this to my
child

Omg, that’s so unbelievably out of order, I’d be hitting the roof and never having anything to do with that family ever again.

I think the nature of medical insurance in the USA results in a lot of interventions that are not essential.

That is very true. When DD was a baby she had a medical condition that needed treatment. I joined an online forum for carers of DC with this condition. It was a US based forum, and I was horrified at the medical interventions that the American children underwent. With DD the consultant advised me that medical interventions carried more risks than waiting until the issue went away, which it duly did.

As a result I am very cynical of American doctors' (over) enthusiasm for treatment as I suspect that they view it as a money making exercise and not necessarily in the best interest of the patient.

I'm in utter shock!! How inappropriate and down right disrespectful to the parents. Tell her. If she cant handle hosting sleepovers she shouldnt do them.

I believe that it is not a medication but a supplement in the US.

I am French, and in France (and probably the rest of Europe I think?) it is sold as a supplement also, as you find it amongst herbal medicines.

Due to the way medication (and even more supplements) is more commonly used in France and in the US than in the UK, I am less shocked by it than British mums, and definitely would find reporting it to the police completely over the top.

For British mums, please, take cultural differences into account for things like that.

It is also worth mentioning that as far as I am aware there is no medication that could give any serious side-effect when associated with melatonin, so I do not believe that there was any risk.

However, despite our cultural difference on medication, and what is desirable/safe, in France it wouldn't be acceptable/appropriate either to give some pharmaceutical product to a child (even vitamins) without their parent's consent unless it was needed/justified (such as paracetamol or ibuprofen if the child is having a headache ).

I'm fairly confident that it wouldn't quite be acceptable either in the US and that as a result, you should feel free to discuss this with your friend and that your husband's reaction is proportionate.

Having experienced melatonin firsthand (on myself) and secondhand (on my children), I can understand that some people could feel safe using it with children and I am sure your friend meant no harm through it and it being used so widely around her might have normalised this use for her: It's not about the melatonin itself as much as the process through which she didn't feel like she should bring it up beforehand rather than as an accomplished fact.

This use of melatonin also is problematic, but I don't feel like it's worth going about it as it is a complete approach to medication and supplements (excessive, unregulated, unsafe) which are purely typical of the US and that lead to the misuse and consequences we know of but are another debate.

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2023/05/melatonin-kids-overdose/674104/

Interesting article about an upswing in melatonin use in the US.

I find it very hard to get my kids to sleep, I messed up somewhere and my younger one still needs me to lie down with them most nights, meaning I often miss my evening. I can see that some parents would find it far easier to give melatonin. In fact a friend gave it to me once before a flight and said to try it on the DCs. They were asleep in minutes.

Didn't work so well on the flight when one was asleep but still climbing over seats, however.... haven't used it since and definitely not after reading this.

@HuckleberryBlackcurrant

Hi OP,
You said you've discussed not giving this to your son and were made out to be the unreasonable ones because everyone else gives it. So am I to assume the person who gave it were aware you haven't given it to your son. Considering you said you and your H have spoken not wanting to give it to your son

This could be a safe guarding issue , please speak to the police about this

Wtf I’d be absolutely livid!! I’m guessing you aren’t in the uk as this is a huge no no here plus it takes bloody ages for children who NEED it to be prescribed if! How dare anyone give your child medication without Vincent! What if he had an allergy or was already on medication that would react to it? How bizarre

Not sure what country you are in. If this is the UK then what has been done is illegal and a very serious Safeguarding matter.

This MUST be reported to Social Services.

If the parents think that doing this is OK what else do they do to their own kids?

As for worrying about DS, don’t. One shot won’t do him any harm, so from that point of view really don’t worry.

however, use this as a valuable learning tool about “not taking medication.”

don’t be cross or angry with him, don’t stress him about “how dangerous it was” or “irresponsible” etc.

explain to him that the grown ups “made a bad decision and did something they shouldn’t have done.”

tell him that in future of anyone wants him to take anything, he needs to ask your permission.

he’s old enough to understand that.

ask him how the medication made him feel / drowsy etc and ask him if he wants to feel like that again - unlikely.

take this opportunity to explain that when he gets older there will be people trying to get him to take drugs and will say they are good, but they really aren’t.

Spin this round to a positive experience!

Ask him if he thinks it’s such a good idea to be friends with the child, let him decide…. 🤞he’ll walk away from that friendship and then it’s not an issue.

speak to social services and ask their opinion! You may need to speak to a manager because they are very busy and try to fob off lots of things!

once you have the response from Social Services you have your action plan…..

Just message the mum / dad and explain that “he wasn’t feeling great so you took him to the Dr who advised you to contact Social Services about it and you have followed their advice.” This then takes “the blame” off yourself.

don’t let your child sleep over again there.

I sincerely hope this is just a wind up though.

I'm in the US and while you CAN get it OTC I don't give it to my 6 yo either. I do take Aleve PM myself on the occasional weekend to help me sleep. My husband prefers Zzquil but he's drowsy the day following so only on weekends as well... that explains our attitudes on it.

You should NEVER give someone medication without checking with their caregiver. You don't know that they're not on meds or have a medical condition that would be contraindicated. It's extremely risky behaviour on the part of that parent. You also need to have been told after the fact for the same reason, to not risk over dosing, or contraindications.

I'd word it to your friend in the above way. That it turned out okay THIS time but they might not be lucky next time and to never ever dose someone, or someone else's child, without express permission (and I personally would want people to give me consent in writing for my own protection).

This is so wildly different from culture in UK I’m pretty sure if someone did this here, they’d be reported to police / child services and charged! Melotain is v hard to get prescribed for kids here and the idea you’d dish out to others would be akin to giving kids weed

I’d go sodding crazy if someone did this to my child. How are you so unbothered by this. This is so unacceptable. It’s not normal at all. Absolutely disgraceful behaviour.

Well Spottybikehelmet they take it in the US because it’s a drug fuelled society who have to self medicate because they are not lucky enough to have NHS free at point of use.
OPs post reveals why we must look after the NHS.
This incident is utterly appalling.

I live in Spain and melatonin is available over the counter here, but we do t give it to each others kids on sleepovers. I’d be really angry!!

That is unbelievable! Melatonin is only authorised as a prescription drug in the UK. If someone gave that to my child I would be confronting them and my child wouldn't be with them unsupervised again.
If people use it for their own children for a genuine reason fair enough. Giving it to a group of children at a sleepover though is way out of line, and I suspect just done so they could have an easy night. They shouldn't have offered the sleepover if they can't manage the children having a late night.

I’m a kinship carer & it’s my granddaughter that I’m raising I got her fulltime into our care in 2017 when she was 2&1/2 she just turned 9this month, now she isn’t great at sleeping & we don’t do sleepovers,I found a natural remedy that helps my granddaughter fall asleep naturally & it’s a simple sticker put on her nightwear 30mins before bed & along with her deep sleep music playing on her Alexa she falls asleep within 1/15 mins now instead of me still shouting at 12/1am get to bed, now if a supposed friend gave my granddaughter a dose of medication to get her to sleep early & sleep so deeply she had an accident during the night said friend would be in the police cells & I would make dam sure she wasn’t allowed near her kids, What I find really weird is the reaction of both you & your husband about the whole thing he is irritated & just because your pregnant you can’t be bothered with saying anything about it, maybe its just me, maybe it’s because I’m Scottish,already raised 3 kids & now raising my granddaughter & Im 49 this year but, sorry nobody & I mean nobody has the right to dope up any kids especially my own, putting them at risk, to be honest you & your husband need social work/child protective services involved with you aswell since your about to bring another life into this world as you don’t seem to see to much of a problem with what your friend done, I dread to think what else you are all capable of doing for a peaceful life this post has got me spitting feathers I’m all over the place & I know I’ve made a mess of it,but the parents & the friends who did the doping need investigated with some intense parenting classes ordered not suggested, kids get taken off their parents for less but in this case intense help & support is needed if refused or no engagement then removal to hopefully other family members until such times the parents see sense & engage with workers & do what is required, one thing I am wondering if the friends are that happy to dope up any kids that stay over are they themselves using? So mandatory random drug testing just to make sure

I think you need therapy your reaction is bonkers .

It's a child protection matter and likely a criminal offence. My son was prescribed melatonin and had a severe adverse reaction. I was monitoring it and we had full medical advice and he was OK once it was out of his system. But side effects are well known. This is such a dangerous thing to have done.

Oh goodness! I’ve not heard this before. Can it cause airway construction in adult asthmatics too, do you know?

I haven't read the whole thread, just your posts but just wanted to add my thoughts:

I wouldn't even give another child a multivitamin - you never know how they will react. It was a very bad judgement call on the other parents half.

Anyone who's having a good at you for not reacting on the spot - it had already happened - whether you addressed it there and then ( and ideally not Infront of the children) or in a week's time makes no difference.

There is no reason why you need to get involved. Your husband is your son's parent. He can deal with it, regardless of how well he does it doesn't know the couple.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy. You don't need to deal with this, you need to put your head down and relax as much as you can before the new baby arrives.

I think it’s dangerous to give any form of substance to a child when they haven’t had it previously, so you are unaware of any reaction they might have plus especially to do so to another child who you don’t have parental responsibility for and when you don’t have consent. I would be horrified and disgusted. I agree with your other half, I would be having strong words.

It's a supplement that you can pick up from the shelf in a drug store in north America.

I'd still be furious with them for doing it, and I'd be on the verge of putting in a call to social services.

if you want children asleep by 9pm you don't host a sleepover party.