To think that some people don't want to be grandparents

[SilIssuesAgain]

My parents were over the moon when I told them I was pregnant. They love spending time with our 2 dc. They visit lots and interact with them and they are happy to help out.

My inlaws are the exact opposite. Mil especially does not seem interested in being a grandmother and I get the impression she thinks they are a burden almost. When dh told her I was pregnant she was on the phone almost in tears asking how we would cope (married, early 30s, have mortgage and some savings - not that that matters. We have also never asked her for any help). She rarely sees my dc and when she visits she is just interested in talking to dh. I honestly wonder if she even likes our dc.

Are your parents or inlaws interested in your dc?

My gut feeling is that for some people the worries of being a parent, the life sentence of fretting about your children's happiness, just make the prospect of extending the same level of loving concern to grandchildren too frightening to be welome.

Nailed it.

My parents and parents in law were all loving and interested grandparents to my children - though not involved on a day to day basis because of distance.

I hope to be a grandparent one day. I'm in my 60s and would like them while I'm still young enough to do active things with them, but if my children wait as long to have children as I did, I shall be well into my 70s.

Well I'm a Granny, love my dgs and even provide childcare (only in school holidays now thank God) but, no, I was never bothered about being a grandparent, didn't actually expect I ever would be and had circumstances been different I most definitely would never have agreed to providing childcare. Yes dgs is lovely and a joy but I can't say that I would have felt in any way deprived should I never have had a grandchild.

There is that. Though it didn't hit me until I became a grandparent.

I can worry for Britain regarding my grandchildren. All the more, I think, because I don't have any control. My own kids were my responsibility and I could be proactive about things. Make the decisions. But as a GM I can only watch. MN is a constant reminder that they're not my children and I don't get to give their mother* advice.

*she is a wonderful mother by the way. But there's still that stress and worry and the helplessness I feel about these small people that I love.

I am grandparent age. Eldest in his thirties and will almost certainly never have kids. DD is mid twenties and says she doesnt want them but that could change. Others are younger so I cant imagine it becoming an issue for a good while, although they are all older enough to have them but I cant see it happening for some years yet.

I have no interest in becoming a grandmother. Not that I would actively discourage them, they must like their own lives as I have lived mine, but I am not one of those women who get to the empty nest stage and then focus on having grandkids to fill the void.

I suspect that there are two reasons for this. One is that DS was born when I was 17 so had no fun young years like most people do. Then I had 5 more, all wanted and planned for (well apart from DS2 who was a bit of a surprise but no less wanted for that!) over the next 21 years so until recently I have always had young children. Youngest is now 12 and I am entering a period of my life that I can live solely for me. Of course she is the priority but I can go away for the weekend and not have that horrible worry about leaving her as I did when she, and the others, were little. She is living her own life now with her friends with sleepovers etc, and I can do that same.

So I dont feel any empty nest worries about the kids gradually leaving because I am looking forward to finally having some years just for me. I would never be a child care grandparent, I would do much as my parents did/do which is babysit occasionally, step up in an emergency (of couse I would without a thought) and spend time with them as a family. I would never be the "I want the baby to myself overnight once a week to pretend to be a newborn mummy again" grandparent either, friends have had this and it was suffocating for them.

I know I sound horrible but if the kids dont have their own kids it wouldnt bother me in the slightest.

Take my cousin . Resented being at home with her DC s went back to work asap . Said being at home with babies was boring. Now she is a Grandma she does childcare and can't get enough of them .

I'm 60. I have two very close same age friends who are grandmothers. One is also dealing with 90+ parents.

It sounds exhausting.

The one with the very elderly, rich, demanding parents ('oh no, darling, we wouldn't want strangers in the house when you can help!'- etc) works 3 days a week, but also drives an hour plus each way, one day a week for an 8-6 looking after her 3/5 yr old grandkids. (Their mother is a partner in a London law firm...).

The other does 7-6 two days a week as her DD can't afford childcare....

Screw that.

My own mother said she'd meet from infant/junior school 3pm-5, 2-3 days a week for me, would absolutely be there in an emergency; but would not provide 'childcare' as my kids were my responsibility.

I concur.

Some ppl's (women's) reason for existing is caring for others. It defines their worth. Others, not.

I should add, my DSs are 22/24. So no grandchildren in the immediate offing. And any that might appear now would be 'accidents' which is hardly ideal for anyone.

I couldn't care less. I don't need the hassle!

My own mother said she'd meet from infant/junior school 3pm-5, 2-3 days a week for me, would absolutely be there in an emergency; but would not provide 'childcare' as my kids were my responsibility

What’s that if not childcare? Genuine question. My parents work full time and in laws live abroad so we don’t get that luxury! We pay for after school club every day.