Child given melatonin without our consent

[HuckleberryBlackcurrant]

DS6 went to his first sleepover last night, at a close friend's house. 4 other kids were there also, ages 6-8.

His friend's mum messaged to say he was asleep shortly after 9 which I found unusual because he would usually stay up later with all that excitement. But I thought that he was just very tired. We have been very busy recently, he has been in swimming lessons and football and was starting a mild cold.

This afternoon when I picked him up it was casually mentioned that the kids were all dosed with melatonin. I know it's super common to do so but our son has never had melatonin, and we certainly would have said no if we were asked.

It put him into a really deep sleep, causing him to have an accident in the night which really embarrassed him.

I didn't really say anything when my friend mentioned this. I was a bit blindsided, and the party was still going on so I didn't know how best to address it.

My husband is really irritated that they went ahead and dosed our child without our consent. Melatonin has been something we agreed not to give our children unless medically directed. He wants me to say something to the parents. I'm inclined to leave it as he's unlikely to go there for a sleepover again for quite some time. I was thinking we could just bring it up if he ever sleeps there again.

My husband thinks that on principle, you don't give a child anything without their parents' consent, so we should raise the issue and set the boundary now. Our children do play there occasionally in the daytime. Usually he is the non confrontational one and I am the one bringing these things up. Idk if it's because I'm 38 weeks pregnant so I just don't feel like pursuing it?

What would you do? Are we right to be irritated?

Did you miss that OP was in the US where this is not a prescription drug?

You say that as though ‘controlling medication’ is a bad thing.

I would be calling police & social services. This is awful

The tablets you get from Amazon in uk do not contain melatonin, they contain “natural melatonin substances” which is different to the types you get on prescription.

Was it prescribed melatonin? That's not ok.

was it herbal over the counter... less ok but still not ok.

v young for sleepovers anyway

This is terrifying. They essentially drugged your child in an unfamiliar environment, causing him the shame of having an accident. What if one or other of the parents had nefarious intentions towards the sleeping children? I'm a GP (family doctor). In the UK, this would be a police/safeguarding concern. Your son may not have the words for it but this is a complete violation and he may be feeling similar to how someone would feel after their drink was spiked.

I would go batshit. My son is on a great deal of medication due to ADHD and two autoimmune diseases. I have no idea if melatonin is contraindicated for that,- and neither would those parents. I would go off my rocker level of angry.

I was just thinking that it was a very 'blanket' statement as there is nothing wrong at all in principle with controlling medication. It sounds like melatonin is handed out over there like sweets.

Sorry just seen you live in the states where it's over the counter/in gummies/less regulated

in the uk it's prescription only and even then not licensed in kids but works. But just like another pp says, you don't even give calpol without asking...

Wow 😮

Imagine drugging your kid’s regularly so they go to sleep on time.

YADNBU.

It’s annoying. I can’t even get the amount of inhalers or migraine tablets I need every month

Was this Phenergan? I remember this antihistamine being available OTC when mine adult DC were little and it being “known” as a sleep aid for long journeys.

no it was something called medised or something

Ah, Medised I believe?? My parents (and my sister, whose oldest child is 16) tell joyful tales of a snotty, coughing and restless child being out for 12+ hours straight after a bedtime dose of Medised!! To be honest, with a 6yo who's coughed all night for about 3 weeks, I'd be tempted myself if it still existed!!

theres clearly a massive difference in public approach to medicine between the UK and the US- in the UK we are very frugal due to healthcare being state funded whereas obvs in the US it’s the more the merrier because it’s fuelled by insurance companies.

Clearly in the UK this scenario would be deemed a very serious act maybe even illegal. In the US I expect it’s more tolerated but it’s shocking a parent would give anything of this nature to someone else’s child… I would definitely be saying to them you find it unacceptable and dangerous given they didn’t ask you in advance. I don’t know if you could go further- if it’s available OTC I’m not sure legally you could state that they have medicine to your child without consent. Legally It may not be considered any different to a sweet.
good luck in any case, as you can see from the thread no one thinks your DH is overreacting!!!

Why on earth don’t you just ask the parents to confirm precisely what they gave him

You have dedicated yourself to navel gazing on mumsnet OP about what possibly your son was given

rather than just parenting-up and asking the parents WHAT THEY GAVE YOUR SON

This is outrageous! Yes it’s sold freely in North America (you can buy it even at places like wholefoods and some teas at the stores contain melatonin). That said, it’s unthinkable to give other people’s kids anything like this without asking the parents first. What was that mom thinking???

Melatonin doesn’t make you fall asleep in 10 mins.
I’d be furious about this and my son would never be going there again.

I cannot believe it is commonly given to children in the states! That is so shocking and it’s no wonder America has a huge drug problem when they start teaching kids to take drugs so young 🤦🏻‍♀️😳

OP,
Of course this is upsetting and disturbing.

But you have discussed this issue generally before?

Her brandy, Calms remark when you dropped your son was a clear heads up of her intentions, that you unfortunately missed.

I think it is possible to say that you would have preferred that it hadn't happened as you don't care to give those medications to children, particularly as it resulted in your son having an accident which upset him.

If these are good people generally and a good support then it would be a shame to fall out because of their poor judgement and a mis communication.

Best of luck with the birth.

Id be furious and consider calling the police.

Dear God! I am very non confrontational- but I’d have to say smt about this. It is NOT ON!

I’d be absolutely fuming. It’s great your DH is going to have words with them about it. If she is from the UK surely she understand than many parents would not find giving someone else’s child this without permission is not right. Even comparing them to vitamins…I wouldn’t give someone else’s child a vitamin without asking.

Ideally something would have been said at the time, but good it’ll be picked up after. I mean the fact he wet himself shows how deeply he must have slept. I can’t believe it doesn’t come with any potential risks or side effects either!

I’d actually be reporting to the police.

Yeah I’d be furious, but if I’m being honest as a 43 year old Mum with two young kids from the UK I wouldn’t even know what melatonin is. Having sat in countless chats with new mums, NCT groups etc, it’s never once been talked about.