What would your first plan be if its announced we are due an imminent Alien Visitation?

[Oddsockday]

Lighthearted but obviously the US congress are preparing to reveal the existence of Aliens.
What would be the first thing you would do?

Wonder wtf I’m going to do for toilet paper moving forwards, knowing that every shop will now have people rushing in buying as much as they can carry. Pretty similar for basic foodstuffs, I’d be sitting there wishing I had done a bigger shop recently, or was a hoarder as give it an hour and you can guarantee supermarket shelves will be bare.

Shave my legs. You never know!

Look at the news more closely to see what our lovely competent (scoff) world leaders are trying to bury.

My OH predicted this two years ago- economies going down the toilet, so a fake alien invasion to make us think the government have our best interests at heart (when they are robbing the final dregs of everything) and to stop us going after them with pitchforks. If they are genuinely aliens, I hope the aliens wipe out our government's so we can start again. 😂

Zombies I'm well prepared. Aliens you could be in for anything. No idea what their aim is, totally unable to prepare. I would hide at home with a suicide plan for myself and my family should they be into torture.

Apparently they like a bit of probing Of orifices, so you are in luck. Just don't try to snog them - very small mouths and eyes are a bit intimidating up close.

Impressive date night ideas though. It's gonna take a lot for a human man to beat a night out through a wormhole with cocktails.

Break out the cookbooks in case they are edible.

I'd do nothing really, just see what pans out then decide what would better suit me. Resistance or compliance.

That's because all the world leaders know the world is fucked, so they are making deals with them to fuck off this planet and leave all us lowly minions in the shit they created 😂

I wonder if they are from one planet or delegates / holiday makers from all over the universe

I hope they bring some ewoks with them!

I don't doubt that Aliens do.exist somewhere in the vastness of space ,I think.its naive to.assume we are the only inhabited planet
But why would they visit us?

Send for Dr Who!

I wonder if this is a case of....

Hello peasants, see these (pretend) aliens in the sky and (fake) news coverage of them destroying us. Well, you are in luck peasants, for years we have been developing this wonderful army of AI robots to kill these pesky aliens. You dont even need to fight these sophistacated beings who can travel across galaxies, but apparently aren't intelligent enough to invent weapons that can destroy us in a nanosecond. You will need to accept them as a way of life now if you want to be saved won't you? Aren't we wonderful leaders now saving the day (did I mention we have no use for you human peasants anymore with these wonderful robots, so we are going to kill you all anyway.....)
😜

Popcorn. If all the disaster movies taught me anything, it will only impact USA🤷

True and it's usually New york.

Ignore it and hope it'd go away.

(It would).

lots of them

Scold them for being late.

Independence day was weeks ago.

Hope that they were Vulcans. Firstly because I’ve always had a massive crush on Mr Spock, and secondly because I’m autistic, and after 67 years of living among illogical neurotypicals, it would be such a relief to meet unemotional, rational beings!

Ask if they have any hot, single humanoid men looking for love. What we have here are sorely lacking in all areas

Well yes, but the theory behind it is they're attracted to Superpower nations that have lots nuclear weapons, the US fits the bill perfectly..

Judging by the comments on here so far, there are three main coping strategies:

Eat biscuits
Ignore them
Shag them

We should all be military strategists.

Aliens would only need to take one look at how human beings treat each other and would realise this is a hostile planet! We are not the "good guys". That's why they never stick around for very long. If you had amazing technological/scientific advancements etc would you share that with humanity? who do the most awful things to each other, have wars and F up their own planet? I wouldn't.

If any aliens have been here I'm sure they decided to just leave us to destroy ourselves.

Sorry, that's not particularly light hearted!

The question is too wide to be able to answer.

'Alien visitation' is not specific enough.

There are BILLIONS UPON BILLIONS of alien species out there all with their own culture, philosophy, agendas etc. Etc.

You may as well say, 'Animal visitation.'

So it rather does depend on the species of alien and their intent.

For the sake of argument, let's assume these prospective aliens can breathe our atmosphere, or have technology that enables them to. Ditto gravity, dimensions (size, time etc). This narrows it down a bit.

So let's break it down into the reasons WHY aliens should bother to travel all the way to this particular dirt ball.

1. INVASION
2. TRADE
3. SEX

(There are more, but for brevity's sake let's stick with those three).

In the first case, I would betray humanity, and side with the alien invaders. No point backing a losing horse. Also, they would be able to give me a lift back to my home planet.

In the second case, I would ensure any trade agreement benefits me personally financially, so I can build a huge metal castle, within which I can sit in a corner, cuddle my teddy bear and scream and scream until my face turned blue.

In the third case, I would gladly offer myself for whatever sexual activities the aliens would be up for. It's been a dry month (month? MORE LIKE DECADE).

Whatever, hurry the hell up, extraterrestrials, this planet ain't got long.

JEV

Open the very nice bottle of wine I've been saving.