Child given melatonin without our consent

[HuckleberryBlackcurrant]

DS6 went to his first sleepover last night, at a close friend's house. 4 other kids were there also, ages 6-8.

His friend's mum messaged to say he was asleep shortly after 9 which I found unusual because he would usually stay up later with all that excitement. But I thought that he was just very tired. We have been very busy recently, he has been in swimming lessons and football and was starting a mild cold.

This afternoon when I picked him up it was casually mentioned that the kids were all dosed with melatonin. I know it's super common to do so but our son has never had melatonin, and we certainly would have said no if we were asked.

It put him into a really deep sleep, causing him to have an accident in the night which really embarrassed him.

I didn't really say anything when my friend mentioned this. I was a bit blindsided, and the party was still going on so I didn't know how best to address it.

My husband is really irritated that they went ahead and dosed our child without our consent. Melatonin has been something we agreed not to give our children unless medically directed. He wants me to say something to the parents. I'm inclined to leave it as he's unlikely to go there for a sleepover again for quite some time. I was thinking we could just bring it up if he ever sleeps there again.

My husband thinks that on principle, you don't give a child anything without their parents' consent, so we should raise the issue and set the boundary now. Our children do play there occasionally in the daytime. Usually he is the non confrontational one and I am the one bringing these things up. Idk if it's because I'm 38 weeks pregnant so I just don't feel like pursuing it?

What would you do? Are we right to be irritated?

I don’t think you should go in all guns blazing like you would if this happened in the uk. It’s obviously more common there, so a gentle conversation expressing your views should be enough.

I would not let him go there again, for a sleepover or even a play date.

it’s not about the melatonin, which in itself is awful, but the fact that they’d think it was alright to give anything at all without talking to you first. I wouldn’t trust their judgement on anything.

That's why I said she (or her husband) needs to talk to the parents so that they know. But its certainly not the same as giving paracetamol or ibuprofen, as those are medications and melatonin, in the country the OP is in, is not a medication. But both are wrong to give without consent, and the OP or her husband need to talk to the parents about that.

We've just been over this for hours-

OP is in the States. Melatonin is a grocery item there.

So we've all pretty much agreed that the legal situation is less important than ethics and parental consent.

If you're going to cheerfully announce you haven't RTT, don't come back for a second post full of belligerent irrelevance.

Wow, way to fuck up your child's ability to sleep long term. I'd never speak to someone again if they did that to my child.

Your or your DH need to have a conversation with the mum and make it clear that she needs to call you before giving your son anything in the future. I'd be very concerned that an adult gave your child anything that wasn't normal food/drink without checking, regardless of how common or not it may be.

There does seem to be a cultural thing happening on this thread. In the US Melatonin is a food supplement and sold the same way vitamins are. It's perception in the US is it's mild and safe. Doesn't excuse the mother for giving it to the OPs child but it really is a pretty common thing for people to have in houses and take it they feel they need help to sleep that night. Some people take it daily like a vitamin but that's less common. Melatonin takes a few hours to kick in and doesn't sedate you, it helps you fall asleep and get better quality sleep. Although as with anything there can be side effects. The police in the US are not going to be interested but a lawyer could probably tell you if you had a civil case, if you wanted to take that kind of a route.

Again she's absolutely out of order for giving it to your son without permission and this is something you really need to bring up.

In the USA, where the OP is, it is a food supplement.

That's for the UK, in the US (where the OP lives), and in many other countries, its a dietary supplement not a medication. (in my country for instance it went from otc medication, to prescription only, to dietary supplement. I would assume those changes as research developed as my country is stricter than the UK on medications most of the time)

A one off dose is not going to do that, there's no need to scare the OP.

While I am completely gobsmacked that THIS family thinks it’s okay to hand out any kind of supplement to kids that don’t belong to them without implicit consent from every parent every time, I have to say that the 1mg dosage is virtually useless. (And might even have had the opposite effect!) I would be livid and let them know that they have totally overstepped and potentially not just with you. Given that the USA is an incredibly litigious society, they have left themselves open to all kids of potential dramas with parents of other kids, re-consent.

I’m a nurse and I have an anxious DD with adhd. She is very responsive to Melatonin and uses it when she’s “yippy”. (I have an older DD with mild ASD who is entirely unaffected by melatonin. Might as well get her to sniff lavender. *Actually, she would love that and it would probably be more efficacious!) DD2 has been using it OCCASIONALLY since she was six when it was prescribed by her specialist. (She’s almost 17 and chooses to take it or not by herself now.) Before I agreed to this, I researched how it works and WHY it is the preferred choice for kids. Her dosage was 5mg at that time and I will be honest, its efficacy was a bit hit and miss. She now has 10mg and can safely take up to 20mg. (She’s not a giant either - we’ll all tingly adults.)
Just to explain how harmless Melatonin is (for your own peace of mind) I thought I would explain its mechanism of action. Melatonin has a very short half-life. (Between 20-50 mins for an adult and even less for a child as their metabolism is higher.) This is why it helps them get to sleep, but it doesn’t affect the quality of sleep or the length of time. As I said previously, the melatonin your child received dosage was negligible and within an hour would most likely have been completely metabolised. It is NOT a sedative, nor is it at all addictive.
Like all supplements and drugs, it can have side-effects and it can be contraindicated when taken with certain meds and medical conditions. This, and the lack of implicit parental consent are what could leave these gits in very big legal trouble anywhere.

They absolutely need to be told, but I think as you said, this is so normalized (for them) that they haven’t looked into the consequences of their decision. It’s not worth killing a friendship over, but perhaps calmly explained while establishing your boundaries.
*Also, I feel like your DH is throwing you under the bus here. Here really should be having this conversation, not you. He will probably paint you as a histrionic pregnant woman so don’t let him go there.

Oh, just seen that OP is USA, so ignore me

Did she give them the brandy too?

Maybe before that. I don't know.

Yeah. If this is real then I’d call the police!

Is it common to dose children up with sleeping drugs.
When did that become common.!!!!
I would be complaining to that parent that’s completely out of order.

I can't believe so many people on this thread are saying it's cultural, food supplement, low dose, similar to vitamins etc - the fundamental thing is this wasn't even given for the good of the child. It was given to the child to enable the adults to have an easy evening.

So it's not like giving the kids vitamins at all. There'd be (potentially) benefit to the kids to have vitamins. And no benefit to the adults. So it's not a selfish act in the same way.

I hear viewpoints from the US (say, on social media etc) saying we shouldn't just plonk kids in front of screens for hours to give the adults quiet time. Because it can harm their development or whatever. How can we condemn that and say melatonin pills are ok when they're demonstrably way more risky than watching cartoons?

Decisions about children, that carry risks, should be made in the best interests of the children. Not to make adults' lives easier.

And I say this as someone who DOES plonk my toddler in front of the TV very regularly.

One of my friends is from the US and both her kids are given melatonin every night. She gets them shipped over here. When they came over to stay , she also wanted to give some to DD, very casually. "Oh here's one for x too".It is a culture thing. I declined and that was that, but it's a very different mentality.

Also, it's bonkers to say melatonin is a safe supplement because our bodies produce it naturally.

My body produces insulin, oestrogen, and lots of other potent chemicals naturally. You do not give that stuff to a small child (unless medically prescribed)...!

If anything, in my view it's a counter-argument - do not mess with your body's delicate balance of hormones unless you're an expert!

Oh ffs,GBH🙄🙄

Melatonin is actually a consultant led medication on the hospital setting for adults!
That is really not on, and quite possibly not even legal!

That sounds incredibly like your son was very tired after his activities...
Even Chloral Hydrate the nurse gave us excited/nervous children took a while to take effect.
You have had a lot of stress lately, but the mum should definitely have asked your permission.

Its a,naturally produced hormone that helps induce sleep in some people ,
I.would never give a random.child some but its not like the parents were doling out zopiclone, or benzos.

And can be bought over the counter In the USA were the Op.lives .

My child is prescribed this. Whilst super safe, there's absolutely no way at all I would ever give it to someone else's child. As you say, it puts them in a deep sleep. There's a reason it's prescription only, my child has ADHD and literally doesn't sleep, so for him it's just sleep, not deep sleep.

I'd be going ballistic if someone gave it to my daughter.