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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Argument with husband about protecting dog

135 replies

rankings · 25/07/2023 12:25

My husband and me had a situation on the beach yesterday where he was wearing our 5 month old baby in the carrier, and a staffie off a lead ran up to our dog. We didn't know if the staffie was friendly or not but the owners were frantically calling it back so the atmosphere quickly turned panicked and I grabbed my 3 year old and dragged him away from the our dog and the staffie. My logic always being to create distance between the dog and my children. Of course I would absolutely hate to see my lovely dog hurt or killed, and please can no one imply different, but I also would never be able to risk my kids for any dog, no matter how much I love them. Anyway my husband who was wearing our baby tan towards our dog and the staffie and was trying to pick our dog up. I was furious as not only the act of bending down trying to pick up our dog could of led to the staffie being able to reach and bite my baby, picking up the dog could also lead to the other dog jumping up to try and get to him and the baby getting caught in the middle. I think he massively put our baby at risk. The staffie thankfully did nothing other than jump up and scare us/our dog but it's more what could of happened

It led to a conversation about what would happen in future when out with kids and dog and my husband said he would never be able to walk away and leave our dog to be attacked but this just makes me feel terrified to let him go out with the dog and the kids together especially without me there.

AIBU to expect him to prioritise the kids and put distance between him and the dogs both ours and the one potentially posing a threat?! I really do love our dog but I won't risk my kids lives over my dog potentially living another 5/6 if we're lucky

Before anyone starts that Staffies are gentle or whatever it's more just about that situation of what to do. Would have same reaction if it was a JR or a XL and want to create distance

OP posts:
IMustDoMoreExercise · 25/07/2023 13:14

I just asked my husband what he would do and he said he would do the same as you.

Your husband is mad and irresponsible.

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 25/07/2023 13:20

But you panicked over something that didn't happen.

The owners "frantically" calling their dog back probably thought it might jump up at you or pinch your picnic (if you had one). If it was a risk to anything it's highly unlikely to have been off lead.

Be honest, you wouldn't have had reacted like that to a poodle or a pug would you?

PuttingDownRoots · 25/07/2023 13:21

Agree in future that the one with the baby in the carrier gets both kids away and the other gets the dog if its safe to do so.

DogsParty · 25/07/2023 13:25

You were the one in the wrong here OP. You should have stayed to sort your dog out. Your husband would then have been able to take both children away.

Yoh have a responsibility to both your children and dog which is easy to manage with 2 adults. YOU messed up.

SwedeCarrotLimes · 25/07/2023 13:30

Not a dog owner but one thing I've noticed is even the most devoted dog owner who 'loves them like any other member of the family' are pretty quick to acquire a new dog shortly after their current one passes.

No way would you get over a child's death that quickly, and no way should the safety of your children be even slightly compromised for a pet. So YANBU imo.

Then again I find dog ownership beyond assistance/companionship for people not in full time employment as pretty selfish, so what do I know.

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 25/07/2023 13:31

Yes, I agree with @DogsParty, why didn't you deal with the dogs and your husband deal with the children?

or just not have panicked in the first place!

SuePine69 · 25/07/2023 13:32

It's not so much a question of did the adults in this situation overreact. A dog when approached by another dog may act friendly or submissive to begin with but then get frightened, barking or biting. The other dog might back off or might attack. You just don't know. That's why I say that dogs are unpredictable. You just don't know what will set them off. So I would say OP wasn't overreacting.

Riapia · 25/07/2023 13:44

Dog lovers are not like the rest of us. They have different values.

They are prepared to put their own lives and those of their family at risk to protect their dogs.

JeandeServiette · 25/07/2023 13:46

Riapia · 25/07/2023 13:44

Dog lovers are not like the rest of us. They have different values.

They are prepared to put their own lives and those of their family at risk to protect their dogs.

What nonsense.

tootallfortheshelf · 25/07/2023 13:49

Riapia · 25/07/2023 13:44

Dog lovers are not like the rest of us. They have different values.

They are prepared to put their own lives and those of their family at risk to protect their dogs.

Ain't that the truth!

NaturalNineties · 25/07/2023 13:55

FirstEverythings · 25/07/2023 12:58

Did the dog steal your picnic as well? 😅

Ah you are one of those dog owners.

Hibiscrubbed · 25/07/2023 13:58

I’d have instinctively gone to protect my dog. I wouldn’t have bent over into a dog fight though.

Hibiscrubbed · 25/07/2023 13:59

What did the other dog actually do? I just see a lot of human panic here isn’t little understanding of dog behaviour.

Did the other dog attack/show aggression?

adarkhorse · 25/07/2023 14:00

I also think that was potentially dangerous - we do exactly the same, carry baby, 3 year old and dog, often on the beach.

Our dog is a bit bigger but we have had occasions where we had to separate dogs (even when playing too rough). But we always have one person in charge of the dog, other person carries baby and holds child’s hand if needed.

I think you did the right thing to walk away with the child, it’s not worth taking a risk at all.

lovesheart · 25/07/2023 14:01

Yeah my partner wouldn't be wearing baby again... not good instinct 😅 even in thought out scenarios in the moment everything goes out the window and its instinct. I rightly or wrongly tend to freeze and hide. Perhaps good in some scenarios as when I was attacked by a dog as a child, I ran so it chased me and knocked me down 😂 never ran in those moments since. (It was on a farm with a friend so was a hunting dog, so don't panic haha I don't routinely meet scary dogs) plus I'm old now so 30 years ago things were different.

I would be very livid at his response, but anything to do with my baby sends me feral 😂 before my baby I would probably see things differently I never knew mama bear mode before children.

ThisThing · 25/07/2023 14:04

You were the one in the wrong here OP. You should have stayed to sort your dog out. Your husband would then have been able to take both children away.

I agree with this from @DogsParty. You just left him and your baby. Why? He needed to have the children as he had the baby on him, you needed to help your dog. Now you’re annoyed with him. If I was him, I’d be pissed off with you.

Hibiscrubbed · 25/07/2023 14:05

ThisThing · 25/07/2023 14:04

You were the one in the wrong here OP. You should have stayed to sort your dog out. Your husband would then have been able to take both children away.

I agree with this from @DogsParty. You just left him and your baby. Why? He needed to have the children as he had the baby on him, you needed to help your dog. Now you’re annoyed with him. If I was him, I’d be pissed off with you.

Agree with this.

WeWereInParis · 25/07/2023 14:06

elephantmarchingin · 25/07/2023 12:32

@Aquamarine1029 the dog did nothing, OP overreacted

But OP is now talking about the general situation, it was just that specific incident which sparked the conversation with her husband.

If he is saying (as it sounds like) he would step into a fight to protect their dog while wearing their baby, then I think he's very unreasonable. Bending down to pick up his dog while his baby is therefore moved right to dog level??

Everywherenowhere · 25/07/2023 14:11

ThisThing · 25/07/2023 14:04

You were the one in the wrong here OP. You should have stayed to sort your dog out. Your husband would then have been able to take both children away.

I agree with this from @DogsParty. You just left him and your baby. Why? He needed to have the children as he had the baby on him, you needed to help your dog. Now you’re annoyed with him. If I was him, I’d be pissed off with you.

Agree you handled it wrongly @rankings

WeetabixTowels · 25/07/2023 14:11

ThisThing · 25/07/2023 14:04

You were the one in the wrong here OP. You should have stayed to sort your dog out. Your husband would then have been able to take both children away.

I agree with this from @DogsParty. You just left him and your baby. Why? He needed to have the children as he had the baby on him, you needed to help your dog. Now you’re annoyed with him. If I was him, I’d be pissed off with you.

OP’s instincts were obviously on high. Why should she be some sort of sacrificial lamb? Even before kids, I would never have tried to rescue my dog from a dog fight. I don’t want to be bitten or mauled and with bull terrier dogs there’s fuck all you can do to help once they sink their teeth in anyway

jannier · 25/07/2023 14:13

If I was out with my dog and children and the dog was attacked I would have to see the children safe it's no debate the dog has teeth and a chance the kids dont

ThisThing · 25/07/2023 14:17

OP’s instincts were obviously on high. Why should she be some sort of sacrificial lamb? Even before kids, I would never have tried to rescue my dog from a dog fight. I don’t want to be bitten or mauled and with bull terrier dogs there’s fuck all you can do to help once they sink their teeth in anyway

Maybe don’t have a dog then. You want to parade it around the park and then leave it to be injured? You at least try to help. It wasn’t a dog fight anyway.

OPs instincts were to leave her newborn.

Aquamarine1029 · 25/07/2023 14:17

Riapia · 25/07/2023 13:44

Dog lovers are not like the rest of us. They have different values.

They are prepared to put their own lives and those of their family at risk to protect their dogs.

This is one of the dumbest things I've ever read. 🙄

ThisThing · 25/07/2023 14:17

If I was out with my dog and children and the dog was attacked I would have to see the children safe it's no debate the dog has teeth and a chance the kids dont

Yes, but there were 2 adults here.

Uremindmeofthebabe · 25/07/2023 14:18

YANBU - You can't take any chances with dogs & kids.

Kids always come first. If I had a dog and it bit my child or anyone really, I'd have it PTS.