Child given melatonin without our consent

[HuckleberryBlackcurrant]

DS6 went to his first sleepover last night, at a close friend's house. 4 other kids were there also, ages 6-8.

His friend's mum messaged to say he was asleep shortly after 9 which I found unusual because he would usually stay up later with all that excitement. But I thought that he was just very tired. We have been very busy recently, he has been in swimming lessons and football and was starting a mild cold.

This afternoon when I picked him up it was casually mentioned that the kids were all dosed with melatonin. I know it's super common to do so but our son has never had melatonin, and we certainly would have said no if we were asked.

It put him into a really deep sleep, causing him to have an accident in the night which really embarrassed him.

I didn't really say anything when my friend mentioned this. I was a bit blindsided, and the party was still going on so I didn't know how best to address it.

My husband is really irritated that they went ahead and dosed our child without our consent. Melatonin has been something we agreed not to give our children unless medically directed. He wants me to say something to the parents. I'm inclined to leave it as he's unlikely to go there for a sleepover again for quite some time. I was thinking we could just bring it up if he ever sleeps there again.

My husband thinks that on principle, you don't give a child anything without their parents' consent, so we should raise the issue and set the boundary now. Our children do play there occasionally in the daytime. Usually he is the non confrontational one and I am the one bringing these things up. Idk if it's because I'm 38 weeks pregnant so I just don't feel like pursuing it?

What would you do? Are we right to be irritated?

If the friends of my son were genuinely in need of the medication... I would have no issues whatsoever. I have ADHD traits, as it happens. But I watched a load of bubbly, mischievous kids (all really well behaved/polite, too) be turned into virtual husks of themselves to make their parents lives easier. And now? Their brain chemistry is wired to chase the next high. One of the mothers is still a really good friend of mine, and she bitterly regrets what she chose to do to her youngest son - worries that he became the young adult that he did, because he was dosed up to make her life easier from the age of 4. And by her own admission, he was dosed because he had end-of-year reports from nursery school that he was... not that kid, but a chatterbox. I looked after him 3 nights out of 5, and he was a sweetheart... until he wasn't. I watched him change from a slightly naughty 5 year old to a 15 year old up before a judge.

Like I said, my son had a traumatic brain injury as a young child, and yeah, I could have taken the easy route with regards to his behaviour... but I have a paeds consultant as a brother who strongly advised against doing anything to further alter the chemistry of a developing brain. My "job" as a mother isn't to dose my child unnecessarily. It's not to host a sleepover and hand out gummies to their friends like they're sweeties. It's to protect them to the very best of my ability.

A friend of mine who has used cocaine explained it to me once, in that it literally alters the brain chemistry with one use. Essentially, your brain is hard-wired from the first time you snort it, or rub it into a mucus membrane. There is a reason as to why students are selling their ADHD meds for a LOT of money... because it's doing a similar job. Ketamine is a fucking horse tranq... and kids are dying because of it.

My point stands. Don't dose kids to make the parents lives easier - especially if they're not legally yours. Hormone (... and I know full well what melatonin is, thanks, I actually take it rather than fucking sleeping tablets - which would work a damned sight better!) or not. Your child = your choice as a parent. But when they're old enough to shift onto other drugs that you can't control/prevent them from getting hold of...

Good fucking luck.

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Are you suggesting it’s fine to give this (or any kind of medication) to a child without the parents’ knowledge?!

A daycare worker is in a different position, with strict regulations on what they can and cannot do with the children in their care. Plus unless its overnight care it would mean the worker is giving it during the day which is even more wrong, obviously.

I'm in an EU country, its not prescription only here

Just because it's freely available doesn't make it safe. I worked in a paediatric hospital pharmacy, and a mother brought us a bottle of liquid she'd bought over the counter abroad, to treat her child's tummy upset. It was chloramphenicol, which has severe side effects!

Strokethefurrywall · Yesterday 22:25

"Do people in the U.S ever wonder how well their children may sleep without the drugs and ask themselves how their children are going to progress through life without depending on some sort of drug/supplement etc to function? Pharmaceutical companies must be loving this."

I don't wonder, I know exactly how well my child sleeps without melatonin thanks, given his absence seizures due to lack of deep sleep that went on for years.

In that case Stroke your child had a particular need.

It cannot be extrapolated from that that most ordinary children need a hormone given to them to make them sleep.

Children’s healthy bodies normally produce melatonin. It is up to adults to set up winding down, no screens, routines, reading time etc to help sleep habits.

My point was arguing the ever pervasive assumption that parents in the US are neglectful because they might give their child a supplement off the shelf, and none of them consider the implications.

Any health supplement/herb/vitamin/pharmaceutical aid comes with a warning and contraindications, which, if you're a normal person capable of reading the use and warnings of a supplement, would adhere to. Just like if I give my kids calpol or nurofen, I read the dosage, I'd like to think others would do the same.

Just because it's freely available here, it also doesn't mean that parents are rushing out to buy it! I didn't use it until my pediatrician recommended it. And I most certainly wouldn't hand them out to other kids, nor would my kids give them to others.

Except older studies have shown that off the shelf melatonin not only contained the wrong amount (less or a lot more than stated) but some of them also contained serotonin, which isn't exactly harmless,even in small dosages. Yes parents can read dosages and prospects , but when those aren't accurate it can go wrong. However, since it's quite an old study (6 years) I really hope that things have massively improved and that the labels that parents rely on for information are accurate.

Why Do you think it’s “super common “? I’ve got 3 kids and have NEVER heard of it. I’m in the UK. I would be bloody incensed if they did that to me.

I’d still be really cross.

To be honest usually when I read posts on MN it’s to have a little giggle at people overreacting, but at the end of the day however you want to wrap this up, these people have your child medication prescription or not, without your consent. It’s unacceptable and a massive betrayal of trust.

What if the sleepover adults had sinister intentions by drugging all the children? It’s not a normal thing to do as everyone usually expects sleep deprivation when kids are happy talking with their friends. At the very least the parents should be told it makes them look suspicious even if they are just arrogant idiots.

One melatonin gummy is unlikely to make a jot of difference to your son's overall health. I'd rather give a child an occasional melatonin than some of the garbage that masquerades as sweets these days. I think you gave implicit consent when you didn't raise objections during the conversation you had at the start of the party. Put it down to experience and make sure you listen more carefully in future!

You are not being unreasonable to be upset about someone else giving your child sleeping medication without your consent. That is awful that they did that & I would be very upset too. I would give careful consideration before leaving my children in their care again in the future.

I am surprised to see that no one here is phased by the fact that you admit that you knowingly sent him to a sleepover when he's starting to get sick. That's extremely rude, inconsiderate, and irresponsible of you. I would be livid if a sick child got dropped off for a playdate at mine. Just because you think it's only a "mild cold" (which you can't actually tell if he's just starting to show symptoms) doesn't mean anyone else wants to be exposed to whatever virus he's got. I hate being sick at all, even with just a mild cold, so I would be reconsidering any future invites to your family at all.

You stay home when you are sick. You keep your kids home when they are sick. How is that a difficult concept for people?

That’s really dangerous, I can’t believe they dosed your child without your consent and I’m not sure it’s legal to do that.

"You stay home when you are sick. You keep your kids home when they are sick. How is that a difficult concept for people?" @MamaKitty Another subject altogether but I agree wholeheartedly. It'll take another pandemic for this to sink in with the general population.

They should not have done that unbeknownst to you and yr DH. Having said that, your DH should be the one having a word with the parents, ur heavily pregnant and don’t need the stress.

I had the same response as Washeroo. I think the nature of medical insurance in the USA results in a lot of interv

But it isn't a drug

It is treated as a drug in the UK @x2boys. HRT is hormone replacement therapy and is also treated as a drug.

DD works in a pharmacy and she says they get quite a few patients in with melatonin prescriptions.

Melatonin is prescription-only in the UK.
These people drugged your child, when the child was under their care, without your knowledge or consent, so the child would get sleepy and require less attention.
I'd be calling the police.

No way .. they should not be giving medication not prescribed to them EVER

I would NEVER let them look after my child again

Sorry, accidentally hit post button. Should read, I had the same response as Washeroo. I think the nature of medical insurance in the USA results in a lot of interventions that are not essential.

I would be extremely angry and never let my child go to that place again. Also I would tell the reason why in my whats'app group so other parents knew exactly why and could make their own informed decision.