Child given melatonin without our consent

[HuckleberryBlackcurrant]

DS6 went to his first sleepover last night, at a close friend's house. 4 other kids were there also, ages 6-8.

His friend's mum messaged to say he was asleep shortly after 9 which I found unusual because he would usually stay up later with all that excitement. But I thought that he was just very tired. We have been very busy recently, he has been in swimming lessons and football and was starting a mild cold.

This afternoon when I picked him up it was casually mentioned that the kids were all dosed with melatonin. I know it's super common to do so but our son has never had melatonin, and we certainly would have said no if we were asked.

It put him into a really deep sleep, causing him to have an accident in the night which really embarrassed him.

I didn't really say anything when my friend mentioned this. I was a bit blindsided, and the party was still going on so I didn't know how best to address it.

My husband is really irritated that they went ahead and dosed our child without our consent. Melatonin has been something we agreed not to give our children unless medically directed. He wants me to say something to the parents. I'm inclined to leave it as he's unlikely to go there for a sleepover again for quite some time. I was thinking we could just bring it up if he ever sleeps there again.

My husband thinks that on principle, you don't give a child anything without their parents' consent, so we should raise the issue and set the boundary now. Our children do play there occasionally in the daytime. Usually he is the non confrontational one and I am the one bringing these things up. Idk if it's because I'm 38 weeks pregnant so I just don't feel like pursuing it?

What would you do? Are we right to be irritated?

I'm pretty sure it's illegal to drug someone else's child in the US too. It's not that batshit crazy over there.

@whereaw

We are all friends, so it has been discussed before.

But in the US melatonin gummies are not considered drugs - they are officially classed as dietary supplements. They are often advertised as 'drug-free sleep aids'.

In the US these are considered similar to vitamins. My kids have definitely had one of their friend’s vitamin gummies whilst on a sleepover (because they think they’re sweeties🙄)…. This is a culture clash issue, your friends are unlikely to realise they’ve done anything wrong. Completely understand why you’re not happy but tread carefully if you don’t want to destroy the friendship - it’s an easy fix of “oh, btw, ds is not used to this compound as you can see by his accident, please don’t give him this or anything else again”

Yet OP is considering not even confronting their "friend" about her own child being drugged, how would the other parents know what's happened to their children!?

Having her husband stand with her instead of her confronting on her own would be great, but stop waiting for someone else to do the right thing.

Genuinely seems like the only reason they found out was because their child wet themselves overnight.

God only knows what else went on that night.

Only read bits of the thread. It’s very difficult to get hold of melatonin in the U.K., it has to be prescribed by a consultant to children, so not even a regular GP. This is likely due to melatonin being open to abuse (child sleep inducing medicines have been removed from OTC here). Dosing children on mass with melatonin in the U.K. would be considered a safeguarding issue. A prescribed medication misused would raise alarm bells requiring some action but nothing major unless there are other issues running alongside.

However previously I have managed to order melatonin online directly from the USA. I read up about it beforehand and felt confident that it was safe and short term for my own personal use.

melatonin is utilised very differently in the USA, it’s available OTC and possibly treated more like Calms or antihistamine, with people obtaining casually and organising their own usage. I think the parents should have asked you before medicating. If your husband is cross it’s his responsibility to speak up, not yours.

In most countries it is available in pharmacies - I /bought some myself this week in a supermarket in Italy. So if it part b of the culture with us not have seemed a big deal too the hosts.

I honestly can't believe people in the US drug kids on sleepovers and regularly drug their own kids to get them to sleep. 😳This is crazy.

As it's marketed in the US as a drug free sleep aid it might not be considered to be drugging their kids.

If he slept through urinating the bed, who knows.

Sleepovers are opportunities for unnecessary nightmares like this.

You are not incorrect. It can be bought over the counter in gummy form.

Are you British living in the US or from America originally?culturally in the U.K. it would be unacceptable. I've no idea about the US!

Yes I've had friends from various European countries say they're shocked you can't buy melatonin over the counter in the UK and that it's prescription only. There does seem to be a very different attitude to it here compared to many countries.

SERIOUSLY!! OP sounds like a complete pushover.

I feel like part of her is looking to not shut this "family friend" out so she can leave her son there again when she needs a break.

Only read bits of the thread. It’s very difficult to get hold of melatonin in the U.K.

It's really not. In fact I've just ordered some from Amazon UK, prompted by this thread.

Not that that's the point of the thread. OFC you don't medicate other peoples children.

The UKs just really controlling about medication

Sorry quoted wrong poster

The police would take a report, and keep a record to at MINIMUM deter the continuation of drugging OTHER PEOPLE'S CHILDREN again.

If they repeated this act, then they would be charged with a criminal offense.

Thats SO bad!!!
you dont give someone elses kid ANYTHING like that without asking

I’d report to the school and the police. That’s a seriously worrying lack of judgement from the other parents. What else have they done?

I’d be ringing the police if someone drugged my child at a children’s sleepover. What happens if there was a fire? He was so asleep that he had an accident. How would they manage to get all the deeply asleep children out?

You’ve massively under reacted.

Someone drugged a child. If that isn't a crime it should be.

Surely, aside from the massive overstep, I would never feel comfortable about my child being drugged to sleep by anyone as they may not be aware of what’s happening to them while they are sleeping. That’s a huge safeguarding issue. Can’t believe people are giving this to kids like sweets and it’s available to buy otc as gummy treats. What’s to stop a random stranger offering them to kids then bundling them into the back of his van? So much potential for misuse when you disguise a drug as sweets with no prescription. What if they are just lying around and a kid scoffs the whole packet?

Regardless of controlling or not (I do find it surprising that it can't be bought over the counter anymore, at least for adults), that level of control leads to a cultural shift in attitudes.

A long time before I had children I used to browse mumsnet and there was that OTC drug in the U.K. that was banned. People, it seemed, commonly used that to get their children to sleep. I can't remember what it was now. I remember reading threads on mumsnet at the time it was banned with people really upset that it would no longer being available. I think this was probably only about 15 years ago but I think attitudes have shifted and most people wouldn't consider giving their children Unprescribed medication to make them sleep.

The US police would do fuck all about this.

Would the police do anything over there?
It's very weird. Poor ds.
I can't believe you'd even say 'if he sleeps there again?' Who would let their dc sleep there?