People keep saying I'm slim

[Mapoftheproblematique]

I'm 169cm and weight fluctuates between around 9st 2 and 9st 5 depending. It's slender but a perfectly healthy weight, in fact I've known people of my height weigh much less.
Anyway, over the last few months I've had a couple of comments both to my face and behind my back about how slim I am, how people can't believe it, how there's 'nothing of me '.
I admit I'm slim but I'm hardly waif-like. I'm quite pear shaped too.
We're all shapes and sizes, I just don't see myself as incredibly thin.

cardibach People saying "there's nothing of you" isn't complimentary. Also slim people get shamed for loads of stuff like being flat chested or not having a big enough bum etc. It's now socially unacceptable to make derogatory comments about overweight people, but underweight people are fair game. My point is that people should stop commenting on/being so fixated with women's bodies. It's very rare that men are on the receiving end of comments about their bodies.

I fucking love being called thin. When I was bigger, I was devastated if I was called fat.

No one should comment on anyone’s appearance because you don’t know what’s going on with them or how it may land, but absolutely no way is being called thin comparable to being called fat.

Overweight women are certainly fair game on Mumsnet; there's another thread at the moment on which a number of posters are claiming that cruelty to fat people is an evolutionary instinct and that nature is trying to eliminate them by making it harder for them to conceive and more likely for them to die early. This site really showcases a huge range of hangups about weight. Honestly, unkindness to overweight people hasn't been eradicated; any woman who is overweight or obese can tell you that. It happens all the time. Like I said upthread, I did get unwelcome comments on how slim I was at a size 10 and I hated it, but the abuse hurled in the street when I was a size 16 was a lot worse. Things haven't swung so far that fat people's feelings are protected and thin women relentlessly harassed, I promise.

I am very similar in weight and height to the OP - perhaps an inch shorter these days - but still the same weight, so a good, healthy BMI.

I would say that at least 70% of the timе, when people comment on my weight (which is fairly often), it is quite clear from the way that they say it and/or what they follow it up with that it is a criticism, not a compliment. Many follow it up with things like, "you could do with a bit more fat on you", or similar.

Unless I have asked for their opinion on my weight - which I wouldnt, as i am perfectly happy with it - how is that any more acceptable than telling someone, however well-meant, that they could do with a bit less fat on them?
It is still body-shaming, and feels horrible when it comes out of the blue. It is none of their bloody business!

Precisely. Comments like 'you're all bones' with a snigger or a laugh is hurtful. But some on mn think that's not as bad as being called fat. People should just stop commenting on others' weight.

Sorry if I'm like a dog with a bone on this, but you initially said you couldn't understand why it was ok to call someone thin or slim but not fat. Which is a ridiculous statement in itself - the word slim is absolutely a positive, thin could be either and depends on context, fat is negative. Not saying this is how it should be but it's how it is.

In subsequent comments you're adding in phrases like 'all bones' and sniggers which is completely different! Of course no one is saying derogatory or bullying comments are fine. You have said one thing, received responses to that and now are saying something else entirely.

Anyone trying to claim women are shamed the same for being slim as being fat is off their rocker. Fat women are regularly denied proper medical care and told their pain from ilnees and ailments is not a problem. Come back here with your skinny shaming when you experience this. As a now midsized formally fat person I absolutely have experienced the difference.

I've experienced both, having been both very slim and very overweight. And have said over and over on the thread how intrusive and awful I found it to have people comment on my body, positive or otherwise. But you are right: society prizes thinness in a woman and holds fatness in utter contempt. It doesn't make unwarranted or unpleasant comments to thin women in any way acceptable! But I see people on MN huffing about how anyone can skinny shame a woman and it's fine but no one can ever say anything to a fat woman - if they spent one day in a fat body (and like I say, I've done both!) they would know that's not true.

In your case OP, from what you've described, it just sounds like they are passing comments rather than making a serious discussion point. I'd just let it go and not think too much about it.
It could be anything: maybe your frame suits the weight, maybe your frame is too broad and not enough body fat, maybe their pissed off about their own body, maybe they are not happy with where their weight collects? Who knows?

You sound a nice weight. I say this but it depends on how your body fat is distributed as you said, we are all shapes and sizes.

This sounds like a humblebrag to be honest.

But you are right: society prizes thinness in a woman and holds fatness in utter contempt That's a very white, Anglo centric view though. The body shape that is desirable/fashionable now is much bigger than it used to be, and for so many women unattainable - strong bigger legs, big bum, small waist, large breasts and slimmer arms. We're not in the 90's any more where being thin is considered the desirable type. Social media is full of criticisms of naturally slim women who don't fit what is a more normal/attainable body type for a Latino or black women. In many cultures, to be bigger/thicker has always been more desirable than to be thin.

Depends on your build. Sounds about right for 5ft6. . I was 5ft10 and 9stone5 in my 20's & looked very slim. Narrow shoulders & hips . Everyone envied me but I hated not having boobs. I do miss eating everything in sight & not piling on weight though.

"there is notjing on her" is not a compliment exactly like "there is loads on her" is not.

But MN will totally pretend that negative comments on someone slim are fine🤷

Who can after reading threads like this still comment that we prize slimness as positive😂

It depends on why you're thin. I used to be fat and it bothered me because I felt invisible. Then I lost weight on purpose and for a while I was nicely slim, then it went to a darker place called obsessiveness and people still commented - it fuelled my dieting and exercising. If no-one had commented I would have stopped. When I met my ex, I put on a bit of weight. For a while it was fine, no-one commented and I was happy.

Then I got really sick and the comments started up again about "my great figure" but it really wasn't great. I was unwell for nearly a year and weighed next to nothing. For someone with obsessive tendencies commenting is a really bad thing to do.

Yes you're totally right. No one wants to be slim. The shortage of Ozempic is imaginary because there is no drive for anyone to lose weight. The word 'slim' is a terrible insult, and slim women are continually abused, humiliated and scorned. Everyone wants to gain weight, everyone poses to emphasise their bellies and look as big as possible in photos. Although fat people are solely responsible for the downfall of the NHS, everyone loves them and would never breathe a word of criticism against them. No one finds slimness attractive, nobody believes it's desirable anymore.

Or, you didn't read the thread in which posters repeatedly stated that comments on women's bodies are not ok, that insults relating to thinness are unacceptable but that in general people feel more comfortable calling someone slim than they would calling someone fat as slim is considered a compliment and fat an insult. Obviously calling someone all bones or whatever is very rude and as unkind as insulting someone for being fat. Having been both slim and fat, I do know which state elicited worse judgement though and it wasn't being slim!

I call bollocks. How do you know people behind your back are discussing your weight?

Yet another post to start flame wars about thin vs fat.

I really sympathise @BounceyB - when I got positive comments on losing weight, it really drove me to a similar position. It's the scrutiny, knowing that people are looking and judging all the time. People might think they're being nice, but it really messed with my head. I hope you're in a better place now.

What's your AIBU?
You must know that people have opinions about how other people look and that we might not agree with the words they are using.

Lean, slim, athletic, skinny, nothing of you, toned, runners physique.
That's just what I hear with respect to my body. Then there's the comments about what I do, or don't eat.

I worry about me. If people want to have a discussion on what exercise I do and what I eat then I'm happy to do so. If people want to dump their own insecurities on me ("oh aren't you naughty having a KitKat", "I bet you don't have sugar in your coffee, do you", "it's alright for you, you've [insert some perceived life advantage I've been given]")

I'm similar weight and height

As part of aging (I'm 43), my face has become a lot thinner so maybe people have the impression you are slimmer due to your face

I find if I haven't seen someone for ages, they say I look like ive lost weight, when I haven't

It's just my hollowing face. Oh joy

I disagree. On the face of it, yes, the word 'slim' is positive. Unfortunately, their follow-up comments reveal that lot of people use it as a sly way of saying 'thin'. A bit like some people will say 'very shapely', also a positive comment in the right context, when they mean fat.

No one has ever used the words thin or slim in a way that made me feel they were being positive.

A positive compliment would be "you look fabulous!" Or "Wow you look really fit and healthy!"

If you think telling someone they are thin is a positive thing you're deluded.

I'm 5 ft 7 and about 13.5 stone so must be a right fatty then but I like cake and I'm happy and dress nicely but wouldn't it be boring if we were all the same .Not really seeing your point and no I'm not jealous I dropped to 10.5 stone the other year and looked ill we all carry weight differently at that time I resembled a lollipop at the time.

Yes @Oldnproud but she didn't put the follow up comment in until a later post. Of course the speaker might be getting in a snide insult, but she was asking originally why it's socially acceptable to call someone slim but not fat - I really don't think anyone can deny that most people do understand the word slim to be a good thing and fat to be a bad thing. A bitchy person can twist it, and even if it's meant sincerely as a compliment a lot of people don't want to receive unsolicited comments on their body but the words themselves are loaded differently and it's hugely disingenuous to pretend you really don't understand why someone would say 'you're so slim!' but not 'you're so fat!' in conversation.

Would love it if no one said either.

Understand someone can follow up the first with a really nasty dig.

They still aren't exactly the same.