Who is being unreasonable here? - Charging adult child for rent

[IAmTheBFG]

Hi Mumsnet,

I am a 21 year old recent graduate who has just moved home after finishing university. I have a training contract with a City law firm, which means I am spending the next two years studying, receiving a maintenance grant of £12,000 in the first year and £20,000 in the second year. I am living at home for the first year and aim to move out to a house-share in London in the second year. This is because my parents live an hour and a half commute door-to-door from the university I am studying at and the second year is meant to be more intense academically, so I think it would be beneficial to be able to spend more time studying rather than commuting.

As a result, I'd like to save £7,000 of the first year maintenance grant to ensure I can afford to move out in the second year. That leaves me with £5,000 to cover all my expenses, including travel, which I estimate to cost about £1,400. Therefore, after travel, I have £3,600 to pay for books, replacing shoes and clothes as they wear out, socialising at London prices, and train tickets to visit my boyfriend.

Here is where the dilemma ensues: what would be a reasonable amount for my parents to charge me for rent? They have suggested £30/week, but given after saving and travel I will only have £70/week spare, £30 seems a bit steep. Their rationale is that paying them a token amount demonstrates I appreciate being able to live at home, will help keep me grounded, and demonstrates willingness to contribute to the family.

I am happy to increase the amount I pay them if I get a part-time job, but I am unsure whether it will be possible to manage a job alongside a three-hour round trip commute and the demands of my course. While I don't have a steady part-time job over this summer holidays, I am working for a week at a summer school (so 7 days of 11 hour shifts) and have signed up to freelance for an events agency. This is also not for want of trying, after my exams finished I applied for five summer jobs and reached the final interview stages for two of them.

For context, I have never done anything which would suggest to my parents that I take their generosity for granted. From the age of fourteen, I worked for six hours a week as a tutor and the day after Sixth Form ended abruptly because of the pandemic, I got a job in a supermarket working for 25 hours per week. While at university, I worked for five hours a week in second year, going up to twelve hours a week in final year, and have always worked during the university holidays doing a combination of hospitality jobs and legal internships. This is all alongside getting top grades at A-Level and during my degree.

Apologies for what is a bit of a long post, but if you were my parents, would you be happy with me saving £7,000 out of a £12,000 grant, and how much would you charge me to live at home this year?

I wouldn’t let my child go short if they were in education or training just because I needed the money.

If you can’t cope on an extra £50 a month then how are you going to cope when they move out.

OPs parent do not need to money and are only taking it to teach her a lesson.

This is the most disingenuous post I have ever read.

£30 a week is absolutely nothing. “I want to save so I can’t spend my money on other things” isn’t really a good enough reason to not pay board. Maybe they are hoping it will curb your entitlement a bit.

I can’t believe @Anxioys post was deleted. It wasn’t rude!

What was that adjective she used? Cresable? Prescible?

Yes I've been deleted but frankly OP I hope you are a wind and if you didn't like my comment, buckle up as City firms are a lot tougher than that.

This is a reverse surely???

Just in case this isn’t, OP, you are an adult and if you don’t want to pay£30 pw, then you could always move out.

Pay the £30 or leave. Don’t quibble. Get the part time job too if you need the money.

I think adult kids should pay their way but in this case I wouldn’t charge you - I’d rather sub another two years to support your independence from that point forward.

Do you think your parents understand the cost of you living in London in year 2, and the fact you will, as you say, have to socialise in London for networking reasons?

I would create a budget spreadsheet for your own sake, and as part of that you can present your problem to your parents.

You could get a PT job as you say, and if that’s what they want you to do to
pay rent - because it’s good for you - then that’s what you have to do.

I would start a PT job and see how it goes. If you are struggling then you can review it - they may be happy for you to stop paying rent if you have tried your best to do so but found it too much.

You will be living on not much in year 2 so you may want to look at lodging with a family or a house sitting gig rather than flat sharing

If you know you will be earning well in future you can also consider an education loan.

Surprisingly enough, I did know that! The point I was making is, if only charging £50 a month it would cost more keep a working adult at home than it would a dependent child.

If I were your parents I would be so pleased you landed this career opportunity in what is a very competitive market and would do my best to support you in your endeavours. Your earning potential is in several 100,000 pounds as you progress and there will be ample opportunity for you to repay them.

Your parents may have good jobs and be educated but I am unsure if they truly appreciate what you have achieved and what you are trying to do next year.

Worse case scenario, if you are still eligible for student loads, get a loan with the idea of paying back as soon as possible before you collect all the interest as you will be a high earner

Different parents take different approaches to whether or not to charge adult children rent - I think we have to accept that OP's parents believe charging rent is the right thing to do.

The OP's question is whether £30 a week is too much. I think that, coming from a place where the decision is already made that rent is to be paid, £30 is a very reasonable amount to charge. It's £1560 over the course of the year.

OP: it may help to think of it as yearly. You're aiming for £7000 in savings. The very most paying £30pw will put you back is £1560.

If you save at a rate of £600 per month (approx) - which you would need to in order to get £7k in 12 months - then you are talking about a delay of less than 3 months to hit your savings goal.

It's tiny. Both the amount and the impact paying it will have on your goals.

(Plus, you never know - your folks may hand you back the rent they have saved up on your behalf at the end of the year )

OP in your shoes I'd be offering my parents at least £50 p/w and adjusting my expectations of what I could afford to save downwards.

One of the important life lessons that you have a chance to learn here is that you pay your rent and bills first, THEN you work out how much you have left over for savings, other expenses such as clothes (and learning how to find bargains on the likes of Vinted / eBay / charity shops is another great life skill that's also good for the planet) and finally the fun stuff like socialising.

Well that depends what you gave in the first place!

The OP’s parents are of course entitled to charge it if they want, but it will create a hole for the op, which is why a lot of parents who didn’t need the money wouldn’t charge.

I wouldn’t take anything from you.

If you can’t cope on an extra £50 a month then how are you going to cope when they move out.

Very easily! Unless they are eating no food, not using any extra gas or electricity and you are not giving any of the inevitable lifts. Do you seriously believe you can keep an extra person in your home for less than £50 a month? You’re not looking for a lodger, are you?

I have been in your parent's position. I did not charge my dd anything.

I think there is a good reason why your parents are asking you for this money OP and it's clearly not because they need it.

A lot, if not most of your cohort will be taking greater financial risks to achieve their aims. Frankly, I would be disappointed as a parent in you that you could not see the bigger picture here, and act not like a very young adult for the sake of 30 quid. Your parents see it already.

Surely you can still get a professional loan? You’re about a earn a fortune - take one out!

The reason I've included shoes and clothes into my budget is because I haven't had the funds at university to buy any clothes and shoes apart from the two suits I've bought for internships. As a result, a lot of my clothes and shoes are on the verge of wearing out, so replacing them is an inevitable cost. Add in having size 10 feet and being 5 ft 11, which means inexpensive clothes and shoes which fit aren't easy to come across, factoring in having to replace those items is a realistic cost. I agree that Vinted/eBay is a good way to go, I haven't bought anything first-hand apart from underwear for four years now.

I appreciate the advice about adjusting my saving expectation and the person who recommended having a look at London university websites for advice on budgeting: UCL have a very useful page covering the costs of living in London, which I'll use to come up with more accurate figure for how much I need to save to move out.

Eh - what you have failed to mention is that you will start on 50 odd K and after two years be on a six figure salary. Take a little loan. Your 20 k in the second year is a lot less than some people earn and it’s tax free.

But it isn’t creating a hole for the OP. Even on 12k a year £30 a week is a nominal amount. It’s not like they are leaving her penniless.

Yes exactly and her parents know this and so does the OP. Disappointing view

OP doesn’t need a loan! What her parents are charging just means she can only save £5,500 rather than £7,000. If it leaves her short when she moves to London, then she could take out a loan. Or perhaps her parents will help her out.

Sorry! I just saw you did post that. You won’t need to buy any books...it’s all included. 20 k a year is 2250 per mth.....I mean....more than a lot of people earn. Have a word with yourself.

am glad you are not my trainee if you can’t sort this issue out!

This.
Good luck.

I didn't do the SQE (did GDL and then LPC - the 6 month compressed version at BPP Holborn mandated by the 'city consortium' firms) but in all of my years studying I have never found working a couple of shifts a week to be an issue. There's plenty of bar/shop/hospitality work around - one full day weekend shift and one evening really isn't going to damage your academic prospects. I also worked full time in summer (warehouse work but there are plenty of other seasonal jobs about) to save a bit.

Most people at uni and at law school had jobs of some sort, even the ones who were being generously supported by their parents! So I would pay the £30 and get a job - ideally look for something at a chain that might be able to arrange for you to transfer to a different branch when you make the move to central London? But if not you really shouldn't have a problem finding something anyway.

And sorry to be the voice of doom 😅 but getting used to working long hours and having little free time will stand you in good stead when you start as a trainee in a City firm! My first seat was in M&A and within the first month or so I'd averaged 70+ hours a week, worked all of one weekend and half of a couple of others and pulled three all-nighters 😂(it does get better though, I'm now 7 years PQE, on very good money in-house and rarely work outside 9-5 Mon-Fri!). Good luck!