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AIBU?

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Original poster

Child given melatonin without our consent

996 replies

HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 28/07/2023 22:44

DS6 went to his first sleepover last night, at a close friend's house. 4 other kids were there also, ages 6-8.

His friend's mum messaged to say he was asleep shortly after 9 which I found unusual because he would usually stay up later with all that excitement. But I thought that he was just very tired. We have been very busy recently, he has been in swimming lessons and football and was starting a mild cold.

This afternoon when I picked him up it was casually mentioned that the kids were all dosed with melatonin. I know it's super common to do so but our son has never had melatonin, and we certainly would have said no if we were asked.

It put him into a really deep sleep, causing him to have an accident in the night which really embarrassed him.

I didn't really say anything when my friend mentioned this. I was a bit blindsided, and the party was still going on so I didn't know how best to address it.

My husband is really irritated that they went ahead and dosed our child without our consent. Melatonin has been something we agreed not to give our children unless medically directed. He wants me to say something to the parents. I'm inclined to leave it as he's unlikely to go there for a sleepover again for quite some time. I was thinking we could just bring it up if he ever sleeps there again.

My husband thinks that on principle, you don't give a child anything without their parents' consent, so we should raise the issue and set the boundary now. Our children do play there occasionally in the daytime. Usually he is the non confrontational one and I am the one bringing these things up. Idk if it's because I'm 38 weeks pregnant so I just don't feel like pursuing it?

What would you do? Are we right to be irritated?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
14
JFDIYOLO · 29/07/2023 07:59

It seems from what you've written that giving this is considered normal plus it's easily available OTC in the US, so there's a different attitude to it, a cultural difference and there is unlikely to be a police element if they are presented there like vitamins.

Your husband needs to step up, speak to them and deal with this. You're a bit busy at the moment.

The point is, as his parents, what you say goes. And family and social and church community awkwardness needs to be put aside.

You are angry and unhappy.

First, someone randomly gave your son something to make him sleep without consulting you or getting your consent.

Second, she did it with no knowledge of any medical condition, allergies, contraindications to any other meds he might be taking etc.

Even if he doesn't have any, she did not know that, did not make any attempt to find out and gave it to him and the other children too.

Third, your son has now had the experience of being offered and accepting something to make him sleep that looks like a sweet, from a person who is not his parent or a medical pro, which is another boundary they have broken.

Are the other parents all happy with it?

Dibbydoos · 29/07/2023 08:01

You need to talk to his DPs. What they did was commission a criminal, yes criminal offence.

Thankfully your son is OK but he had an accident because of it, poor kid 😞

Whp knows what melatonin does to a person who doesn't need it.

I'd be furious. It's irresponsible!

Cloudysky81 · 29/07/2023 08:02

The responses are showing the Transatlantic differences in the use of Melatonin and medication in general in children.
In the US it’s viewed as a dietary supplement and can be bought anywhere in the UK prescription only. The UK is realistically being far too cautious with melatonin and is the outlier worldwide. Most likely due to cost and effectiveness concerns.
US use in children is very high and the parents may have thought all children take it. Caution is still advised though.
I’d suggest posting in a more US focused forum to gauge responses there.

JaukiVexnoydi · 29/07/2023 08:06

I think if you are in a country where it's legal to buy otc and not unusual for people to give a dose at bed time then it's not so clear cut.

As a comparator - we have some multivitamin jelly sweets and give DC one just before teeth cleaning time. I wouldn't think twice about doling one out to each child if hosting a sleepover, without asking for parental consent. Melatonin obviously doesn't occupy the same status as vitamins here in the UK but under a different regulatory regime it clearly could.

Therefore given that you knew that you are living in a country where dosing kids in that way is seen as normal, and you have made an active decision not to, it should have been part of your pre-sleepover planning to say to the hosts "little George doesn't take melatonin at night so might be awake after other kids - will it be ok for him to read quietly with a little light on until he is ready to settle?" - and that's your opportunity to set your boundaries. You should certainly say to any family hosting your child in future (day or night) to not give anything medicinal - even OTC meds - without checking with you. Not just this family but anyone.

Twyford · 29/07/2023 08:06

You need to talk to his DPs. What they did was commission a criminal, yes criminal offence.

No, they didn't.

JeandeServiette · 29/07/2023 08:06

The tablets you get from Amazon in uk do not contain melatonin, they contain “natural melatonin substances” which is different to the types you get on prescription.

There are two listings on U.K. amazon that I can see at the moment for the real stuff and not the "natural melatonin" herbal whatever it is. They're not on prime and if you haven't bought them before it's a long sift through to find them. Amazon are really sloppy about checking, actually they're sloppy about all sorts of issues, and to be fair the wording makes it hard to spot all of them all of the time.

But if that ever fails, it's so easy to order from US pharmacies and have it within a week. They sell so much stuff over there that is handy to have. For ages it was the only way to get crest teeth strips. Same is true of the continent. I always do pharmacy raids in Europe. Some of the national regulations vary so much it's hard to understand, and the EU isn't as uniform as you'd expect even.

Anyway, the point is if you want it, you can get it, despite being in the UK. PPs on this thread have a weird idea that it's impossible to get it, or you could only get dodgy black market stuff that's contaminated.

Mummy08m · 29/07/2023 08:09

I've only heard of one set of (in)famous parents who used to give their kids sleeping drugs so the parents could have a relaxing evening.

I think most people know who I'm talking about.

As I said upthread, I'd be utterly enraged and I'd be cooling off the friendship

JFDIYOLO · 29/07/2023 08:09

PS There's an assertiveness technique called the three part sentence that may help. ' I understand that … however … therefore.'

Your husband could use it like this:

I need to discuss the sleepover with you.

I understand that it's relatively common here to give children melatonin to help them sleep and that you did it with good intentions.

However, giving our child any medication without our knowledge, without our consent and without any understanding of his own medical needs overstepped our boundaries. It's important to us that you understand that.

Therefore from now on there won't be any more sleepovers for our child.

All done in a polite, calm, controlled way, no letting emotion colour tone of voice, expression or language as this will kick off their defence reaction.

JeandeServiette · 29/07/2023 08:11

Dibbydoos · 29/07/2023 08:01

You need to talk to his DPs. What they did was commission a criminal, yes criminal offence.

Thankfully your son is OK but he had an accident because of it, poor kid 😞

Whp knows what melatonin does to a person who doesn't need it.

I'd be furious. It's irresponsible!

Why all the melodramatic "criminal, yes criminal" stuff?

How many of us here know what the charge would be for handing out OTC supplements to an unrelated child in every one of the American States? And probably a stiff chat with the parents is more than OP is going to do. She seems very reluctant to say anything at all.

jennyjones198080 · 29/07/2023 08:11

we have some multivitamin jelly sweets and give DC one just before teeth cleaning time

I appreciate kids multivitamins are not the same as a sleeping aid but I would never give even vitamins to a kid I don’t really know. It just seems odd. No harm done of course I am sure but vitamins can react with some medications for example and it’s really a parents choice.

it just seems odd - 99% of time it would be okay but I would be a bit hmmmm if someone decided my child needed a mutual vitamin without checking with me.

sashh · 29/07/2023 08:13

The USA is such a puzzle to me. A child can't have a sip of wine until they are 21 but it's acceptable to drug children.

FlamingoQueen · 29/07/2023 08:15

I ticked YABU, because I don’t feel like you want to say anything. Cute sweets or not, your child was drugged and you don’t seem angry about it. It is absolutely appalling and I would be calling the police or at least social services for advice. No wonder they had a sleepover of young children if they knew they’d all be unconscious for most of the night. Appalled doesn’t even seem a strong enough word.

ParisP · 29/07/2023 08:16

Jean I agree. The melatonin I obtained was standard regulated medication and not some knock off. My friend also buy other medications through Europe.

Ivyiris · 29/07/2023 08:16

I would be livid and never sending him there again

Tessabelle74 · 29/07/2023 08:17

YABU to not be making a huge fuss about this! If she had given them sedatives to keep them quiet would you just leave it? Personally I'd be reporting them to the police!

Twyford · 29/07/2023 08:18

Tessabelle74 · 29/07/2023 08:17

YABU to not be making a huge fuss about this! If she had given them sedatives to keep them quiet would you just leave it? Personally I'd be reporting them to the police!

The US police are incredibly unlikely to do anything about this.

JeandeServiette · 29/07/2023 08:18

ParisP · 29/07/2023 08:16

Jean I agree. The melatonin I obtained was standard regulated medication and not some knock off. My friend also buy other medications through Europe.

I thought I couldn't be alone in this. Smile

Changeling78 · 29/07/2023 08:20

JeandeServiette · 29/07/2023 08:06

The tablets you get from Amazon in uk do not contain melatonin, they contain “natural melatonin substances” which is different to the types you get on prescription.

There are two listings on U.K. amazon that I can see at the moment for the real stuff and not the "natural melatonin" herbal whatever it is. They're not on prime and if you haven't bought them before it's a long sift through to find them. Amazon are really sloppy about checking, actually they're sloppy about all sorts of issues, and to be fair the wording makes it hard to spot all of them all of the time.

But if that ever fails, it's so easy to order from US pharmacies and have it within a week. They sell so much stuff over there that is handy to have. For ages it was the only way to get crest teeth strips. Same is true of the continent. I always do pharmacy raids in Europe. Some of the national regulations vary so much it's hard to understand, and the EU isn't as uniform as you'd expect even.

Anyway, the point is if you want it, you can get it, despite being in the UK. PPs on this thread have a weird idea that it's impossible to get it, or you could only get dodgy black market stuff that's contaminated.

Wow really? Can you point me in the right direction as I’ve tried searching for them but to no avail. If you could DM me a link that would be great. (No DC will be drugged)

PimpMyFridge · 29/07/2023 08:23

Team DH - that is SO out of order!

ParisP · 29/07/2023 08:28

Cloudysky81 · 29/07/2023 08:02

The responses are showing the Transatlantic differences in the use of Melatonin and medication in general in children.
In the US it’s viewed as a dietary supplement and can be bought anywhere in the UK prescription only. The UK is realistically being far too cautious with melatonin and is the outlier worldwide. Most likely due to cost and effectiveness concerns.
US use in children is very high and the parents may have thought all children take it. Caution is still advised though.
I’d suggest posting in a more US focused forum to gauge responses there.

I agree with this. If you posted in a USA forum I expect you’d get very different reply’s.

JeandeServiette · 29/07/2023 08:31

IDK how to DM on the app @Changeling78 and I don't want to inconvenience us all by drawing Amazon's attention to their own mistakes but I will say one of the Amazon ones is a gummies and one isn't.

Failing that Piping rock is my favourite US pharmacy and they even have a website in sterling aimed at U.K. customers now, so they must do a roaring trade.

JeandeServiette · 29/07/2023 08:32

No idea what I said there that caused an automatic post hiding. Hmm.

Annaishere · 29/07/2023 08:32

What are all these replies being hidden about ? Weird

JudgeRudy · 29/07/2023 08:33

HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 28/07/2023 22:44

DS6 went to his first sleepover last night, at a close friend's house. 4 other kids were there also, ages 6-8.

His friend's mum messaged to say he was asleep shortly after 9 which I found unusual because he would usually stay up later with all that excitement. But I thought that he was just very tired. We have been very busy recently, he has been in swimming lessons and football and was starting a mild cold.

This afternoon when I picked him up it was casually mentioned that the kids were all dosed with melatonin. I know it's super common to do so but our son has never had melatonin, and we certainly would have said no if we were asked.

It put him into a really deep sleep, causing him to have an accident in the night which really embarrassed him.

I didn't really say anything when my friend mentioned this. I was a bit blindsided, and the party was still going on so I didn't know how best to address it.

My husband is really irritated that they went ahead and dosed our child without our consent. Melatonin has been something we agreed not to give our children unless medically directed. He wants me to say something to the parents. I'm inclined to leave it as he's unlikely to go there for a sleepover again for quite some time. I was thinking we could just bring it up if he ever sleeps there again.

My husband thinks that on principle, you don't give a child anything without their parents' consent, so we should raise the issue and set the boundary now. Our children do play there occasionally in the daytime. Usually he is the non confrontational one and I am the one bringing these things up. Idk if it's because I'm 38 weeks pregnant so I just don't feel like pursuing it?

What would you do? Are we right to be irritated?

"I didn't really say anything.....my husband was irritated'...
YABU - both of you....because I'd have been livid!
You were right though not to get into it at the time, but I'm shocked there was no follow up from either of you.

JeandeServiette · 29/07/2023 08:33

I'll try saying this @Changeling78 search online for piping rock.

I don't know how to DM on the app.