To not want to be thought of as old?

[PrinceHaz]

I’ve met up with DD’s boyfriend’s mum a couple of times. DD says his mum thinks I’m really nice person but a bit old. I am 52 and she is 44.
It really stung for some reason. Although I am ‘old’ (I’m definitely not young), it was still a shock to hear it spoken plainly.
I don’t think I’m very old fashioned and I’ve always looked young for my age (until now).
AIBU to feel bothered by this?

Why on earth are you hanging around with your daughter's boyfriend's mother and why do you give a fuck what she thinks, is she some kind or oracle?

I'm also wondering why you are meeting up with her on your own. Who's idea is it?

There's 10 years between my mum and MiL. My mum is definitely old fashioned/traditional (i.e. judgmental) and probably has more in common with DHs grandparents (15/20 years her senior). In comparison to MiL who still has 'girls nights out' and generally has a younger, more positive outlook on life.

I'd say it was perhaps the way you come across? Don't change for her, just don't worry about what she thinks! She's old enough to have some manners!

Honestly she sounds ridiculous. Why are you meeting up with her? I was a young mum, I'm 35 and have an almost 16 year old son and most of his friends parents are late 40's early 50's. I don't think of them as old. I think that this woman has probably based a lot of her personality on being young and "cool" and is insecure about her own ageing.

As to what you should do? It's up to you but I would cancel. I find people who are needlessly judgemental a bit of a bore and would not want to waste my time.

I think some people are old before their time and some people never grow up. This is nothing to do with appearance.

My DDiLs Mum thought I was "old" but I get on better with my DDiL than she does with her mother! (I don't hit her for one!)

You don't know if these comments are coming from this woman or your daughter so either way I would give the meet up a swerve.

It doesn't sound like you have a lot in common so why bother. You're also spending far too much time thinking about what she does or doesn't think of you.

TBH, if she did make those comments she's not the sort of person I would want to spend time with! You need to value yourself a bit more and not explain yourself.

Some comments on here are really offensive. So what if a middle aged woman likes going out clubbing and continue to live her life they way she enjoys it. It's a good thing to want to keep having fun and to not care that you might be one of the oldest people in the club. It doesn't mean she's insecure, thinks she is cooler than everyone else, is immature etc. She just has different hobbies and a different lifestyle. There isn't one lifestyle that fits all women. We need to be allowed to be different.

I think context here is everything, and the OP hasn't got any idea of what exactly was said, how it was said and why. She might be rude, she might be factual, she might be completely neutral. As we can see on this thread, the comments which has been relayed in third hand can be interpreted very differently.

It isn't going out clubbing and enjoying her life that makes her sound insecure. It's calling another woman 'old and boring' by comparison to her that's the giveaway. I'm really not sure how the comments repeated by the OPs DD could have been misconstrued. Either she used the words old and boring about the OP, or the DD is lying, as there really isn't any context or nuance to statements as bald as that.

It sounds like the kids wants them to hang out, just the mums, so she might have said something like: I am not sure we have that much in common. She is a bit older than me and I still like going out clubbing when I go out. We might be at different stages in life.

I doubt she has said OP is old and boring but I'll go out with her anyway. Why would she want to?

Just a politer version of the same thing. Even if she had said that and OPs DD deliberately chose wording to make it sound rude and insulting, then she's still being rather judgy and silly isn't she? I go to clubs, but its an activity not a personality trait that immediately renders me youthful and means I'd have nothing in common with people who don't.
Whether she likes it or not, they're at the same 'life stage' with older children who are dating each other. Doesn't mean they will have anything in common, but equally the age difference doesn't mean they won't.
No idea why she wants to meet the OP, though some people do get a kick out of feeling younger and 'cooler' than their peers. So maybe that's it.

I never did.

Zombie thread.