To think that some people don't want to be grandparents

[SilIssuesAgain]

My parents were over the moon when I told them I was pregnant. They love spending time with our 2 dc. They visit lots and interact with them and they are happy to help out.

My inlaws are the exact opposite. Mil especially does not seem interested in being a grandmother and I get the impression she thinks they are a burden almost. When dh told her I was pregnant she was on the phone almost in tears asking how we would cope (married, early 30s, have mortgage and some savings - not that that matters. We have also never asked her for any help). She rarely sees my dc and when she visits she is just interested in talking to dh. I honestly wonder if she even likes our dc.

Are your parents or inlaws interested in your dc?

I had dc when I met dh. I didn't meet her for a year as her and dh's relationship had previously been estranged. She showed great interest in my dc. Actually wanted to be dgm - firstname.
We had dc and she dumped us all.
Apparently she had warned dh many years ago she never wanted to be a dgm. I was tbh fucking fuming I had let her into my dc's lives in the first place. Been over 8 years since we saw or heard from her.

Of course some people don't want to be grandparents. Why would people all be the same in that respect when they differ in every other?

My gut feeling is that for some people the worries of being a parent, the life sentence of fretting about your children's happiness, just make the prospect of extending the same level of loving concern to grandchildren too frightening to be welome.

And also ,it is very easy to start worrying that your existing children may become unhappy/worried in various ways as a result becoming parents themselves, giving you another reason to feel unsure about the prospect of grandchildren.

I think that generation is also when some women didn’t want to be mothers. birth control was coming in however society hadn’t changed yet and there was a lot of pressure.

My parents aren’t that interested but I also think my mum wasn’t that interested in me.

Some people love it, some cannot be bothered. If someone wasn’t that interested, it’s their loss.

I think some don't enjoy being parents but felt pressure to have children, raised them, and now have no desire to change their lives yet again to get involved with grandchildren. The worry etc.

It's not nice for the parents not to have support, but I don't think it's difficult to understand.

Agree with PP, maybe they found parenting hard and are worried about what will be expected of them as grandparents.

Both my parents and in-laws love our grandchildren. My in-laws are generally more excited about them than my parents (nothing against my parents, they're loving grandparents too!). My in laws are the sort of people who just adore children.
I think some people aren't in to children so much or maybe they're just naturally anxious people who are thinking of all the stresses of child rearing.

People are different. Some people love it, some people are just not interested at all. My parents are in the middle leaning towards just not interested. I know they love their grandchildren on an instinctive level, but they day-in-day-out - not their thing. And that’s really okay.

Whenever I've suggested that perhaps a poster parents didn't enjoy parenting them or dealing with the worries of having a child I get shot down but I still stand by it.
Lots of people would not have children if they had their time again, they can't turn back time but it is quite clear they have issues about it when they aren't doting grandparents.

My mum loves my son but she's not interested in looking after him or things like that. That's okay, I understand it I'm not hurt by it and my son doesn't care as she spoils him all the same but the thought of having him for a 24h period would frighten her to death.

My in laws, FIL In particular would take him full time if we let him!

I don't want to be an involved grandparent. Do you want to AMA to understand?

The essentials are - I love kids. We have four (aged nearly 9-19). I also work with kids all day. I look forward to "retiring" to a time when I don't have responsibility for any children.

Loads of people aren't interested. I am one of them!

Of course some people don’t want to be grandparents, just like some people don’t want to be parents.

Not everyone enjoys doing kiddie things or finds dealing with children easy or fun. I’m sure that for some grandparents, they just feel that they did their turn at being around small children when they became parents themselves, and that the child-centred period of their lives is over now.

My mother wants display-only grandchildren but has never liked the reality of children. She was very interested in each of mine for three weeks and then once she'd got some pictures to show off, she stopped bothering.

People are allowed not to want to be grandparents! I'm not sure whether I want to be and my children are of an age where it could happen soon.

Both my mom and in laws can’t get enough of their grandchildren. Mind you, I’m the only child so far to have children so there is only 2 grandkids. Maybe they would feel differently if they had lots, but I don’t think so really. They are wonderful grandparents and my children benefit so much from them. I’m sorry your in laws are rotters

Just to be clear-I loved and love being a parent!

I don't want to be a grandparent, the way climate change is going.

My MIL isn't happy being a grandmother. She had 4 sons though so the chances were high. She has 6 grandkids from 2 sons. One is gay ones gf can't have kids. She keeps saying she doesn't want anymore. My mum only has 2. She keeps asking my siblings for more but they don't want any.

DH adopted my DD from a previous relationship when she was 4. His parents refused to acknowledge her even though we asked her if they would (she has no other grandparents). When we talked about having a baby they said they were too young (although they were in their 60s) and they wouldn't want any child of ours to call them grandma/grandad, and we'd better be aware that they wouldn't want to babysit or be involved in the child's life at all. As it happened we didn't have more DC, it just didn't happen for us.

DH went NC a couple of years later for many reasons, but their attitude to DD was a main contributing factor to his decision.

There is no thing as "that generation" in regards to grandparents.

Grandparents can range from being in their thirties and onwards.

I became a grandparent at 37.

Yes-"that generation" always pisses me off! Most grandparents now are firmly in the "contraception freely available-women had careers if they wanted them" generation. Not the Mrs Goggins type at all!

we are glad that our daughter doesn’t want children at any cost. She never had interest in dolls or suchlike ask her why she doesn’t have children her stock answer is always the same, I would not want a child of mine to put right the mess you lot have made of the planet, she’s happy & we don’t care

My parents weren’t bothered either way but never bother with my kids and are very disinterested and unsupportive. Just as they were as parents. Just as I’ll be if my mum ever requires care or support.

If course some don’t want to, it’s not like it’s something they get a say in.