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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

All old people should sell up family homes for families.

712 replies

benigogo · 27/07/2023 13:13

Not really an AIBU, more a hypothetical question really. This view comes up a lot on MN, and I'm interested in the detail of what people actually imagine when they say it. What type of property should they be giving up? What type of property should they be moving to? How old is old? What about younger people who under occupy a property? For example 2 friend couples, have recently downsized. Both from a 4 bed detached, one to a 4 bed semi, and the other to a 3 bed semi. Their homes were bought, one by a young professional couple, and the other by a couple in their seventies, themselves downsizing. If you hold this view what do you visualise?

OP posts:
gingerguineapig · 01/08/2023 18:29

The block was for over 55s and the only stipulation was that you couldn’t own a property. You had a year after moving in to sell your property or you had to leave

I wonder if they've extended that period given how long conveyancing is taking at the moment. SIL is trying to sell MILs house and it is taking AGES. They have a buyer - but it's been months and months. MIL died in May 2022! It is ridiculous. And there's a three bed house that a family could be living in but the lawyers are holding everything up (it's a bog standard terrace - nothing complicated about it).

KnittedCardi · 02/08/2023 12:58

Bungalows are scarce and often cost a lot more than 4 beds

Our village is well known as a retirement hub because of the number of bungalows. The recent issue however, is that they are being bought up by young families and extended into the roofs, and out the back, as they are on big plots, which is fine for the families, but then lost to the retired, who don't want four bedroomed properties.

The families honestly, I don't mind, the issue I have is that a number of developers have recently been buying them up too, living in them for maybe a year, then splitting 2/3 bedroom bungs into 2 x 2/3 bedrooms bungs, by building out and over, and again losing the space, plot, and increasing density.

The planners always wave them through even when local residents complain of overdevelopment and loss of amenity for elderly.

So, who is more important? The young, the old, who do you prioritise, it's a circular argument.

fitzwilliamdarcy · 02/08/2023 13:08

nebulae · 30/07/2023 18:15

What's a "family home" anyway? I get a bit fed up of "family" being used to denote some sort of specialness.

Especially the overused "hard working families". That irritates me. As if hard working individuals don't matter. Couldn't they just say "hard working people"?

It's accurate though. For politicians, we don't matter - why pretend otherwise?

MintJulia · 02/08/2023 14:19

The only bungalow in our village was bought by a builder, knocked down and a five bed detached built in its place, currently selling at £1.1m 😯

Downsizing is not as easy as people seem to think.

PettsWoodParadise · 02/08/2023 19:46

I know many amazing retired people. Most stay in their own (owned) homes proving childcare for their grandkids as their own children just can’t afford to do so, they have grandkids overnight which just wouldn’t happen in a small flat. The grandchildren play out in the garden, make the most use of the property. It isn’t like some people think, empty nest, empty home, it is often a hub for multi-generational living.

I have a lovely four bed home I worked hard for. I will probably downsize in my early seventies depending on family needs but I do love my library, garden etc a flat would not be the right fit for a long while.

LouHey · 02/08/2023 22:18

I bought this house with the intention of living here until I'm carried out in a body bag tbh. It's a bungalow for that reason - I hate moving house.

Asosbabe · 02/08/2023 22:52

If Mum and Dad downsize we will be homeless. Not great just now, but we at least have a roof over our heads. And no, they're not stinking rich, just don't want to leave us out on the street. We both have jobs and cannot afford to move out

CaliPistachio · 02/08/2023 23:14

One of the problems has been the increase in the number of households as the average size of household reduces. Single people of whatever age should be banned from single occupancy living and live in shared occupancy housing and unless the resident of a bungalow has mobility problems, these should be repossessed and resold/reissued to those who do.

nebulae · 02/08/2023 23:31

CaliPistachio · 02/08/2023 23:14

One of the problems has been the increase in the number of households as the average size of household reduces. Single people of whatever age should be banned from single occupancy living and live in shared occupancy housing and unless the resident of a bungalow has mobility problems, these should be repossessed and resold/reissued to those who do.

Don't be ridiculous. Why should people be penalised for being single? Forced to houseshare when they can afford to buy their own place?

I'm not even going to comment on your other absurd suggestion.

XenoBitch · 02/08/2023 23:33

CaliPistachio · 02/08/2023 23:14

One of the problems has been the increase in the number of households as the average size of household reduces. Single people of whatever age should be banned from single occupancy living and live in shared occupancy housing and unless the resident of a bungalow has mobility problems, these should be repossessed and resold/reissued to those who do.

Haha, yes, I should house share. I am in my 40s FFS. I know many people that live alone that are in their 50s and 60s. Should they also be forced to house share?

ThinWomansBrain · 02/08/2023 23:35

I live in a flat in central London - when I retire I'm going to upsize and have a house and garden.

ArcaneWireless · 02/08/2023 23:53

Ah - the blessed singleton. Doesn’t contribute enough to merit their own home eh?

Came home after years in the forces. Priced out of my home town. Asked about affordable housing/chance of social housing. Was told ‘isn’t it a shame you weren’t actually from the country you’ve returned from as it would be easier to justify a house for you’ or ‘you could get yourself pregnant’. Yup - tell that to a woman who lost their two babies and however many early pregnancies and was told in no uncertain terms to try again. Also - a helpful suggestion to ask my ex for help. The one who battered me to the point of death. Yup. That one. Like I really wanted to ask him.

I never asked for help again. That was years and years ago.

As said lucky old me - one of my parents needed help (both do now) and I got my room back home with them. Only now I’m not homeless so am very low priority/a problem solved. Am a carer. Work shifts full time. Still at home all these years later. Still no longer ‘a problem’.

And when I no longer have my parents to care for and can move to a cheaper area, some spark is suggesting I go and live in shared occupancy housing because my life has been so peachy as a singleton and I don’t deserve my own house?

I have the words. I daren’t bastard use them.

ArcaneWireless · 02/08/2023 23:54

No uncertain terms NOT to try again.

Typing ragey. So there are probably heaps more errors. Apologies but I think you’ll get the gist.

JenniferBooth · 03/08/2023 00:29

@CaliPistachio so just because someone isnt married or hasnt got living proof that they have had sex without contraception they should house share?

Dont be ridiculous

Blossomtoes · 03/08/2023 00:37

CaliPistachio · 02/08/2023 23:14

One of the problems has been the increase in the number of households as the average size of household reduces. Single people of whatever age should be banned from single occupancy living and live in shared occupancy housing and unless the resident of a bungalow has mobility problems, these should be repossessed and resold/reissued to those who do.

🥺

CaliPistachio · 03/08/2023 01:57

Well, my MIL lost her DH of 50 years a month ago. According to some on this thread she should also be put in a position where she is priced out of her home as well. DB and I were desperate to get our DM into a bungalow but the only estate she was willing to move to (after massive obsessive consideration by DM about her independent living needs) only had a few bungalows and the developer wouldn’t let her put a deposit down without selling her house first - but there was such a massive demand for bungalows in the area there was no way it would still be available then so she said no, she couldn’t face the idea of losing where she was familiar with without knowing she could move to somewhere she felt she’d be safe and able to continue living independently.

Over the past few generations, there are a lot more of us around and the structure of how we live is very different. The concept underpinning the start of this thread suggesting forcing a group of people away from the consistency of the life they have known when they are likely to be at a stage in life limited by health issues, lifestyle change and a lot of loss seems like the usually shitty divide and conquer to me but crack on.

SlippySarah · 03/08/2023 07:47

CaliPistachio · 02/08/2023 23:14

One of the problems has been the increase in the number of households as the average size of household reduces. Single people of whatever age should be banned from single occupancy living and live in shared occupancy housing and unless the resident of a bungalow has mobility problems, these should be repossessed and resold/reissued to those who do.

🤣🤣🤣

StopStartStop · 03/08/2023 08:07

CaliPistachio · 02/08/2023 23:14

One of the problems has been the increase in the number of households as the average size of household reduces. Single people of whatever age should be banned from single occupancy living and live in shared occupancy housing and unless the resident of a bungalow has mobility problems, these should be repossessed and resold/reissued to those who do.

I'm autistic with adhd and a whole lot of other things. If you forced me into shared accommodation, someone would die. Me. But before me, I might well take out any other bastard I had access to.

During lockdowns I lived with my dd and family for more than a year. I love them very much.

We are NEVER doing that again.

loislovesstewie · 03/08/2023 08:27

CaliPistachio · 02/08/2023 23:14

One of the problems has been the increase in the number of households as the average size of household reduces. Single people of whatever age should be banned from single occupancy living and live in shared occupancy housing and unless the resident of a bungalow has mobility problems, these should be repossessed and resold/reissued to those who do.

I didn't realise that we were heading for Nazi Germany or the USSR.

fitzwilliamdarcy · 03/08/2023 10:05

CaliPistachio · 02/08/2023 23:14

One of the problems has been the increase in the number of households as the average size of household reduces. Single people of whatever age should be banned from single occupancy living and live in shared occupancy housing and unless the resident of a bungalow has mobility problems, these should be repossessed and resold/reissued to those who do.

I see that you only care about families so I won't bother trying to appeal to you on the basis that this is utterly inhumane for single people.

Instead I'll ask: about separated parents? Does the non-resident parent never have the child to stay? It's not safe for a child to stay in a shared occupancy house with strangers. So, what then?

milveycrohn · 03/08/2023 11:25

I answered earlier about the cost of moving being too high and putting off older people from moving.
So now my DB and DSIL (both retired) are selling the 5/6 bedrom family home (1 bedroom is very small and described as a study). They are in the process of buying a 3 bed bungalow in the next road to them. It is actually MORE than their house. They definitely need 3 bedrooms, due to their circumstamces. (which I wont dwell on as it is outing).
And that is without all the extra costs of the actual move (solicitor, removals, estate agent, etc)

SideWonder · 03/08/2023 12:19

CaliPistachio · 02/08/2023 23:14

One of the problems has been the increase in the number of households as the average size of household reduces. Single people of whatever age should be banned from single occupancy living and live in shared occupancy housing and unless the resident of a bungalow has mobility problems, these should be repossessed and resold/reissued to those who do.

ODFOD

Such a silly post.

GasPanic · 03/08/2023 12:31

Better just to tax people out of larger houses.

For example fuel bills tax, which could help reduce carbon footprint and global warming.

Council tax single occupancy only allowed for houses will less that three bedrooms or certain CT band.

That would help transfer some of the wealth from the rich to the poor and the money could be used to build new social housing.

Otherwise we're just going to continue with the ridiculous situation where the old live in massive houses and the young don't want to have kids. Birth rate is dropping like a stone. Who is going to pay for the elderly pensions if there are no kids around ? It's a demographic collapse.

Needmorelego · 03/08/2023 12:36

@CaliPistachio if single people aren’t allowed to live alone what type of accommodation are you suggesting?
Dorms? Hostels? Workhouses….
What if you start off as a couple and one half of you dies? “Sorry - you have to go and live with random strangers in a shared communal place now”. Yeah? No?