To not want to be thought of as old?

[PrinceHaz]

I’ve met up with DD’s boyfriend’s mum a couple of times. DD says his mum thinks I’m really nice person but a bit old. I am 52 and she is 44.
It really stung for some reason. Although I am ‘old’ (I’m definitely not young), it was still a shock to hear it spoken plainly.
I don’t think I’m very old fashioned and I’ve always looked young for my age (until now).
AIBU to feel bothered by this?

This is clearly a woman who thinks she's a lot younger than she is - and in her head she is in her late 20s ... You seem like a generation older to her as she thinks of herself as sooo young.

She probably thinks that she looks as young as her children as wel,l when in reality she looks what she is ... a woman in her 40s... She can go to gigs and dress trendy and 'act young' as much as she likes ... she's still a woman in her forties. That's what she looks like and that's what she is.

I've met plenty of women like this before in my time - who think they are younger than they are, and LOOK younger than they are. This woman is a cheeky cow @PrinceHaz and I would not give her any more headspace. I feel sorry for you though if your DD sticks with this lad, as this annoying woman will be family.

She sounds so pathetic and immature. I would give her a wide berth to be honest. Also, as a couple of posters have said, your DD's boyfriend needs to have a word with her and tell her to stop, as she is being fucking RUDE!

It's bizzare. I don't think people 8 years older than me as old. They are similar age to me.

I think you should be grateful she doesn’t want to spend time with you, she sounds like a twat.

I would think she was very rude, insecure and possibly a bit threatened by you in some way. I have always got on with people of lots of different ages - once you are an adult it doesn't matter what age your friends are!

She shouldn't have said it to her son, he didn't need to repeat it to your daughter, and she should have known better than to say it to you. It obviously wasn't going to make you feel good about yourself, and your daughter should have known that.

I think sometimes we can be in denial of our age, and when someone we consider "older" turns out to be close in age, we can react badly. I recently said something about "our age" to a friend who is 3 years younger than me (both 40s) and she ruffled up like an indignant hen because in her mind she is in a totally different and more youthful and vibrant age group than me . Maybe you said something suggesting you were similar ages, and her reaction was more about her age than yours?

True- I had a colleague like this once who was endlessly making snarky comments about age (eg “I hope I have the confidence to wear bright colours like you do when I’m as old as you are!”) I was 37 she was 33 😭

Sounds like she's just young and immature 🙂. I wouldn't bother meeting up with her again, no need to get to know teen boyfriend/girlfriend families imo.

She may have said you were older or old to have a kid that age, it may have been misinterpreted. Of course you are not told at 54!

That’s weird. I’m mid-30s and my mum is mid-50s and I don’t even think of my own mother as old! I can’t imagine thinking someone 8 years older than me is ‘old.’

Since she didn’t actually say it directly to your DD or you I’d take it with a pinch of salt anyway. Even if it’s true your DD is very much in the wrong for repeating something negative to you.

😂

Strange the boyfriend felt the need to tell the daughter and she then felt the need to tell the mother. That’s really rude behaviour in my opinion.

Maybe she said something innocent like “Oh, she’s lovely. Really nice lady. I was shocked she was 8 years older.” Then when your daughter asked her BF what his mum thought of you. He just said “yeah she said your mums really nice just older” completely missing the context.

Yep - there is that

I'm definitely not old. I was only born in 1947.

This... There is no need whatsoever to have anything to do with your offspring's partner's family ... My two adult children have been with their partners 8 to 10 years, and I can count on the fingers of one hand, the amount of times me and DH have met their families.

It's just been one wedding, and one christening, and a couple of big birthdays ... We have met both families 3 and 4 times respectively ... in 8 to 10 years. We don't need to know them, and we have no interest in being in contact with them. And they feel the same. They must do, as they never show interest in meeting, just like we don't. 😆

They are pleasant enough, but completely different to us. We literally have nothing in common.

My parents and DH's parents met just TWICE... at our wedding, and the Christenings of our 2 kids... They are only 14 months apart in age and we had them Christened together when they were 6 months and 18 months old.

Bit old for what? To be alive, for her to talk to? Is she a bit thick?!

I think she's rude tbh.

She shouldn't have told her son that for her son to tell your daughter, who in turn went and told you.

Plus you know its not even true anyway if people say you look younger than your age.

I am older than you and I've been told I don't look my age either. I would be offended if someone said I looked old, not only because who wants to be told that they look old, but also because people say I look younger than my age so if someone said I looked old, I would think their being nasty.

For me this is a 'red flag' because she's saying something unflattering about you to her son, and in turn it got back to you.

Well then she's not 'emotionally mature' which she should be at her age.

All it's done is create disharmony and a bad feeling. It says alot about her personality doesn't it.

Hmm. That reeks of her having massive issues with ageing & looking young. I'd also interpret that as she's probably quite shallow: & so she wouldnt be my cup of tea. Don't feel hurt. She's massively insecure is all.

😘 You're only as old as the man you feel!

It depends on the context.

Bf might have suggested the Moms hanging out and she's just said she's nice but seems a bit older than me so not really got much in common. Old isn't specifically an insult

🤣

My man is 70 and I'm 54... we still laugh and joke like we're children! No way is 52 old.

70 is the new 50! 😊

So weird that she described you as old, then her son described you as old to DD, then dd told you she described you as old.

All of them have been rude tbh.

I would give the mum a wide berth and would consider how much you’re doing for DD’s boyfriend. He seems to be be getting too big for his boots.

I’d be quite surprised if that was actually quite what was said - sounds like a case of Chinese whispers as a previous pp said!

Who is she t judge?!
Her opinion is irrelevant, plus, it's very unlikely that the 17yo's will end up marrying so I'd take it with aa pinch of salt and carry on with my day. Not worth fretting about.

She may perceive herself as still a ‘young thing’ who has a bit of an issue with the idea of getting older, whereas you may be a bit more mature (appropriately so) in your manner; hence the comment.

I think this is most likely the reason for her comment. We all grow older and there are many things to enjoy about each stage of life. If she is trying to convince herself she’s not aging—good luck with that!

When I got engaged at the age of 30, the MIL of my soon to be SIL told my fiancé that I was old!! In any case the joke is on her now as her youngest child is 36/37 years old and not in a relationship, so what will she say when he does get engaged 🤔🤭