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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be thought of as old?

137 replies

PrinceHaz · 26/07/2023 09:32

I’ve met up with DD’s boyfriend’s mum a couple of times. DD says his mum thinks I’m really nice person but a bit old. I am 52 and she is 44.
It really stung for some reason. Although I am ‘old’ (I’m definitely not young), it was still a shock to hear it spoken plainly.
I don’t think I’m very old fashioned and I’ve always looked young for my age (until now).
AIBU to feel bothered by this?

OP posts:
Sh4rkAttack · 26/07/2023 10:31

TheYearOfSmallThings · 26/07/2023 09:57

She shouldn't have said it to her son, he didn't need to repeat it to your daughter, and she should have known better than to say it to you. It obviously wasn't going to make you feel good about yourself, and your daughter should have known that.

I think sometimes we can be in denial of our age, and when someone we consider "older" turns out to be close in age, we can react badly. I recently said something about "our age" to a friend who is 3 years younger than me (both 40s) and she ruffled up like an indignant hen because in her mind she is in a totally different and more youthful and vibrant age group than me Grin. Maybe you said something suggesting you were similar ages, and her reaction was more about her age than yours?

I think this probably hits the nail on the head.

Hollyppp · 26/07/2023 10:33

Old is subjective. When I was a child I thought 30 was old.

tbh it wouldn’t bother me, if im happy with who I am, comments from others like this I tend to let wash over me

CurlewKate · 26/07/2023 10:34

Bit old for what, ffs!

CurlewKate · 26/07/2023 10:36

@BrendaMcPherson "Has she been 44 and you'd been in your 70s, I could understand the other mom saying this."
Could you? Why?

Chypre · 26/07/2023 10:39

For the moment I have thought that's what your boyfriend's mum said and had to re-read the whole thing. Because otherwise it makes no sense to me at all. All current generation mums having their first children north of thirties are "old" then. But that's just the norm, no one is having children at 17 anymore.

Wiccan · 26/07/2023 10:40

SleepingStandingUp · 26/07/2023 10:19

It depends on the context.

Bf might have suggested the Moms hanging out and she's just said she's nice but seems a bit older than me so not really got much in common. Old isn't specifically an insult

Show quote history

Well I suppose . Boyfriends mother is an inconsiderate twat ,If boyfriend had any respect for girlfriend he wouldn't repeat it , if daughter had any respect for her mother she wouldn't repeat it and the OP wouldn't have a reason to feel like she now does .

Trinity65 · 26/07/2023 10:40

PrinceHaz · 26/07/2023 09:32

I’ve met up with DD’s boyfriend’s mum a couple of times. DD says his mum thinks I’m really nice person but a bit old. I am 52 and she is 44.
It really stung for some reason. Although I am ‘old’ (I’m definitely not young), it was still a shock to hear it spoken plainly.
I don’t think I’m very old fashioned and I’ve always looked young for my age (until now).
AIBU to feel bothered by this?

Bitch

Tell her, OP, you do not mind being "old" as it is denied to many.
People like my 17 year old cousin, 22 year old friend, 26 year old friend and 33 year old Uncle who died way too soon.
I must be bloody ancient to the likes of her then at 58.

Trinity65 · 26/07/2023 10:41

Wiccan · 26/07/2023 09:45

They never do OP they let there son or daughter do the shit for them .

Show quote history

Aye

Original poster
PrinceHaz · 26/07/2023 10:46

SleepingStandingUp · 26/07/2023 10:19

It depends on the context.

Bf might have suggested the Moms hanging out and she's just said she's nice but seems a bit older than me so not really got much in common. Old isn't specifically an insult

Show quote history

I think you’re quite possibly right. She struck me as nice when we met. That said, I think a lot of other posters’ sunrises about insecurity might be correct.

OP posts:
TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 26/07/2023 10:46

He had probably told her that you were the same age and when she met you she said something like ‘she was a little bit older than I was expecting’
And then the ‘message’ got mutated along the way

Charlize43 · 26/07/2023 10:51

Ageism is awful and something that really needs to be addressed!

I'm seeing my 50s (I'm 56) as fit and fabulous but sadly not everyone shares this view (especially all those thirty somethings who have interviewed me and not given me jobs because they don't want to work with someone who they see as being 'their mum's age').

I say f u ck them!

Lwrenagain · 26/07/2023 10:55

My best friend tells me I'm old constantly, has done since I was 20. The CF 😂
In lots of ways I am. Shes 10 years older than me but she is a teenager mentally.
Excellent fun to hang out with, she really is. But I like my old ways about me.
I like that I can't name the kardashians but I can tell you about things I've read on local history.
I didn't massively enjoy my youth in all honesty and mid 30s I'm happy in my own little bubble of interests and seeming older than my age.
Don't let this woman's probably out of context comment bother you.
💐

Turtletumy · 26/07/2023 10:55

Ignore.
I bet you are absolutely bloody fabulous.

strongcupofTea · 26/07/2023 10:57

Your daughters boyfriends mum is a pathetic immature dickhead.
I wouldn't bother seeing her again. Your daughters only 17 there's no reason to be introduced to the mum unless there's plans for marriage which I highly doubt based on the age.

eatdrinkandbemerry · 26/07/2023 11:00

I'm almost 50 but a young 49 (i have a nine year old that keeps me young) but I would definitely have described my mum as old at 50 🤷‍♀️.
I've always had a young positive outlook on life where as my mum has always been very sensible and mature beyond her years .

SisterAgatha · 26/07/2023 11:03

I’m 42, seem much younger than that. My DH is 45 and seems much older. Maybe she meant “acts more mature”.

HarrietSchulenberg · 26/07/2023 11:06

Boyfriend's Mum seems to have a hang up about age. She was what, 26, when she had her boy so was quite young? Average age for first baby was about 28 at that time. I honestly wouldn't let it worry you, in fact I'd be tempted to have a bit of fun with it if it ever comes up again - something along the lines of how similar you both are and weren't the 90s great etc.

HarrietSchulenberg · 26/07/2023 11:07

Oh, and I'm the same age as you and we are definitely not old!

YukoandHiro · 26/07/2023 11:08

She sounds awful. Remind her she'll be you in a mere 8 years?

SammyScrounge · 26/07/2023 11:13

It comes to us all, that moment when you see yourself as others see you. My moment came when I was admitted to hospital and was handed a pelican bib at lunchtime.

Sh4rkAttack · 26/07/2023 11:16

SammyScrounge · 26/07/2023 11:13

It comes to us all, that moment when you see yourself as others see you. My moment came when I was admitted to hospital and was handed a pelican bib at lunchtime.

Ouch. I'm 52 and have been asked a few times lately if I'm still working...

Hbh17 · 26/07/2023 11:17

There's nothing wrong with being old. Since I passed 50, I've been embracing it and I'm happy to be thought of as a mad old woman 😂

Kerri44 · 26/07/2023 11:23

She'd have a field day with me, I'm 44 with a 5yr old and 15mth old lol

BrightLightsCalling · 26/07/2023 11:28

I would imagine there’s been something lost in communication here, from mother to her son, from him to your daughter and then your daughter to you.

marblesthecat · 26/07/2023 11:36

Woah that was mean of her. So uncalled for. For a start, you're not even a decade older than her and secondly I've always had friends of all ages and generally prefer people older than me actually. She really doesn't sound nice, at least you've found out early on what she's like. Avoid her.

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