Page 6 | To add how would you deal with this?

Uselessatthisstuff · 2023-07-26T19:57:04+00:00

DD(9) has kicked over a bottle of nail polish onto carpet in her room. Then scared to tell me so has made it worse trying to clean it up. I will call cleaning companies tomorrow to see if it can be sorted. My question is how would you deal with DD? Yes it was an accident - but - she’s been told before not to mess with varnish/makeup in bedroom (couple of priors with eye makeup that I’ve been able to clean up) I’m furious, she seems to thinks because she’s said sorry and ‘it was accident’ that’s it dealt with. DD is now cuddling up with DH on the sofa watching a movie. She needs to learn that actions have consequences. How do I deal with the situation?

ZeroFuchsGiven · 27/07/2023 14:25

UrsulaIsMyQueen · 27/07/2023 14:16

Genuinely shocked at the low expectations people on here have of their 9 year olds. You can’t expect them to follow simple rules? You should supervise them fully at all times and remove all temptation because they can’t be expected to follow rules? Weird.

You are clutching at straws, She was a kid being a kid. Kids are impulsive, her dad allowed her to buy it, he allowed her to take it to her room at no point did her dad, y'know, her other parent say stop, you know you are not allowed that in your room so she just carried on as any kid would do.

The only person responsible for this mess is the DH and if op had put that in at the beginning everyone would have agreed. This is not about a child being 'naughty' this is about a child doing something and her parent allowing it to happen!

UrsulaIsMyQueen · 27/07/2023 14:28

ZeroFuchsGiven · 27/07/2023 14:25

You are clutching at straws, She was a kid being a kid. Kids are impulsive, her dad allowed her to buy it, he allowed her to take it to her room at no point did her dad, y'know, her other parent say stop, you know you are not allowed that in your room so she just carried on as any kid would do.

The only person responsible for this mess is the DH and if op had put that in at the beginning everyone would have agreed. This is not about a child being 'naughty' this is about a child doing something and her parent allowing it to happen!

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She had already been told she’s not allowed nail varnish in her room. Her being bought a new nail varnish doesn’t change the fact that she’s not allowed to use nail varnish in her room.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 27/07/2023 14:34

UrsulaIsMyQueen · 27/07/2023 14:28

She had already been told she’s not allowed nail varnish in her room. Her being bought a new nail varnish doesn’t change the fact that she’s not allowed to use nail varnish in her room.

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Ok You are 'Genuinely shocked at the low expectations people on here have of their 9 year olds' Well I am equally shocked at the low expectations that people have of their Husbands. I mean why would he know shes not allowed it in her room right? Obviously its Mums job to do the parenting

I dont know maybe its a strange concept for some but dp and I were on the same page with parenting, we knew what the kids could and could not do so we would never have fell in this position.

We will have to agree to disagree on this one.

UrsulaIsMyQueen · 27/07/2023 14:42

ZeroFuchsGiven · 27/07/2023 14:34

Ok You are 'Genuinely shocked at the low expectations people on here have of their 9 year olds' Well I am equally shocked at the low expectations that people have of their Husbands. I mean why would he know shes not allowed it in her room right? Obviously its Mums job to do the parenting

I dont know maybe its a strange concept for some but dp and I were on the same page with parenting, we knew what the kids could and could not do so we would never have fell in this position.

We will have to agree to disagree on this one.

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Having a nail varnish in her bedroom isn’t the same as opening and using a nail varnish in her bedroom. If the OP comes back and says her husband knew she was using it in her room and didn’t say anything, or explicitly allowed her to do it, then I will agree with you. As it is, having a 9 year old myself, I think it’s a reasonable expectation that a 9 year old can be told ‘you are not allowed to use varnish in your bedroom’ and to follow that rule on an ongoing basis.

UrsulaIsMyQueen · 27/07/2023 14:45

In this same scenario, my husband would (and does) know that our children aren’t allowed to use nail varnish in their bedroom. He would expect them to follow that rule even if he’d bought them a new nail varnish when out and about. He wouldn’t feel the need to reiterate the rule, because he would know that our children are capable of understanding and following rules that have been communicated to them.

Destinedforfakeness · 27/07/2023 14:48

UrsulaIsMyQueen · 27/07/2023 14:00

i can tell my 9 year old not to do stuff and she won’t do it. She’s not a toddler. A 9 year old is perfectly capable of following a rule not to use nail varnish in her bedroom. People have low expectations of their kids on here. Do you expect them to do things their teachers tell them not to do, too?

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Evidently op's kid isn't one who can follow rules.

UrsulaIsMyQueen · 27/07/2023 14:49

Destinedforfakeness · 27/07/2023 14:48

Evidently op's kid isn't one who can follow rules.

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Hence the OP asking for what consequences she should put into place to make it more likely that the child will follow rules in future.

UrsulaIsMyQueen · 27/07/2023 14:51

The reason my 9 year old can follow rules is because when she doesn’t, there are consequences. But many on here are saying the 9 year old shouldn’t have any consequences as she can’t be expected to follow rules 🤷🏻‍♀️.

maryberryslayers · 27/07/2023 18:11

She can't be trusted so she doesn't get to have nail polish again until she's old enough to use it responsibly, she can try again in 6 months/when she's 10 etc.

Consequence of not following rules as opposed to a punishment .

oviraptor21 · 27/07/2023 19:15

Blimey. Very surprised how many are happy to shrug off a ruined carpet. I thought I was laid back too!

For me it would be no more make up until a specified time. But then I have a low tolerance for make up for children.