To not want to be thought of as old?

[PrinceHaz]

I’ve met up with DD’s boyfriend’s mum a couple of times. DD says his mum thinks I’m really nice person but a bit old. I am 52 and she is 44.
It really stung for some reason. Although I am ‘old’ (I’m definitely not young), it was still a shock to hear it spoken plainly.
I don’t think I’m very old fashioned and I’ve always looked young for my age (until now).
AIBU to feel bothered by this?

When you say you're an old 52, what does that mean? Does she maybe think you're much older?

I remember my grandparents' joint 50th birthday party and they were definitely old - I was 9! Now touching 60 with a 15 year old and my lovely dd3 delights in telling me that her friends think we are old ( her dad is 63) but we are so that's okay! I wouldn't though expect my dcs' partners' parents to make those comments. We do have 2 married dds in their 30s and their parents in law are older than us but I've never said it.

Why such a horror of being considered old, like it's the worst thing someone could be?

And why care about a possible comment- via two teenagers - from the parent of a child's boyfriend? I just can't imagine being affected by that. To me, that's one of the brilliant things about being "old", knowing where to put my energy and not giving any to the possible opinions of people who hardly know me!

Just reviving my thread as I’d like further advice.
DD has told me her boyfriend’s mum thinks I’m middle class and boring (as well as nice but old!). I don’t know if by boring she means I’m dull to talk to or if it’s simply things like the fact that she enjoys clubbing and I don’t?
She and I have arranged to meet up at the pub soon. I’d got over the “old” comment but DD has only just told me the “boring middle aged” one after the meet up arrangement. If I’d known, I’d definite have been unavailable.
I now want to cancel to save face. DD says I shouldn’t cancel but just meet up, not care about it particularly.
To add, it’s not her boyfriend telling me this, no one’s trying to be unkind, just Dd being a bit blunt.
What would you do? Thanks

I don't see anything wrong with being middle class, I wonder what class she considers herself and why any of that matters anyway. You also mention middle aged, well according to google average life expectancy for a UK female is 85.8 so I think that makes you both middle aged. It sounds like you have different interests to her, she may find your interests boring, personally I would hate an evening clubbing and be very bored with that. You could maybe try to find some topic of mutual interest but if not just accept whilst she sees you as boring you possibly see her as immature.

Sounds like she's one of those women that's terrified of growing old and being thought unattractive, so carries on getting pissed and clubbing in her 40's. 🤣

Do you want to meet up with her? Just because she's your daughter's boyfriend's mum, doesn't mean you have to become friends?

I'll only go to a pub if I'm eating something as I've no interest in just sitting drinking, so I'd cancel the meet up and at a push, rearrange to meet up in a cafe at a later date.

A bit old 😂 she sounds like a teenager talking about anyone over 30! By her logic she's also a bit old.

First of all, being old is awesome.

second, at 44 she is old.

being old gives you have the wisdom to recognize the reality of the world. That life experience you have gained is valuable.

there is still plenty of aging to do and decades to live, but you get to do it much smarter.

Life's too short to spend it with people who think you are boring! Why do you want to be friends with the BFs Mum? I'd keep her at arms length - they are only young and will probably spilt up. I wouldn't have too many qualms about cancelling this. She sounds tiresome.

*split!

Sounds like she is in denial and desperately trying to be closer to Dds age than yours - reality is a bitch and will always catch up with you!

My husbands parents I’ve always thought of as old. Ever since I met them, it’s the way they present themselves and their style is quite dated.

Blimey I wouldn't be in a rush to meet up. Maybe you could comment to DD that her BFs mum sounds incredibly judgy and tactless. She might accidentally bluntly repeat that and solve your problem.

Seriously though, she probably just sees you as a different kind of person. Maybe regard it as an interesting exercise to try to find some common ground.

She's insecure about aging and doesn't want to be lumped into the mum category with you, so she's othering you and trying to show up the differences between you.
The boring MC thing may be that she percieves you as wealthier/better career/posher than her and is attacking as a defence.
To say these things to DD sounds a bit like she's competing for her regard 'look how much cooler I am than your mum' type of thing.
If I were you though I'd meet her and judge for yourself.

Blimey, I would not be wasting time with this rude person - she’s your daughter’s boyfriend’s mum, so no particular need to be anything but polite on the odd occasion your paths cross, surely?

If she finds you so old, middle class and dull why has she invited you for a drink? Odd behaviour.

What does your DD think of these comments? I'd like to think that my DD would stand up for me if someone talked about me like that. Or maybe that's just wishful thinking!

Maybe go just this once... and if you really can't stand the woman maybe get your outspoken, blunt DD to let her know you think her BFs mum is immature and frivolous.

With a bit of luck your DD will break up with her BF soon and you won't have to put up with these rude uncalled for comments any more.

It's all about her and trying to be 'hip'

Ignore it, she's a twat who can't cope with being 'older'

Age is a privilege.

Those that matter don't mind and that mind don't matter.

Anyone to comment negatively on others is just rude and I am sure the would be embarrassed as she would not have said it to your face.

Firstly, I'm in my 30s and don't see people in their 50s as 'old'.
Secondly, it's so bloody rude to say anyone, or their parents, are 'old'.

I wouldn't set any store at all by the secondhand info. It's all been mangled en route by the sounds of it. Either meet her and have your own grown up interactions or keep her at arm's length, but in any case disregard comments that have come via the bf then via your DD, completely out of context. No good can come of analysing these things that are probably erroneous and definitely not meant for your ears. Your DD and her bf are a bit dim for sharing.

Why are you forcing this friendship? My mum has never befriended any of my boyfriend's Mum's and I'm now 43 and it's all worked out fine...

Because she’s a spring chicken? You’re both middle-aged. Whatever she thinks doesn’t matter, she’s the same generation as you and calling someone a few years older ‘old’ is childish and rude. Having said that I think you need a thicker skin. She’s not your friend, why do you care what she thinks.

Do you expect them to get married for 50 years? Why do you care what this random woman thinks? Would you feel the same if a MNer called you boring-old-whatever. Your offspring are young. I give them 4 months max.

I can't see how someone is offended by being called "old" unless you share the prejudice that being "old" is a bad thing, maybe shameful even, is what you believe. In which case... the solution is all in your own head. Change your beliefs and no offence can be taken.

I can't work out who'd piss me off more the mother or your DD.

Without context of the discussion its impossible to tell what the mother meant, absolutely maybe she was being rude, but maybe she was talking about feeling awkward about the meeting, and there was a whole discussion summarised by the boyfriend into "middle class and boring".

But your DD would know exactly what she was saying to your face and is being rude. Why on earth does she think it's worth stirring trouble like this? And if it was relevant (but how??) then she's old enough to know to phrase things more kindly.

And the more fundamental question is why meet? You both don't seem to be keen to do so, DD is only 17 so presumably its not wedding planning, so why meet at all?

She sounds like the kind of person who posts on here saying “I’m 30 a d I feel old”!