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AIBU?

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Original poster

To add how would you deal with this?

135 replies

Uselessatthisstuff · 26/07/2023 20:57

DD(9) has kicked over a bottle of nail polish onto carpet in her room. Then scared to tell me so has made it worse trying to clean it up.

I will call cleaning companies tomorrow to see if it can be sorted.

My question is how would you deal with DD?

Yes it was an accident - but - she’s been told before not to mess with varnish/makeup in bedroom (couple of priors with eye makeup that I’ve been able to clean up)

I’m furious, she seems to thinks because she’s said sorry and ‘it was accident’ that’s it dealt with. DD is now cuddling up with DH on the sofa watching a movie.

She needs to learn that actions have consequences. How do I deal with the situation?

OP posts:
DrinksAnxiety · 26/07/2023 22:39

She’s 9, and a young child. You are letting her play with teen/adult things - nail varnish and eyeshadow.

If you must, only give it to get supervised.

If you want to blame someone, I’d be blaming myself for giving my child, teenage stuff.

Bloodyleaverspartybollocks · 26/07/2023 22:41

My DD has make up and ran on her carpet. She mentioned a new bedside table and carpet recently. How I laughed.
Told her no chance until she can look after her room

Oliesjola · 26/07/2023 22:46

My granddaughter is sleeping in her mother’s old room as I speak ! Make up stains etc all over the carpet 🤷‍♀️Probably happened when daughter in her early 20s ! I genuinely cannot remember reacting TBH ..life is too short.

Siameasy · 26/07/2023 22:50

My DD 8.5 is like this. I would hide all nail polishes and similar items for the time being. I also refused to paint my DD’s toenails for a time as she had drawn with nail varnish in the bathroom.

BrokeTheDietAgain · 26/07/2023 22:54

It was an accident. I've spilt things before. Ive accidentally smashed a few glasses/mugs/plates, I've lost things, I've forgotten things. As an adult no-one punishes me. Noone stops me using items again. Noone grounds me. If they did, I'd feel crap but it wouldn't prevent a future accident. It might make me angry/upset with the person dishing out the punishment. I might feel it unfair. But I can't see how it would help.

Kida are human too! They also break things, drop things, spill things and forget things. Not sure that punishing helps.

UrsulaIsMyQueen · 27/07/2023 08:46

BrokeTheDietAgain · 26/07/2023 22:54

It was an accident. I've spilt things before. Ive accidentally smashed a few glasses/mugs/plates, I've lost things, I've forgotten things. As an adult no-one punishes me. Noone stops me using items again. Noone grounds me. If they did, I'd feel crap but it wouldn't prevent a future accident. It might make me angry/upset with the person dishing out the punishment. I might feel it unfair. But I can't see how it would help.

Kida are human too! They also break things, drop things, spill things and forget things. Not sure that punishing helps.

I drop things too, as an adult. But not things I’ve been told specifically not to touch. The issue here isn’t that she spilt the nail varnish (an accident), it’s that she has been told not to mess around with nail varnish in her bedroom in case something like this happened. The spillage was an accident, the using nail varnish in her bedroom wasn’t.

Emmamoo89 · 27/07/2023 08:57

Aquamarine1029 · 26/07/2023 21:37

She was deliberately disobedient. The nail varnish would not have been spilled and it would not have ruined the carpeting if she had followed a very simple rule laid down by her parent.

It's no wonder so many kids are so poorly behaved if the current consensus is to just sit back and do or say nothing when your kids make poor choices.

Of course the consequences have to be reasonable. Of course we don't freak out and verbally beat them down. However, we do have to make our disappointment clear. It's our job to do our best to ensure our kids grow up to be conscientious, responsible adults.

Show quote history

I agree with this. No wonder kids are getting worse because they don't get disciplined properly...

DinnaeFashYersel · 27/07/2023 09:03

Call your insurance.

They will try to clean it and of not will replace it.

DD - it was an accident. That she was too scared to tell you says something. Think about that.

UrsulaIsMyQueen · 27/07/2023 09:21

DinnaeFashYersel · 27/07/2023 09:03

Call your insurance.

They will try to clean it and of not will replace it.

DD - it was an accident. That she was too scared to tell you says something. Think about that.

She was too scared to tell her mum because she was doing something she’d been told not to do. Any child with a sense of right and wrong would be apprehensive about admitting to having done something they knew was wrong, wouldn’t they? My children wouldn’t be scared to tell me about a genuine accident that had caused damage. They would however be scared to admit they’d deliberately done something they know they shouldn’t, and subsequently caused damage.

DinnaeFashYersel · 27/07/2023 09:45

@UrsulaIsMyQueen

Your children. Ok

I was suggesting OP thinks about her child.

UrsulaIsMyQueen · 27/07/2023 09:47

DinnaeFashYersel · 27/07/2023 09:45

@UrsulaIsMyQueen

Your children. Ok

I was suggesting OP thinks about her child.

And I was offering my experience, as people are often inclined to do on online discussion forums, to suggest that it isn’t actually worrying for a child to be scared of telling their parents that they’ve caused an accident when doing something that they’d been specifically told not to do 🤷🏻‍♀️.

DinnaeFashYersel · 27/07/2023 09:49

@UrsulaIsMyQueen

Snap. I was offering my experience, as people are often inclined to do on online discussion forums.

Advice twins

UrsulaIsMyQueen · 27/07/2023 09:50

Ah, I love that for us 🥰

ZeroFuchsGiven · 27/07/2023 09:52

She is 9, it was an accident!

If you don't want her to be playing with/using makeup and nail varnish then start parenting and don't let her have access to them.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 27/07/2023 09:55

I remember spilling a full bottle of Tizer on my Nannas new pale green carpet, I was not punished but Tizer was certainly never allowed in the house again.

UrsulaIsMyQueen · 27/07/2023 09:58

ZeroFuchsGiven · 27/07/2023 09:52

She is 9, it was an accident!

If you don't want her to be playing with/using makeup and nail varnish then start parenting and don't let her have access to them.

Do you have to keep everything a 9 year old isn’t allowed to touch out of their reach though? Surely at 9, just telling them not to play with something should be enough. I don’t keep all my make up and nail varnish out of reach of my 9, 7 and 4 year olds, but they know they’re not allowed to play with it.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 27/07/2023 10:01

UrsulaIsMyQueen · 27/07/2023 09:58

Do you have to keep everything a 9 year old isn’t allowed to touch out of their reach though? Surely at 9, just telling them not to play with something should be enough. I don’t keep all my make up and nail varnish out of reach of my 9, 7 and 4 year olds, but they know they’re not allowed to play with it.

Show quote history

Yes it was an accident - but - she’s been told before not to mess with varnish/makeup in bedroom (couple of priors with eye makeup that I’ve been able to clean up)

If my child had form for not listening then yes I would remove the temptation from her.

UrsulaIsMyQueen · 27/07/2023 10:25

Fair point. But equally, if she always has all temptation removed, how will she ever learn to resist temptation? She’s 9, not 3. She will be expected to listen and to follow instructions at school, and to not play with things that are off limits. She should be able to do the same at home.

Hankunamatata · 27/07/2023 10:39

All nail polish gets removed and put away so she has to ask for it. And she would be doing some cleaning chores as a consequence

Hufflepods · 27/07/2023 10:51

She needs to learn that actions have consequences. How do I deal with the situation?

I think any sort of punishment for an accident is pointless. Imagine knocking a cup of coffee over and your DH ranting at you for it!
It's fine to put in a rule so nail varnish is only done at the table or something but punishing for an accident doesn't actually teach anything.

UrsulaIsMyQueen · 27/07/2023 11:18

Hufflepods · 27/07/2023 10:51

She needs to learn that actions have consequences. How do I deal with the situation?

I think any sort of punishment for an accident is pointless. Imagine knocking a cup of coffee over and your DH ranting at you for it!
It's fine to put in a rule so nail varnish is only done at the table or something but punishing for an accident doesn't actually teach anything.

The punishment is for using the nail varnish in her bedroom when she’d been told not to.

GingerIsBest · 27/07/2023 11:24

Agree with all the posters - the "punishment" is surely that she has all nail polishes taken away and has to ask to use them, and then use them with supervision.

Accidents happen, you know that which is why you have told her not to use nail polish in her room. If she can't adhere to that, she can't have nail polish. Simple.

Gatehouse77 · 27/07/2023 11:25

I’d say that nail varnish, etc. lives downstairs and can only be applied when everything is set up on the kitchen table (or wherever makes sense in your house).

She knew she’d done something wrong but it’s as much to do with (natural) immaturity and not fully appreciating the consequences.

Her ‘punishment’ is that the rules have changed and she can either accept graciously and build back trust or not.

WeWereInParis · 27/07/2023 11:34

Uselessatthisstuff · 26/07/2023 21:07

I’m not necessarily talking about ‘punishment’ but learning from this.

She’s been told before not to mess about with make up and varnish in her bedroom. The accident happened because she disobeyed and did it anyway.

We did the calm reaction the previous times.

Then the nail varnish and make up gets removed until she can use it sensibly.

WeWereInParis · 27/07/2023 11:40

Hufflepods · 27/07/2023 10:51

She needs to learn that actions have consequences. How do I deal with the situation?

I think any sort of punishment for an accident is pointless. Imagine knocking a cup of coffee over and your DH ranting at you for it!
It's fine to put in a rule so nail varnish is only done at the table or something but punishing for an accident doesn't actually teach anything.

It sounds like that rule was already in place though, and the daughter broke that rule.