Child given melatonin without our consent

[HuckleberryBlackcurrant]

DS6 went to his first sleepover last night, at a close friend's house. 4 other kids were there also, ages 6-8.

His friend's mum messaged to say he was asleep shortly after 9 which I found unusual because he would usually stay up later with all that excitement. But I thought that he was just very tired. We have been very busy recently, he has been in swimming lessons and football and was starting a mild cold.

This afternoon when I picked him up it was casually mentioned that the kids were all dosed with melatonin. I know it's super common to do so but our son has never had melatonin, and we certainly would have said no if we were asked.

It put him into a really deep sleep, causing him to have an accident in the night which really embarrassed him.

I didn't really say anything when my friend mentioned this. I was a bit blindsided, and the party was still going on so I didn't know how best to address it.

My husband is really irritated that they went ahead and dosed our child without our consent. Melatonin has been something we agreed not to give our children unless medically directed. He wants me to say something to the parents. I'm inclined to leave it as he's unlikely to go there for a sleepover again for quite some time. I was thinking we could just bring it up if he ever sleeps there again.

My husband thinks that on principle, you don't give a child anything without their parents' consent, so we should raise the issue and set the boundary now. Our children do play there occasionally in the daytime. Usually he is the non confrontational one and I am the one bringing these things up. Idk if it's because I'm 38 weeks pregnant so I just don't feel like pursuing it?

What would you do? Are we right to be irritated?

Nobody not one person on here is, saying it should be randomly given out even the person you have quoted 🙄

The poster you're replying to specifically says it shouldnt be given to a child without the parents consent

Not sure what your point is, you seem to have missed the point of their post

You clearly haven’t read my post. So there is no point replying to someone who can’t/doesn’t read comprehensively.

It’s wrong to medicate other people’s kids with out the parents/legal guardian’s consent. I would avoid these people and my child would never go to their house again. I would go round to their place and tell them this so it’s clear.

I would never give someone else's child medication. Even something like liquid paracetamol I would check!
What if the child had been allergic to something...

You are better than me I would be calling social services . Who on earth doses off their kids and others on melatonin

@Thebirdhouse it was to explain the hype/angst. Someone doesn't have to be an expert on melatonin (I actually know quite a bit about it) to say it's wrong and potentially dangerous, because you shouldn't give kids any meds/drugs/supplements that they don't need.

I wouldn't be happy with someone giving my kid vitamins either without my consent and I accept they're harmless. I'd still be pissed off and "angsty" about it even if I understand the concept.

Schools in the uk where there are first aid trained staff etc wouldn't even administer hay fever medication , or other medication without written consent from the parents. But your "friends" have taken it upon themselves to drug your dc without your consent albeit with readily available otc ones. I'd be livid and there'll be no more sleepovers or playdates at their place , if it were me. I would also make it known that I am not happy that they did this. It's a total breach of trust. Your families clearly have very different parenting styles and this needs to be addressed imo.

To add why have a sleepover if the kids are medicated so that they sleep? She should have said I’ll be giving sleep medication to the kids so that I get a quiet evening, because of that, do you want you child to stay over? You would have said that you’d be collecting your child before bedtime.

You are again missing the fact that the pp, who.you have quoted agreed that nobody should be giving melatonin out to.other peoples kids
Its just not what you do.

Not read full thread just Op's posts, so sorry if it's been covered:
No one with any basic intelligence would be giving someone else's child anything OTC, or otherwise without checking with parents. I'd be concerned about what other boundaries they'd happily cross.

Your terminology around 'just a gummy' is a little worrying if you pass it on to your kids. Mine have already encountered the "Take it, It's only a gummy" and "You wimping out? It's only a gummy" from others, and I'm not talking Melatonin.

Here (London) we have dope, ecstasy, and hallucinogen in gummys. Those are just the one's I know about. (one of the good things about being vegetarian is kids are suspicious of things that may have gelatin in them!)

They're pressed into shapes that please young adults, teens and children alike. I've seen bears, cats, pigs and fried eggs.
They're easy to make and I'd assume you could put many drugs into them depending on if the making process would or wouldn't destroy the particular drug.
I've only ever seen individual ones, but customs pick them up bagged and packaged up as xxx grams of innocent looking sweets.

I get that this was 'only' Melatonin but the idea that something is less to worry about as 'just a gummy', isn't a good one to buy into, or encourage among kids.

Pretty much the above.

My son has only had melatonin once, as a 7 year old undergoing medical tests to determine whether or not he had epilepsy following a TBI - he's 18 now, so maybe things have changed, but he's never been a great sleeper and I jokingly said to the staff watching his brain waves under stimulus that it might be the answer... to be told that although it is a hormone, in developing brains, given as a constant thing, it actually alters the way the brains work. It's much like cannabis, essentially. It's used as an absolute last resort in children and, as my quoted poster says, only if prescribed by a consultant/under certain conditions.

I would be beyond livid if I were you, @HuckleberryBlackcurrant - because the other parents stepped so far beyond certain unspoken boundaries between parents that I'd be surprised if they could even recognise the lines any more! Why the fuck host a kids sleep-over, presumably for their child's benefit, if they were just going to drug the invitees?! If they can't deal with the sleepless night of kids giggling, making midnight snack raids on the kitchen, and only falling asleep when dawn has long broken... they ought not to host a kids sleep-over.

Actually, as dramatic as this sounds, I would be seeking legal advice about this, second-cousin or not. Because your son is a minor and cannot consent, and you - as his parents - aren't happy about what they did. They make their choices regarding changing their child's brain chemistry... you make the healthier decision regarding your child's future ability to make rational decisions. Because that's essentially what it boils down to.

My 18 year old has friends who were put on ADHD meds as children round about your son's age... and they are all coke-heads now, because their brains are chasing the next high. My son, with a childhood TBI, is the most rational out of all of them. He's the kid who calls the ambulance when one of them overdoses, who meets his curfew, whose brain is wired to the best of its ability, because he wasn't dosed up to make my life easier. Because that's what it boils down to. These kids being casually dosed without their actual consent, is to make the "parent(s)" life, or lives easier. And it needs to be recognised for what it actually is.

Assault.

Akin to a woman being roofied, for fuck's sake.

You shouldn't have posted here, the keyboard warriors are in full flight. Totally different approach in the US where it's legal to give it to kids OTC, in the UK the equivalent would be HalibOrange softies, Omega-3 or multivitamins, which we give our kids regularly. The melatonin dose for kids must be much lower than for adults, my friend and cousin routinely take melatonin in the US, I can't get it here in the UK.

I will.start by saying that I would NEVER give melatonin out to another persons child unless they asked me too.
However I know lots of kids who.have Been prescribed it
It is supposed to help.aid a natural.sleep rythem
and can often help children ( who.struggle to, sleep. )
Fall asleep.,however it doesn't keep.them asleep and its not sedating.

Did you miss the fact the Op.is in a America, where it is sold over the counter as a supplement?

I would be on the phone to the police.

Yes 100%
Dosed up on a hormone to make their lives easier.

You're right that lots of countries have different rules and so people shouldnt react in an over the top way hearing about the drug per se

But Im not sure america is a good example of what is allowed or not, it has a huge over use issue for a whole number of disorders that could be seen as lifestyle issues, they pop pills for everything and anything over there.

I wouldn't give a visiting child a vitamin tablet, I certainly wouldn't be giving a child something that makes them sleep, whether it is readily available or not.

It wasn't. I think it was a common cough and cold thing.

I've heard my mother in law talk about how phenergan for one of hers though!

I'm not saying I agree with it but the cultural norm will likely be different.

How to demonstrate your absolute ignorance about ADHD medication in one post.

I bought melatonin off the shelf in Walgreens in the US and have used it a few times in the hope it would help with my sleep issues (I'm autistic and have ADHD so I have a lifetime of them!). It was rough. I felt like I was in a horribly artificial sleep, like I wasn't actually properly asleep but I couldn't lift my head off the pillow. I always woke up feeling hungover with a terrible headache.

"Food supplement" or not, it's not something I mess with and I certainly wouldn't give it to someone's child without explicit consent. I can see why it's so tightly regulated here.

Of course yes and there are things I wish we had over the counter here that are available in other countries

I jusst think america is not the greatest example of the balance needed

Im conflicted about melatonin to be honest, I work with a number of children whose lives would be vastly improved by it but where CAMHS are refusing to prescribe (or offer any treatment to be fair)

It’s not available OTC in Ireland or Japan either, so UK is not the only place where prescription is required.