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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Argument with husband about protecting dog

135 replies

rankings · 25/07/2023 12:25

My husband and me had a situation on the beach yesterday where he was wearing our 5 month old baby in the carrier, and a staffie off a lead ran up to our dog. We didn't know if the staffie was friendly or not but the owners were frantically calling it back so the atmosphere quickly turned panicked and I grabbed my 3 year old and dragged him away from the our dog and the staffie. My logic always being to create distance between the dog and my children. Of course I would absolutely hate to see my lovely dog hurt or killed, and please can no one imply different, but I also would never be able to risk my kids for any dog, no matter how much I love them. Anyway my husband who was wearing our baby tan towards our dog and the staffie and was trying to pick our dog up. I was furious as not only the act of bending down trying to pick up our dog could of led to the staffie being able to reach and bite my baby, picking up the dog could also lead to the other dog jumping up to try and get to him and the baby getting caught in the middle. I think he massively put our baby at risk. The staffie thankfully did nothing other than jump up and scare us/our dog but it's more what could of happened

It led to a conversation about what would happen in future when out with kids and dog and my husband said he would never be able to walk away and leave our dog to be attacked but this just makes me feel terrified to let him go out with the dog and the kids together especially without me there.

AIBU to expect him to prioritise the kids and put distance between him and the dogs both ours and the one potentially posing a threat?! I really do love our dog but I won't risk my kids lives over my dog potentially living another 5/6 if we're lucky

Before anyone starts that Staffies are gentle or whatever it's more just about that situation of what to do. Would have same reaction if it was a JR or a XL and want to create distance

OP posts:
WeetabixTowels · 25/07/2023 14:21

ThisThing · 25/07/2023 14:17

OP’s instincts were obviously on high. Why should she be some sort of sacrificial lamb? Even before kids, I would never have tried to rescue my dog from a dog fight. I don’t want to be bitten or mauled and with bull terrier dogs there’s fuck all you can do to help once they sink their teeth in anyway

Maybe don’t have a dog then. You want to parade it around the park and then leave it to be injured? You at least try to help. It wasn’t a dog fight anyway.

OPs instincts were to leave her newborn.

So people should only be dog owners if they’re ready to be attacked by other dogs? Ridiculous.

I lost my little dog 10 years ago but I am not in a hurry to get another simply because being a dog owner seems to be a fucking nightmare due to so many aggressive and madly behaved dogs and the astronomical number of humans being killed by dogs. It’s so much worse than when I had my dog. I could t be arsed navigating that minefield, and if I did own a dog now, no I wouldn’t stick my hands and face directly into a dog fight. I value my life more and I think that’s far healthier than the ‘the dog must be saved at all costs’ mentality

Ywudu · 25/07/2023 14:21

I also agree with @DogsParty.
It sounds like you wouldn't be able to do this though so in future you wear the baby and have a plan so you are responsible for the children leaving hubby free to look after the dog.

tabulahrasa · 25/07/2023 14:26

In the general conversation now, your DH is wrong, obviously you make sure D.C. are safely out of the way, your dog has teeth and legs, it’ll handle a dog fight better than a child.

But I don’t understand why you didn’t get the adult wearing the sling to take both children, you just ran off with the older child? And he didn’t come take the older child? It all seems a bit lacking in common sense tbh.

ThisThing · 25/07/2023 14:27

So people should only be dog owners if they’re ready to be attacked by other dogs? Ridiculous.

When we first for dogs, we did training classes that included how to act when other dogs approached in order to maximise the chance of everyone and the dogs safe. You do have a responsibility to do what you can, without risking anyone’s life. This wasn’t a fight anyway. OP acted wrongly.

ThisThing · 25/07/2023 14:27

*got dogs

drivinmecrazy · 25/07/2023 14:38

I think in this situation my reaction would be to be mightily pissed off with DH in the aftermath.
But having time to breath and realise no one was hurt I'd be reevaluating our walks in future.
OP had obviously no foreseen this situation but now they have they have to have a sensible discussion of what to do to prevent or react to a similar event.
Every day is a learning day.
Worst thing is when people catastrophise

WeWereInParis · 25/07/2023 14:41

OPs instincts were to leave her newborn.

She (not unreasonably) thought the baby was safe. I wouldn't feel the need to take my baby away from DH if I thought there was immediate physical danger. In OP's eyes, she had the older child, DH had the baby.

MyCatPlaysPiano · 25/07/2023 14:44

She (not unreasonably) thought the baby was safe. I wouldn't feel the need to take my baby away from DH if I thought there was immediate physical danger. In OP's eyes, she had the older child, DH had the baby.

Its not ok for no one to gave the dog though when there are two adults present. The husband should have taken the children, OP should have dealt with the dog.

If you can’t look after children and dogs, don’t do both at the same time or dong have a dog.

BravoMyDear · 25/07/2023 14:51

If you were in a situation where you both had a child each to wrangle then neither of you were in control of the dog (or able to protect it). It should’ve been on a lead.

Midgewater · 25/07/2023 14:55

You sound hysterical. Nothing actually happened. You should not walk the dog and the kids at the same time if you can't handle it without becoming frantic.

WeWereInParis · 25/07/2023 14:57

MyCatPlaysPiano · 25/07/2023 14:44

She (not unreasonably) thought the baby was safe. I wouldn't feel the need to take my baby away from DH if I thought there was immediate physical danger. In OP's eyes, she had the older child, DH had the baby.

Its not ok for no one to gave the dog though when there are two adults present. The husband should have taken the children, OP should have dealt with the dog.

If you can’t look after children and dogs, don’t do both at the same time or dong have a dog.

I wasn't debating that point. I was responding to what I thought was an unfair criticism of OP that her instinct was to leave her newborn.

Of course OP and her DH could solve this in future by her wearing the baby, and him then being able to do whatever he saw fit when it came to the dog. I also agree with OP's concern about her DH walking the dog alone while with the baby, since it doesn't seem like he would leave the dog in order to keep the baby safe if necessary.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 25/07/2023 15:02

I understand him acting on instinct this time.

but him openly stating that he wouldn’t prioritise your DC’s safety over your dogs? That would be a genuine dealbreaker.

he definitely shouldn’t be allowed to leave the house with a child (or two children!!) and the dog!

I rarely suggest this: but would you consider leaving him?

QOD · 25/07/2023 15:02

hmmm. my dd is 24 so can fight for herself but I would lay down my life for my wee chi.
I honestly think though that if dd was a helpless baby that I would have maybe thrown myself over the dog AND baby? or legged it with baby? I didn't have a dog until dd was 19 so chihuahua is my baby

Wonder if this is a mum/dad thing? (sexist comment alert)

Hugasauras · 25/07/2023 15:03

It all just sounds a bit of an overblown shambles to me tbh.

GoodChat · 25/07/2023 15:07

Logic would have suggested he removed the children and you retrieved the dog.

I wouldn't leave my dog, neither would DP.

MyCatPlaysPiano · 25/07/2023 15:10

I also agree with OP's concern about her DH walking the dog alone while with the baby, since it doesn't seem like he would leave the dog in order to keep the baby safe if necessary.

I don’t think anyone should walk dogs and have children. You simply can’t be in control of both. It would be irresponsible.

Missingmyusername · 25/07/2023 15:12

It all sounds very dramatic when nothing actually happened.

Yes your husband was foolish but you’ve no idea how you would react- you could freeze. Remaining calm and assessing the situation is better than blind panic, easier said than done.

The media hypes every story to create maximum shock value.

“I agree, he was offering the baby as 'bait' to the dog to distract it away from his dog 😱” ^Jesus - you need to put the internet down, unless that’s sarcasm lol.

Hugasauras · 25/07/2023 15:12

I walk my dog with my two young kids every day and have done since DD1 was born 4 years ago. I've never had any problems, but I am an experienced dog owner with a well trained dog. We love our walks all together!

Hugasauras · 25/07/2023 15:13

Oh and she's walked off the lead too, just to upset MN even more Grin

MrsMitford3 · 25/07/2023 15:17

ThisThing · 25/07/2023 14:04

You were the one in the wrong here OP. You should have stayed to sort your dog out. Your husband would then have been able to take both children away.

I agree with this from @DogsParty. You just left him and your baby. Why? He needed to have the children as he had the baby on him, you needed to help your dog. Now you’re annoyed with him. If I was him, I’d be pissed off with you.

Me too.

This did not have to be so dramatic.
You walk away with dog and DH brings DC.

Everywherenowhere · 25/07/2023 15:19

MyCatPlaysPiano · 25/07/2023 14:44

She (not unreasonably) thought the baby was safe. I wouldn't feel the need to take my baby away from DH if I thought there was immediate physical danger. In OP's eyes, she had the older child, DH had the baby.

Its not ok for no one to gave the dog though when there are two adults present. The husband should have taken the children, OP should have dealt with the dog.

If you can’t look after children and dogs, don’t do both at the same time or dong have a dog.

I agree @MyCatPlaysPiano no one has forced op to have a dog. She has one and she brought it on a walk with 2 children. She is responsible for the dog. I’m not saying dove into a fight but if in that position I would’ve shouted at DH to grab 3 year old and move away and then I would’ve tried re call my dog to me and shout at the other dog to get away.

Mistymist · 25/07/2023 15:23

@tootallfortheshelf are you this thick irl too?

HulaChick · 25/07/2023 15:24

I'm with your DH and would never leave my dog to be potentially attacked, anyone than I would my child. I'd defend both. If it was in a field of cows, I would then let my dog off the lead and let it make its own escape (as this is the safest option) but I would rather try & kick off another dog attacking mine rather than walk away.

However, a lot of people are irresponsible dog owners and don't train their dogs properly.

HulaChick · 25/07/2023 15:24

*anymore than I would..

3dogsandarabbit · 25/07/2023 15:25

To be honest, a toddler, baby and a dog on the beach is a recipe for disaster. Too many adults and children about on a beach for a dog to cope with.