To add how would you deal with this?

[Uselessatthisstuff]

DD(9) has kicked over a bottle of nail polish onto carpet in her room. Then scared to tell me so has made it worse trying to clean it up.

I will call cleaning companies tomorrow to see if it can be sorted.

My question is how would you deal with DD?

Yes it was an accident - but - she’s been told before not to mess with varnish/makeup in bedroom (couple of priors with eye makeup that I’ve been able to clean up)

I’m furious, she seems to thinks because she’s said sorry and ‘it was accident’ that’s it dealt with. DD is now cuddling up with DH on the sofa watching a movie.

She needs to learn that actions have consequences. How do I deal with the situation?

My kids are adults, and of course this isn't the end of the world, but it absolutely needs dealing with.

This was no accident. She was being deliberately disobedient and then caused quite a bit of damage. She needs to be held accountable.

I think this is partly your fault. Why dies she have access to it when there have been issues with making mess with make up/nail polish before. I would not punish her, but the natural consequence is that she cannot have any make up or nail polish without being supervised.

Aquamarine, you sound almost military

I'd talk to her about being scared to tell you. That's not great - bigger problems to come down the line, and you'll have warned her against those too.

Accidents happen. There are two big permanent marks on 5 yo DD's carpet - one from DH dropping an iron and one from me knocking over the bottle of Calpol but being trapped under the sick baby and not able to reach it.

Really? How so? My recommendation was to take away nail varnish and makeup for the foreseeable future. That's "military?"

“Deliberately disobedient, needs to be held accountable”

shes 9, and accidental really kicked over some nail polish

Natural consequences.
She couldnt follow the rule about no make up in her room, so now she gets no makeup. Simple.

Makeup and nail varnish goes into your room and out of reach.

That's all you need to do.

This sums it up. I was terrified of telling my mum things as she would go ballistic over small issues.
It was an accident I would leave it now.

No more nail polish or make up for your 9 year old. It's not essential for her to have these things.

I would just remove the makeup and nail varnish from now on, natural consequences. I think taking away pocket money etc is disproportionate

She was deliberately disobedient. The nail varnish would not have been spilled and it would not have ruined the carpeting if she had followed a very simple rule laid down by her parent.

It's no wonder so many kids are so poorly behaved if the current consensus is to just sit back and do or say nothing when your kids make poor choices.

Of course the consequences have to be reasonable. Of course we don't freak out and verbally beat them down. However, we do have to make our disappointment clear. It's our job to do our best to ensure our kids grow up to be conscientious, responsible adults.

In our house if something is a genuine accident then there is no follow up.

However something that ISN’T an accident or is a result of purposeful behaviour (such as doing nails on the carpet when she knows she shouldn’t) does have a follow up. I ask my children to help clear up or sort out the mess and/or pay towards fixing it from their own savings. Obviously I wouldn’t expect a 9yr old to buy a new carpet but maybe she needs to buy some cleaning produce and have a try cleaning it off properly.

I don’t get angry or ranty though. I don’t try to make them feel bad or guilty it’s just more “I told you to stop waving your skipping rope about, it’s now broken the mirror so you need to get the hoover to clean up the glass, get a cardboard box to put broken shards in and you won’t get this weeks pocket money because that will go towards replacing the mirror.

My DH is more prone to getting grumpy and dishing out pointless /extreme punishments (no Tv for the rest of the year)- which he enevitably won’t follow up on when he is calm. This leads to lots of stress for all and no real resolution of the issue. He’s getting better though as he’s working on managing things better

I’m confused. Was it her nail varnish, or stuff that she’d taken from you without permission?

If it was hers, then confiscate the nail varnish and say she can have it back when she’s older, but in the meantime it can only be used with adult supervision and she will have to come and ask permission each time she wants to put it on. Then lock it away. She’s too young for that crap anyway. If you bought a nine year old nail varnish and make up and let her keep it in her room, then you are to blame for the stain, not her.

If it wasn’t hers, that’s theft and much more difficult and I’d be stopping pocket money / screentime for a while.

I would agree with a previous poster and stop her pocket money for a few weeks towards the cost of cleaning the carpet. I also would have never allowed a nine year old to use nail varnish or any type of makeup at that age!

But before you call a carpet cleaning company, have you tried to get the stain out with WD40? I've used it to get gloss paint out of a carpet in the past and you would never be able to find where the spillage had been.

I would have binned the nail varnish.
When our dds became teens, we got rid of carpet in their rooms and replaced it with laminate. But we are a family of klutzes

I had a similar thing this week where my 10yo daughter scratched her sister's glasses by accident but in a completely preventable way that will now cost £160 to replace...

We have tried to implement "natural consequences". So talked to her in a calm, reasonable way about what the negative consequences were for us (cost , upset sibling) and how we expected her to contribute to this. Asked her to write an apology letter to her sister in which she took accountability for her actions rather than making excuses and has then been given a list of chores to do during the week to help pay off some of the "debt" she has accrued. She's actually been unusually lovely about it all and done all the jobs without moaning. She even tied a ribbon around her apology letter!

While yes I would be annoyed inside myself I think I’d be far more pressed about my child being scared to tell me they had done something especialy an accident. You need to reflect and learn

@Aquamarine1029 scared is afraid. 🤷‍♀️

Cuddling with father should not come into equation at all. Many girls don’t have a present father at all, and many more - are afraid of the one they have.
She knew she shouldn’t mess with varnish in her room, you knew she can’t be trusted with it. Yet you’re an adult, she’s a child. You get to pick up the cleaning bill, she gets varnishes and makeup taken away from the room and allowed only on a supervised occasion.

Make her drink the nail polish.

Or don't let a 9 year old have access to that sort of stuff as easily.

Or don't put expense carpets in a child's bedroom.

Well worse things can happen OP. On the other hand you are quite right to want your DD to act responsibly and not wreck things! Think about what your sensible rules are about when and where your DD is allowed to try out make up or nail varnish etc so you are happy it is age appropriate and not causing damage to your home. Explain these clearly to DD and ensure you supervise/monitor this so she has to toe the line.
She could help you clean and tidy up her room after you have tried to sort the stain or give her pocket money for the week towards the cleaning bill.

I too think that the natural consequence is to take the nail polish/make up away from her if they were hers, and tell them she can have them back when she's able to prove to you that she can obey instructions for using them, ie, not doing it in her bedroom. So she then has to prove that she follows instructions you issue for other things before she gets it back. For example, if you tell her to pack her school bag and leave it in a certain place each day, and she does it every day without any argument for a while, then that's showing you she can obey instructions.

I would also make her research on the internet, how to remove the nail polish, a simple Google should do it, then she could make a list of products you can try, check with you if you already have the products, and if not, she then has to look them up online and find the cheapest place you can buy them from, and then maybe pay for them out of her pocket money until you've found a product that does the job. If you make her do this, rather than sitting around watching TV as if nothing's happened, it will help her realise that an apology doesn't always put things right, and some effort has to be put into it. Just a few of my thoughts, obviously only you know her day to day behaviour, and whether or not these suggestions are likely to work.

I wouldn't do anything except roll my eyes! It was an accident. We all have spillages from time to time.

Don’t think you can be angry with her.

Before 1991, in many marri estate houses In Portsmouth was maybe 1988 I remember the cushion blistering and all little things exploded during labyrinth at Christmas and being so scared to tell my Dad I tried to keep it under wraps.

I remember being taking up to St. Scott’s hospital near Plymouth who showed me how to play the game twister in the 80’s/early 90’s and got me to know co ordination.