To not want to be thought of as old?

[PrinceHaz]

I’ve met up with DD’s boyfriend’s mum a couple of times. DD says his mum thinks I’m really nice person but a bit old. I am 52 and she is 44.
It really stung for some reason. Although I am ‘old’ (I’m definitely not young), it was still a shock to hear it spoken plainly.
I don’t think I’m very old fashioned and I’ve always looked young for my age (until now).
AIBU to feel bothered by this?

That's a possibility tbf.

That's a possibility tbf.

Its the most likely thing I would say.

OP would have had her daughter at 35 so a fairly ‘normal’ age to have a child. OP has said she doesn’t act or look older. She’s also said the boys mum seemed nice. Based on all that, I’d say it’s unlikely the lads mum has said OP is old. If she has then clearly she’s a bit strange but it just seems unlikely.

There’s only 8 years between you, what a cheek!

I'm early 40's and most of my friends are early 50's - I don't think of them as old at all, if that makes you feel any better! 😊

I have no toyboy. My husband is 80. Now work that out, how old am I?

Very rude

Ignore

I would be wary of labelling her as a bitch. I can imagine having a non-malicious chat to my older teens about something like
this. Eg ‘nice to meet x the other day. She seemed friendly but a bit older than I imagined’. Just an observation. It doesn’t have to be nasty. The mistake was for the bf to report to the daughter who then told the mum. Everything sounds worse when reported back.

I am 52 and look younger but I feel a hell of a lot older than I did at 44 due to the peri menopause. That’s ok and I wouldn’t mind someone saying that. I don’t actually
think being old is an insult though and wouldn’t want to get rid of my wrinkles. I might be an anomaly though.

BF's mum doesn't mean you're old compared to herself.

She thinks you're a bit old for her son.

You're 53, she's 44, I'm guessing her son is in his 20's.

One of my exes bewailed his lot in 'getting involved with an older woman' and put all our difficulties (his general arseholery leading to his being dumped) down to the 'significant age gap between us'.

I was 30 at the time he said this, just after my birthday in January.

He was going to be 30 in March.

That's hilarious, what a knob!
I agree with @Luxell934 and the posters who have said its likely been misheard/communicated - you are getting it third hand via 2 teenagers. And even if she did I agree its a bit of an odd thing to say but its hardly a huge insult - she didn't even say you were old, just "a bit old" and 52 is "a bit older" than 44, its nearly a fifth of her age again. In the same way theres a difference between a 35 and a 44 year old, or a 25 and a 35 year old...its not an age difference that for any reasonable adult should affect or influence your impression of anyone in any way, but its not something that's factually wrong or ridiculously mean to say.

She might even have meant it as a compliment, as in you seem like someone who has your life together and sorted, depending on your circumstances perhaps its something she envies.

Think it's more weird that so many people have jumped on to call her a bitch and immature because she does things like...go to gigs and has other "young interests" (no idea what this could even mean tbh!)? If it was the other way round (aibu to think I'm not to old to go to gigs at 44) posters would be falling over themselves to agree its a completely normal thing to do.

Honestly wouldn't give it any heads pace on its own.

People say this kind of nonsense to create distance, convincing themselves they’re sooooo young by comparison. I bet this is all to do with her feelings about herself and does not reflect their true perception of you one bit. Has it affected your dad at all? May be ask her if it has, and her view of what the bf’s mum has said.

• …her true perception
• Has it affected your dd at all…

Is there some context behind it, seems odd for her to say it to her son. For e.g you said no to your daughter doing something and cool ‘young’ mum is ok with it.

Think it's more weird that so many people have jumped on to call her a bitch and immature because she does things like...go to gigs and has other "young interests" (no idea what this could even mean tbh!)? If it was the other way round (aibu to think I'm not to old to go to gigs at 44) posters would be falling over themselves to agree its a completely normal thing to do.

Yeah it’s a bit of a leap with zero context, re a comment that’s passed through two different teenagers since! She could have said anything, perhaps she was talking about herself having been a younger mum and OP older when you both had your children - there’s so many ways this could have got confused.

If I was OP I’d give her the benefit of the doubt and shrug it off, obv even if she did say it it’s BS.

Nothing I can think of. I’m very laissez faire about what they get up to. I think she didn’t mean much by it, I’m guessing. But she does seem quite interested in appearing young herself.

My DP's mum is younger than my mum but seems much older.

The way she dresses, music, etc. She's quite stuck up too to add to it.

Our next door neighbour used to say this to DM, because they both had adult daughters, so in her mind she and my mum were the same age.

In actual fact, she was 88 and my DM was 48! Her DD was about 15 years older than DM herself. It’s bizarre how incorrect people’s perception of their age can be.

I think it highlights her immaturity to think that a mere 6 years between you bumps you up a generational age gap (which still wouldn’t make you old). Don’t give this childish comment the time of day.

Maybe she just commented that you were an older mum ? (Ie late 30s when you had your DD?) Or a bit older than her and either her son or your DD misconstrued the comment ?
I'm an older mum myself - 10 years older than DS's GF's mum - but if it's been mentioned he's never told me!

Yes - this

😄

She’s a dick and hardly 18 herself. She’ll definitely be one of the older ones if she’s clubbing etc. She’ll only be around as long as the bf - wipe her out of your mind!

Did she strike you as having some kind of learning disability or being on the spectrum?
Even so, most people learn how to rail it in!
I would have been stung too OP and I would never forget
I have news for her.
I am 54 and it took roughly 5 minutes to get from 44 to here 😩

It is very likely whatever she actually said and the context of the conversation have been lost/confused by the time you heard it from your DD, who heard it from her BF. Even if she did actually say/think you’re old(er) than her - well: factually you are almost a decade older. Instead of focusing on what she may have said, focus on why the idea of being perceived as “old” by a random person bothers you so much. Personally I see aging as a privilege and someone describing me as “old” wouldn’t offend me at all, because compared to them I may well be. And that’s fine.

Blooming cheek!
well this 40 something seems a right barrel of laughs, keep well away and avoid!
crikey you wouldn’t want her in your team!