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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Argument with husband about protecting dog

135 replies

rankings · 25/07/2023 12:25

My husband and me had a situation on the beach yesterday where he was wearing our 5 month old baby in the carrier, and a staffie off a lead ran up to our dog. We didn't know if the staffie was friendly or not but the owners were frantically calling it back so the atmosphere quickly turned panicked and I grabbed my 3 year old and dragged him away from the our dog and the staffie. My logic always being to create distance between the dog and my children. Of course I would absolutely hate to see my lovely dog hurt or killed, and please can no one imply different, but I also would never be able to risk my kids for any dog, no matter how much I love them. Anyway my husband who was wearing our baby tan towards our dog and the staffie and was trying to pick our dog up. I was furious as not only the act of bending down trying to pick up our dog could of led to the staffie being able to reach and bite my baby, picking up the dog could also lead to the other dog jumping up to try and get to him and the baby getting caught in the middle. I think he massively put our baby at risk. The staffie thankfully did nothing other than jump up and scare us/our dog but it's more what could of happened

It led to a conversation about what would happen in future when out with kids and dog and my husband said he would never be able to walk away and leave our dog to be attacked but this just makes me feel terrified to let him go out with the dog and the kids together especially without me there.

AIBU to expect him to prioritise the kids and put distance between him and the dogs both ours and the one potentially posing a threat?! I really do love our dog but I won't risk my kids lives over my dog potentially living another 5/6 if we're lucky

Before anyone starts that Staffies are gentle or whatever it's more just about that situation of what to do. Would have same reaction if it was a JR or a XL and want to create distance

OP posts:
FlowersInTheSky · 25/07/2023 12:27

I’d be absolutely fuming and consider him an unsafe parent. He put your baby massively at risk.

onefinemess · 25/07/2023 12:28

LTB obviously.

elephantmarchingin · 25/07/2023 12:28

Think you are being unreasonable if I'm honest.

Brefugee · 25/07/2023 12:30

Ask your husband how he would explain to you the scenario in which he was out with both DC, protected your dog and in the process your baby was mauled badly by the other dog.

Tell him to explain to you how and why it happened.

And if he scoffs or he calls you ridiculous - point out that is exactly what he might have had to do at the beach.

Gizlotsmum · 25/07/2023 12:30

I suspect he acted instinct. It was foolish whilst carrying baby but I suspect it wasn’t thought through. He can’t help how he behaved and I can understand not wanting to leave your dog.

Aquamarine1029 · 25/07/2023 12:31

elephantmarchingin · 25/07/2023 12:28

Think you are being unreasonable if I'm honest.

FFS. 🙄

Op, your husband is an idiot.

tidalway · 25/07/2023 12:32

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

elephantmarchingin · 25/07/2023 12:32

@Aquamarine1029 the dog did nothing, OP overreacted

wutheringkites · 25/07/2023 12:33

elephantmarchingin · 25/07/2023 12:28

Think you are being unreasonable if I'm honest.

Why do you think op is being unreasonable?

Angryappendix · 25/07/2023 12:34

The thing is one of you should always be able to defend or control your dog without any distraction so maybe your walking circumstances aren’t right for you? It’s part of being a responsible dog owner.

Sounds like baby wearing, a toddler and a dog on or off lead is too much to cope with. Maybe you need a double buggy and then someone walks the dog alone or places where you can’t use a buggy.

Original poster
rankings · 25/07/2023 12:35

Gizlotsmum · 25/07/2023 12:30

I suspect he acted instinct. It was foolish whilst carrying baby but I suspect it wasn’t thought through. He can’t help how he behaved and I can understand not wanting to leave your dog.

Appreciate it might of been instinct but it's also the fact he has said he'd never leave dog to fend for himself, would always try to pick up/remove our dog or kick the other dog to get it off him even if our kids are there. If a dog that could kill my small dog goes for my small dog I'm staying out of it. It might sound dramatic but it could happen. Aggressive dog goes for my dog, husband kicks it, it starts going for my husband, my kids end up without a dad for the rest of their lives because he was defending our dog who won't be here by the time my kids finish primary school anyway. It sounds awful but it's how I feel and I'm worried he doesn't agree Sad

OP posts:
Angryappendix · 25/07/2023 12:36

I appreciate your worry though, since the increase of dog attacks in the media and these humongous XL bully dogs being round I have sometimes thought what the hell would I do if one came for me and toddler.

WeetabixTowels · 25/07/2023 12:36

I’d be very very worried OP

Firstly what an idiot to bend over and essentially FEED the baby to the potentially dangerous dog!!

Secondly anyone not saying “absolutely the kids come first I love the dog but if it kicks off we are out of there” has something missing from their brain and I’d be very concerned

Midnites · 25/07/2023 12:37

Angryappendix · 25/07/2023 12:34

The thing is one of you should always be able to defend or control your dog without any distraction so maybe your walking circumstances aren’t right for you? It’s part of being a responsible dog owner.

Sounds like baby wearing, a toddler and a dog on or off lead is too much to cope with. Maybe you need a double buggy and then someone walks the dog alone or places where you can’t use a buggy.

I love my dog but I wouldn't defend him against certain breeds. A bully decides to go for him I would be as far away as possible within seconds. Does that mean I'm an irresponsible dog owner? Or do I just value my life?

tootallfortheshelf · 25/07/2023 12:39

Gizlotsmum · 25/07/2023 12:30

I suspect he acted instinct. It was foolish whilst carrying baby but I suspect it wasn’t thought through. He can’t help how he behaved and I can understand not wanting to leave your dog.

I agree he was acting on instinct and it's very alarming that his instinct wasn't to prioritize the baby over the dog!
Clearly fur baby trumps human baby ☹️

WeetabixTowels · 25/07/2023 12:39

elephantmarchingin · 25/07/2023 12:28

Think you are being unreasonable if I'm honest.

How so?

Angryappendix · 25/07/2023 12:39

Midnites · 25/07/2023 12:37

I love my dog but I wouldn't defend him against certain breeds. A bully decides to go for him I would be as far away as possible within seconds. Does that mean I'm an irresponsible dog owner? Or do I just value my life?

Show quote history

No I do agree with this, I suppose though you might stand a bit more chance of being helpful without a tiny baby strapped to your chest. Anyway it’s a tricky one so not judging cause I appreciate people should be able to go for a walk with their baby and their dog, really it’s the owners who train badly who are in the wrong here and we’re all just left to do our best.

Angryappendix · 25/07/2023 12:41

Maybe the best thing to do here OP, is have an action plan for next time and agree on it or agree not to walk the dog with the baby?

NaughtPoppy · 25/07/2023 12:42

Crazy to lean into a potential dog fight with a baby strapped to you.

Maybe agree a rule of no walking the dog with the baby in a carrier?

GunkyAndGungey · 25/07/2023 12:45

Was the approaching dog showing any signs of aggression?

The owners may well have been "calling it frantically" because they know how frowned upon it is to let dogs do dog stuff like running up to each other to say hi these days, not because it was actually a danger to anyone.

In these situations I tend to watch the body language of the dogs before reacting.

In the kindest possible way, your reaction will have taught both your dog and your toddler to fear this kind of situation and to panic, instead of to stay calm while you assess the actual level of risk.

I do agree tho that your DH behaved extremely foolishly and that had the dog been aggressive he would have been basically just feeding your baby to it. But as a family you all need to stay calm and not just up the ante with your own panic.

Oatycookies · 25/07/2023 12:45

That’s awful. Where’s his fatherly/protective instinct?

RoseslnTheHospital · 25/07/2023 12:50

I would worry that his instinct wasn't to keep the baby well away from both dogs in that scenario. And given that you were handling a small child too, that leaves no one available to intervene in any potential dog fight. So, if your DH wants to be able to physically intervene in a dog fight in future, you need to be in charge of both children and he needs to be in charge of the dog only.

I would have issues with that for two reasons, firstly I would not expect DH to want to physically intervene in a dog fight on the grounds that it adds to the risk to the humans rather than reduces it. Secondly, on the grounds that whenever you are all out with the dog, that makes you always 100% responsible for carrying/handling both children. Which is an unfair load.

tootallfortheshelf · 25/07/2023 12:50

NaughtPoppy · 25/07/2023 12:42

Crazy to lean into a potential dog fight with a baby strapped to you.

Maybe agree a rule of no walking the dog with the baby in a carrier?

I agree, he was offering the baby as 'bait' to the dog to distract it away from his dog 😱

wutheringkites · 25/07/2023 12:51

@tootallfortheshelf

Oh come on, no he wasn't. 🙄🙄🙄

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