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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Argument with husband about protecting dog

135 replies

rankings · 25/07/2023 12:25

My husband and me had a situation on the beach yesterday where he was wearing our 5 month old baby in the carrier, and a staffie off a lead ran up to our dog. We didn't know if the staffie was friendly or not but the owners were frantically calling it back so the atmosphere quickly turned panicked and I grabbed my 3 year old and dragged him away from the our dog and the staffie. My logic always being to create distance between the dog and my children. Of course I would absolutely hate to see my lovely dog hurt or killed, and please can no one imply different, but I also would never be able to risk my kids for any dog, no matter how much I love them. Anyway my husband who was wearing our baby tan towards our dog and the staffie and was trying to pick our dog up. I was furious as not only the act of bending down trying to pick up our dog could of led to the staffie being able to reach and bite my baby, picking up the dog could also lead to the other dog jumping up to try and get to him and the baby getting caught in the middle. I think he massively put our baby at risk. The staffie thankfully did nothing other than jump up and scare us/our dog but it's more what could of happened

It led to a conversation about what would happen in future when out with kids and dog and my husband said he would never be able to walk away and leave our dog to be attacked but this just makes me feel terrified to let him go out with the dog and the kids together especially without me there.

AIBU to expect him to prioritise the kids and put distance between him and the dogs both ours and the one potentially posing a threat?! I really do love our dog but I won't risk my kids lives over my dog potentially living another 5/6 if we're lucky

Before anyone starts that Staffies are gentle or whatever it's more just about that situation of what to do. Would have same reaction if it was a JR or a XL and want to create distance

OP posts:
lljkk · 25/07/2023 15:35

yes it sounds dramatic & is exceedingly unlikely to happen

dramatic to assume a bounding over dog must be a threat, too

Jongleterre · 25/07/2023 15:35

Picking up dogs is stupid.

It exposes the belly and whilst the Staffie isn't a hunting breed, a sighthound MAY see the exposed belly as easy prey.

It also puts the person who has picked up their dog, their fingers, hands and face at risk of being nipped or bitten if a dog is leaping up at the dog they've picked up.

Two of my Whippets are as placid as anything but show them an exposed belly and they want to move in for the kill.

Your husband who had a baby strapped to him was very foolish.

Hibiscrubbed · 25/07/2023 15:38

Hugasauras · 25/07/2023 15:13

Oh and she's walked off the lead too, just to upset MN even more Grin

Same. I think we’re in the minority. Seems to be a lot of panicky owners who wanted a dog because they look nice and create a lovely image, but don’t actually understand dog behaviour enough to read and prevent situations. And certainly can’t cope with kids and dogs simultaneously.

tootallfortheshelf · 25/07/2023 17:09

3dogsandarabbit · 25/07/2023 15:25

To be honest, a toddler, baby and a dog on the beach is a recipe for disaster. Too many adults and children about on a beach for a dog to cope with.

I agree!

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 25/07/2023 17:19

Hugasauras · 25/07/2023 15:13

Oh and she's walked off the lead too, just to upset MN even more Grin

I have four off lead gasp!

Est1990 · 25/07/2023 17:41

Firstly, the person at fault is the other owner!
But I would focus on preventing and planning future situations.
1 person is responsible for the dog and the other for the kids everytime you are out or as soon as a 'threatening' situation arises.

And yes, not safe to walk your dog and toddler+baby on your own (but i genuinely thought this would be common sense). So maybe you guys need to work a bit on that. Being responsible dog owner is a bit like driving...you need to be also anticipating other's drivers behaviours.🤷‍♀️

He should have probably apologised for acting on instinct and put your baby in a potentially dangerous situation but don't ask him to say he would just leave your dog to 'be attacked'. If you love your pet you can't just sit and watch, you can't!

Original poster
rankings · 25/07/2023 18:10

Even if I was alone with my dog if he was attacked by a dog I don't think I could reasonably fight off I wouldn't get involved. I'm not going to risk my life for a dog. I don't think you need to risk your life for a dog to be a responsible dog owner. Why would any sane person especially one who has kids actually risk their life over their dog? My kids need a mum.

I can't fight a staffie if it turned nasty, no chance would I send my husband off with the kids and take my chances with a potentially aggressive dog. Should I never go out anywhere with my dog because I'm not willing to die or get attacked for him?

OP posts:
Midnites · 25/07/2023 18:15

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 25/07/2023 13:20

But you panicked over something that didn't happen.

The owners "frantically" calling their dog back probably thought it might jump up at you or pinch your picnic (if you had one). If it was a risk to anything it's highly unlikely to have been off lead.

Be honest, you wouldn't have had reacted like that to a poodle or a pug would you?

Oh wow, someone reacted to a hench, intimidating looking dog more than they would a cavapoo. How surprising.

Why do people get offended by people being scared of their horrible, aggressive looking dogs? Are we supposed to pretend they look friendly and cute and not cross the road to spare your feelings?!

Est1990 · 25/07/2023 18:23

rankings · 25/07/2023 18:10

Even if I was alone with my dog if he was attacked by a dog I don't think I could reasonably fight off I wouldn't get involved. I'm not going to risk my life for a dog. I don't think you need to risk your life for a dog to be a responsible dog owner. Why would any sane person especially one who has kids actually risk their life over their dog? My kids need a mum.

I can't fight a staffie if it turned nasty, no chance would I send my husband off with the kids and take my chances with a potentially aggressive dog. Should I never go out anywhere with my dog because I'm not willing to die or get attacked for him?

You dont need to risk your life. You can through stones, you can shout for help. But the way you are talking (obviously this is just from reading) it sounds like you would just sit and watch and in the end blame everyone else.

Every scenario turns out very dramatic to you too.
You are so focus on blaming your husband when you should be focusing on learning from this near miss and improve your couple's ability to manage a dog and 2 small children.
Just take as a learning opportunity not a blaming one.

Chickenwing2 · 25/07/2023 18:34

I think your husband has reacted in the panic, and it's instinct to want to save the dog. We don't always make the best decisions in these moments.

I would have done the same thing as him, and in the end it was fine and both dog and baby are Ok.

tabulahrasa · 25/07/2023 18:48

rankings · 25/07/2023 18:10

Even if I was alone with my dog if he was attacked by a dog I don't think I could reasonably fight off I wouldn't get involved. I'm not going to risk my life for a dog. I don't think you need to risk your life for a dog to be a responsible dog owner. Why would any sane person especially one who has kids actually risk their life over their dog? My kids need a mum.

I can't fight a staffie if it turned nasty, no chance would I send my husband off with the kids and take my chances with a potentially aggressive dog. Should I never go out anywhere with my dog because I'm not willing to die or get attacked for him?

Honestly... that’s a bit over dramatic

The chances of you risking your life to break up a dog fight are tiny, absolutely tiny. For starters IME 99% of dogs that rush up like that just have social skill issues, they’re actually looking to play but are rude.

Most if the rest will stop as they reach you and do that aggressively circling before a fight breaks out.

and most dog fights are a load of noise and not serious anyway.... if they are, you’re still only risking a bite to your hand, they’re not going to suddenly leap into the air and rip out your throat or anything.

The best thing you can do is grab its collar before it gets to your dog, pop it on your lead and give it to the owner.

If you don’t manage that, put yourself in front of your dog and when it tries to go round you move, and say things like ii, no... because most dogs recognise that even though it’s a pointless command, try a sit, most dogs know that...

Basically you do what you can to stop a fight breaking out to start with and give the owner time to catch up.

You don’t wait for it to start then wrestle it 😐

Hibiscrubbed · 25/07/2023 18:52

rankings · 25/07/2023 18:10

Even if I was alone with my dog if he was attacked by a dog I don't think I could reasonably fight off I wouldn't get involved. I'm not going to risk my life for a dog. I don't think you need to risk your life for a dog to be a responsible dog owner. Why would any sane person especially one who has kids actually risk their life over their dog? My kids need a mum.

I can't fight a staffie if it turned nasty, no chance would I send my husband off with the kids and take my chances with a potentially aggressive dog. Should I never go out anywhere with my dog because I'm not willing to die or get attacked for him?

This very dramatic.

And if you’d really walk away from your dog if he was being attacked, rather than hauling him out by a lead/kicking the attacker/throwing something, then regime your dog. They deserve better.

Hibiscrubbed · 25/07/2023 18:52

Rehome*

Hibiscrubbed · 25/07/2023 18:53

I get vibes that you’re a dog owner who rapidly lost interest in the dog when the kids arrived. And that’s not fair on the dog. They don’t understand. You chose to have them and then chose to have the kids. Your H obviously didn’t lose his loyalty to the dog.

ScribblingPixie · 25/07/2023 19:01

I think a bit more dog awareness and knowledge on your part wouldn't go amiss, OP.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 25/07/2023 19:20

The staffie thankfully did nothing other than jump up and scare us/our dog but it's more what could of happened

I think that you massively overreacted upon seeing this particular dog . If you cannot cope in a calm manner then you need to look again at how you manage your family outings - eg children on a beach without dogs. Leave yours at home and one of you take him out later .

Everywherenowhere · 25/07/2023 20:01

get a grip @rankings are you always this dramatic!!! no one is saying risk your life. Shout, throw stones or sticks or kick up sand from a safe spot, call your dog back to you. Shout for the dogs owner. Literally do anything that might help while staying safe.

just don’t be the selfish crappy dog owner you are who legged it when another dog just came near yours without even remotely caring for the animal you purposely brought into your household. And please - if something does ever happen your dog do not get another pet.

Bunnyannesummers · 27/07/2023 21:20

Hibiscrubbed · 25/07/2023 18:53

I get vibes that you’re a dog owner who rapidly lost interest in the dog when the kids arrived. And that’s not fair on the dog. They don’t understand. You chose to have them and then chose to have the kids. Your H obviously didn’t lose his loyalty to the dog.

This is def the case!!

CountTo10BeforeExploding · 27/07/2023 21:38

I would have done what your husband did by instinct OP. I just simply couldn’t leave my dog in an unsafe situation whether it was up against a chihuahua or a bully. My instinct would kick in and I would have to attempt to save my dog. For that reason I’m saying YABU.

ButterCrackers · 27/07/2023 22:31

The person with the baby and the person with the other kids gets out of the way of dogs. Your dog would manage because it can read the other dog. Your dog would also protect its pack. Your dh should not have gone forward to the dog. He could have tripped over and fallen down and that’s a trigger for an attack. He would not be able to get up quickly with the baby. Tell him protect the children, then you, then himself and then your dog.

Tapasgoofy · 27/07/2023 22:34

I could never leave my dog either to get attacked.

Tapasgoofy · 27/07/2023 22:35

Bunnyannesummers · 27/07/2023 21:20

This is def the case!!

Show quote history

Yes 100%.
You don’t love your dog if you could see it get attacked and just fuck off and leave it.

Maray1967 · 27/07/2023 22:44

ButterCrackers · 27/07/2023 22:31

The person with the baby and the person with the other kids gets out of the way of dogs. Your dog would manage because it can read the other dog. Your dog would also protect its pack. Your dh should not have gone forward to the dog. He could have tripped over and fallen down and that’s a trigger for an attack. He would not be able to get up quickly with the baby. Tell him protect the children, then you, then himself and then your dog.

Exactly. I would have gone ballistic if my DH had tried to protect a dog while carrying our baby.

JMSA · 27/07/2023 22:53

I agree, he was offering the baby as 'bait' to the dog to distract it away from his dog 😱

Absolute horseshit.
Honestly, the drama on this thread.

Lesina · 27/07/2023 22:59

If you don’t want people to tell you Stafford’s are gentle, why mention the breed? Would you have had the same hysterical reaction of the dog was a Labrador or a poodle hybrid ( mongrel) A Stafford would not have harmed your child. Learn about the breed before you judge.